Knights of the Old Republic EP19: Is THIS the Sexbot?

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Oct 14, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 102 comments


Link (YouTube)

Around 13 minutes or so, we meet an NPC asking us to look into the disappearance of his son. It’s the voice of Neil Ross, who to me will always be the voice of the Narrator in the Leisure Suit Larry games. I associate this voice with innuendo, sarcasm, and dick jokes. It’s very strange to hear this voice talking for three whole minutes and not making one joke about screwing.

Speaking off-the-cuff, I commented in this episode that in KOTOR, the introduction zones of Endar Spire + Taris + Dantooine would be as long as all of Mass Effect 1. And then today I started wondering how far off / reasonable / hyperbolic that guess was.

By the end of this week we’ll be on episode 21, and (spoiler) we’re going to be on Dantooine until nearly the very end. If we estimate episodes are about 25 minutes longSometimes we run long, but then subtract a couple of minutes for the credits at the end of each episode. For the purposes of simplicity, I’m going to call it a wash. then Josh will finally get to the main “open” part of the game around the 8.75 hour mark.

Spoiler Warning season one is embarrassing in its crudeness and I never encourage people to watch it, but that clocks in at around 11 hours.

So maybe I was overstating things? Except, we’ve been skipping quite a bit of content here in KOTOR. We skipped the ages-long dialog-based crime solver quest. We skipped the Romeo and Juliet thing where you have to storm some guy’s house, which is a huge maze of mines and killer robots for some reason. We skipped all but the first of the arena fights. We only played one round of Pazzak. I think we only did one of several bounties.

On the other hand, we did a good bit of optional side content in Mass Effect 1. The idea of “side content” is somewhat nebulously defined, so it would probably be hard to get a proper apples-to-apples comparison that everyone could agree on. But still, I think my statement isn’t nearly as ridiculous as it sounded at first.

On the other hand, according to How Long to Beat, the Mass Effect main story (no extras) takes around 17 hours. The fastest time on the site was 12, about an hour longer than the Spoiler Warning play through, which included side content like the Moon. Also, Josh and Randy didn’t skip dialog, and most players skip at least some of it. So I dunno.

At any rate, they don’t make ’em like they used to.

Except for Witcher 3, in which case they make ’em like they used to, only moreso.

 


 

Half Time CH3: Kill it with Shire

By Rutskarn Posted Tuesday Oct 13, 2015

Filed under: Lets Play 37 comments

The locker room before the big whoops-the-jerseys-were-the-wrong-size rematch against the High Seas Surfilletes. I get a glimpse of my own eyes in the medicine cabinet mirror. They look like they belong to another manâ€"another dead manâ€"a dead squidâ€"a dead squid whose whole life slipped off the road down a gully of misery and substance abuse stemming from having really gross eyes.

“Howdy, friend.”

It’s the opposing team’s coach leaning in our doorway, picking his fingernails. He’s got a big fat stupid elf grin on his slender handsome brilliant elf face. “Ready for the big match?” he coos.

“Yup,” I say.

“Halflings, huh? How’d you get stuck with these guys? I mean, it’s cute that you think you can win and all, but let’s be honest with ourselves. Your little fat halflings? Against my trained, professional elves? You’re just going to get walloped again and you know it.”

“Yeah. That’s what’ll happen.”

“Tell you whatâ€"how about a friendly wager? If your little fatboys win out there today, somehow, I’ll…”

“Nah.”

“…I’ll…sorry? Did you just say…”

“No.”

“Oh. Okay.”

He looks puzzled and leaves the locker room. I finish shaving and slowlyâ€"almost inaudiblyâ€"I begin to hum.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Half Time CH3: Kill it with Shire”

 


 

Experienced Points: Game Developers Don’t Know How to Scare Us

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 12, 2015

Filed under: Column 77 comments

My topic for the column this week is nicely summed up by the title, which is I guess what titles are supposed to do. So that’s nice.

Here is a conundrum for people who write columns for a living:

When is it okay to repeat yourself? It would obviously be completely unreasonable to publish the same column every week with the same points, only slightly re-worded. But if you write a column on some problem or issue and (say) six years later the problem is the same (or worse) then surely it would be okay to run it again, right? Some people will have forgotten. Heck, six years is long enough for a generation of kids to progress from middle school to graduation, which moves them from the “I want Mario for Christmas!” to “Shit, I’m broke. Where do I spend my very limited gaming dollars?” demographic, which turns them into potentially new readers who didn’t care what I had to say about survival horror back in 2009.

I worry about stuff like this. I want to keep things fresh and interesting, while at the same time making sure the Important Stuff”Important” being an extremely relative measure, here. gets said. Where is the line? Could I do this topic every year? Biennially? Leap years? Harmonic convergences? Wednesdays?

