Sopranos: What might have been

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jun 15, 2006

Filed under: Random 9 comments

The following is a bit self-indulgent on my part…

While talking about the fact that anime stories end, I mentioned my disappointment with the Sopranos. I have no idea how the show will turn out. (Maybe it has already ended, I don’t know.) But, as a way of ending the show for myself I hammered out a few possible endings. If I were writing the show, I would have had one of these in mind from episode one, and would have plotted a clear arc from beginning to end. It’s clear the real writers of the show aren’t following any sort of coherant plan, which is why I quit watching the show. Allmost all of these would require changes to the entire series: You couldn’t tack one of these endings onto the show as it stands now. View these more as series concept ideas.

20 to life
Sopranos

This story would focus on the fall of Tony and the redemption of AJ. Throughout the show, we see distinct paralells between AJ’s behavior and his father’s. He looks like he may be destined to follow in Tony’s footsteps. On one side he does seem to have a decent career ahead of him, but he seems more inclined to leave that path and embrace crime. The series would follow him and the audience would always be wondering which way he will go in the end.

In the final season, Tony is at last arrested and is put away, probably for good. The last few episodes follow his trial. His organization unravels as the police round up his crew and shut down his operations forever. Tony must endure repeated betrayal as each of his friends sell him out, testifying against him to gain their own freedom. In the end the only ones left – the only people who remain true to him – are his family. They are the only ones present at his sentencing, where he is given to 20 to life. As he is led away he pretends not to care, but once his back is turned he breaks down.

Carmella and Meadow cry, but AJ is stoic. Carmella is sickened by his lack of emotion.

“You’re just like your father”, she tells him.

“No”, AJ says as his father is led away in chains, “I’ll never be like him.”

Tragic Salvation

The Tony Soprano we’ve come to know at the end of season 4 is probably beyond the hope of real redemption. But, if the character had been a bit different: a little meaner on the outside and a little softer on the inside, then I think a redemption story arc would have been great to see. Let’s re-mix some personalities and see how that would look:

Tony rises to power and becomes the Jersey crime boss. Outside he is rutheless and cold, although inside he’s tormented by what he’s done and what sort of life he’s living. Eventually he begins to make bad decisions. He shows mercy when he shouldn’t. He hesitates when he needs to act. The only time he truly unleashes his anger is against his own men when he thinks they’ve gone too far.

Tony becomes attached Tracee, one of the strippers at the Bing. He thinks of her as a daughter, and secretly uses his influence to try and help her out of her difficult life. Tony meets her two-year old son. This little boy becomes a surrogate son to him, and Tony is filled with a desire to make sure the little guy doesn’t follow in AJ’s footsteps, which increasingly resemble his own. He provides her with money and with another – more respectable – job. But she doesn’t hold onto the job. She lacks confidence and can’t see herself as anything more than a stripper. She ends up back at the Bing. Worse, she misunderstands his help and develops a romantic interest in him.

Ralph is ignorant of all of this, and treats the girl like any of the other strippers – like a whore. At the beginning of the fifth (and final) season, Ralph is very rough with her and abuses her badly. Tony becomes enraged and kills Ralph without any justifyable (to the other mobsters) reason. His empire begins to unravel as his men turn on him. They sense his indecision and weakness. He’s been trying to straddle the line for too long – to be both the Crime Boss Tony and the Human Tony. His wife is lost to him, driven away by his past infidelity. His children have been alienated by his years of neglect. In any case, they are part of the life of Crime Boss Tony. Tracee and her son are all that he has left. He must at last choose which man he will be. He can survive this and stay in power, but he would have to sacrifice Tracee to do so.

Some of the guys approach one of the other bosses: Johnny Sack. In their view, Tony has lost it and they want to jump ship. They figure out that Tony cares for this girl. Moving on his wife and kids is Taboo, but as far as they are concerned, Tracee and her son are fair game. Maybe knocking her out will bring Tony back. Maybe it won’t. In any case, it would be a fitting punishment for killing Ralph.

“What, we gonna kill the little kid, too?”, Silvio asks. Out of all the men, he’s been the most uncomfortable with betraying Tony.

Jonny shrugs, “The f***in’ kid is gonna be an orphan. Are you gonna adopt him?”

Silvio is silent.

Finally Pauly nods, “Ralph was a friend to all of us, including you. And Tony killed him over this broad. Against the rules. Are you gonna side with him?”

In the end, Tony realizes that the only way to save Tracee is to tear down and destroy the organization he’s been working for and building all of his adult life. He expends all of his power, all of his strength, and all of his influence to fend off his former crew and finally, Jonny Sack himself. Some of the men go off to prison, some die. Some scatter and run off. Christopher stands by Tony and dies in the fighting.

