T w e n t y S i d e d
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “DM of the Rings CXXXIV:
Hold Your Horses”
DM of the Rings CXXXIV:
Spy vs. Spy
This morning I saw a link to a news item: Tips from a former CIA spy on protecting your ID. That is about the coolest topic for a news article I’ve ever heard. I’m sure the real thing is full of obvious advice, but imagine how it could be:
Tips from a former CIA spy on protecting your ID, awesome version:
- When assessing the threat of identity theft, first find the country of origin of the thief. You don’t want to cause an international incident by operating against a “friendly” country.
- Determine the nature of the theft. Did the person use plastic surgery to duplicate your appearance? Have they erased your memories? Are they attempting to live a normal life with your family while government assassins chase you all over Europe? Are they using your iTunes account to download a bunch of embarrassing crap you’d never listen to in a million years?
- Once you know the location of the individual or organization who has stolen your identity, be sure to take action quickly. It’s easy to say, ” Who cares? I have a half dozen other identities in my emergency drop”, but keep in mind that you (and your controlling government) may be held liable for any kills they perform while masquerading as you.
- Once action is green-lit, you want to make sure you can confirm the kill. Don’t settle for knocking his car over a cliff during a high-speed chase, where it explodes in a huge fireball, because you just know he’ll somehow show up again later, only with a bunch more guys and even more resources.
- That female agent you keep running into “by chance”, who knows your every move and you can’t tell whose side she’s on? Here’s a hint: Probably not your side, genius.
- Trust no-one. Remember, if they can steal your identity, they can steal anyone’s. Even the president’s. Especially the president’s.
- If you’re stumped for clues, pay a visit to your friend the computer hacker. They can probably get your case back on track by being eccentric and typing really fast.
- Do try to keep your informants safe. The Enemy just loves to kill civilians right before they reveal critical pieces of information.
- Who is behind this? How deep does the conspiracy go? How far are you willing to go for the truth? All the way? Good. Then you’re probably going to need a sniper rifle. And hand grenades. And the help of an old partner who retired years ago when he realized things weren’t as black-and-white as he thought and he couldn’t tell the good guys from the bad guys anymore, but who still owes you one for that one thing you did for him in Belfast.
Also, you’ll need a helicopter.
- And finally, when you go to one of those MySpace pages that asks you to re-enter your name and password so you can see the “adult” pictures in some chick’s profile, don’t fall for it. It’s just a trick to steal your MySpace account. Not that this has happened to me or any of the other agents. I’m just saying those little bastards are devious and if I catch them, I’m going to use some interrogation techniques I picked up that one time I was captured in Sri Lanka.
DM of the Rings CXXXIII:
Strategifications
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “DM of the Rings CXXXIII:
Strategifications”
DM of the Rings CXXXII:
Wheels Within Wheels, Man
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “DM of the Rings CXXXII:
Wheels Within Wheels, Man”
Insert Smiley
In regards to yesterday’s post wherein I “defended” those “lazy Americans”. A couple of people jumped in and reacted as though I really was boiling with rage. The post was intended with a light-hearted tone. I thought that came through pretty clearly in the original post, but in case it didn’t: I wasn’t upset in the least, and I’m still not. I wasn’t REALLY offended by anything. I saw a couple of comments along the lines of “lazy Americans” and I had some fun with them.
(Actually, now that I’m re-reading it, I think the second to last sentence – the one in italics – does sound pissed off. My bad. I’m not really upset with anyone, not even the people who DID imply the “Lazy Americans” stuff. Really, it was a fun discussion about socks.)
This is another reason I’d like to get back to a small-audience blog. I’m just not very good at big-audience stuff. I like writing rants. I probably like writing them more than anything else. But sometimes I mess up, or people missunderstand the joke or miss the humor entirely, and with a big audience this causes more angst and hurt feelings. I’m not going to pepper my rants with smileys or add a “I’m just having fun with you” disclaimer at the end. I’d rather just not post them at all.
Although, maybe this will be self-balancing: If I piss off enough people my audience will dwindle down to a size I can handle.
