Doom 3: Ressurection of Weasels

By Shamus Posted Monday May 15, 2006

Filed under: Game Reviews 15 comments

I loved Doom 3, but the “Ressurection of Evil” expansion was lackluster at best. It had a sloppy, slapdash feel to it that negated whatever tension the thing was trying to build. From the opening cutscene, it introduced a world full of cliche’ nonsense that alienated me right away.


Stealing a page from Marvin the Android, Elizabeth McNeil’s arm doesn’t seem to fit quite right. Also, what’s up with the normals on her fingers? It looks like she stuck them in a pencil sharpener. This is to say nothing of her breasts, which seem to come from the base of her ribcage.

The mission is led by Dr. McNeil, who hangs around the control room and points at the screens with her freakishly mishapen arms. She’s watching as the team of marines goes deep into Mars in search of the source of some sort of signal radiating from within the planet. I’m not sure what’s wrong with these people. The previous Mars base was destroyed when the gates to hell broke open and demons flooded out. The installation (which surely cost hundreds of billions to construct) was ruined and hundreds (maybe thousands) of people were killed.

Now they get “some sort of signal” from within the planet – from down in the ruins where the trouble started – and they throw together a mission to check it out. I’m sorry, but nobody’s that curious.


Is that some sort of form-fitting backback, or is Dr. McNeil a hunchback?

In the first game you played as a grunt, fresh off the boat. You didn’t know your way around and nobody knew your name, but that was understandable because you were new. In the expansion, you’re the leader of the group of men going into the ruins. Despite the fact that you are a ranking member of the team, nobody has bothered to learn your name, granted you any sort of security access, or even given you any equipment. Everyone just calls you “marine”, which just doesn’t make sense. I mean, who could forget a face like this…


Since you’re dealing with an archaeological site millions of years old, the obvious way to investigate is to send in a group of marines with plenty of C4. The site may be priceless, but digging is just SO boring.


Left:Not wanting to waste precious time walking to safety, our demolition expert set the timer for about four seconds and then ran for it.
Right: John Woo enters the field of archaeology.

And inside you find a glowing, pulsing, levitating heart that seems to be made from stone. Power radiates from it. Fantastic. An amazing find.

Showing less self-control and common sense than a child, our hardened marine walks in and – without saying a word to anyone – picks up the supernatural thingy. Even in normal, non-supernatural archeology, you don’t run around grabbing stuff. Nothing will distance the player from their own character than establishing early on that their character is an accomplished idiot.


“Artifact shmartifact… this sucker will be worth a fortune on EBay!”

The gates to hell fly open (again!) and evil stuff comes out. Everyone dies but you and Dr. McNeil, which is about the most unfair thing I’ve ever seen. She’s the dunce who led the team back here, and your character is the grabby moron who picked up the thing and brought the demons. If there was any justice, you two would have been the first to die, followed by the people who animated Dr. McNeil’s pipecleaner arms.


Note to extinct alien races: If you’re having trouble with invasions from hell, rather than build a super-weapon to fight evil, you could always just stop building gates that go there.

In the first game, you were just a hapless guy who got here as the trouble started. This time around, you play the guy who’s at fault. I found myself in the akward position of needing to apologize to every corpse I found along the way.

The entire experience was not at all frightening. Note that the game looked the same, sounded the same, and played the same as Doom 3, which had a number of really scary moments. I’ve harped on this subject before, but Resurrection of Evil is the perfect example of a game with the right ingredients and the wrong recipe. Both games had the same basic mechanics but Doom was great and RoE sucked.

If you want the player to be upset when everything is destroyed by evil, then take the time to let them explore the place before it gets destroyed. If you want them to be upset about the people who die, then let them get to know a few of the people before they die. Otherwise the ruined buildings and dead bodies are just scenery. And most importantly, if you want the player to be immersed in the game, you have to let them connect with their character first. None of this has anything to do with how spooky the sounds effect and lighting are, or how yucky and spikey the monsters look.

Like with any other medium, you need to start with a good story and go from there. It doesn’t have to be fancy, long, complex, or full of symbolism, it just needs to be a story worth telling. If you don’t have that, then all of your sexy technology is going to waste.

Developers take note.

 


 

WordPress Themes

By Shamus Posted Sunday May 14, 2006

Filed under: Random 17 comments

A few days about I mentioned that Cineris has started a new blog. It now has a name, and the author is going through the process of picking out a visual theme for the site. This is always tough. Since you shouldn’t change the theme of your site very often, this is a bit like picking out an outfit to wear for the next couple of years.

