Mass Effect Retrospective 19: The Importance of Peasants

By Shamus Posted Thursday Oct 22, 2015

Filed under: Mass Effect 216 comments

Before we resume talking about our new squad-mates, let’s back up and talk about the one that joined us at the start of the game:

Miranda

Sorry to butt in Shepard, but I'm really falling behind the rear admiral and it's bumming me out. I need to ass you for help before I get canned. Butts.
Sorry to butt in Shepard, but I'm really falling behind the rear admiral and it's bumming me out. I need to ass you for help before I get canned. Butts.

Miranda is a disaster of conflicting purposes. We’re supposed to believe that this lady is a brilliant medical researcher, and a badass merc, and a super-biotic, and the leader of the research project that CURED DEATH, and a natural team leader, and she barely looks thirty. Even Wesley Crusher wasn’t that big of a miracle child. And then on top of this she’s got this ongoing sob story about growing up fabulously rich and having high expectations placed on her. So on top of her amazing abilities and her insufferable smugness, she’s got this horrible case of daddy issues and first-world problems.

And then she has the nerve to be an asshole towards Jack, who was literally tortured as a child by Cerberus. The moment Jack gets on the ship, Miranda starts antagonizing her in the most childish, highschool-drama-bullshit kind of way. If Miranda is so smart, then why would she support the idea of recruiting an unstable psycho killer for a serious mission? And even if we buy that, how stupid and childish is it to deliberately provoke and taunt her like this? If Miranda is such an awesome leader, then why is she doing the thing most likely to make Jack freak out and cause problems? (And it does indeed cause problems later.)

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Mass Effect Retrospective 19: The Importance of Peasants”

 


 

Knights of the Old Republic EP22: DJ Jedi La Forge

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Oct 21, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 139 comments


Link (YouTube)

Waaaugh ga graaaahu awagh gr gruuuh. Grah wuuuuuuhhh rowr. Graaaahu awagh rowr grah. Woough gruh aowu gruh gruh wuuuuuuhhh! Awagh rowr grah awagh groogh gruuuh rowr grah. Wuuuuuuhhh woough gruh aowu gruh gruh ngooooow. Hgaaaooowuh graaaahu awagh gruh gruuuh ngow awagh nguh wuuuuuuhhh awagh. Graaaahu ga graaaahu awagh groh gruuuh wuuuuuuhhh awagh rowr grah.

Translated:

These Wookie audio samples are too long.

 


 

Half Time CH4: Pastrami of One

By Rutskarn Posted Tuesday Oct 20, 2015

Filed under: Lets Play 44 comments

The following anti-elf epithets are authored by myself and available for free and unlicensed personal and commercial use.

#1: Dandelion botherer

The locker room smells like inspiration and perspiration; an improvement from only yesterday, where it smelled like putrefaction and losing factions, gauche malaise and roach buffets, halfling reek and unpaddled creek. Air fresheners work wonders. So does enough dwarf scrumpy to trick the nose into thinking I’d died and gone to purgatory.

“You may be wondering why I called you here today,” I say. My two assistant coaches nod slowly. “That’s handy, because I was wondering in a more general sense why you were here.

This arouses further confusion. Or something. It’s hard to tell with their baseline expression.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Half Time CH4: Pastrami of One”

 


 

Experienced Points: The Survival Horror Genre is a Mess

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 19, 2015

Filed under: Column 80 comments

My column this week is about how the genre label of Survival Horror is completely meaningless and nobody agrees what these games should be.

Although, this isn’t the only dysfunctional genre in the industry. In fact, I’d say every time we see someone call a game an “X clone”, we’re seeing an example of a genre without a proper name. People still sometimes call Torchlight a “Diablo Clone”, despite the fact that this genre is old enough to vote and features many disparate titles.

An example of a good genre label is shmup. It’s easy to rememberIt’s short for “shoot ’em up”., it’s a unique word, and there isn’t a lot of “is this game a shmup or not?” confusion along the margins.

I’m not sure why some genres got useful names and some didn’t. Perhaps it’s that the medium is just growing too dang fast. It took movies over half a century to go from technological novelty to cultural ubiquity, and games covered the same distance in about 20 years. Maybe we’ll have more useful genre names once the medium settles down a bit.

 


 

Diecast #125: Human Resource Machine, Left Handed Gaming, Citadel

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 19, 2015

Filed under: Diecast 119 comments



Hosts: Josh, Rutskarn, Shamus, Campster, Mumbles. Episode edited by Rachel.

Show notes: Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #125: Human Resource Machine, Left Handed Gaming, Citadel”

 


 

The Altered Scrolls, Part 11: Song and Dance

By Rutskarn Posted Saturday Oct 17, 2015

Filed under: Elder Scrolls 106 comments

Morrowind and Oblivion drew their storytelling cues from media besides videogames, because that is, by and large, what videogames do. It’s too hard for most games with ambitions of epic scope and narrative content to convey these elements entirely through gameplay; they instead use gameplay as an aid to transport players into storytelling grounded in traditional methods. Which, with roleplaying videogames, is generally what the player wants: to have a story that could be a book or a movie improved by interactivity. And that’s just the point where RPG fans get into the biggest slap-fightiest arguments: book or movie.