Eventually it comes to a last showdown at (of course) the docks, where Tony sacrifices himself to rescue Tracee and her son. Tracee and her son escape with their lives and what is left of Tony’s once-great fortune. He gave his life to save them. Knowing this and finally understanding the fatherly love he had for her – a love she has never known until now – she resolves to clean up her life for good. She and her son leave behind the warehouse where the entire leadership of the east coast mob is now lying dead. Her enemies are gone, and she heads out into a much brighter future.

Early Retirement
Sopranos

How about a more lighthearted approach? I’m not sure if the mobster code as outlined in the show allows for retirement, but let’s imagine it does:

The panic attacks really start to bother Tony. The stress of being boss is hard on him. One day Dr. Melfie points out that he has enough money to live the good life (he’s told her as much) from now on. She talks him into quitting.

Partway through season 4 he announces his retirement. He get a house near the ocean and one of the other guys (maybe Silvio?) becomes the new boss. But it isn’t working. His old business ties and old relationships keep dragging him back into the thick of things. The panic attacks keep coming.

He is forced to extricate himself from the old business by moving away. Far away. He ends up in California. He buys a bar, just to “keep himself busy” and “earn a little extra income”. He actually believes this at first. Pretty soon the place starts looking a lot like the Bada Bing. Pretty soon he meets some like-minded guys who – while not Itallian – seem to understand him. As the show ends he’s working with his new friends, setting up some minor scam. He thinks this is no big deal, but we can see he’s on his way to re-creating his Jersey life all over again. The show ends with an “old habits die hard” and a “waddayagonna do?” vibe to it.

No more worlds to conquer
Sopranos

The show could have had a dark ending.

Tony supplants Junior, then displaces Jonny Sack, and finally takes Carmine’s place. As he rises, he loses his family one by one. His wife gets sick of the other women and divorces him. Meadow moves to the other side of the country and disowns her father. AJ ends up in juvenile prison. As he comes to power, many of his friends are picked off and (unlike in the original show) they are not replaced. Tony slowly becomes an island.

By the end of the show he has everything and nothing. His family is gone. Many of his “friends” are dead, either by his hand or that of his enemies. The few people he has left are emotionally distant and avoid him. He lives more or less alone in a massive house, most of which is empty and unfurnished. At the end we find him on the balcony behind his house, looking down on “his” world. He has everything he’s ever wanted, and he is perfectly miserable. He’s incapable of knowing what it is that he really needs.

His face is cold and unsmiling. We know that he will probably never again know happiness. The camera retreats, back throught the empty house as the credits roll. With nothing more to gain, he has nothing more to hope for.

Even darker variant: Once the camera comes to rest we hear a gunshot, and know that Tony has taken his own life.

I don’t pretend to be a professional writer, but any of these would be better than just running the thing into the ground the way they did. I like the “Early Retirement” ending best. As a bonus, it could easily lead to another series later on, so it would have been low-risk for HBO.

A shame, really. I had high hopes.

 


 

WordPress Plugin: Useless Stats v1.2

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jun 15, 2006

Filed under: Programming 2 comments

I have released a new version of the Useless Stats plugin for WordPress.

This new version has a lot more stats for tracking what times and what subjects generate the most interest (dicussion) among your readership. This is just trivia for a niche blog like mine, but for some of the more mainstream blogs (Technology or Politics) or for blogs that are used as a source of ad revenue, this data could actually be pretty useful as a way to target your efforts.

The new version adds a pane to the Management tab in the WordPress admin interface. On this page are charts just like the ones you see below. Finally, there is a section of html that you can cut & paste into a post (or wherever) so you can show these charts to others, as I have done.

Read on to see some of the charts that Useless Stats will generate for you:
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “WordPress Plugin: Useless Stats v1.2”

 


 

Why I love Anime, Part 1

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jun 14, 2006

Filed under: Anime 17 comments

A lot of otaku will tell you that one of the appealing things about anime is that the stories are fresh and different. Which is true. We’ve seen all the stories Hollywood has to tell. A lot. That one story about the loner guy who doesn’t play by the rules but beats the bad guy and gets the girl in the end? We’ve seen it, and a thousand like it. Likewise for the one about two cops who are very different and don’t get along, but who need each other in order to crack the case. We’ve been up and down that story many times, and it was getting stale before I was even born. So the different stories coming out of Japan really are a breath of fresh air.

