Until Dawn EP13: Fax Checker

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jan 11, 2017

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 48 comments

It’s been a month, but we’re finally getting back to Until Dawn…


Link (YouTube)

This falling tower is pretty confusing. I complain about it in tomorrow’s episode, but I have a feeling we’ll have bigger things to discuss at that point, so let’s talk about the tower now…

Let’s ignore the fact that a human can’t just chop through that sort of steel cable. Let’s also overlook that cutting one cableIt might be more than one. It only shows one, and I can’t tell if the sound effects are suggesting a second cut cable, or if that sound is just the first cable whipping around. The sounds are very close together. shouldn’t automatically bring the entire thing down right away. Let’s also ignore that the fall ought to be lethal for anyone at the top of the tower. Let’s also hand-wave that Emily was somehow able to hold on with her cold fingers despite the shoulder-destroying forces that would occur with such a fast descent and abrupt stop.

No, that’s all movie logic and we can ignore that stuff. My problem here is that I have no idea what happened. The tower fell over, driving the top into the snowy ground. This ought to end with Matt and Emily pounded into the snow with a few tons of flaming debris on top of them. But instead the tower is somehow underground now? Was there an open chasm beside the tower that the camera never showed us? Is the story suggesting that the top of the tower “punched through” the ground to an underground cavern, and did so without pulverizing the cabin? What position is this stuff in? Above ground it looks like the cabin should be upside-down, but from the perspective of Matt and Emily it’s perfectly sideways.

This entire scene is a geographic mess and I have no idea what we’re supposed to THINK happened.

And of course once again our killer is an invisible omniscient invincible master of chaos theory.

“Okay, I’ll cut this cable, which I know for 100% certain will cause the tower to flip over right away. Then the tower will fall over in this exact direction to deposit the teens into the caves. I’ll teleport down there and begin dragging Matt away, and if he makes any effort to attack me I’ll let him go and turn invisible.”

Sure, there might be multiple people working together, but the second guy (or is it third? Or fifth?) still had to know to climb down into the caves to capture Matt.

The guy attacking these teens had better be Dr. StrangeStephen, not Hugo..

 


 

Unfit for XCOMmand Intro: Welcome Back, Dumbass

By Rutskarn Posted Wednesday Jan 11, 2017

Filed under: Lets Play 82 comments

Unfit for XCOMmand: The True Story of Humanity’s Last Disappointment

by Rachel Kennedy (Soldier, Rookie Class)

Intro: Welcome Back, Dumbass

Somewhere in an ass-stinking dark room, some tool is writing history.

Why do people do that under normal, non-apocalyptic circumstances? I don’t know. But lately the idea is starting to catch on that history’s a big old train track headed for a big old cliff with cartoon heaps of dynamite at the bottom, and to a certain introspective, posterity-minded individual, this imminent disaster is an opportunity. If any random record of these days might become the final record, any author might–by virtue of not being dead or in a camp somewhere–fall ass-backwards into being the Herodotus of our generation. So suddenly all the jerks who in a gentler time would inflict nothing worse than coffeehouse poetry on humanity are, instead, taking it on themselves to write the final musings of a dying species.

Why does this make me angry? Well, for starters, I’m just angry a lot these days. I considered therapy, but since that currently involves a ridged alien brain-worm and six months of re-education, I’ve instead elected to shoot a lot of aliens in the fucking face. And since that’s a part time job, it’s left me plenty of time for retrospection, and one thing I’m not proud to figure out is this: I’m not angry because people are writing history, I’m angry because I’m sure they’re all getting it wrong. The more I involve myself with the revolution, the more certain I feel that I’m the only person out here who hasn’t lost her damn mind.

So now we’re back to that ass-stinking dark room I mentioned. It stinks like ass because it’s a canteen on a busted sky-submarine full of breaking systems and relentlessly exercising grunts. It’s dark because there are no windows and few working lightbulbs. And yes, there’s a tool writing history in it, and it turns out that tool is me. So let’s get Herodotusing.

There's like ten humans fighting for the movement, so if we all kill one hundred thousand aliens, this crazy resistance just might work out.
There's like ten humans fighting for the movement, so if we all kill one hundred thousand aliens, this crazy resistance just might work out.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Unfit for XCOMmand Intro: Welcome Back, Dumbass”

 


 

Dénouement 2016 Part 3: The Losers

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jan 10, 2017

Filed under: Industry Events 126 comments

Before we talk about what I liked, let’s talk about the things that disappointed, frustrated, or angered me in 2016. Er, the videogame things anyway.

