T w e n t y S i d e d

We’re finally here: the triumphant moment where your hero and mine, Jon Snow, is hailed as King in the North by a bunch of mostly anonymous, almost invariably bearded northern lords.

Ask yourself – if you were one of these northern lords (take a quick break to grow a three-month beard if you need to get into character), would you want Jon Snow as your King? More than that, would you upend social and political convention, and take a significant political risk, to make him your King? Let’s have a quick look at his qualifications:

No social or political status: Jon is essentially nothing. He’s not Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch anymore. He’s not a member of the Night’s Watch anymore. He’s not a Lord, or even a knight. He holds no lands or titles. He’s bastard-born. Depending on whether his new subjects believe the stories about his resurrection or notWe the viewers have no idea, since everyone on the show seems to have forgotten it happened., he could even be considered a deserter and an oathbreaker, which is punishable by death.

No leadership qualities: He made a disastrous tactical blunder in the only battle any of the northern Lords have seen him in. What’s more, up until this point his ability to inspire loyalty is most charitably described as “spotty.” Jon may have some gifts, but charisma is not one of them. He doesn’t make inspiring speeches or impassioned pleas. When trying to recruit the north to his side prior to the battle, he mostly just stood in the back and kept his mouth shut. Even the wildlings were reluctant to sign on, and according to Tormund they see Jon as some kind of god.Did they change their minds? Maybe Tormund told them about Jon’s insufficiently godlike penis, and they changed their minds.

No plan for succession: To put it mildly, the issue of succession is rather important in real-world feudalism, and has been shown to be quite important in the Westerosi version as well. Jon has no wife or children, and therefore no heir and no immediate way to make one. His children would not be Starks, and would have no legal claim to Winterfell or anywhere else. To top it all off, he swore an oath not to father any children. Is he still bound by that oath? Once again I have to wonder if the people cheering for him at Winterfell even know about his death and resurrection or not. If it were me, that’s the sort of ambiguity I would want cleared up before declaring someone my King.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Game of Thrones Griping 9: The King in the North”

Bob Case MrBtongue is the Pele of complaining about videogames and will soon be the Garrincha of complaining about TV shows. You can find his Youtube channel at youtube.com/user/MrBtongue.