Stolen Pixels #74: The Business Plan

By Shamus
on Mar 20, 2009
Filed under:
Column

Here is my final comic on Saints Row.

This game, being a roaring cauldron of mayhem and nonsense, left me little room for parody. This is a shame, since the game includes a wonderful system that lets you re-watch any cutscene or re-play any mission, any time you like. This is in contrast to games like Mass Effect, where I’d make new saves regularly as I progressed through the thing, but still found myself an hour away from the required plot point whenever I thought of a joke. I wish I could have put the Saints Row replay feature to more use, but making fun of a game that refuses to take itself seriously is uphill work. I’ve done what I can with the raw materials at hand. Hopefully the droplets of humor I was able to wring from this stone were rewarding enough to justify the time spent clicking on the link.

Because if not, I will be obliged to shoot you in the face and blow up a few city blocks.

See? It’s hard to know where to go for a joke after a setup like that.

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1414 comments. (Fourteen is the sum of the first three squares.)

From the Archives:

  1. Krellen says:

    Anarchists never seem to think these things through. They have awesome outfits, though.

  2. Kerin says:

    Fneh. Mass Effect is something like $20 on Steam and I’m tempted, but.

    it’s Goddamn Mass Effect.

    As for Saints Row, I heard it fared pretty badly on the PC conversion. Although maybe it would be difficult to do worse than GTAIV.

  3. LintMan says:

    The “Walmart” crack at the end really got a good laugh out of me.

    @Kerin: Now that Mass Effect is on Steam and free of the “limited installations” DRM BS, I’ve been eyeballing it. But I’m hoping it’ll show up in a Steam weekend sale for 40% off or something (getting it for $12 would be sweet), and I have other games to play, so it can wait.

  4. Sydney says:

    I’m with LintMan. I saw your comic’s punchline coming a mile away – but the sidebar comment made me laugh.

  5. lebkin says:

    Nothing like a good jab at Wal-mart to get a chuckle out of me. Well done.

  6. Primogenitor says:

    Mass Effect isn’t on Steam in the UK, nor saints row 2 last time I checked.

  7. Jos says:

    I agree. The “replay-whatever-mission-you-feel-like” feature is pretty nifty.

    The missions I replay most are the Samedi mission where you have to blow up that drug farm from a helicopter simply because it’s sometimes fun to just blow stuff up without fear of retaliation and the Samedi mission where you and Pierce chase a bunch of helicopters all over the city, partly because Pierce crooning along with his favourite carjacking music is just that funny.

    Oh, and then there’s that mission where you have to rush a wounded Johnny Gat to the hospital. Because everything about that mission is awesome. Especially the opening scene.

  8. SatansBestBuddy says:

    I don’t know why, but I have this odd feeling that you’d like making comics for Alone in the Dark.

    Has something to do with that games skip feature.

    I dunno, might have just been something I ate, oh, wait, I haven’t eaten yet…

  9. Zel says:

    @Kerin : as a console port, it’s difficult to do worse than GTA4, but it is possible ! To convince yourself, by all means pick up Saints Row 2 for PC. If you’re just looking for some fun gameplay, choose one of the console versions, check if there’s been any huge patch released (when I sold it in mid February the game still required a lot of work), or search for another game.

  10. /stroke ego
    Brilliance, as always!

    /preventative measure
    But don’t get a big head about it!

    /insert Beavis & Butthead reference
    Huhuhuhuh! He said “big head”, huhuh.

  11. Kerin says:

    @Zel:

    I’m a gamer who… doesn’t have a console?

    Yeah, I know.

    Will keep that in mind, though – thanks. ;)

  12. Zel says:

    I don’t either (assuming PS2 doesn’t count, as new releases are pretty rare on this platform), which is why I picked up SR2 for PC.

    As I said, there may have been a major patch fixing things since, but unless there is I really suggest you look for another game. I actually had to crack the game to bypass the steam activation, to ensure that I’ll be able to sell it back, so it may have been this modified code screwing things up. However, according to the game’s forum I was not alone in the nightmare.

    As far as issues goes, it mostly had to do with very poor performance, constant stuttering during driving making it impossible, and bad gamepad compatibility (only the Xbox360’s controller will work). If you can look past that, you’ll be fine.

  13. Kerin says:

    @Zel: Sell it back?

    How the-

  14. Zel says:

    I meant selling it second-hand after I’ve played through. English is not my native language, sorry if I’ve been confusing.

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