If you’ve never read one of these before, then you may want to read the Rules of Dream Cast before proceeding.
I remember that at the time there was a lot of hand-wringing about how the A-Team was a new low in the rise of television violence. (A low in the rise? Who am I kidding? Can we just pretend that makes sense and move along?) The show seems tame by today’s standards, and perhaps even comical. Every show had at least one firefight. I don’t remember people getting shot and bleeding. I don’t even recall bullet holes appearing in stuff they used for cover. I don’t know how two teams of professional mercenaries could have a battle with automatic weapons at twenty yards and not have any injuries, except for the fact that the standards of the day did not allow for bullet-riddled corpses on network television.
Someday Hollywood will, much like Dr. Frankenstein, dig up this old show and attempt to bring it to life again in the name of science. Well, science and money. Maybe just money. Anyway, who would be in it? Let’s see…
Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith
Tommy Lee Jones is perfect for the role of the hardass cigar-chewing leader. He’s been playing similar characters at least since The Fugitive. I can already hear him barking the Hannibal catchphrase, “I love it when a plan comes together”.
Captain “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock
Not only does Jim Carrey look the part, but he specializes in playing crazy, nutty characters. There is no reason to even consider anyone else for the part.
Lieutenant Templeton “Face” Peck
Face’s skill was “with the ladies”, although thinking back I don’t recall how that ever translated into a meaningful contribution to the team. He was usually scarce when the shooting started. I’m sure his angle was as a con man of sorts. Sounds like a job for Owen Wilson.
Sergeant Bosco “B.A.” Baracus
Mr. T didn’t really play any particular part. He just came on and played himself, which was charming enough to give him a popular appeal that reached far beyond the show itself. From the mohawk, to the 40lbs of gold chains, to the colorful clothing, to the various catchphrases he used, he was a wholly unique character. His style became a one-man culture, seemingly detached from the world around him. Nobody else looked like that and acted like that.
So the question is, do you hire an actor to play the character as Mr. T. did, or do you let them establish their own take on B.A. Baracus? If you go with the former, then you are, in essence, hiring someone to play Mr. T. This would be tricky to pull off without turning it into parody. Plus, no matter how well they played the part, nobody is going to play Mr. T as well as Mr. T did. On the other hand, if you let an actor establish their own version of B.A., then it will alienate many fans. This is a difficult call.
I have no suggestions for who might play B.A. as Mr. T. did, but if you are going to let another actor come in and make the role their own, then I suggest: Keep a couple of gold chains, throw in one or two instances of his catchphrases as homage, and give the role to Ice Cube .
Amy Allen / Tawnia Baker
The role of The Reporter was played by a couple of different actresses during the run of the show. I think it is pretty obvious that this character is here because the laws of television writing proclaim that You Need A Girl in your show. The fact that they switched actresses demonstrated that it didn’t really matter who played the part, as long as she was easy on the eyes. Knight Rider did the same thing. There isn’t much to this character, which means there isn’t much for us to work with.
So, I don’t know. Just get someone pretty that can read their lines without stuttering and won’t trip over the scenery. Hire a random Hooters girl. It doesn’t matter.
The plot of this game isn't just dumb, it's actively hostile to the player. This game hates you and thinks you are stupid.
The Best of 2014
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2014.
Silent Hill Turbo HD II
I was trying to make fun of how Silent Hill had lost its way but I ended up making fun of fighting games. Whatever.
Was it a Hack?
A big chunk of the internet went down in October of 2016. What happened? Was it a hack?
Blistering Stupidity of Fallout 3
Yeah, this game is a classic. But the story is idiotic, incoherent, thematically confused, and patronizing.