T w e n t y S i d e d
I’m probably going to pick it up, just because a-list games without a bunch of reprehensible online activation crap are getting scarce, although this kind of thing drives me nuts.
Idiots.
Unreal Tournament 3:
First and Last Impressions
I picked up UT3 a couple of weeks ago. I’d just finished it when Guild Wars fell into my hands, and I never got around to writing about it. I suppose I could save all of us a lot of time by just saying it sucks, but part of how we do business here is to catalog how things suck, a process which begins now:
Mark Twain famously took a version of his story “The Jumping Frog”, which had been translated into French, and translated it back into English. The translation from English to French to English again results in rich comedic nonsense. This is not unlike what we find with Unreal Tournament 3, which seems to have been ported from the PC to the Playstation 3 and back again.
The interface is a warren of festering idiocy. The game begins with what feels like a half dozen splash screens and ads, meaning you have to bang away at the ESC key repeatedly to get to the menu where you can log in. This is step one, meaning it happens before you decide if you’re going to play single or multi-player. You can choose not to log in, but you still have to deal with the login screen either way.
If you play the single-player campaign, you can only play the currently unlocked mission. If you go back and re-play one from earlier in the game, it will overwrite your one and only save game and you will be reset to that earlier part of the game. I should point out that UT99, the nine-year-old original in this series, could cope with replaying old missions without doing anything this stupid. Even the PS3 is no longer limited by “slots” on a memory card. We got these fancy newfangled hard-drive thingies, and there is no reason for the game to do this.
The game always, always pops up a warning about how my network might be mis-configured when I’m starting a single player game. I always have to mouse over and click “ok”.
Taking a cue from the worst parts of Vista, the game is constantly throwing up popups to the effect of, “Are you sure you want to do that thing you just did?” You cannot disable these. You just have to keep clicking “ok”. Every. Damn. Time. Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Unreal Tournament 3:
First and Last Impressions”
BioShock: DRM Forever
Ok, I need to straighten this out. I keep hearing about how 2kGames “removed the DRM from BioShock”. Kotaku, and others keep repeating this. Just to be clear: 2kGames has not removed the DRM at all. SecuROM is still there. The need for online activation is still there. All they have done is allow you to install as many times as you want. Big deal.
Ken Levine promised – on behalf of 2kGames, sort of, that online activation would be removed. I was looking forward to that. But our old friend 2kElizabeth delivers the awful truth:
As I promised that the activation limits would go away, I can promise that if we ever stop supporting BioShock in the ways you speak of, we will release a patch so that the game is still playable. I believe, as you seem to, that BioShock will be the kind of game we will want to revisit 5, 10, 15 or more years from now. I want my copy to be playable, just as you do, and so does 2K.
No you won’t, you clueless mouthpiece.
This is not something to cheer about. What they have announced here is that they aren’t going to remove the DRM. They have, in fact, announced that they are keeping this septic idiocy, forever.
There is a version of the game available that doesn’t have SecuROM or online activation. It’s the version the pirates put out, months ago. I was really hoping they would keep their word and remove the need for online activation, because I really wanted to pay them money and play the game.
WoW: LFG
I’ve played on several servers, both Horde and Alliance. I’ve started several characters and met quite a few people. It’s been fun, and now that I’ve taken that first big draught I think I know enough to pick a home and focus on just a few characters. (Having only one character? Are you mad?) I’ve found a server where I’m happy, Alliance-side. (Kirin Tor.) Now I’m looking for something Horde side. Here is what I’m interested in:
- Roleplaying server – It’s like a magical idiot filter!
- Non-PvP – I’m a builder, not a competitor.
- Something with a nice mature guild of people that can let me join and who can tolerate the endless onslaught of newbie questions.
On Kirin Tor, I’ve joined the Pig & Whistle Society, who have all endured my child-like fountain of questions with admirable patience. I’m looking for something similar Horde side.
Just my notes on what I plan to write on this game cover a page. I was planning to do a new MMO every couple of weeks, but there is no way I can get a handle on WoW in that timeframe.
The Beginning of The End
I have now acquired the tool through which I may orchestrate my own undoing. Behold, and despair:
 |
After about four years of people badgering me to try this game, it’s finally happening. Every time I complain about an RPG I hear “You should try WoW”. Well, now I’m trying it. If it’s as addictive as people claim, then this website is probably doomed. Savor this post. It might be sitting here for a while.