But after a few years I’m starting to notice that I’ve heard some of these Japanese stories before. These stories are getting worn as well, yet I would still rather watch one of these than anything on American television. I think it goes beyond the novelty of the story.

Neverending Story

It was only recently that I realized that the major attraction of anime for me is probably the fact the stories end. And they don’t just end, they end on purpose and at a point that was decided on in the very beginning. A series might go long, but they do have a noticeable story arc and a deliberate conclusion at the end. There is a real satisfaction when I reach the end of a good anime, not unlike the feeling I get when I finish a book.

In the U.S. (and most western countries, I suspect) shows are made to last. They try to maintain the status quo as much as possible, so that when the show goes into syndication the episodes can be shown in any order. It’s also a lot easier to write for a steady-state show. You can farm out episodes to different writers and shuffle them around as the broadcast schedule dictates. In effect, they avoid telling any sort of long-term story.

After years of watching these shows, I now find this to be painfully tedious. I hate the way shows will end in a cliffhanger at the end of the season, so that they can entice viewers back after the network is done boring everyone with summer reruns. Even worse is when the viewer tunes in next fall to see how the story turned out, only to have everything go back to the same default state. So, the only time you need to care what happens between episodes is when the episodes are shown four months apart. That’s just rude.

I have not seen regular television in about six years. (Except for this small exception.) I don’t miss it. I know the stories they are telling aren’t real stories. Nothing ever really happens and it never really goes anywhere. It’s just a long chain of unrelated events leading to cancelation.

The Sopranos

I heard about the Sopranos a couple of years ago and got excited. Not because this was a mob story, but because I heard that they had decided to do a show that would last five seasons, and then end. At last, someone has a story to tell! I started watching the show (via Netflix) and I enjoyed it. It doesn’t follow the network TV formula of interchangable episodes. Characters come and go, rise in importance or get killed off. The thing seemed pretty fluid and held my attention until season 4. Then I noticed the show was suffering from a bad case of squirrel brain. Instead of two or three running stories, the show now had a dozen. Plots would show up, jump to the foreground, and then trail off without really coming to any conclusion. The show began focusing on a lot of different characters instead of just Tony and his family. Every show would play hit-and-run with a half dozen plots, all of which seemed like they were just about to climax, yet they never did. Suddenly I realized: This isn’t a drama. This is a soap opera for men.

Then I heard that they were making a season six and I felt betrayed. All this time I thought the show was going somewhere, and it wasn’t. It was just going. I thought they had a story arc written that would stretch from episode one to the very end of season five, where it would all wrap up. No. They didn’t have any ending in mind when they started, and season 4 proved to me that they didn’t have a single overall story to tell. I lost all interest in the show. Now I hear they are making season six-and-a-half (come on, it’s season seven and everyone knows it!) and I feel like I wasted an awful lot of my time it.

I hate this about American shows, which is why I enjoy Anime so much. Often the endings are lackluster, obvious, or (most common of all) confusing and ambiguous, but hey – at least they have an ending. A book with a rotten ending is better than a book that stops halfway through the final chapter with an ad to buy the next book.

Mahoromatic

Mahoromatic is famous for its horrible ending, yet I still like the fact that it did end, and they aren’t still cranking out season after season of the same crap over and over again. Oh look! Suguru has been in middle school for ten years, Chizu still loves food, Shikijo is still chasing Suguru around, and Mahoro still somehow hasn’t run out of energy. For ten freakin’ years. I know this is how the show would work if it had been made in Hollywood, and it’s a shame.

It’s hard to tell if this is a result of American culture or Hollywood itself. I’ve always assumed that the writers were just too stupid and lazy to try to tell a real story, but its entirely possible that American viewers don’t care. Maybe most people like steady-state shows, and television is giving them exactly what they want.

UPDATE: Steven is talking about stories and novelty today as well. He sounds a lot more jaded than me, but he’s been doing this anime thing for years longer and at a much greater pace.

 


 

Nefarious Rogue Corporation: Apple

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jun 14, 2006

Filed under: Rants 6 comments

I just learned that the shifty, fly-by-night software company Apple was apparently selling service contracts in Washington without filling out the proper paperwork. It makes me sick to think that these companies can just go around, doing business, without asking for permission from the government first.

Luckily, some of the bureaucrats found out about this operation and the fist of justice came down on this shady company to the tune of $100,000. I know I’ll sleep a lot better tonight knowing that the government is making sure these guys go through the right channels before they go trying to sell people the things they want in exchange for money.

If the multinational Apple can’t be bothered to research all the little laws and rules of every nation, state, county, and city in which they want to operate, then what on earth are they even in business for?