How much do I need to re-word things? What if I really nailed the wording the first time? Do I need to re-arrange the sentences to make them less optimal just for the sake of avoiding copy & paste writing? What if I just happen to word things the same because the sentences are still coming from the same brain with the same writing habits?

I dunno. Nobody has ever complained, but it’s the sort of thing I worry about anyway.

 


 

Diecast #124: Beginners Guide, SOMA, Battlefront

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 12, 2015

Filed under: Diecast 109 comments



Hosts: Josh, Shamus, Campster, Mumbles. Episode edited by Rachel.

The mailbag now looks like Jabba the Hutt after a visit to an all-you-can-eat buffet. I have no idea how we’re going to answer these. And according to the calendar, there’s a super-important game coming out almost every week between now and the end of the year. So this job is about to get very interesting.

Show notes: Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #124: Beginners Guide, SOMA, Battlefront”

 


 

The Altered Scrolls, Part 10: The Hype Era

By Rutskarn Posted Saturday Oct 10, 2015

Filed under: Elder Scrolls 106 comments

I intimated earlier in the series that there is no such thing, broadly speaking, as an unsuccessful Elder Scrolls game. The least you can expect of any main franchise entry is success on its own terms, at its own goals, in its own era. This doesn’t guarantee it’ll still be a success tomorrow or would have been one yesterday.

By the standards of the previous game, Oblivion is a ponderous misshapen clunker that takes every opportunity to shunt the player off the precipice of immersion. And by the standards of the next game, Oblivion is a ponderous misshapen clunker that takes every opportunity to shunt the player off the precipice of immersion. It was a transitional fossil that managed to stand proudly on its own, but it’s somehow more difficult to return to than Daggerfall was.

Part of this is because “the day” was one of the most interesting periods in the franchise's history–not to mention the history of games marketing and development.

I like Oblivion quite a bit, and I'm about to say some unkind things about it, so let's balance that with positive captions. This screenshot was obtained on short notice and basically at random by loading a save. It's gorgeous.
I like Oblivion quite a bit, and I'm about to say some unkind things about it, so let's balance that with positive captions. This screenshot was obtained on short notice and basically at random by loading a save. It's gorgeous.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “The Altered Scrolls, Part 10: The Hype Era”

 


 

Knights of the Old Republic EP18: The Jedi King

By Shamus Posted Friday Oct 9, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 177 comments


Link (YouTube)

So let me see if I follow this:

Master Quatra deliberately pissed off her student Juhani because Juhani was having anger-management issues. When Juhani predictably attacked her, Quatra pretended to be dead so that Juhani would think she’d killed her own master. Juhani then fled into the wilderness and the Jedi made no effort to track her down, reason with her, or tell her the truth. Juhani then used her Jedi mind-powers to enrage the Kath hound population, which resulted in ferocious attacks against the civilian population. Even after this, the Jedi didn’t seem to think this was worth their time. Eventually they sent their newest recruit (the player) out to confront Juhani and deal with the problem. And then the master left town rather than stay to see how it all turned out.

I don’t think people “fall” to the dark side. I think they are pushed. Repeatedly. By the Jedi council. People don’t join the Sith because they want power. They’re just looking for a less embarrassing form of evil.

On second thought let’s not go to the Jedi temple. It is a silly place.

 


 

Knights of the Old Republic EP17: Leveling Montage

By Shamus Posted Thursday Oct 8, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 88 comments


Link (YouTube)

I know I already covered this in my Mass Effect series, but if you missed it for whatever reason, I think the structure of Mass Effect and KOTOR have a lot in common:

You have a brief section aboard the (Endar Spire / Normandy) followed by the tutorial area on (Taris / Eden Prime), which is destroyed by (Saren / Malak) to establish the villain. Then you go to (Dantooine / Citadel) and talk to (The Council / The Council). They scorn you at first, but after some quests they agree to make you a (Jedi / Spectre) and send you in search of (The Conduit / Star Map). You get the (Normandy / Ebon Hawk) to hop around to a few different planets and pick up new teammates. Each planet tells a self-contained story, which then leads back into the main plot at the very end. You share a series of visions with (Bastila / Liara) that do a little mystery exposition and foreshadowing. Once you finish the next-to-last planet, you have the stakes-raising chokepoint mission on (Leviathan / Virmire) where one of your companions is (captured / killed). Then you go to the hidden mystery world of (Rakata / Iilos) where the BIG SECRETS ARE REVEALED, which leads to the final battle on the (Star Forge / Citadel).

Man, I’m loving this season. I know we’re not doing a lot of analysis, but it’s so fun to just joke about this game. It’s this perfect blend of earnestness, enthusiasm, quirky retro charm, odd mechanics, and that classic STAR WARS feel.