A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 14: To the Peak

By The Rocketeer Posted Wednesday Apr 13, 2022

Filed under: FFXII 60 comments

Once in the courtyard of the tower, the gate shuts behind us and the party is attacked by some sort of gray-brown smear on the floor. At least, that’s what it was after the battle; I didn’t get a very good look at it beforehand, and it’s existence had no bearing on anything. I do have to ask: are we not officially ‘in’ with the Occuria at this point? If Ashe and her cronies all get eaten by a giant tortoise on the way up the Pharos, what’s the Occuria’s backup plan? Do they have any other fallen heirs of the Dynast-King to half-manipulate into preventing their traitor from assuming absolute power over Ivalician affairs? Sure, they need some way to verify it’s us climbing the Pharos and not some very lucky shipwrecked Seeq, but the door to the Pharos’ interior doesn’t even open until the Dynast-King’s heir stands in front of it, so you’d think that would be a system they could rely upon.

Fran neglects to mention how she knows the age of the message. I mean, everyone should already know because all the structures on the island are clearly ancient, but maybe radiocarbon dating is yet another unadvertised feature of the viera olfactory facilities.
Fran neglects to mention how she knows the age of the message. I mean, everyone should already know because all the structures on the island are clearly ancient, but maybe radiocarbon dating is yet another unadvertised feature of the viera olfactory facilities.

Standing before the entrance, the party stops to examine a message carved into the wall. Fran says it looks very old before reading it, but it seems the last 1,100 years has done little indeed to change the written word of Ivalice, because the grammar, spelling and diction are all indistinguishable from the party’s own. That’s lucky; if I found a note written by King Arthur in 1100 AD’s Middle English, I’d be pretty well fucked.The message is actually written in English, merely with a stylized font. The words with double letters stand out easily, in particular the signature, “In Blood, Raithwall.” Check the double-L by Fran’s elbow in the image above. The Galteans make the Al Bhed look like expert cryptographers.

The note starts off, and I’m paraphrasing here, “This tower is tall.” Eureka. Then it sermonizes for a bit: “He without power, want it not; He with power, trust it not; He with sight, heed it not. Rend illusion; cut the true path.” Ashe is content to space out and pick her nose until Fran reads that it was signed by Raithwall himself. Wait, so Raithwall thought the whole, “Hey we’re the gods, we’ll give you nukes since you’re fucking aces in our book,” deal was sort of sketchy, too? And he still went on to found a four-hundred-year golden age followed by seven hundred more years of relative peace that we’re only now just shitting up? Let’s never take that into consideration, okay, Ashe? Awesome, you’re the best.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 14: To the Peak”

 


 

Stolen Pixels #226: Chime Chime Chime

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Apr 12, 2022

Filed under: Random 26 comments

Here is another comic from 2010. A lot of my old comics are dated and not worth revisiting, but a few are probably good enough to rescue. Let me know if there are any in particular that you remember and would like to see again.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Stolen Pixels #226: Chime Chime Chime”

 


 

Diecast #378: Email Madness

By Shamus Posted Monday Apr 11, 2022

Filed under: Diecast 91 comments

Once again, I was sure the show was running long. And yet again, the resulting podcast is just under an hour. I guess I underestimate just how much ends up on the cutting room floor. Between segments Paul and I frequently stop and talk about what topic we want to jump to next. Or we pause while one of us looks up something on Google.

In my mind, these take only a few seconds. But apparently we spend five to ten minutes on this sort of stuff. Weird.



Hosts: Paul, Shamus. Episode edited by Issac.
Diecast378


Link (YouTube)

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #378: Email Madness”

 


 

A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 13: Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun

By The Rocketeer Posted Wednesday Apr 6, 2022

Filed under: FFXII 73 comments

Back in Giruvegan, the party is back in the room where they fought Shemhazai; the gate to the floating platform is forever closed now. Too bad, since we, you know, STILL DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE NETHICITE. I’m serious, even if we’re content with just using it as a blunt-force nuke crystal, how do we even do that? Do we throw it like a grenade? I can see some issues with that regarding the blast radius. Are there magic words? A dance, perhaps? At this point our only method of deploying nethicite as a weapon is to load it into one of our own airships’ engine drives and fly it into the enemy’s lines as a kamikaze superbomb. I mean, that’s not bad, but it only works once, and if we can use it as more of a deathray I think that would be a bit more efficient. I’m not hard to please.Well, I mean… Oh, fine.

Another thing the Occuria neglected to mention is where to find the Sun-Cryst. I’m sure it slipped their minds. The party looks to Fran, to see if Gerun’s flowery description stirred anything in the ol’ travelogue,Why did I not spell this here as I spell it in title of the thing? There’s a very good reason: I’m still a hack. but she comes up empty. It’s fine, I’m sure Fran’s really good at plenty of other stuff we never see.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “A Travelog of Ivalice, Part 13: Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun”

 


 

Stolen Pixels #241: Gaming Afterlife

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Apr 5, 2022

Filed under: Random 113 comments

This comic appeared on the Escapist way back in November 2010. Unlike most of my old comics, this one is still sort of visible. The navigation is broken, the comments are gone, there are missing images, and the formatting is a mess, but at least the comic is still visible. Which is good, since I think this is the most popular entry in the entire strip.

The original text was as follows:
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Stolen Pixels #241: Gaming Afterlife”

 


 

Diecast #377: Xbox Desolation

By Shamus Posted Monday Apr 4, 2022

Filed under: Diecast 71 comments

I forgot to mention it on the show, but I got a community award from Steam this week. I didn’t even know that community awards were a thing? The award also came with a prize! I received 100 Steam points, which were added to my 177,085 total. I’m rich! Or something. More details below.



Hosts: Paul, Shamus. Episode edited by Issac.
Diecast377


Link (YouTube)

Show notes: Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #377: Xbox Desolation”

 


 

FF12 Sightseeing Tour Part 12: Face the Music

By Shamus Posted Friday Apr 1, 2022

Filed under: Retrospectives 79 comments

This is the last entry in my series. But before I go, let me inflict one last gripe on you. After this, you’ll be glad to be rid of me. 

Over the years I’ve built up something of a reputation as a fussy nitpicker who hates everything and complains all the time. Sometimes I think that’s a bit unfair. I love games! I enjoy them all the time. It’s just that criticism is more spacious than praise. It takes one paragraph to describe why I like something and ten paragraphs to detail why I don’t. This results in a lot of articles that – going strictly by word count – are mostly negative. 

But today I’m going to really earn my reputation as an impossible-to-please critic. A complainer. A gripe merchant. An angry rain cloud in search of a parade. Because I’m going to dump on the one thing in this mess of a game that everyone agrees is aces.

Face The Music

Everybody loves the music. No matter how much people might bitch and moan about the characters, the plot, the themes, the gameplay, the license board, the costumes, or any of the other problem areas in this game, they always stop at the end to admit that despite all of these other problems, the music is really good. 

Everyone except me. I’m just not feeling it.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “FF12 Sightseeing Tour Part 12: Face the Music”