I had a kid come to the door selling hoagies a while ago, and I’m betting he didn’t have a license to be selling door-to-door. I let him off with a “no thank you”, but now I see it’s a mistake to let stuff like this slide, because these criminals will just keep pushing. Next time I’m calling the SWAT team.

On a totally unrelated note, I just noticed on the label for my perscription painkillers:

WARNING: May cause dizzyness, drowsyness, bitterness, or excessive sarcasm. Keep out of reach of children and bloggers.

Bah. Those warnings are always overblown. I’m sure it won’t affect me.

 


 

Playlist Meme

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jun 14, 2006

Filed under: Nerd Culture 6 comments

So, a playlist meme, eh?

My own playlist is a bit odd. I enjoy lots of different kinds of music, but I 90% of the time when I’m listening to music I’m listening to some form of techno / electronic. Not because I like this sort of music best, but because it doesn’t have any vocals.

I obviously spend a lot of time writing. I write code full-time at work, and then I spend my evenings PHP (to make a WordPress plugin), or prose (writing actual words in English, like this post). I spend most of the day writing, and for some reason I can’t write while listening to music with lyrics. I have no idea why. It might be the same reason that I’m bad at watching %anime with subtitles. I think I’m just bad at filtering out extraneous input. Listening to music with lyics is like having someone talking to me when I’m trying to code – I can’t filter it out. Even if the lyrics are stupid “yeah yeah baby” type fluff, my brain tunes in and I stop typing. Not good for productivity.

(“Sampled” vocals – where one or two words are used in a piece of music almost as another instrument – are fine after a few seconds. Once I hear the words a couple of times my brain realizes the words aren’t information and becomes desensitized to them.)

So my own playlist is a bit mind-numbing to others. I think lots of people would go mad if they had to listen to this, but it’s perfect for me. For whatever reason, The Crystal Method is ideal for energizing me without distracting me.

1. The Crystal Method – Trip Like I Do (7:34)
2. The Crystal Method – Busy Child (7:24)
3. The Crystal Method – Cherry Twist (4:25)
4. The Crystal Method – High Roller (5:29)
5. The Crystal Method – Comin’ Back (5:39)
6. The Crystal Method – Keep Hope Alive (6:12)
7. The Crystal Method – Vapor Trail (6:31)
8. The Crystal Method – She’s My Pusher (5:41)
9. The Crystal Method – Jaded (7:05)
10. The Crystal Method – Bad Stone (5:09)
11. The Crystal Method – PHD (6:27)
12. The Crystal Method – Wild, Sweet And Cool (3:54)
13. The Crystal Method – Roll It Up (6:02)
14. The Crystal Method – You Know It’s Hard (4:40)
15. The Crystal Method – Name Of The Game (4:15)
16. The Crystal Method – The Winner (5:11)
17. The Crystal Method – Ready For Action (5:01)
18. The Crystal Method – Ten Miles Back (7:00)
19. The Crystal Method – Over The Line (6:54)
20. The Crystal Method – Blowout (7:57)
21. The Crystal Method – Tough Guy (11:32)
22. The Crystal Method – Acetone (5:15)
23. The Crystal Method – Born Too Slow (2:59)
24. The Crystal Method – Bound Too Long (6:23)
25. The Crystal Method – Broken Glass (3:55)
26. The Crystal Method – High And Low (5:24)
27. The Crystal Method – I Know It’s You (5:48)
28. The Crystal Method – Realizer (3:48)
29. The Crystal Method – Starting Over (4:02)
30. The Crystal Method – The American Way (4:27)
31. The Crystal Method – True Grit (5:06)
32. The Crystal Method – Weapons Of Mass Distortion (4:51)
33. The Crystal Method – Wide Open (7:25)
34. The Crystal Method – Keep Hope Alive (There Is Hope Mix) (5:42)
35. The Crystal Method – Keep Hope Alive (Trip Hope Mix) (6:18)
36. The Crystal Method – More (5:59)
37. The Crystal Method – Now Is The Time (Secret Knowledge Overkill Mix) (7:04)
38. The Crystal Method – Now Is The Time (The Olympic Mix) (7:29)
39. The Crystal Method – The Dubeliscious Groove (Fly Spanish Version) (6:46)
40. The Crystal Method – Dylan Rhymes feat. Kathrine Ellis / Salty (Meat Katie Remix) (5:36)
41. The Crystal Method – Elite Force / Ghetto Fabulous (5:31)
42. The Crystal Method – Evil Nine / We Have The Energy (5:00)
43. The Crystal Method – Hyper / Come With Me (5:02)
44. The Crystal Method – Koma + Bones / SpeedFreak (2:39)
45. The Crystal Method – New Order / Bizarre Love Triangle (The Crystal Method’s CSII Mix) (5:32)
46. The Crystal Method – PMT / Gyromancer (Elite Force Remix) (4:14)
47. The Crystal Method – Smashing Pumpkins / 1979 (New Originals 1799 Remix) (6:57)
48. The Crystal Method – The Crystal Method feat. Kevin Beber / Kalifornia (4:25)
49. The Crystal Method – The Crystal Method / Bound Too Long (Hyper Mix) (5:24)
50. The Crystal Method – The Crystal Method / Intro (1:38)