There are hundreds – maybe even thousands by now – of WordPress themes. Generally I divide themes into two broad categories:

  1. Attractive designs that are painful to read or navigate.
  2. Butt-ugly

For this site I’m actually using a very modified version of the WordPress Default Theme. It looked simple and I liked it, and I thought, “I’ll just put some dice at the top and I’ll be done!”

Fool!

I’ve been tinkering with it ever since. I thought all I wanted from a theme was easy to read and mildly attractive, but as I used the site I realized there were all sorts of things I wanted the site to do. I wanted a little icon for each category. (If this has been a group blog, I would have made this an icon for the author. I HATE reading a group blog and not knowing who I’m reading until I get to the end of the post!) I wanted a broad horizontal bar to seperate one post from the next. I wanted to put all the post info (who wrote it, when it was written, what category it’s filed under, etc) to be contained within that bar, so that isn’t mixed up with the interesting content, but so that its available.

At first I had a calender, but I realized it was sort of useless. It’s not like I’m doing current events here. I’m writing about years-old anime and videogames, so who cares when it was written? For the most part you could swap the posts between any two months and it wouldn’t change a thing. Try that on a political blog!

I’ve made so many changes that I think I’ve replaced just about every aspect of the original theme. Every time I think the look is “done” I manage to come up with a few more adjustments. I actually think this steady evolution is better than trying to find the perfect theme right off the shelf. If I had to start over, I’d take the same approach: Find something simple and easy on the eyes, and tinker with it until I have something that fits the needs of the site.

 


 

Half-Life 2: Cryptic

By Shamus Posted Saturday May 13, 2006

Filed under: Rants 18 comments

I just got a “new” video card, and I thought I’d check out the Half-Life 2 HDR demo. I couldn’t see it in action before, since my old GeForce 5200 couldn’t make with the fancy pixels. So, with grim determination I began installing HL2, which means installing Steam. I had totally forgotten about this part of the installation process:

Oh yeah. Thank goodness Valve encrypted my software. Otherwise I might, you know, use it. I have a fancy new system, and it still sat there for fifteen minutes chewing on data so that I could run my own software. I’m still amazed at the audacity of these punks to LOCK a game from the ostensible owner.

ME: I’d like to run my game now.

VALVE: Oh but it’s locked.

ME: Why?

VALVE: Don’t be stupid. If it wasn’t locked you would be able to run it.

ME: Yeah, that’s the point.

VAVLE: Yes, well, if YOU can run it, then ANYONE can run it. Maybe even your pirate friends, who run those warez sites?

ME: I never… what? Look, how am I supposed to play my game?

VALVE: Just ask. Just sign on to Steam, and let us know you’d like to play.

ME: …

VALVE: It’s quite fast and painless.

ME: That’s not the point.

VALVE: Only takes a second!

ME: Look, do I own this software or not?

VALVE: If you owned the software, would you be locked out of it?

ME: Er. No?

VALVE: There you go. Enjoy the game. But not too much. And only when we say you can. And only by yourself.

 


 

Panties, but at what price?

By Shamus Posted Friday May 12, 2006

Filed under: Anime 11 comments

I hate the world and I wish I were dead.

Alex is not enjoying Girl’s High. The show (which I’ve never seen) is full of panty shots and heavy on the fan service. People who are into that sort of thing should be warned that all of this comes at a price: You have to endure the show itself to see it all. This is apparently much harder than it sounds.

I would feel bad for him, but his writeup is so amusing and fun to read that I find myself hoping the next one is even worse. The show is rampant with fan service, and yet seems to have a “people who like this sort of thing are degenerates” subtext going. Not a winning formula.

As an aside: I really, really hate the nosebleed “joke”. In Anime, often there will be a character who’s wound a bit too tight who ends up seeing something exciting (like a teenage alien robot cat girl from the future in her leather & titanium underwear, or whatever) and his pulse rises so much that he gets a nosebleed. It was never funny, and 4,000 iterations and variations of the joke made it even less so. Wow! A cartoon girl with a huge bosom! Now an image of a man with blood and mucus jetting from his face! Now more boobies again!

After the blood and fainting the audience is pretty much done looking at girls in their underwear for a while.

Animator A: “I’ve got it! When he sees the pretty girl he gets so excited that a chestbuster alien launches from his chest, covering his friends in entrails!”

Animator B: “So sexy!”

