We’ve been doing this for five years, and covered over sixteen videogames. In all that time, the same pattern holds true: We get more and more negative as a particular game drags on. If we start out loving a game, we’ll come to recognize its flaws. If we start out ambivilent about a game, we’ll grow to resent it. And if we start out disliking a game, we’ll loathe it by the end.
But Hitman: Absolution seems to break with that tradition. We started out really negative, but now I guess we’re more amused than outraged. The game really is awful, but it’s awful in such interesting and varied ways that after a while I run out of anger and just want to stop and watch the train wreck unfold.
The bit with jumping out of the birthday cake was a fun idea. But it was patronizingly easy to pull off, requiring no more planning than choking a single woman in an empty room. And since it’s not part of the core game, there’s no reason to do it. And it’s stuck in a silly postage-stamp level that serves no other purpose and is part of a sprawling installation that makes no damn sense.
I’d love a postmortem on this game. What on earth were they thinking?
The Best of 2017
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2017.
Silent Hill Turbo HD II
I was trying to make fun of how Silent Hill had lost its way but I ended up making fun of fighting games. Whatever.
Internet News is All Wrong
Why is internet news so bad, why do people prefer celebrity fluff, and how could it be made better?
This Game is Too Videogame-y
What's wrong with a game being "too videogameish"?
Dear Hollywood: Do a Mash Reboot
Since we're rebooting everything, MASH will probably come up eventually. Here are some casting suggestions.