Let’s do the Time Rift Again!
RIFT Beta Impressions, Part 2

By Josh Posted Tuesday Feb 15, 2011

Filed under: Game Reviews 65 comments

After making our way through character creation, Jarenth and I found ourselves in the Defiant tutorial zone, a barren, dessicated wasteland full of strange monsters just waiting to reduce your hapless avatar to a pile of ethereal goo. Which is to say the tutorial zone was full of monsters with an agro radius the size of my kitchen that all went down in about five hits. It’s probably pretty obvious that I find tutorial zones to be exquisitely boring – I don’t really know many MMO players that don’t. Still, a tutorial zone done well can be something special (I again draw to Guild Wars when I point to pre-searing Ascalon). RIFT’s… are not. I can understand the necessity of introducing new players to the game’s mechanics but for anyone who’s played an MMO there’s nothing new being introduced here, aside from a brief explanation of the soul system. The only interesting lore bits in the entire tutorial are the exposition drop you get at the very beginning and the boss battle at the very end where you step through the time portal.

Which is really a shame, because it was not until after we finally got out of the tutorial zone and into the actual world that I got a taste of the second (and much more potentially interesting) unique mechanic of RIFT.

…Well, actually I stopped playing after we got out of the tutorial zone so I could drive through a nearby Raising Cane’s and get some awesome chicken fingers but then I got a taste of RIFT’s second unique mechanic (and some awesome chicken fingers).

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Let’s do the Time Rift Again!
RIFT Beta Impressions, Part 2″

 


 

Spoiler Warning S4E37: Shepard: Master Detective

By Mumbles Posted Tuesday Feb 15, 2011

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 79 comments


Link (YouTube)

I sort of love it when games try to prove they can progress the plot without any actual combat. Forget that we’ve spent weeks watching Regina hammer her skull into the soft bellies of mercenaries, the Samara loyalty quest is different. You have to talk to people, click on stuff and listen to futuristic livejournals of sexually confused youth! All the interesting parts of being an investigator.

It’s important to note that I failed this quest three times in a row. You might be wondering why a psychotic asari wouldn’t want to melt my brain. Well, do you remember when Indiana Jones casually shoots that guy who tries to intimidate him with some sparkly sword tricks? Imagine the quest is that sword dude and I’m Indy, but I forgot my gun. Why couldn’t Shepard do what she’s good at and just solve a problem with extreme, public violence? All I wanted to do was find this woman, shoot her under the table in some scummy bar and then apologize for the mess.

That’s right, two Harrison Ford movie references. Boom.

 


 

Let’s do the Time Rift Again!
RIFT Beta Impressions, Part 1

By Josh Posted Monday Feb 14, 2011

Filed under: Game Reviews 110 comments

RIFT: Planes of Telara. I have to admit, right out the gate here, that I haven’t really been following RIFT at all. Trion Worlds even had a booth at PAX back in September, but there was so much stuff to do at PAX, and I didn’t see anything there that piqued my interest, so we didn’t visit it. This ignorance held true until about a week ago, when Jarenth, a certain Twenty Sided fan and friend of mine, tossed me a key for the RIFT closed-beta.

The one thing I did know about the game before playing it was that it had built up something of a dubious reputation of late in that one of the game’s tag-lines is “We’re not in Azeroth anymore!” despite appearing, for all intents and purposes, to be heavily derivative of WoW. Now I’m not really much of a Warcraft player; I’ve tried the free trial once or twice, but it never really grabbed me like it seems to have for so many other people. I’ve only really learned to dislike it by proxy â€" simply because so many other studios seem so intent on ripping off copying the WoW formula. Badly.

Plus, I’m kind of addicted to Guild Wars.

I think I need professional help.
I think I need professional help.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Let’s do the Time Rift Again!
RIFT Beta Impressions, Part 1″

 


 

CSI: Internet

By Shamus Posted Monday Feb 14, 2011

Filed under: Movies 168 comments

I’m aware of the whole CSI TV show craze, and the meme that sprouted up around it. I actually watched an episode of the show back when I was writing about the CSI-joke quest in World of Warcraft, just so I was familiar with the material being satirized.

However, even the WoW quest wasn’t as stupid as this:


Link (YouTube)

I realize that certain compromises are made for dramatic effect, but the very idea of examining the reflection in a person’s eye, in a photograph taken from an overhead angle, on a security camera… sigh. It would have been less immersion-breaking if they just resorted to elven magic to find the killer.


