T w e n t y S i d e d
So the problem presented yesterday was to figure out what these games are:
 |
Answers below the fold. Continue reading ⟩⟩ “My Top 5 Games: Answers”
Top 5 Games:
A Game
In the latest Zero Punctuation review, Yahtzee mentions that a certain segment of his viewers seem very curious about what games he does like. This is a very predictable demand from any crowd of inflamed fanboys. The defining aspect of a fanboy is that he is emotionally attached to a game in such a way that lambasting the game is taken as a personal insult. When you stomp on the object of their affection their first reaction is going to be to try to do the same in return. This completely misses the entire point of being a critic, and indeed of having an opinion at all.
This is why, despite the normal friendly and jovial tone of this site, I tend to treat fanboys like vermin who must be exterminated. They can have no positive impact on a discussion. It doesn’t matter if they agree or disagree, because they aren’t having the same conversation everyone else is. If you set them off it’ll be profanity and angst.
But in a clever bit of fanboy-baiting, Yahtzee actually showed a list of some of his favorite games during the review:
 |
At the end he promised that anyone who figures it out will win his “utter disgust”. All the same, we can’t let the threat of of disinterested loathing deter us from an amusing little puzzle. The moment I saw the obscured list I felt my puzzle drive kick in. I don’t care about the list in the sense that I care if Yahtzee likes the “right” games, but he’s presented us with a puzzle and (I’ll bet) just enough clues to solve it.
This is an interesting sort of puzzle because it’s a mix of what you know about the critic with your knowledge of videogame titles and box covers. If this was just a list of 5 random games it wouldn’t be very compelling. If there was no image and the problem was just “guess my top 5 games” it likewise wouldn’t be much fun. But here we have both clues and motivation.
My own attempt below the fold:
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Top 5 Games:
A Game”
The Malady Abates
Nothing like a punch in the immune system to put things into perspective. But then, having discomfort flow and then ebb is always a great pick-me-up.
The complete list of affected subsystems would be tedious, but I do note that illnesses have had a tendency to go right for my inner ear over the last few years. It makes getting around the house somewhat more challenging than it should be, and produces the ever-popular fever-go-round, where I can close my eyes and enjoy a slow spin around the room.
This wasn’t the worst illness I’ve had, although at one point I looked up from my bed and saw the horrifying cloaked form of the Grim Reaper standing over me.
“Oh come on“, I protested, “I’m not that sick.”
“I know, I know”, he replied defensively, “I was just, you know, checking.”
Now I’m slowly emerging from the long dark chicken soup time of the soul, and getting a feel for the state of things around here:
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “The Malady Abates”
Stolen Pixels #11:
Finally!
The next Stolen Pixels is now up. It features The Witcher. I had planned to have my Witcher wrap-up post today to to accompany this, but that’s been pushed back a bit.
Fever Visions
Ugh. Not in any shape to be witty, but I’m getting tired of that Frontalot post that’s been sitting on top of the site for the last 4 days. The following is both relevant and good filler:
When I get a high fever, I tend to see bugs. Any dark spot on a light surface – like a raisin on the kitchen table, or a small screw atop one of the many light-colored devices here in my office – will seem to be a crawling insect in my peripheral vision. The illusion is broken if I look directly, but it’s quite convincing for things on the edges of my field of view. After a few hours of this I get used to it and stop being alarmed, but I don’t stop seeing the creeping movement.
Feel free to share your own fever-driven hallucinations below.
It is Pitch Black
There is no culture that cannot be improved by nerding it up. Including rap culture. Especially rap culture. For example, you could make a rap song about Zork.
It is Pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
> What is a grue?
The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale.
> Play MC Frontalot.
Listening to the lyrics some more, there are references to a ton of different old-school interactive fiction games, not just Zork. I only recognize a few, but I can tell there are even more I’m missing.
The End of Piracy!
EDIT: Some people have pointed out this is a lot more than it seemed in the article I linked. “Trusted computing” is more than just a unique ID on a chip – it’s a system that operates on both the hardware and software level. Read the comments below for the insidious details.
My original post:
Atari founder Nolan Bushnell says a new chip puts computer piracy on the verge of being eradicated. Now, I’m about to make fun of this guy, but seriously: If I could get a job that paid millions of dollars for saying outrageous things borne of lazy ignorance? Man, where do I sign up?
It is sort of alarming to see that some people – highly paid people – simply fail to grasp the basic mechanics of piracy, even after all these years. Particularly when it’s, you know, their job.
If I’m reading this right, this system isn’t even anything that new. Right now the games that require online activation build a unique ID based on what hardware is connected to the machine. This system would replace that system with a new one that is unique to the motherboard / CPU. That’s sort of nice, I guess. It means you’ll be able to install a new graphics card without needing to re-activate the game. But it’s still a check that can be disabled by any half-decent hacker.
If I may be allowed to commit the self-indulgent crime of quoting myself:
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “The End of Piracy!”
From The Archives:
Rage 2
The game was a dud, and I'm convinced a big part of that is due to the way the game leaned into its story. Its terrible, cringe-inducing story.
Why The Christmas Shopping Season is Worse Every Year
Everyone hates Black Friday sales. Even retailers! So why does it exist?
In Defense of Crunch
Crunch-mode game development isn't good, but sometimes it happens for good reasons.
Do It Again, Stupid
One of the highest-rated games of all time has some of the least interesting gameplay.
Silent Hill Origins
Here is a long look at a game that tries to live up to a big legacy and fails hilariously.
Skyrim Thieves Guild
The Thieves Guild quest in Skyrim is a vortex of disjointed plot-holes, contrivances, and nonsense.
Lost Laughs in Leisure Suit Larry
Why was this classic adventure game so funny in the 80's, and why did it stop being funny?
Crash Dot Com
Back in 1999, I rode the dot-com bubble. Got rich. Worked hard. Went crazy. Turned poor. It was fun.
Marvel's Civil War
Team Cap or Team Iron Man? More importantly, what basis would you use for making that decision?
Borderlands Series
A look at the main Borderlands games. What works, what doesn't, and where the series can go from here.