…and on it goes, but you get the idea. It’s pretty much everything The Crystal Method has ever put out, 74 tracks in all. Once in a while I’m in the mood for something more mellow and I’ll go for Moby or (if I’m feeling REALLY mellow) some Explosions In The Sky.

 


 

Stardock vs. Starforce

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jun 13, 2006

Filed under: Video Games 5 comments

Some background.

Starforce is a company of people (idiots) who design agressive copy protection software (malware) that is disliked (universally reviled) by gamers (people who pay for games).

Galactic Civilizations is a game produced by Stardock, and I’ve written about them before and their distaste for copy-protection.

In the StarFORCE user forums, someone pointed out the great sales Galactic Civilizations 2 is enjoying, and the fact that the game has no copy protection whatsoever. Then a moderator, in some clumsy attempt at a rebuttal, actually linked to a number of warez torrents for the game (places where you could get the game without paying for it) as a way to demonstrate that the game was being pirated.

This is a pretty crazy move for a supposedly anti-piracy company to link to actual pirate sites. As always, the guys at StarDOCK handled this with a certain degree of class, which I greatly admire.

Then the icing on the cake:

EBGames has released their top-selling PC games from last week. Galactic Civilizations II was number one. So if piracy is such a menace, it’s not apparently affecting us to the degree that some say it should.

This is a turn-based strategy game here, not Quake 4 we’re talking about. The conventional wisdom is that turn-based games are a niche product, and that if you don’t copy-protect your games the kids will rob you blind. This fact seems to shatter at least one of those theories.

I am happy.

The guys at Stardock are happy too.

 


 

Scorched Earth Filmmaking

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jun 13, 2006

Filed under: Movies 14 comments

I use the term “scorched earth filmmaking” to refer to movies that take established stories and kill off or greatly alter major characters for dramatic effect. Doing so might make the movie more potent, but it does so at the expense of anyone who might try to make another movie. Sure, you could make a movie adaptation of the A-Team where all of the characters die except Murdock, but if someone wants to make a sequel it’s going to be a mess. It won’t be the A-Team, it will be the A-Guy, and it will suck.

This is pretty much exactly what happened with the “Mission Impossible” franchise. In the first movie, they changed one of the members of the team into a bad guy, who killed off the rest of the team. (Except, sadly, for the character played by Tom Cruise.) Most of them died in the first few minutes of the movie. If the writers wanted to tell a story about a team of spies that is betrayed by one of its own members that’s fine, but they didn’t need the established MI characters for that; they could have just made up their own story and it would have worked just as well. This showed a great deal of contempt for fans of the show. Anyone who had any investment at all in those characters was probably pretty upset to see them all wiped out. In the subsequent movies, only one character from the original show is left, and there is almost no connection to the original show at all. Later writers couldn’t make a “Mission Impossible” movie, because there was nothing left of the original characters. So, they have been forced to come up with rather generic action movies and slap the Mission Impossible name on them.

The Batman movies did this too. Each one tried to burn through as many villians as possible, often by taking several fearsome foes and diminishing them by making them part of a sqabbling “team”. The effect was that the next person who tried to make a movie would have a smaller selection of lesser foes to draw from, and they in turn would compensate for this by using as many as they could get away with. Each film seemed less like an attempt to make a great movie and more like an attempt to make sure nobody could make another one.

The Spiderman movies are (so far) doing a great job of keeping the franchise going without sabotaging future efforts. Based on my experience with Batman, I fully expected Spider-Man 2 to have two of his major foes team up and both get killed off. This would have upped the stakes and forced the next guy to burn through three villians. Instead, they had Spidey fight just one, and they took the time to make him interesting. As a bonus, they left things open for some of the other possible foes (The Lizzard, another Goblin) so that next movie will have a lot of freedom in choosing who Spider-Man will face. This is the very opposite of scorched earth filmmaking, and I admire them for it.

Which brings me to the latest X-Men movie… (spoilers ahead)
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Scorched Earth Filmmaking”