Stolen Pixels #43:
Silent Hill Homecoming:
Down is the new Up
To the person in charge of the inputs in Silent Hill Homecoming:
Dear Sir,
You are a mountebank and an idiot. Whoever gave you command of a compiler did a grave disservice not just to your software product, but to the industry as a whole. I am referring, of course, to the blatant and willful omission of a feature to allow the user to invert the y-axis, so that pressing forward results in looking down, and contrary-wise, pulling back will result in looking up. This is a feature offered by every other such product you might care to name, including all of the previous works bearing the "Silent Hill" moniker. I have spent several hours in a state of constant agitation because I cannot comfortably make use of your softwares.
I can only conclude this was an act of calculated malice, the work of an eager and spiteful reprobate. The effort required to multiply the y-axis by negative one is childishly trivial compared to the effort required to overcome eighteen years of muscle memory, which is what it seems you're asking me to do in order to play your video amusement product.
And do not attempt to claim that this was merely an oversight. You clearly offer the option to invert said axis whilst aiming. Thus you are aware of the need for this feature. I can make the controls behave the way I desire during combat, but not during the course of the rest of the experience. I cannot fathom the intent - save malice - that led to this state of affairs. Why would I want to reverse the behavior of one, and not the other? The only thing worse than having the controls work backwards all the time is to have them work backwards only most of the time, and then have them switch once again when the I am under the duress and challenge of combat.
What truly appalls me is not the contempt you have for me, which is palpable enough, but the contempt you show for your own work. Have you no honor? No shame? No basic sense of propriety? You sir, are a villain.
Do not imagine this is the end of this matter. You have not tasted the fullness of my wrath. Indeed, but have not even sampled a tithe of it. Pray you do not encounter me in the flesh, for as surely as I have spent the last three hours spinning in place and staring at the ceiling in your video entertainment product, I will teach you to fear justice the way the wicked things beneath the earth fear the sun itself.
Indignantly,
Shamus Young
Tomb Raider Underworld Reviews
In a phone call from publisher Eidos to a game review site:
They (Eidos) came out later and tried to put a good face on things, which was a fumbling attempt to convince us we didn’t see what we just saw. I mean, who are you going to believe, us, or what we said yesterday?
That is to say: We would just like the reviewers to hold off doing their jobs until we can fleece their readers.
Continue reading 〉〉 “Tomb Raider Underworld Reviews”
XKCD – Sleet
Today’s XKCD hits home for me:
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My wife is actually a good sport about it, though. Actually, I guess all of you are.
Did you know that the upcoming PC version of Dragon Age: Origins is going to require a sample of human blood before the game will launch? I heard the collector’s edition comes with a special “dragon’s tooth” thumbtack just for this purpose. Their original plan called for the blood of a virgin girl under the age of 17, but they backed off from that and will now accept blood from anyone.
Yay freedom! Let the reconciliation begin.
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
Stolen Pixels #42: Growing Pains
Happy Thanksgiving
Thankful for: A day off. Whew.
I’m not so much looking forward to tomorrow, national Take Stuff for Granted Day.
For those that are celebrating, I hope you have a great one.
Crysis 2
Crysis 2 has basically the same plot as Half-Life 2. So why is one a classic and the other simply obnoxious and tiresome?
Dear Hollywood: Do a Mash Reboot
Since we're rebooting everything, MASH will probably come up eventually. Here are some casting suggestions.
PC Gaming Golden Age
It's not a legend. It was real. There was a time before DLC. Before DRM. Before crappy ports. It was glorious.
Trashing the Heap
What does it mean when a program crashes, and why does it happen?
Please Help I Can’t Stop Playing Cities: Skylines
What makes this borderline indie title so much better than the AAA juggernauts that came before?
What Does a Robot Want?
No, self-aware robots aren't going to turn on us, Skynet-style. Not unless we designed them to.
Fixing Match 3
For one of the most popular casual games in existence, Match 3 is actually really broken. Until one developer fixed it.
Deus Ex and The Treachery of Labels
Deus Ex Mankind Divided was a clumsy, tone-deaf allegory that thought it was clever, and it managed to annoy people of all political stripes.
Hardware Review
So what happens when a SOFTWARE engineer tries to review hardware? This. This happens.
The Best of 2012
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2012.
T w e n t y S i d e d