 


 

One Hundred Million Characters, Part 1

By Shamus Posted Friday May 12, 2006

Filed under: Tabletop Games 35 comments

A newbie D&D player will usually generate their first character and be disappointed. They roll the dice, add them up, and realize they have a perfectly run-of-the-mill character. They were hoping to get a few lucky rolls and come up with someone really special. Then they get an idea: Maybe I’ll just toss this character and roll up a new one. Maybe this time I’ll get lucky.

There are six attributes that define a character: Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. You start by rolling four six-sided dice. Discard the lowest die. Add the other three together for a number from 3 (feeble) to 18 (magnificent). Do this once for each of your six attributes, and then you have your character. An attribute of ten is “average” for a human being. However, your character is (hopefully) better than the average human, which is one of the reasons they are a hero in the game world and not milking cows and shoveling dung like everyone else. The rulebooks claim that 12 is the average value of an attribute for a player character, although below I’ll show that it’s actually slightly higher than this.

An attribute of eighteen is hard to come by, since three of the four dice have to come up sixes. But it’s even harder to throw a three, since all four dice would need to come up as ones. (Note that you have to roll up all six stats one after another. Rolling one stat over and over until you get a number you like is cheating. This is important.)

But back to our newbie. They look at the attributes they rolled:

The Newbie
STR 13
DEX 17
CON 9
INT 14
WIS 12
CHA 13
(Average 13)

They see that their character has an average attribute of 13. With a score of 13, they are going to actually be a point stronger than the typical character. But still. That 9 is disappointing. If only they had thrown something higher there! They note that only one number is over 16, which is where the really “good” values are. The newbie looks at the score and starts wondering how much better they could do. How hard could it be, anyway?

I wrote a little program to demonstrate exactly this. I had it roll up 100 million characters and tally the results. It keeps track of how common the various scores are, and how likely it is that you can score at or above a given number. It will also record the best and worst characters. Note that I doubt there have been 100 million characters in the history of Dungeons & Dragons. That’s a third of the population of the U.S. Well under 10% of the population plays D&D, and many that do use prefab stats or point-buy instead of rolling the dice. So even in it’s 30 year history, and even allowing for that fact that some players have several characters, I think the number of legitimate (rolled) characters falls well short of 100 million.

I’m sure most of what I’m doing here is probably available online if I were to google around for it, but it’s far more interesting to go through the steps and see the results myself.

100,000,000 Characters

It turns out that rolling the dice this way produces a bell curve with astoundingly steep sides. An average score of 3 is possible, but to get it, you would need a six-sided die come up with a 1, over and over again, for a total of 24 times times in a row. Over the course of 100 million characters this never happened, which shouldn’t be a surprise. The odds of 24 consecutive 1’s is 1 in 624. More exactly: 1 in 4,738,381,338,321,616,896. I’m sure it’s never been done.

So at least we don’t have to worry about that happening.

All 18’s is a little more likely (1 in 101,559,956,668,416) but that never happened either.

From the list below, we see that 12.3 is the most common score. If our newbie hopes to re-roll his character and get an average score of 14, the odds are against him. 29% of the characters created have a score of 13 or better, but only 7% have 14 or better. If he’s shooting for 15, his chances drop all the way to 0.7%. He’ll probably roll over a hundred characters before he sees one with a score of 15. The odds of throwing a character with a score of 16 or better are an astounding 1 in 4,065. If 16 still isn’t good enough and he wants to hold out for a 16.3, his odds shoot up to 1 in 18,867. Assuming he rolls up a character every minute, he will be at it for over 13 days non-stop to generate 18,867 characters.

Ten might be the normal score for Stableboys and Milk Maids, but only 3.5% of the characters he rolls will be that weak. Note that the rules suggest that you should discard anything with a score of eleven or less, which will happen 16% of the time.

To get these stats the program had to roll the dice 2.4 billion times. Read on to see all the stats and charts in detail…

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “One Hundred Million Characters, Part 1”

 


 

P0rn Storm

By Shamus Posted Friday May 12, 2006

Filed under: Rants 8 comments

Comment spam is indeed like weather. Yesterday I think I got one or two spam comments. Today I have several dozen before the morning coffee is gone. But these ones are “interesting”.

