T w e n t y S i d e d

Dear Gamespot, 1Up, IGN, and the rest of you rotten crumbs,

When I Google for “Explodious 3 Cheats XBox” it’s because I want some cheat codes for Explodious 3 on the Xbox [360]. I’m not doing it for a fun romp around the web. I’m certainly not doing it because I have a copious supply of free time that I want to throw away. In fact, I’m usually in a rotten mood when I’m looking for cheats, so luring me to your website and then not giving me cheats is a foolish move on your part.

I know what cheats are. “Beat the game on ultra-hard in less than 5 minutes using only the B button to unlock the original Explodious costume” is not a cheat. It’s the very opposite of a cheat. It is yet another task I can’t do, which is a problem I already had in the first place. It’s an “unlockable”.

You know this. You know this is not a cheat. But you care about soaking up Google searches and page hits more than you care about your visitors, and so you seed your pages with the word “cheat”, when you know full well there aren’t any. Rather than wasting my time, why don’t you mention the lack of cheats in a review? Since you know there aren’t any, and you obviously know what a massive traffic draw cheat pages are, then it stands to reason that this is something that people want and aren’t getting. It could be argued that keeping them informed is your job. Perhaps drawing attention to the lack of cheats will correct the problem, thus ensuring that you aren’t standing there empty-handed when I show up on your doorstep looking for something.

Thank you for your time and please drown in a septic tank,

Shamus

P.S. If you do find cheats for Explodious 3 please email me! Thanks!

Topic for discussion: One game you enjoyed, but had to shelve because you couldn’t beat it.

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.

End-of-year lists. The annual throwaway post for reviewers and pundits. Just gather up an N-numbered list of otherwise unrelated stuff, put the name of the year over them, and then hurry off to start the New Year celebrations early. We shall observe this ridiculous tradition, together, beginning now:

#10 Most Funny Game – Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People

The competition was fierce in this category this year, but in the end Strong Bad just barely edged out the hilarious Travis Grady of Silent Hill Origins to be this year’s leading funnyman.

#9 Best RTS – Starcraft

Yeah, yeah. You guys won again. It’s not as impressive as it was the last nine times. Don’t be so smug.

#8 Most Lamentable – Spore

How sad is it that the DRM controversy overshadowed the buzz surrounding this game, which was that it wasn’t very good because it had been “streamlined” for a broader audience? They threw Will Wright’s magnum opus onto the casual games bandwagon, without really understanding what was driving the trend or what all these new players were looking for. Like I mentioned in Reset Button, making games accessible to newcomers means making games that will teach you how to play, not reducing complex ideas into something on par with Peggle.

Putting a big, fat DRM padlock over the thing didn’t help matters either.

#7 Worst MMO Launch – Hellgate: London

Take a great concept. (Fast-paced first-person MMO) Add in a great team. (The Blizzard exiles who made Diablo II.) Add in an interesting premise. (A modern-day demonic invasion.) What do you get? A buggy, shallow, poorly-engineered soup of half-finished ideas and agonizingly bad writing.

Flagship Studios has closed its doors for good. Hellgate is shutting down on January 31. I can envision better ways for this to have turned out.

#6 Best MMO – World of WarCraft

Oh look. Another category where Blizzard just wins over and over again without even trying.

Jerks.

#5 Best FPS – [This Space Reserved for Half-Life 2, Episode 3]

Hurry up guys! This one is yours if you can release before midnight!

#4 Most Adhesive – World of Goo

Delightful, fun, and engaging. (But short.)

#3 Most Bifurcated – Fallout 3

At last, an open world sandbox game that really looks like a giant box filled with sand. Should I love the game for the fun gameplay and setting, or hate it for the inept writing and hilariously bad dialog?

Can’t I do both?

#2 Best Game for everyone else and Worst Game for Me: The Witcher

A widely beloved and celebrated game that I actually found repelling. You can’t please everyone, I guess. You can’t enjoy an RPG if you can’t embrace the main character, and Geralt is someone I don’t want to touch, let alone embrace.

Just goes to show that you should never rely on just one reviewer.

#1 Hey. Why am I numbering these? They aren’t even related.

Crap. I forgot to put Prince of Persia in this list someplace. Ah well.

My question for you: What was your favorite game this year? (It doesn’t have to be FROM this year, just the one you discovered in 2008. We are not the sort to throw away old games at the ringing in of the new year. This is a place for civilized people, after all.)

Thanks for reading. Have a great New Year.

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.