Unlike those lists from other websites, this is not intended to be some sort of high-level, comprehensive, state-of-the-industry snapshot. This is just what I’ve run into. Since I avoid playing stuff I know I’ll hate unless it has Bethesda written on it, I don’t have a lot of things to hate.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Dénouement 2016 Part 3: The Losers”

 


 

Diecast #183: Jokes, Final Fantasy XV, Dishonored 2

By Shamus Posted Monday Jan 9, 2017

Filed under: Diecast 93 comments



Hosts: Host, Reginald, Errant Signal, Gustav. Episode edited by Rachel.

It’s been ages since I did a videogame podcast and I don’t quite remember how it goes, but the guys assured me the show should start with about 20 minutes of random non-videogame bullshit.

Show notes: Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #183: Jokes, Final Fantasy XV, Dishonored 2”

 


 

Shamus Plays WoW #12: Hogger!

By Shamus Posted Sunday Jan 8, 2017

Filed under: WoW 16 comments

Yesterday we did some poaching, murdered a family pet, accidentally pinned the blame on some other guy, then killed him, then got paid for it. That’s a pretty good day in my book, but now Norman thinks we need to flee the region for a while. So now we’re in the human city of Stormwind. Norman is here to gather his things and get ready to leave for good. He also stops at the shops and puts some of his hard-won adventuring money to use.

“Hey, you got yourself a new dress!” I tell him.

“It’s not a dress, it’s a robe!” he argues.

I dunno. I think Norman could pull this off if he ditched the shoulderpads and matched it with a really good hat.
I dunno. I think Norman could pull this off if he ditched the shoulderpads and matched it with a really good hat.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I tell him, “It’s pretty no matter what you call it.”

“It’s hard to be fearsome when you have to dress like this.”

“So why do it?” I ask.

“I thought… This is part of being a warlock. It’s in the rules. I just assumed it was something demons wanted.”

“Nah. You idiots came up with that on your own.”

“Oh,” Norman says with obvious disappointment.

“Look, the only thing we demons care about is devouring souls and destroying worlds. The dark robes, midnight gatherings, virgin sacrifice, cutting yourselves, memorizing oaths to fallen gods… that’s all stuff mortals added so they could feel like they were doing something really dangerous and illicit. You guys have to make everything so complicated. Power for souls. That’s our business. You guys can dress it up however you like.”

“I guess I feel sort of stupid wearing this robe then.”

“There’s a good reason for that.”

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Shamus Plays WoW #12: Hogger!”

 


 

Messages From Spammers

By Shamus Posted Friday Jan 6, 2017

Filed under: Random 113 comments

Damien Lucifer suggested I post a few choice spam messages. I’m never one to pass up a chance for low-effort content, so let’s do this. Here are a bunch of messages posted to this blog over the last day or so. These are but a drop in the ocean. The full list would be in the thousands, most of which are useless gibberish and broken HTML. Spammers aren’t very good at configuring their spambots. Or choosing targets. Or English.

Where possible, I’ve preserved the name used by the spambot, although in some cases it was a URL and thus had to be redacted.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Messages From Spammers”

 


 

Crash Dot Com Part 9: Rags to Riches to Rags

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jan 5, 2017

Filed under: Personal 34 comments

On January 1st 2001, we move into our new home. Life is good. I’m now working on programming full-time. I’ve got a nice quiet home office. The Virtual Mall project is still going, but I’m no longer working on it full-time.

The Virtual Mall

My daughter Rachel, enjoying her new yard.
My daughter Rachel, enjoying her new yard.

Mike – my successor – manages to negotiate a change to the design of the mall that’s more in keeping with the strengths and weaknesses of our engine.

This is actually good for the project. Those first few months of frustration and ghastly decisions had broken my will. I had been working on a project I didn’t believe in and didn’t care about. I never would have tried to negotiate a change to the design with Mr. Business because – based on my previous rejections – I didn’t think anyone would listen. Mike doesn’t have all of that baggage and he wasn’t present at that initial meeting where nobody wanted to hear “no”, so he’s willing to be candid about his concerns with the design.

I don’t know why John Business was willing to listen this time around. Maybe the cresting wave of the dot-com surge has scared him enough that he’s open to feedback. Maybe Mike persuaded him using superior social skills. Maybe Mr. Business has tried to use the product himself and realized the truth on his own.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Crash Dot Com Part 9: Rags to Riches to Rags”