Link (YouTube)

So, a couple of detectives are surfing the internet on their mouse-less large-screen TV, when one of them realizes the website they’re looking at is being updated live. They decide they need the IP for this website. Or for someone who is updating the website. I’m not sure they know themselves. And then one of them says, “I’ll make a GUI interface using Visual Basic, see if i can track an IP Address out of this.”

Here is a cool project:

Try to list everything wrong with that conversation. It’s hard. Josh and I worked on it for a minute or two, and we were still coming up with new, ridiculous things to point out. There is so much wrongness packed in here it’s actually sort of daunting.

Of course, if she was really doing what she said she was doing, it would look like this:


Link (YouTube)

Hello? CSI? Yes, I’d like to report a crime. You see, apparently someone is stealing money from CBS. I don’t know what they look like, but I know they’re posing as a writer on a procedural crime drama. They’re writing hilarious gibberish and then making off with a paycheck at the end of the week. Catch them? No! I don’t want you to catch them. I want you to put me in contact with them. I’ve been writing stuff that’s coherent for a few years now, and I have to say it’s a lot more work and way less profitable. If you could hook me up with a job writing asspull fiction, I would really appreciate it.

 


 

Spoiler Warning Episode 100:
Probing Questions, Part 4

By Josh Posted Friday Feb 11, 2011

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 157 comments


Link (YouTube)

And so our mailbag week comes to an end. Initially I was rather concerned at the prospect of doing an entire week of probing Q&A episodes, but in the end I think it turned out alright.

Next week we should return to our normal routine of complaining bitterly about Mass Effect 2’s plot. Provided Rutskarn’s internet troubles don’t persist through the weekend anyway. Though I hear Mumbles has a sock-puppet she named “Hipster” that would be happy to fill in for a week as a guest host…

 


 

Spoiler Warning Episode 100:
Probing Questions, Part 3

By Shamus Posted Thursday Feb 10, 2011

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 127 comments


Link (YouTube)

I don’t know what sort of temporal garbage disposal we pass through every week, but every Sunday night we misplace several hours. I sign on at 9pm, hang out with the Spoiler Waring crew for an hour and a half, and then sign off again at 2:30am.

I distinctly remember us losing at least two hours to this conversation, but here is, somehow fitting into four 15-minute episodes. I don’t have any explanation for this. Perhaps a DeLorean is involved.

 


 

Post Author

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Feb 9, 2011

Filed under: Notices 106 comments

This has been on my to-do list since Josh and Mumbles began posting here. I need a quick visual way to let the reader know who wrote the post. Usually this is done in a byline, at the end, which I always thought was a bit late for that sort of trivia. I know this is causing confusion for some of you. (And me, to be honest. I’m still not used to the idea of sitting down and finding new posts on my own blog. It’s like finding new groceries in your fridge. Awesome, but disorienting.)

Having a picture of the author is obviously the way to go. I can easily pull up the avatar for the author and make it whatever size I like. We already have the author’s name at the top, but since that says “Shamus” 99.99% of the time, there’s not much reason for people to look there. Then Mumbles says something like, “As a woman, I’m offended by Shamus’ willingness to put words in my mouth!” and people read it in my voice. Suddenly it sounds like I’m [even more] schizophrenic, gender-confused, and an idiot.

Where the picture should be put? I could put it on the right of the title, opposite the category pic. I could put it beside the category pic. I could put it on another line just below the category pic. The important thing is that the header should be as compact as possible, while maintaining some sort of pretense of caring about aesthetics.

Any suggestions? Any blogs that do this properly that I might emulate?

EDIT: IT IS DONE.

I’ve made a plugin that will add the author’s icon to the beginning of every post. Except, it wasn’t that easy. I had to make it search past all the images and youtube embeds and whatever other crap might be sitting at the top of the post, and then scan down and find the first real paragraph of text. And then it has to tuck the icon in between the opening <p> and the actual first letter of prose.

But it seems to work. I might fuss very slightly with the theme, but let’s see how this shakes out. It might break some obscure old posts in my archives. Rather than inspect all of my thousands of posts manually, I’ll just wait for one of the many archive-skimmers to notice and say something.

Thanks for the feedback.