Autoblography Part 3: Welcome to Kindergarten

By Shamus Posted Monday Aug 29, 2011

Filed under: Personal 277 comments

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It's the first day of kindergarten, and I am terrified. September 1977. That green thing is a name tag, which someone has fastened to my shoulder instead of the front of my shirt. It rubs against me and pokes me in the face all day, but I never try to move it. I mean, I guess it’s supposed to be on my shoulder for a reason, right?

Yes, those pants are ridiculous, even by the fashion-deficient standards of the day. This actually becomes important later.

Being born at the end of August, I am very near the age cut-off date for starting school. I could either have began school in 1976 and been the youngest kid, or wait until 1977 and been the oldest. Mom looked at my social skills and concluded that I needed another year. And so I begin my school career at age six. Even with the slight age advantage, I am still unprepared and unable to relate to the other kids.

As I enter the classroom, I see jumping balls for the first time. You know, these things:

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I am transfixed by them. There are only three of them available, and we're only allowed to play with them for a few minutes at the beginning of the day. By the time I arrive at school, other kids are already using them. I’ll usually stand there by the play area, hoping someone will just… I don’t know… offer me one? Or something. I don’t know how this works. What are the rules? Everyone else seems to know how to get a turn.

Do I ask? Maybe I should ask.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Autoblography Part 3: Welcome to Kindergarten”

 


 

Autoblography Part 2: Preschool

By Shamus Posted Friday Aug 26, 2011

Filed under: Personal 154 comments

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When I was a baby, I was a climber. I was slow to walk, eager to climb. I walked by holding onto things long after most kids were comfortable walking freely. I would hand-hold around the edge of a room rather than walk through the big open space in the middle. On the other hand, I was climbing stuff way before it would even be considered normal or reasonable.

I hated my crib. Before I was able to walk, I learned how to pull myself up and (apparently) do some sort of chin-up and get myself over the railing. I would then fall four feet onto the floor below. Mom would hear the thud, then me crying. She’d come up, comfort me, wait for me to nod off, put me back in my crib, and go back downstairs.

Two minutes later: THUD. Whhaaaaaaaa!

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Autoblography Part 2: Preschool”

 


 

Autoblography Part 1: James Young

By Shamus Posted Thursday Aug 25, 2011

Filed under: Personal 91 comments

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Jim, to everyone who knew him.

Six months before I was born, he suffered a stroke that very nearly killed him. Cerebral hemorrhage. He was 29 years old. He collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. A couple of days later he woke up. The good news was that there was no obvious brain damage. The bad news was that all that blood had formed a clot in his brain that would kill him sooner or later if it wasn't removed.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Autoblography Part 1: James Young”

 


 

Ding 40!

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Aug 24, 2011

Filed under: Landmarks 178 comments

So today, I turn 40. Where do I go to get my mount?

This has been an interesting journey. I was born at about the same time as the personal computer, although I wouldn’t be aware of them for almost a decade. Here at 40, I’m writing [approximately] every day to tens of thousands of people all over the world, using a computer that is more powerful than the combined processing of every computer that existed before 1971. I could name a lot of other everyday technologies that would have stunned the people of 1971, but they’re all a bit modest in comparison to the one-two-punch of personal computer + internet. I got to see it happen, which was kind of special. I suppose my great-grandparents have me beat, seeing the rise of sanitation, ubiquitous electricity, indoor plumbing, modern medicine, and the automobile. But this internet thing is a close second.

Anyway. Birthday. For the next week or so I’m going to be doing something different. I’m going to write about my life. It will be a sort of an abridged autobiography, in the form of a series of blog posts.

At one point my father taught a creative writing course at Slippery Rock University. On the first day, he went around the room and had each person say why they wanted to take this class, or what they were hoping to write. At one point a young man said he planned to write his autobiography.

My dad looked down at this twenty-year old kid and said, “Okay, but who is going to give a shit?”

That’s my father. We’ll talk more about him later.

In the meantime, I don’t really have a good answer to his question. I don’t know that anyone is interested in reading my story. It’s not particularly exotic, heartwarming, insightful, or gut-wrenching. It’s just a bunch of stuff that happened to one human being, just like everyone else’s story.

My father was also a poet. His work was short and mostly free-form verse. He had a dear friend, Greg, who wrote these epic poems that went on for pages and pages. Dad used to tell him, “If it’s more than half a page, it’s not poetry. It’s therapy.” There’s some truth in that, and I’m sure it applies to a lot of art. Any serious expression of emotion is likely the artist working through or trying to understand something in their own experience.

I will not be offended if you skip these autobiographical posts. I might even be relieved. I’m writing them for my own benefit, and if you get anything out of them, then understand it is an unintended side-effect of my grappling with my own past, trying to set it all in order before it’s forgotten. Life is short, and (statistically speaking) mine is more than halfway over.

So now that we have that out of the way….

Happy Birthday to me! Wheeee!