Today’s culprit is CTYNN.com. I’m not about to click, but the spams suggest it’s a multi-service porno site, or perhaps just a porno portal made to make a quick buck with banner ads and referrals. All of the comments follow the same pattern:

  1. The commenter name is some fetish or a genre of porn, and links to a related subdomain. So, I’ll get a comment from someone named SEX-WITH-SOMETHING-GROSS and they will link to SEX-WITH-SOMETHING-GROSS.CTYNN.c0m.
  2. The comment itself is mostly harmless, and made to look like a real comment. An example, “*pass it on…post it to your journal and see what others ask YOU!*”. Not exactly Hemmingway, but it looks passable at first glance. I’d have to visit the post in question to see that it’s a non-sequitur. No two comments have the same text so far.
  3. None of the comments has any links in the text, which is another way they are slipping past the filter.
  4. The CTYNN site is not yet listed in the mu.nu blacklist, which suggests that the site is new, or at least new to spamming.

But what really gets me is that every one of them is from a unique IP. These are coming from all over the place. There is no pattern to the numbers.

So what’s going on here? Suddenly, from all over the world, I’m getting spam comments that all point to the same site that follow the same methodology. None of them are dupes. They all link to different subdomains and use different comment text. All of them came within a few hours of each other.

Are these comments coming from malware-infected zombies? From a single guy who is routing his traffic through various sources? If so, has this guy been spamming for a while and I’m only now making it onto his list, or is this a new spammer?

Inquiring (and vengeful) minds want to know…

I know this topic is dull. It’s like hearing someone complain about how hot it is in August. We all feel it, we all deal with it, and bringing it up all the time gets tiresome. I can hear you saying, JUST DELETE YOUR SPAM LIKE THE REST OF US AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!

I don’t know why this facinates me so much, but it does. I’m bothered by the fact that we don’t know more about how spammers work.

 


 

PC Gamer: The future of the past

By Shamus Posted Thursday May 11, 2006

Filed under: Nerd Culture 11 comments

I have the March 2001 issue of PC Gamer here. In shuffling around old magazines this one caught my eye. I took a peek because it had the 2000 game-of-the-year awards, but then I noticed something even more interesting: An article on the future of gaming that looks back five years to 1996 and then forward five years to 2006. Some of the predictions are amusing in retrospect.

It’s pretty unfair to pick on articles like this. Nothing looks as dated as yesterday’s future, and articles like this are easy targets for derision. But that’s what makes them fun.

So let’s get started!

Prediction: CPU’s will have speeds of around 10GHz.

They give themselves some wiggle-room with this one by saying “in the next five to ten years”. That’s a LOT of wiggle room, and in the world of computers any prediction with that much variance is almost useless.

Prediction: By 2006 we will have real-time PC graphics that exceed the quality we are seeing in movies today.

Toy Story and Final Fantasy movie are cited, as in: By 2006 PC Games will look better than Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.

You must be joking. Even in 2001, this was clearly preposterous. In fact, in the last five years, the look of those sorts of movies hasn’t seen that much improvement. The newest Final Fantasy movie doesn’t look any better than the one from five years ago.

At any rate, the person who made this prediction clearly didn’t understand the scope of the problem. Twice as much CPU power does not translate into images that are twice as realistic. Not by a long shot. Even if they did: Those movies were made by huge render farms with many, many dedicated computers working together and still producing the movie footage at rates far below real-time. Sometimes as slow as a frame or so an hour. I don’t care how you run the numbers or look at Moore’s law, there was no way you were getting that much power on the desktop in just five years. I’ll make a counter-prediction and say that given another five years, we still won’t have enough power on the desktop for a single computer to render one of those movies in realtime, much less something even better, as the article predicts.

The problem is that each layer of realisim takes far more power than the last. In the last five years we’ve only gotten one of many needed improvements in this area. As of Doom 3, we finally have unified, real-time dynamic lighting. That means you can now have a scene with any number of freely moveable lights that can all cast shadows. This is a big step. Up until now, shadows had to be pre-computed. The level designer needed to run a program to calculate all of the shadows, which would then remain fixed in place. You could move a light, but it was pointless since the shadows cast by that light wouldn’t move. Now that new Doom engine can do this, I’m sure other engines will follow.

But that is one step of dozens, and it was the easiest one. Some other challenges:

