T w e n t y S i d e d
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You Could Get a Splinter”
DM of the Rings XCV:
You Could Get a Splinter
You Could Get a Splinter”
DM of the Rings XCV:
You Could Get a Splinter”
My last post
Jay tagged me to participate this this meme. The idea is thus: Bloggers: The blogosphere is coming to an end. You have one last post. What is it going to be? What is the final summary of your blog? What is the one last gem that you want to leave with your readers? Urban Monk, the originator of the meme, is also bribing us by promising to donate to charity based on participation, but I wouldn’t be doing this if it didn’t amuse me.
So here it is, my final post, my secret revealed:
hi stupids who wastid all your time reedin this lame sight for all this years i cant believe u fell 4 it. i was never a good righter i just have a good spell chekar and say stupid stuff and everybody laugh your all so dumb to fall for it while i was busy laffin at you for reading this dumb site and my comic. i stole all my jokes from OOTS and screenshots from the movies i pirated and you thot i was funny. ha ha jokes on u. i used all the $$$ i made from u clickin on my goggle ads and boght a huge hummer and now im gonna drive around the contry at 30mph so next time your stuck in trafic thank of me ha ha!
i cant belief u thot i leik those stupid RPG games and anime its so gay. thanks for cliking on my ads suckers oh yeah please click a few more times i want 2 get a tv instaled on the dashboard so i can play halo while ur stuck behind me lol.
I’m not going to tag anyone. If writing a “last post” tickles your fancy, then please go for it. It’s for a good cause. (My hummer.)
Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones: Ending
After heaping shame on the game because I wasn’t ready to work for the ending, I realized someone probably already had it on YouTube. Sure enough:
Spoilers. (Duh.)
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones: Ending”
Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones
Wherein I lambast a beloved and well-reviewed game. Read on for my own special brand of heresy…
I loved Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. It was an incredible game with great characters, a fun story, and excellent gameplay. It would have been a brutal, merciless slog of instant-death jumping puzzles if not for the key feature that made me love the game: You can rewind the last five seconds or so of action, letting you correct a missed jump or bad step without enduring the punishment of replaying the entire level over from the start.
The pace of the game is much to my liking. Instead of a mad dash, the game lets you pause and check out the scenery, admire the view, and puzzle your way through as to how in the heck you can ascend some massive crumbling tower or descend into a deep chasm without breaking your neck. Can I make that jump? Looks pretty far. I’ll try it. If I misjudge, I’ll rewind and look for another way. It was a game which encouraged experimentation instead of punishing it. In a perfect world this sort of thing would be the rule, not the exception.
This weekend I finished with the (second) sequel, Prince of Persia: Two Thrones…
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones”
The Latest Technology
In 1939, even animation studios looked like factories. The job must have been hard on the back.
That poor guy, hammering away for hours to make a couple of seconds of wobbly video. Imagine if you could sit him down in front of a PC and show him Flash. A week of work in twenty minutes.
DM of the Rings XCIV:
For The Shorties
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For The Shorties”
Farewell, Jimmy
The remains of James Doohan, along with those of about 200 other people, are being launched into space. I hope the launch goes well. The last one (which I don’t think had any remains) spiraled out of control about nine seconds after liftoff and crashed. It would be really bad if the same happened with this one.
Also, maybe some space buffs can help me out here, because I just don’t get it: The article says that the remains “will sail into suborbital space aboard a rocket launched from the southern New Mexico desert.” Um. If it’s sub-orbital, then how in the name of Spock’s Beard is the thing supposed to stay up there? Is the goal to just send the remains up and have them fall down again? Is the idea to send it up and then let it smack into the atmosphere and disintegrate? Did this reporter screw up? Is it possible to orbit from sub-orbital space, and if so, then why is it called that?
From The Archives:
Quakecon 2012 Annotated
An interesting but technically dense talk about gaming technology. I translate it for the non-coders.
Programming Vexations
Here is a 13 part series where I talk about programming games, programming languages, and programming problems.
This Scene Breaks a Character
Small changes to the animations can have a huge impact on how the audience interprets a scene.
DM of the Rings
Both a celebration and an evisceration of tabletop roleplaying games, by twisting the Lord of the Rings films into a D&D game.
Diablo III Retrospective
We were so upset by the server problems and real money auction that we overlooked just how terrible everything else is.
Game at the Bottom
Why spend millions on visuals that are just a distraction from the REAL game of hotbar-watching?
The Disappointment Engine
No Man's Sky is a game seemingly engineered to create a cycle of anticipation and disappointment.
Programming Language for Games
Game developer Jon Blow is making a programming language just for games. Why is he doing this, and what will it mean for game development?
The Best of 2018
I called 2018 "The Year of Good News". Here is a list of the games I thought were interesting or worth talking about that year.
The Dumbest Cutscene
This is it. This is the dumbest cutscene ever created for a AAA game. It's so bad it's simultaneously hilarious and painful. This is "The Room" of video game cutscenes.