Hellgate:London:
Ending

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jun 25, 2008

Filed under: Game Reviews 50 comments

I uninstalled HGL without reaching the end, but a reader sent in this end-game spoiler:

[…]After smashing the final boss and covering London in a thigh-deep layer of demonic corpses, Murmur (from the game’s beginning) shows up, reveals himself as a demon, laughs at you for clearing his path to the top, and then effortlessly tosses you aside. Nothing you can do about it. In short, after everything you did, humanity still loses – which is infuriating after what you went through to get there in the first place.

Wow. Glad I didn’t stick with it. That is unbelievably inept. Imagine if The Fellowship of the Ring finally defeated Sauron, and then Barliman Butterbur the innkeeper showed up and revealed himself to be a demon, and then assumed control of Barad-dà»r. The writer treated the whole story like a childish joke, but then turned serious at the end and aimed for some half-assed tragedy, thwarting all of the player’s efforts in the process. Shameful.

My opinion of the game continues to decline, even now when I no longer have any direct contact with it. Part of this is my exposure to World of Warcraft. The games have a common lineage, although playing WoW creates a brutal contrast that makes Hellgate cower and slink away in shame. This game – this spurting geyser of suck – is the product of the Diablo II team? I can only assume that in their hasty exodus from Blizzard one of them must have dropped the Magic Talisman of Making Awesome Games. Because that thing is still there, and its potent magics have evidently been put to use.

The exiles have executed the John Romero maneuver: They left their former employer full of bluster, and then failed to live up to their perceived potential, much less their own hype. Hellgate London is to Diablo II what Daikatana is to Quake. Which is an awful thing to have to say.

Dear Flagship: Assuming your paymasters at EA are up for it, you guys still have a chance to put out one more game before people give up on you. Show us you’re not a team of Romeros. Make me eat these words.

 


 

Sins of a Solar Empire:
Final Thoughts

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jun 24, 2008

Filed under: Game Reviews 22 comments

I realized this weekend that I never really finished my series on Sins. The game fell by the wayside and I sort of left things hanging. Now that I’m on this MMO binge it seems unlikely I’ll be coming back to it anytime soon.

The major problem was that I just didn’t have anything interesting to say about it. There aren’t any glaring faults with the game that I can point out, but there’s also nothing in it that inspires excitement or entices me to play. I managed to work in a grand total of five games of Sins before giving up on the thing. I feel like I haven’t given the game the attention it deserves, but I just have no desire to stay with it.

This has nothing to do with the learning curve, which only affects the first couple of times you play. The problem is deeper than that, because interest waned in direct proportion to how familiar I was with the game. As I got to know SoaSE, the ratio of my familiarity with the game to my apathy towards it remained at a constant 1:1.

(I still have the box on my shelf, unopened, which is noteworthy. I love how Stardock will sell you the game, let you download it and play it right now, but also send along a nice box with the disk. I get to have my game and play it, too.)

I think my main problem is that this particular blend gameplay elements doesn’t really work. The real-time combat is too ponderous to offer excitement, and the strategy is too shallow to offer flavor or variety.

I think there needs to be another layer of stuff on the strategy side. Perhaps something along the line of building “Wonders”, which might mix things up a bit.

I’d like it if the number of research stations affected the speed at which research was done. You need a prerequisite number to “unlock” some techs, but as far as I can tell adding more won’t get those techs faster. Sure, I might go for tech A and my foe might go for tech B, but we’ll both be at about the same level, technologically. I can’t hope to outpace my foes by building a larger research infrastructure.

The whole “cultural influence” thing is odd. As far as I can tell I can’t absorb a planet by overwhelming them with culture, I can only impede enemy production in petty ways, and even then only after reaching the highest-level cultural techs and by attaining a massive lead in cultural power. In one game I had 80% of the map, with all of my large planets spamming the solar system with culture. That was a huge investment for what turns out to be a minor impediment to enemy operations, and I could have done a lot better by just rolling all that cash into more ships and crushing them outright. This is on top of the whole “you can’t colonize this bombed-out husk of a ruined world because enemy culture is too strong here” thing.

The series has its fans, and to be honest I envy them. The sights are enjoyable. The idea is innovative. The execution is clean and polished. I just have no desire to play the thing. I was hearing rumors of a new content patch at one point. Maybe I’ll check back later to see what’s new.

 


 

Assassin’s Creed is Very Hard to Quit!

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jun 24, 2008

Filed under: Movies 44 comments

I’m probably going to pick it up, just because a-list games without a bunch of reprehensible online activation crap are getting scarce, although this kind of thing drives me nuts.

Idiots.