Morrowind was literary; it told its story through context and history and shovelfuls of dialogue. most of the story happened when you were standing still somewhere reading something. Oblivion was cinematic–an active, moving, speaking story in which you were the primary character–and it sacrificed a lot to get there.

It had voice-acting for all its dialogue, which forced a thousand compromises from shortening dialogue length to limiting dialogue scope to homogenizing the voices for various races and characters. It seized control of the player to allow cutscenes to occur uninterrupted. It filled a large portion of its campaign with rinse-and-repeat prefab dungeons to allow the other missions the maximum scripting and dialogue budget. Not all of the cuts were logistical, either; some of them were more abstract and philosophical. For example, the increased value and vitality of actors (plus a few other technical reasons not worth getting into yet) meant the developers put stricter regulations on who could be killed. Any NPC who would become relevant to a quest was invincible until they had discharged a necessary portion of their scripting. Technically neither of the first two games gave you leeway to kill random people either, quite possibly for engine reasons, but Morrowind was so bold in making everyone killable that it didn’t seem the developers would retract the privilege. It seems fair, doesn’t it? Your input in the game is very limited. You can’t arrest NPCs, be meaningfully rude to them, spread gossip about them, ask them to stay away from you, fire them if they’re part of your guild, or give them wet willies. Your choices for expressing your opinion on or judgment of an NPC amount to murdering them or not murdering them, and taking away the choice of murdering them is nontrivial. It feels like a fussy exercise of power–a storyteller convinced whatever they’ve got planned is much better than what you’re trying to come up with.

All these cuts and constraints could have easily amounted to a net loss for the franchise. In the eyes of some, they certainly do. But it’s also fair to say that as long as Bethesda was trying to make the best of their scripting and create a broad adventuring simulator, they did a pretty good job of it. It all came down to working with their limitations.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “The Altered Scrolls, Part 11: Song and Dance”

 


 

Knights of the Old Republic EP21: You’re Totally Ship-faced

By Shamus Posted Friday Oct 16, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 200 comments


Link (YouTube)

So let’s say you get the rights to make a “Star Wars” product, and now you need to guide your creative staff to nail the look, feel, tone, and overall style of the original three movies. What do you need? I’m not talking about worldbuilding stuff like Jedi, X-Wings, and Wookies, but more low-level art cues. Let’s assume you want to make “new” Star Wars stuff. You want new races, new planets, and new time periods, but you want the new stuff to still feel like Star Wars.

  1. “Luke NounVerber” style names.
  2. Maybe a ship named in the style of “Adjective Birdname”.
  3. Ships should be really lumpy. The original ships were made by dumping out dozens of disparate models and gluing them together to make spaceship-shaped stuff.
  4. Slender droids with quirky or eccentric personalities.
  5. Other droids that make beeping noises all the time, even though nobody understands them.
  6. Use an orchestral score. Or just recycle the original John Williams music.
  7. Robes and capes for almost everybody, regardless of climate.
  8. Building exteriors should feel kind of like the spaceships: Lumpy and irregular.
  9. Most places should look well-worn. Places should have junk laying around. Dirt on the floor. Surfaces should be scuffed and the paint should be fading. A few edges of implied water damage wouldn’t hurt. Only fascists mop the floor.
  10. Avoid mundane objects. No paper, coffee mugs, writing tools, etc.
  11. Computers are banks of blinky lights, like 1960’s Star Trek.
  12. It helps to have cables and hoses strewn around, hanging from the ceiling, and running down the walls.
  13. Rooms with four walls are bad, so break up the square room shape any way you can. Passages are tube-shaped. Slant the walls. Make lots of round rooms. Add some support columns.
  14. Trim everything with lights.

What other cues make a place feel “Star Wars”?

 


 
From The Archives:

Revisiting a Dead Engine

I wanted to take the file format of a late 90s shooter and read it in modern-day Unity. This is the result.

 

Deus Ex and The Treachery of Labels

Deus Ex Mankind Divided was a clumsy, tone-deaf allegory that thought it was clever, and it managed to annoy people of all political stripes.

 

Steam Summer Blues

This mess of dross, confusion, and terrible UI design is the storefront the big publishers couldn't beat? Amazing.

 

What Does a Robot Want?

No, self-aware robots aren't going to turn on us, Skynet-style. Not unless we designed them to.

 

The Death of Half-Life

Valve still hasn't admitted it, but the Half-Life franchise is dead. So what made these games so popular anyway?

 

How to Forum

Dear people of the internet: Please stop doing these horrible idiotic things when you talk to each other.

 

Artless in Alderaan

People were so worried about the boring gameplay of The Old Republic they overlooked just how boring and amateur the art is.

 

Charging More for a Worse Product

No, game prices don't "need" to go up. That's not how supply and demand works. Instead, the publishers need to be smarter about where they spend their money.

 

Black Desert Online

This Korean title would be the greatest MMO ever made if not for the horrendous monetization system. And the embarrassing translation. And the terrible progression. And the developer's general apathy towards its western audience.

 

Fixing Match 3

For one of the most popular casual games in existence, Match 3 is actually really broken. Until one developer fixed it.