Sigh.
Damn foreigners.
The Next Webcomic
Thanks to Mr. Myth for this positive review of DMotR.
And while we’re on the subject of the webcomic:
Lots of people have been making suggestions here and there about what I should do next, so I can see this is something people are thinking and wondering about. In order to satisfy some of the curiosity:
- We’re probably about a month away from the end of DMotR.
- Yes, I do plan on doing another comic once DMotR has run its course.
- The next comic will be hosted elsewhere. I know some people mentioned that they won’t visit Twenty Sided if my comic is hosted elsewhere. That’s fine. The comic has more or less consumed my blog, and I’m looking forward to getting the two of them their own space. It’s sort of mortifying when I mention something like my surgery and get over a hundred comments. I feel like I’m on stage and someone has just handed me the mic, the PA system is at full volume, and I start muttering about aches and pains and the trivialities of life. Personal life stuff is small audience stuff. I can do big-audience stuff (the comic) over there, and small audience stuff here. Some people will read one, or the other, or both, or neither.
- Barring a C&D from the forces of Lawyerdom, the DMotR archives will remain on this site.
- The next webcomic will be roleplaying satire. It will not be Star Wars.
I’ll make a less weasel-ish announcement as we get closer to the end.
I’m too lazy to title this post
My post on socks from last weekend has somehow degenerated into a ridiculous conversation about “lazy Americans”, because “Americans” use clothes dryers and don’t cook food from scratch. Some people allow that Americans have a “good excuse” for using a dryer because of climate or whatever.
Using a labor-saving device makes you lazy? Let’s think about that for a second. Am I “lazy” because I use a shovel instead of moving snow with my hands? Is it lazy to use an oven instead of chopping down some trees, digging a pit, and constructing an outdoor fire? Speaking about chopping, how about these sissies who use axes and saws instead of gnawing? And don’t get me started on these people who use washing machines instead of hauling their clothes down to the river and beating on them with a rock.
Obviously, everyone’s definition of lazy is, “people who use more time-saving devices than I do.”
Of course, anytime someone begins a statement with “Americans are…” it’s a sort of warning signal that they’re probably about to unload a bunch of vague, indefensible generalizations. There are a lot of people here, you know? They’re pretty different from each other.
It’s not what time-saving devices you use that makes you lazy, it’s what you do with the time saved that makes you lazy. If you spend that time on the couch wishing someone would bring you the TV remote because it’s like, way over there, then yeah: You could probably stand to get a little more done during the day. But if you save a bunch of time and then spend that time doing doing something productive, then the charge of “lazy” is absurd. Bonus absurdity points are awarded for having the discussion on a website with a webcomic written by an American in his free time. Oh! Of course I didn’t mean you are lazy, Shamus. I was only refering to your family and everyone you’ve ever met.
I’m sorry. That’s too silly. I’m going to have to ask you to stop now.
From The Archives:
Batman: Arkham Origins
A breakdown of how this game faltered when the franchise was given to a different studio.
The Game That Ruined Me
Be careful what you learn with your muscle-memory, because it will be very hard to un-learn it.
Dear Hollywood: Do a Mash Reboot
Since we're rebooting everything, MASH will probably come up eventually. Here are some casting suggestions.
Quakecon 2011 Keynote Annotated
An interesting but technically dense talk about gaming technology. I translate it for the non-coders.
Game at the Bottom
Why spend millions on visuals that are just a distraction from the REAL game of hotbar-watching?
Another PC Golden Age?
Is it real? Is PC gaming returning to its former glory? Sort of. It's complicated.
This Game is Too Videogame-y
What's wrong with a game being "too videogameish"?
Starcraft: Bot Fight
Let's do some scripting to make the Starcraft AI fight itself, and see how smart it is. Or isn't.
What is Vulkan?
There's a new graphics API in town. What does that mean, and why do we need it?
Self-Balancing Gameplay
There's a wonderful way to balance difficulty in RPGs, and designers try to prevent it. For some reason.