 


 

Unreal Tournament 3:
First and Last Impressions

By Shamus Posted Monday Jun 23, 2008

Filed under: Game Reviews 41 comments

I picked up UT3 a couple of weeks ago. I’d just finished it when Guild Wars fell into my hands, and I never got around to writing about it. I suppose I could save all of us a lot of time by just saying it sucks, but part of how we do business here is to catalog how things suck, a process which begins now:

Mark Twain famously took a version of his story “The Jumping Frog”, which had been translated into French, and translated it back into English. The translation from English to French to English again results in rich comedic nonsense. This is not unlike what we find with Unreal Tournament 3, which seems to have been ported from the PC to the Playstation 3 and back again.

The interface is a warren of festering idiocy. The game begins with what feels like a half dozen splash screens and ads, meaning you have to bang away at the ESC key repeatedly to get to the menu where you can log in. This is step one, meaning it happens before you decide if you’re going to play single or multi-player. You can choose not to log in, but you still have to deal with the login screen either way.

If you play the single-player campaign, you can only play the currently unlocked mission. If you go back and re-play one from earlier in the game, it will overwrite your one and only save game and you will be reset to that earlier part of the game. I should point out that UT99, the nine-year-old original in this series, could cope with replaying old missions without doing anything this stupid. Even the PS3 is no longer limited by “slots” on a memory card. We got these fancy newfangled hard-drive thingies, and there is no reason for the game to do this.

The game always, always pops up a warning about how my network might be mis-configured when I’m starting a single player game. I always have to mouse over and click “ok”.

Taking a cue from the worst parts of Vista, the game is constantly throwing up popups to the effect of, “Are you sure you want to do that thing you just did?” You cannot disable these. You just have to keep clicking “ok”. Every. Damn. Time. Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Unreal Tournament 3:
First and Last Impressions”

 


 

BioShock: DRM Forever

By Shamus Posted Monday Jun 23, 2008

Filed under: Rants 34 comments

Ok, I need to straighten this out. I keep hearing about how 2kGames “removed the DRM from BioShock”. Kotaku, and others keep repeating this. Just to be clear: 2kGames has not removed the DRM at all. SecuROM is still there. The need for online activation is still there. All they have done is allow you to install as many times as you want. Big deal.

Ken Levine promised – on behalf of 2kGames, sort of, that online activation would be removed. I was looking forward to that. But our old friend 2kElizabeth delivers the awful truth:

As I promised that the activation limits would go away, I can promise that if we ever stop supporting BioShock in the ways you speak of, we will release a patch so that the game is still playable. I believe, as you seem to, that BioShock will be the kind of game we will want to revisit 5, 10, 15 or more years from now. I want my copy to be playable, just as you do, and so does 2K.

No you won’t, you clueless mouthpiece.

This is not something to cheer about. What they have announced here is that they aren’t going to remove the DRM. They have, in fact, announced that they are keeping this septic idiocy, forever.

There is a version of the game available that doesn’t have SecuROM or online activation. It’s the version the pirates put out, months ago. I was really hoping they would keep their word and remove the need for online activation, because I really wanted to pay them money and play the game.

 


 

WoW: LFG

By Shamus Posted Sunday Jun 22, 2008

Filed under: Projects 38 comments

I’ve played on several servers, both Horde and Alliance. I’ve started several characters and met quite a few people. It’s been fun, and now that I’ve taken that first big draught I think I know enough to pick a home and focus on just a few characters. (Having only one character? Are you mad?) I’ve found a server where I’m happy, Alliance-side. (Kirin Tor.) Now I’m looking for something Horde side. Here is what I’m interested in:

  • Roleplaying server – It’s like a magical idiot filter!
  • Non-PvP – I’m a builder, not a competitor.
  • Something with a nice mature guild of people that can let me join and who can tolerate the endless onslaught of newbie questions.

On Kirin Tor, I’ve joined the Pig & Whistle Society, who have all endured my child-like fountain of questions with admirable patience. I’m looking for something similar Horde side.

Just my notes on what I plan to write on this game cover a page. I was planning to do a new MMO every couple of weeks, but there is no way I can get a handle on WoW in that timeframe.

 


 

The Beginning of The End

By Shamus Posted Saturday Jun 21, 2008

Filed under: Personal 91 comments

I have now acquired the tool through which I may orchestrate my own undoing. Behold, and despair:

wow_begins.jpg

After about four years of people badgering me to try this game, it’s finally happening. Every time I complain about an RPG I hear “You should try WoW”. Well, now I’m trying it. If it’s as addictive as people claim, then this website is probably doomed. Savor this post. It might be sitting here for a while.

I still can’t say much about the sudden change of heart in regards to MMO games, but it is related to the comics I’ll have coming out in a few weeks. And no, it’s nothing to do with the WoW comic contest. I’d enter that, but I’m not sure my particular brand of humor will tickle the funnybones inside of Blizzard when I aim it in their direction.

Joining this game is proving to be tougher than I anticipated. In Wow I have several people I consider to be personal friends who I’d like to play with, but none of them are on the same server. So choosing a server means, in effect, choosing between my friends. I suppose this is an appropriate beginning to a game famous for destroying friendships and ending marriages.