I am sometimes compelled to write things, even when I know I will regret doing so. This week: A remake of Final Fantasy VII would be excessively time consuming and expensive.
I dread posting anything on Final Fantasy. Halo fans get a bad rap (and deservedly so, if you read the comment thread for this comic) but I think Final Fantasy fanboys can give them a run for their money. Note that I’m a (nominal) Final Fantasy fan myself, and I’m sure many of you are as well. But there is this group of humorless, angsty, semi-literate ragebots that surround the franchise who are imbued with an epic sense of entitlement and who take standard review-style criticism of the game as a personal affront.
Exhibit A against Final Fantasy fans is the post where I discuss the mating habits of the Viera, the race of Maxim-ready bunny women from Final Fantasy XII. It’s clearly having some playful fun at the expense of the source material. Not exactly the most hilarious thing I’ve ever written, but it’s still obviously a joke. But a few weeks after the post went up some FF fanboys found the thing and the comment thread went septic. Not vile or terribly offensive, but just stupid, petty, and inane. One person actually called everyone else “retarted”.
(And here my moderation policy comes back to bite me. I’m a big believer in the idea that trolling is like vandalism, and that if you don’t clean it up you’ll attract more. So, the worst of the comments have been purged. Still, the remaining comments are enough to see the problem.)
It’s not that they miss the joke. It’s not even that they would feel the need to post and “correct” my understanding of the Final Fantasy lore. It’s that they would get so offended and then communicate so poorly. You could excuse them as just been teenagers, but you’ll see this behavior even when dealing with the early Final Fantasy titles. In fact, it almost seems like the fans are dysfunctional in proportion to the age of the game, where you would expect them to trend older.
So I don’t have high hopes for the discussion thread for this week’s column. But I had to say it. For reasons I still don’t understand.
A Star is Born
Remember the superhero MMO from 2009? Neither does anyone else. It was dumb. So dumb I was compelled to write this.
A programming project where I set out to make a gigantic and complex world from simple data.
DM of the Rings
Both a celebration and an evisceration of tabletop roleplaying games, by twisting the Lord of the Rings films into a D&D game.
The story of me. If you're looking for a picture of what it was like growing up in the seventies, then this is for you.
So what happens when a SOFTWARE engineer tries to review hardware? This. This happens.