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Here I am, turning 10. It would be a quarter century before anyone would look at this cake and think to make a joke about it being a lie. So I had that going for me. On the other hand, that wallpaper! Ugh.

 


 

Deus Ex: Human Revolution: First Impressions

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Aug 23, 2011

Filed under: Game Reviews 311 comments

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The videogame sections of this blog can be boiled down to a single long, frustrated lament at everything that’s been going wrong in the industry. I’m sure all of this will sound familiar to you: Gameplay has gotten simpler, games have gotten shorter, stories have gotten dumber*, and DRM has evolved into new and increasingly hideous forms with each passing year. Art styles have become muddled and brown, and terrifying sums of money have been spent on an army of bump-mapped, motion-captured, Uncanny Valley denizens who have dialog that is too stupid for human ears. It would be one thing if this vexing of consumers and murder of quality was being perpetrated in pursuit of some money. I can understand that, even if I don’t respect it. But for all of the damage we’ve witnessed, studios are going out of business and big-budget titles are losing money.

* Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that smart games have become rarer. In either case, it’s dragging down the average IQ of gaming.

As I’ve staggered through this wreckage, taking notes and pointing out the egregious failures that have brought us here, I have struggled to figure out which part of this mess infuriates me the most. Probably DRM. But a close second is the recent habit of taking old beloved franchises, hollowing them out, stuffing them full of crap, and selling them to the hapless fans of the original. Calling BioShock a “spiritual successor” to the open-ended, skillpoint-building, free-roaming, exploration-driven, cyberpunk-flavored System Shock 2 was probably the worst example of this. A close second would be whatever this THING is that they’re hilariously calling “XCOM”. This is an awful practice, and I am not amused.

Which brings us to this, a revival of the beloved classic Deus Ex, a game from another era. Before sticky cover, before bump mapping, before crazy DRM, before console-driven simplification, before the Brown Age. The only question in my mind was, “Just how badly can they mangle this masterpiece and still call it Deus Ex with a straight face?”

You can see what this game will be like without even installing it: The entire world will be the color of a dirty gun, comprised mostly of closet-sized military installations. Five minutes into the game you’ll meet a complete jackass who is wearing a sign saying, “HI. I’M THE BAD GUY. YOU WILL FIGHT ME AT THE END.” The moral choices (if any) will boil down to “rescue kitten” or “eat kitten”.

I didn’t want to be duped by this game, so I fired up the old Deus Ex and played for a couple of hours. The classic was as good as I remember, and it helped me to calibrate my expectations so that I wouldn’t be blinded by spectacle. After that palette-cleansing experience, I played three hours of Deus Ex: Human Revolution, and I think I’m ready to talk about everything this game gets wrong:

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Deus Ex: Human Revolution: First Impressions”

 


 

Spoiler Warning: Coming Soon

By Shamus Posted Monday Aug 22, 2011

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 358 comments

We haven’t worked out what game we’re doing next. I’m sure you have a game in mind, and I can promise you it has numerous drawbacks. I know this because that’s all we’ve been talking about for the last couple of weeks: “Which of these ugly scenarios is the least unpleasant?” Some games are difficult to record for technical reasons. (KOTOR) Some have severe pacing problems. (Dragon Age: Origins: The Deep Roads.) Others present logistical problems. (The timed dialog in in Alpha Protocol making it impossible to have conversations about choices because the game won’t wait for us.) Some of these problems can be solved with extensive editing, but there actually is an upper limit on how many hours a week Josh can spend on this, and it’s already a lot. Also, just about every game under consideration has at least one cast member who doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. So, it’s complicated, is what I’m saying. You’re free to shout “DO MY GAME OF CHOICE. DO IT!” in the comments below, but it will have the same impact as shouting coaching advice at the television when you’re watching your Sports Game of choice. Our problem is not lack of choices, but in weighing the various trade-offs. We need to make sure we can live with our selection for the next couple of months.

HOWEVER: While that conversation plays out, I am kind of curious why people watch the show. This question is too complex for a brute-force solution such as a poll, so here are a few questions. Answer as seems best to you:

  1. Do you enjoy the show more when we’re making jokes, or when we’re doing more analytical commentary?
  2. Do you prefer unseemly gushing (as with Half-Life 2) or unhinged ranting (as with Fallout 3)?
  3. Do you prefer to watch the show when you have played the game in question, or when you haven’t?
  4. Have you tried to watch the Fallout 3 episodes at all? Because they are broken for me, and have been for weeks.
  5. And just because I know you’ll say so anyway: What game do you wish we would do next?
 


 

Bikes!

By Shamus Posted Sunday Aug 21, 2011

Filed under: Links 46 comments

As of this writing, 1.4 million people have watched this. More people should see it, so I’m posing it here.

Danny Macaskill – Industrial Revolutions:


Link (YouTube)

Astounding. It really is amazing what human beings can learn to do.

Speaking of amazing people and bicycles, here is a really brilliant Kickstarter project:


Link (YouTube)

Makes me wish I didn’t live in sine wave country.