  • Curved reflective surfaces, like a reflective chrome ball. We can make stuff look like chrome in games, but true bending reflective surfaces that can reflect one another in realtime are still a good ways beyond our reach.
  • Widespread use of semi-reflective surfaces. Odds are you are sitting at a desk, and you probably don’t think of it as particularly shiny, but if you look at it from the right angle you’ll see it does reflect the lights in the room. It’s a very blurry and cloudy mirror. Most stuff is. This is really expensive to render, and has only a small impact on the overall look of an object, but if you’re working on realistic worlds you need this. The lack of reflection is one of the things that make PC graphics look fake, like everything is made of dull plastic. You’re not getting anywhere near fixing this in 5 years.
  • Refraction: Notice how distorted things look when looking through a bottle. Doom and Half-Life 2 both fake this pretty well, but the movies have the real thing, which is far more expensive CPU-wise.
  • Extreme detail: A problem in games that you don’t have in the movies is that the viewer can move the camera around. In a movie, if you plan a shot that is tight in on a penny and then pulls back to reveal the inside of a bank valut, then you can make one perfect, realistic penny and the rest of the scene can be lower detail. In a computer game, the entire scene has to have the that same level of detail or it won’t look right. The user might not take a close look at that penny. They might look at the stack of money on the other side of the room, or they might examine the lightswitch. Or they might glance in the room and leave without a second look, wasting all your hard work and attention to detail.

Conclusion: This problem is bigger than most people realize. We’re sort of at a point where you need double the processing power to make an image that’s 10% better.

Prediction: Sound will extend beyond the 5.1 surround sound specs to 10.2 and beyond.

Short rebuttal: Bwah ha!

Long version:

Most computers still come with a pair of speakers that have the power and fidelity of the average speakerphone. Some people put money into nice speakers, but this isn’t a technological problem, it’s a practical one: Who has the space to properly arrange and connect a dozen speakers? Almost nobody. Where they heck would you put them all? Your apartment would be a deathtrap of tripwires.

Prediction: Genre-specific [input] devices will continue to emerge.

The SideWinder Strategic Commander is cited as an example. Hands up! Who has ever seen or held one of these? Anyone?

Again, this isn’t a technological problem (which could have been overcome by now) it’s a practical one. Even if it were possible to make a game input device that was better than the ‘ol keyboard / mouse combo for FPS and RTS, who wants a half-dozen input devices laying around? even if they were all wireless, the clutter would be maddening. Lots of people have a gamepad or joystick handy, but usually they have one. Who could want a controller just for real-time strategy and another just for FPS and still another just for driving games and another just for flying and another just for platformers? Oh yeah: Don’t forget you still need the original mouse and keyboard on top of all the stuff.

It’s hard enough running the wires we have already.

Prediction: Broadband will make action experience accesible to the masses.

This one comes from Cliff Bleszinski, and I think he’s right on. For those that got it, it did.

Then someone else suggests that this might not be a good thing, because, “Online games might turn into chatrooms for adolescents.”

Two for two!

Prediction: A bunch of various facts about handhelds, cell phones, and portable games.

This stuff was pretty reasonable. They turned out wrong in a few places, but this was a really tough call to make. Proliferation of handhelds was just getting started in 2001 and it’s always tough to see where something like that might go. They make a few funny predictions like having Quake III Arena on a cell phone, but even that wasn’t that wild of a guess in 2001. Nobody was sure what was going to happen, which is why we ended up with the tacophone N-Gage.

In fact, we do have handhelds that can pull off Quake III Arena-level graphics. The Nintendo DS and PSP both look great and can rival the visuals of a PC. They aren’t phones, but they are quite portable. Handheld technology has come a long way – much farther than PC gaming in general – since 2001. Even now I would hesitate to predict what sort of PDA / Camera / Game System / Cell Phone / MP3 Player combos we will see in the next couple of years.

They also make some predictions about handheld wireless online gaming, sort of like everquest on a PSP. I imagine there is indeed a market for this, although this presents some interesting challenges. Battery life is the biggest problem I see here, since you are, in effect, playing your PSP and “talking” on the cellphone the entire time you play the game. That is a battery-killer for sure.

This article was fun to read again after all these years. Another thing I note about this issue: 2000 was a killer year for games. The Sims. Deus Ex. No One Lives Forever. Quake III Arena. Diablo II. The Longest Journey. Combat Mission. C&C: Red Alert 2.

That was an incredible year in PC gaming. I currently own or played almost everything on that list. Some of them (like C&C) have been forgotten, but seveal of those games are absolute classics. Despite the better graphics of today, I don’t have any games on my radar that excite me the way the games of 2000 did. In fact, I’m currently playing Final Fantasy X for the Playstation 2, which also came out in 2000. I might pick up Oblivion once it drops in price or I can get it used, but I’m in no hurry. Nothing on the shelves right now has really captured my interest, despite the fact that I have a new computer and a new video card. Maybe I’m just getting old, but I strongly suspect that gaming is suffering from a little stagnation.

UPDATE: Just as I’m posting this, I notice that Steven Den Beste has a must-read post about the difficulty of predicting future technologies and trends.

Also noteworthy: Mark has this post on technology trends and measuring the rate of technological change.