So, I just finished Portal 2. I’m not going to say anything about the content of the game. Don’t let anyone spoil it for you. If someone tries to tell you about the game – about any part of it – you should spin-kick them right in their face and run away with your ears covered in case they utter spoilers on their way to the floor. This applies even if the person in question is your mother, a member of the clergy, or a small child. Don’t pull your punches. I mean Kicks. Don’t pull your kicks. Well, kick, actually, I guess. Because there’s just the one. Anyway. Spin kick. Remember that.
The game was about eight hours long for me. It might be longer if you play it in sensible doses and don’t ingest the entire experience in a single all-night bender. Honesty, I can’t remember the last time I did that. The original Portal was a triumph, but Portal 2 exceeds its predecessor in every way possible. The puzzles are more diverse. The environments are fantastic, exciting, and varied. The dialog is funnier and the story more engaging. It has been said that I love to nitpick games. Maybe. But I have no nitpicks for Portal 2. At all. I can’t think of a single flaw or shortcoming in this game. (I’d fault the game for being too short and for perhaps not having enough challenging puzzles, but I haven’t even touched the multiplayer yet, and I’m sure there’s more than eight hours of brain-busters in there.)
Silent Hill Turbo HD II
I was trying to make fun of how Silent Hill had lost its way but I ended up making fun of fighting games. Whatever.
Game at the Bottom
Why spend millions on visuals that are just a distraction from the REAL game of hotbar-watching?
Marvel's Civil War
Team Cap or Team Iron Man? More importantly, what basis would you use for making that decision?
The Best of 2013
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2013.
Secret of Good Secrets
Sometimes in-game secrets are fun and sometimes they're lame. Here's why.