T w e n t y S i d e d
Unfit for XCOMmand: The True Story of Humanity’s Last Disappointment
by Rachel Kennedy (Soldier, Rookie Class)
Intro: Welcome Back, Dumbass
Somewhere in an ass-stinking dark room, some tool is writing history.
Why do people do that under normal, non-apocalyptic circumstances? I don’t know. But lately the idea is starting to catch on that history’s a big old train track headed for a big old cliff with cartoon heaps of dynamite at the bottom, and to a certain introspective, posterity-minded individual, this imminent disaster is an opportunity. If any random record of these days might become the final record, any author might–by virtue of not being dead or in a camp somewhere–fall ass-backwards into being the Herodotus of our generation. So suddenly all the jerks who in a gentler time would inflict nothing worse than coffeehouse poetry on humanity are, instead, taking it on themselves to write the final musings of a dying species.
Why does this make me angry? Well, for starters, I’m just angry a lot these days. I considered therapy, but since that currently involves a ridged alien brain-worm and six months of re-education, I’ve instead elected to shoot a lot of aliens in the fucking face. And since that’s a part time job, it’s left me plenty of time for retrospection, and one thing I’m not proud to figure out is this: I’m not angry because people are writing history, I’m angry because I’m sure they’re all getting it wrong. The more I involve myself with the revolution, the more certain I feel that I’m the only person out here who hasn’t lost her damn mind.
So now we’re back to that ass-stinking dark room I mentioned. It stinks like ass because it’s a canteen on a busted sky-submarine full of breaking systems and relentlessly exercising grunts. It’s dark because there are no windows and few working lightbulbs. And yes, there’s a tool writing history in it, and it turns out that tool is me. So let’s get Herodotusing.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Unfit for XCOMmand Intro: Welcome Back, Dumbass”
