T w e n t y S i d e d

Thanks to Chris for editing these episodes while Josh was recovering from… whatever.

Also, that thing that Rutskarn does at the start of the episode where he narrates generic cop-man thoughts? I’m pretty sure there’s no upper limit to how much of that I could listen to.

The story in this game is so hilariously at odds with the gameplay that I’m actually angry at them for playing it this straight. Even if the player arrested every possible suspect and only shot when they really needed to, the scene would still end with an explosive chase scene. It’s just absurd to have Dawes show up at the very end of that chase and complain that the suspect’s face was bruised. We’re supposed to be worried about Kai, but there’s no way she could possibly be responsible for as much damage as the player.

So Officer Mendoza… I see here on your report that you – and stop me if I’m reading this wrong – gunned down 12 men and did tens of thousands of dollars of damage to a hotel lobby. Then you took an automatic weapon from the crime scene and used it to kill another half dozen men in a public place. After which you stole a civilian vehicle and initiated a chase which caused five explosions, the death of ten more people, and the destruction of untold city property, including a construction trailer. Also you allege that Officer Kai punched a suspect and hit him with a lightweight wastepaper basket? Based on your report, we’re giving her a two day paid suspension, and you’re sentenced to fifty years in the electric chair.

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.

Josh was sick this week so we couldn’t continue our Absolution playthrough. Instead…

The common defense is that criticizing the story parts of a COD or Battlefield game is like critiquing the story parts of a porno: You’re missing the point. But if a porno spent over half its budget and a third of its running time on story parts, and if they hired AAA actors to be in it? Yeah, I think that’s worth a critical look. If the story doesn’t matter, why spend so much money on it? And if you spend THAT MUCH money on it, why can’t you make it good? And if you can’t make it good, why spend so much of the audience’s time on it?

I like the criminal chatter behind the door before you bust into the room. But then you kick open the door and everyone is clearly sitting down and making no effort to do the things they shouted. I like that you can arrest people instead of murdering them. But then one person pops out of the bathroom and you somehow end up murdering everyone anyway, including the people who were cuffed on the floor? And the table disintegrates? Then we need to gather evidence, but instead we trample on all the bodies and evidence before having the magic teleporting car chase.

It’s like there was one game designer who wanted to make this game grounded and interesting, and another developer who was a hyperactive 12 year old, and they took turns designing the game.

Sure is pretty, though.

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.