T w e n t y S i d e d
Dear fellow Netflix customers,
I know that steel wool DVD cozy you saw at Wal-Mart was a real bargain, but please stop using it.
Thanks,
Shamus Young
Seven Springs, Part One
This is a true story. Bits of it are kind of strange, but I’m not making this up.
My memory of this time is a bit grainy. The tracking is off and I’ve taped over parts of it. I’ve forgotten the names of nearly everyone, and for the sake of the story I’ve filled in those names with inaccurate replacements. Other names have been changed for the usual reasons. But all of the key details are true.
Part One: Naked Girls and A Hotel-Sized Prank.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Seven Springs, Part One”
I have to go Wii
Stipulated: The title of this post is hopelessly lame and grounds for a beating. My hope is that the effort required to track me down and administer said beating will discourage you from doing so.
Fledge has a post talking about why he plans on getting a Wii. Yeah. Everthing he said.
To which I add: The price of the Xbox and PS3 put them way, way out of my reach. The prices hover somewhere between comedy and robbery. I know they are packed with magical hardware that can make the best darn pixels you’ve ever seen, and I’ve heard one of them contains a Blu-Ray matrix reportedly stolen right from the holodeck of the Enterprise, but at the root of it the thing is still a toy, and I can’t think about spending that much for a toy.
He mentions the educational benefits of the system. I would add that the thing is also good for motivating kids to learn to read. We have a Gamecube now, and I’m very pleased with it. My girls (now six and eight) very much wanted to read what was being said to them in games like Animal Crossing. Many, many times I heard, “Can I get / play this game daddy?” to which I would reply, “Once you can read it.” My six year old will sit there for quite a while trying parse what the characters are saying to her in Mario Sunshine. She wants to read it, and she works a it of her own free will, and thinks of that as playtime.
Having a large library of family-friendly games helps as well. I’d rather she learn to read stuff like, “Press B to be my friend” as opposed to “Press triangle to perform a disembowel move.” Not that I have anything against games which engage in a little disemboweling. I have many such games like that which I enjoy very much. But if I’m going to get one of these toys I like to make sure it has games for everyone to play.
So, I can pay $600 for a toy for myself, or I can spend $250 for a toy for the whole family. There is just no contest here.
I worry that the PS3 and XBox will find themselves fighting over the narrow hardcore gamer market. Add to this the shortages of their systems at launch, and it looks like the Wii is ready to kick butt. I could be wrong, but either way it will be fascinating to see how these systems do over the Christmas season.
Spamusement
In the comments of this post, BeckoningChasm points us to Spamusement, a webcomic that takes the titles of email spam and turns them into amusing cartoons. We’ve all seen emails with stupid titles like “It’s cheating, but it works!“, or “Your Life Ins. Company PRAYS you will NEVER SEE this“
Brilliant stuff. A few of my favorites so far:
Women change your life
Personalized Letters from Santa
Amazing Software Types While You Talk
And the best for last:
DM of the Rings XXXII:
Fire Safety
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Scrapland
I’m milling around the mall today and I spot Scrapland in the bargain bin for $4.99. I’m thinking to myself: I avoided this game on purpose when it was new. Why was that again? Annoying missions? Erm. Dumb plot? I don’t think so. Ah well, you can’t go wrong for a fiver. Even if it sucks.
I get it home and make with the installing. Once it’s all done I try to run the game. It says I need to reboot to finish installing the “Protection System”. Ah DANGIT!
Now I remember why I’d been avoiding it. Now it’s too late.
Note to American McGee and the goofs at Enlight software: Nobody wants to steal your lackluster game. Get over yourselves.
DM of the Rings XXXI:
Familiar Lamentations
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Players are always in a hurry to reach town. Once there, they will be in even more of a hurry to leave.
From The Archives:
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Bad and Wrong Music Lessons
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Trekrospective
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The Biggest Game Ever
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The Gameplay is the Story
Some advice to game developers on how to stop ruining good stories with bad cutscenes.
Stop Asking Me to Play Dark Souls!
An unhinged rant where I maybe slightly over-reacted to the water torture of Souls evangelism.
Silver Sable Sucks
This version of Silver Sable is poorly designed, horribly written, and placed in the game for all the wrong reasons.
Secret of Good Secrets
Sometimes in-game secrets are fun and sometimes they're lame. Here's why.
What is Piracy?
It seems like a simple question, but it turns out everyone has a different idea of right and wrong in the digital world.