T w e n t y S i d e d
In case you are blind, or suffering from severe short-term memory loss:
The site is getting an overhaul. Things will break. Then they will work again. Then they disapper. Reappear later. Elsewhere.
So, if stuff looks all wrong, that’s why.
XBox $360
Does anyone see the obvious stupidity inherant in the XBox shortage?
MICROSOFT: The Xbox 360 is going to change the world! It’s the greatest gaming platform ever made! Everyone will want one!
GAMERS: Sounds good. How many did you build?
MICROSOFT: Ummm… eleven?
Either they suspected their platform would flop but cranked up the hype machine anyway (making them lying, short-sighted idiots) or they knew it would succeed but didn’t make enough (making them just regular idiots).
Nice one. And just in time for Christmas! Yay!
Session 8, Part 7
19th of Last Summer (Morning)
Chronicler Norvus is a human, fiftyish, with a neatly trimmed moustache and a full head of short brown hair. He is tall and narrow, and dressed in expensive robes that look odd in this rustic setting. It looks even more odd because he’s waving a bread knife around, trying to look threatening.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Session 8, Part 7”
D&D Sports
Imagine the modern world, but populated by the classic Dungeons & Dragons races: Humans, Dwarves, Elves, etc.
Now: Imagine professional sports. What races would excel at various sports? Which ones would they enjoy?
Of course, hockey would be a Dwarven sport. They already enjoy wearing lots of armor. Their large mass, durability, low center of gravity, and tolerance for low temperatures make them ideal for this game.
Rugby would be all orcs, and they would probably play to the death.
Euro-football (Soccer) is fierce, but the players are lithe and speedy. This is an Elven sport. Perhaps there would be some humans in the league, as goalies.
American football would be primarily a human sport. I can imagine some of the linemen being Orcs, but runningbacks, quarterbacks, tight ends and other positions could only be filled by humans. Dwarves are too short. And elves? They would shatter a few seconds after the snap. Okay, maybe your punter could be Elven. Now that I’ve described this, it sounds really cool.
Tennis? Elves.
Golf. Now this is a tricky one. Halflings seem like the ones most disposed to this sort of sport. It’s just their sort of thing. They would be unbeatable putters. However, their limited stature and strength will hamper their ability to drive the ball. On a par 3 you’d never beat them, but on a par 5 you could out-drive them. Hmmmm. It would be interesting. Well, more interesting than regular golf, anyway.
Baseball: This might be the most diverse of all sports in our imaginary world. I could see just about any race (aside from Dwarves) finding a position that suits them. Although, if they get rid of designated hitters, then Halflings would be screwed.
Boxing: There would be a seperate boxing title for each race. If Don King had his way, there would also be a seperate belt for every alignment and weight. So, someone would have the Orcish Heavyweight Lawful Neutral Belt and someone else would have the Elven Welterweight Chaotic Good. And good luck trying to unify those belts.
When it comes to horseracing, Halflings would make unbelieveable jockeys.
What about Gnomes? Gnomes wouldn’t play sports. Gnomes are geeks. Gnomes would work at NASA. Lawful evil ones might work at Microsoft. Chaotic good ones would work on Linux variants and obscure open-source projects on Sourceforge.
Session 8, Part 6
19th of Last Summer (Morning)
In the morning, Skeeve wakes up and heads over to the observatory at the top of the Mage’s Guild. The black cloud still clings to the northern horizon. It is a bit larger today, and can be seen by the humans without the aid of the telescope. The town is buzzing with news of this. Commoners look nervously into the sky.
Back at the inn, the others are surprised to see Eomer is back. He was nowhere to be found yesterday, and they spend some time telling him about the black cloud and the fight with the general the night before. Eomer reveals that he spent all of the previous day looking for Norvus.
A group of officials arrives at the inn to meet with the party. The officials inform them that they have been summoned to meet with the Queen! They do not need to go right away. Instead, they are to present themselves at the front gate of the Citadel when ready and they will be granted entry. Once there, they will be instructed further.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Session 8, Part 6”
GalCiv II
Check this out. It’s the webpage for the upcoming Galactic Civilizations II.
The game is in beta, and by pre-ordering you can become a beta tester. Normally being a beta tester means signing a NDA (Nondisclosure Agreement) promising not to talk about the game. I can see the reasons behind this: A beta release will usually be full of bugs and not properly balanced yet. The last thing you want is for some yo-yo to start complaining far and wide about the bugs they find. “The game crashes!” “It doesn’t support my graphics card!” “I lost my savegame!” Since many games get a bulk of their sales in the first few weeks, and since pre-release buzz has a large effect on those initial sales, the last thing you want is for problems in the beta to turn into lost sales later.
But Stardock is taking a different approach. Money quote: (Emphasis mine)
Beta testers receive the special Collector’s Edition of the game (all users who pre-order, regardless of where are entitled to it) plus they have an immense amount of influence over the course of game development based on their feedback.There’s no NDAs, if we’re not doing a good job making a fun game, you can scream it to the world! ;)
That is a very bold move. Hats off to those guys. This is a risky move, but it buys a lot of trust in my book.
The game looks good. Now, I have nothing to do with beta cooties. I get enough of that in my real job. But once this thing is polished and ready to go, I’m going to be all over it. The original is a real gem, and I have high hopes for this one.
Session 8, Part 5
18th of Last Summer (Night)
The address given by general Tarvin is well on the south side of Fol Thron. It is after dark as the party navigates the increasingly narrow and filthy streets, making their way to the appointed meeting place. They pass a number a barracks that house the portions of the Queen’s army that are currently in town and asleep. At length they come to a series of walled-in areas. Some seem to be drilling grounds (judging by the deep ruts of perfectly aligned footprints) while others are storage areas. There are very few lights in this part of town, and the darkness hampers there search for the right place.
Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Session 8, Part 5”
From The Archives:
Starcraft 2: Rush Analysis
I write a program to simulate different strategies in Starcraft 2, to see how they compare.
The Biggest Game Ever
Just how big IS No Man's Sky? What if you made a map of all of its landmass? How big would it be?
Juvenile and Proud
Yes, this game is loud, crude, childish, and stupid. But it it knows what it wants to be and nails it. And that's admirable.
Dear Hollywood: Do a Mash Reboot
Since we're rebooting everything, MASH will probably come up eventually. Here are some casting suggestions.
Push the Button!
Scenes from Half-Life 2:Episode 2, showing Gordon Freeman being a jerk.
Chainmail Bikini
A horrible, railroading, stupid, contrived, and painfully ill-conceived roleplaying campaign. All in good fun.
Top 64 Videogames
Lists of 'best games ever' are dumb and annoying. But like a self-loathing hipster I made one anyway.
Trekrospective
A look back at Star Trek, from the Original Series to the Abrams Reboot.
Was it a Hack?
A big chunk of the internet went down in October of 2016. What happened? Was it a hack?
The Best of 2012
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2012.