I still can’t say much about the sudden change of heart in regards to MMO games, but it is related to the comics I’ll have coming out in a few weeks. And no, it’s nothing to do with the WoW comic contest. I’d enter that, but I’m not sure my particular brand of humor will tickle the funnybones inside of Blizzard when I aim it in their direction.
Joining this game is proving to be tougher than I anticipated. In Wow I have several people I consider to be personal friends who I’d like to play with, but none of them are on the same server. So choosing a server means, in effect, choosing between my friends. I suppose this is an appropriate beginning to a game famous for destroying friendships and ending marriages.
Guild Wars:
Gameplay
Let’s break Guild Wars (Prophesies) down into its distinct player goals and activities. You know how we do.
Story
What really sets Guild Wars apart from other MMO games (or whatever we’re calling this thing) is the fact that it even has a story at all. Most MMOs don’t have stories, they have settings. They have an initial state or premise that provides conflict, and you participate in that conflict, forever. (Or until you cancel.) But here we have a story that allows player actions to impact the world itself. The world undergoes drastic changes as the player moves forward, and they are a major part of those changes.
The story here is surprising in how conventional it is. This is a world of fantastic magic, but the conflict portrayed isn’t against some extra-dimensional evil from beyond the nether that threatens the very fabric of reality. It’s pretty much just a war. It’s a war that goes quite badly for the good guys at first, but in the mid stages of the game they aren’t telegraphing a coming conflict with one guy who is behind the whole thing. There doesn’t seem to be a rift that needs closing by a lone hero. No gathering up of the seven shards of awesome holy problem-fixing. No necromancer to kill so that his whole army will collapse into dust and then daises and sunshine appear. No chosen one. And strangely enough, no Prophesies. (Yet.) It’s just a war where the enemy got hold of a tactical advantage (a new magic that lets them fireball a city at a distance) and the good guys are forced to take a beating until they can come up with a way to counter it. Perhaps the story will pick up on one of the more familiar tropes once things get a little further (I’m nowhere near done with the game, and it is called prophesies after all) but for now I’m enjoying the novelty of a story that doesn’t start with the chosen one and end with the defeat of Baron Von Badass.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Guild Wars:
Gameplay”
My Comment on a Comment on Your Comments
This is the nicest compliment I’ve seen in weeks. Someone linked to one of my posts on Hellgate: London, and the second person in the comments has this to say:
The strangest thing about that article is the comments… comment after comment of coherent English and paragraphs.
I rarely draw attention to this, lest I upset whatever alchemy has created this rare oasis of wit and civility. The comments on this site stand in stark contrast to the childishness and idiocy that flourishes elsewhere on the net. I know it, and I know I’m fortunate in this regard.
It would be arrogant to the extreme for me to try and take credit for the quality of the comments on the site. (Aside from, you know, the ones I wrote. In which case I must accept both credit and blame.) As much as I’d like to believe that my writing has drawn in an unnaturally rich supply of clever people, I know the truth is that I’m in debt to all the nice people who take their time to be thoughtful, articulate, and witty in the comments.
For this you have my heartfelt thanks.
From The Archives:
Stolen Pixels
A screencap comic that poked fun at videogames and the industry. The comic has ended, but there's plenty of archives for you to binge on.
Why Batman Can't Kill
His problem isn't that he's dumb, the problem is that he bends the world he inhabits.
Zenimax vs. Facebook
This series explores the troubled history of VR and the strange lawsuit between Zenimax publishing and Facebook.
Borderlands Series
A look at the main Borderlands games. What works, what doesn't, and where the series can go from here.
Please Help I Can’t Stop Playing Cities: Skylines
What makes this borderline indie title so much better than the AAA juggernauts that came before?
Project Button Masher
I teach myself music composition by imitating the style of various videogame soundtracks. How did it turn out? Listen for yourself.
Steam Summer Blues
This mess of dross, confusion, and terrible UI design is the storefront the big publishers couldn't beat? Amazing.
Push the Button!
Scenes from Half-Life 2:Episode 2, showing Gordon Freeman being a jerk.
Spec Ops: The Line
A videogame that judges its audience, criticizes its genre, and hates its premise. How did this thing get made?
Are Lootboxes Gambling?
Obviously they are. Right? Actually, is this another one of those sneaky hard-to-define things?