Knights of the Old Republic EP21: You’re Totally Ship-faced

By Shamus Posted Friday Oct 16, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 200 comments


Link (YouTube)

So let’s say you get the rights to make a “Star Wars” product, and now you need to guide your creative staff to nail the look, feel, tone, and overall style of the original three movies. What do you need? I’m not talking about worldbuilding stuff like Jedi, X-Wings, and Wookies, but more low-level art cues. Let’s assume you want to make “new” Star Wars stuff. You want new races, new planets, and new time periods, but you want the new stuff to still feel like Star Wars.

  1. “Luke NounVerber” style names.
  2. Maybe a ship named in the style of “Adjective Birdname”.
  3. Ships should be really lumpy. The original ships were made by dumping out dozens of disparate models and gluing them together to make spaceship-shaped stuff.
  4. Slender droids with quirky or eccentric personalities.
  5. Other droids that make beeping noises all the time, even though nobody understands them.
  6. Use an orchestral score. Or just recycle the original John Williams music.
  7. Robes and capes for almost everybody, regardless of climate.
  8. Building exteriors should feel kind of like the spaceships: Lumpy and irregular.
  9. Most places should look well-worn. Places should have junk laying around. Dirt on the floor. Surfaces should be scuffed and the paint should be fading. A few edges of implied water damage wouldn’t hurt. Only fascists mop the floor.
  10. Avoid mundane objects. No paper, coffee mugs, writing tools, etc.
  11. Computers are banks of blinky lights, like 1960’s Star Trek.
  12. It helps to have cables and hoses strewn around, hanging from the ceiling, and running down the walls.
  13. Rooms with four walls are bad, so break up the square room shape any way you can. Passages are tube-shaped. Slant the walls. Make lots of round rooms. Add some support columns.
  14. Trim everything with lights.

What other cues make a place feel “Star Wars”?

 


 

Knights of the Old Republic EP20: The Christmas Sith

By Shamus Posted Thursday Oct 15, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 196 comments


Link (YouTube)

We killed the sexbot in the previous episode. This ignited a debate as to what the moral thing is in this case. The bot ran off. The bot is property. What’s the right thing to do?

Clearly, Star Wars does not present droids an an oppressed underclass. The fact that they’re property is not social commentary and we’re not supposed to worry about their freedom. While I do nerdrage against George Lucas now and again, I’ve always given him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he’s NOT pro-slavery.

To reconcile this apparent contradiction, I always assumed Star Wars droids didn’t really have feelings. This is entirely headcanon on my part, but I imagine that droids don’t really feel emotions. Their apparent emotions are to make them easier to deal with for their owners. If my protocol droid is worrying and stressed, I know it’s near capacity for whatever task I’ve given it, or that it’s at risk of failing at that task. It’s just a more advanced version of giving a friendly voice to Siri. Siri isn’t alive and doesn’t actually care about me, but its creators gave it a friendly female voice because that’s nicer and more convenient than a dialog box.

The movies contradict this notion, though. At one point you see one droid being… tortured? That’s too goofy a notion for me to wrap my head around, so I usually ignore it.

But having a droid run away from its owner undercuts this idea of droids not having feelings. Clearly if a droid is going against the will of its owner you can’t argue that the “emotions” are just cosmetic.

On the OTHER hand, if you pay attention to what the droid says, it’s clear the droid is actually trying to kill itself for the benefit of its master. It has concluded that she’s delusional, neurotic, crazy, or whatever. It’s destroying itself in hopes that she will move on. Presumably if she were better balanced the droid would be content to hang around and give her all the robo-sex she wanted?

But who knows? Star Wars is actually much too pulpy to seriously tackle questions like this. The writer didn’t put droids in the story because they wanted to ask questions about consciousness, identity, free will, or the moral implications of creating a sapient designed to be your servant. They put droids in the story because robots are fun and different from people, and make the world more fantastical.

 


 

Mass Effect Retrospective 18: There’s No “You” in “Team”

By Shamus Posted Thursday Oct 15, 2015

Filed under: Mass Effect 302 comments

The last game gave us a pretty good team and also gave us the goal of “go learn about the Reapers”. Then this second one replaced it with “Your team is gone. Build another one.” Once you get over the shift in goalAssuming you ever do. My therapist says I’m making “good progress”. this is a good subject for a BioWare game, as it plays to their strengths in writing vibrant one-on-one conversations with interesting people. Okay, we’re gathering up a team of people even though we have no idea what we need them to do beyond “go through a relay”, but we’ll talk more about the main story later.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Mass Effect Retrospective 18: There’s No “You” in “Team””

 


 

Knights of the Old Republic EP19: Is THIS the Sexbot?

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Oct 14, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 102 comments


Link (YouTube)

Around 13 minutes or so, we meet an NPC asking us to look into the disappearance of his son. It’s the voice of Neil Ross, who to me will always be the voice of the Narrator in the Leisure Suit Larry games. I associate this voice with innuendo, sarcasm, and dick jokes. It’s very strange to hear this voice talking for three whole minutes and not making one joke about screwing.

Speaking off-the-cuff, I commented in this episode that in KOTOR, the introduction zones of Endar Spire + Taris + Dantooine would be as long as all of Mass Effect 1. And then today I started wondering how far off / reasonable / hyperbolic that guess was.

By the end of this week we’ll be on episode 21, and (spoiler) we’re going to be on Dantooine until nearly the very end. If we estimate episodes are about 25 minutes longSometimes we run long, but then subtract a couple of minutes for the credits at the end of each episode. For the purposes of simplicity, I’m going to call it a wash. then Josh will finally get to the main “open” part of the game around the 8.75 hour mark.

Spoiler Warning season one is embarrassing in its crudeness and I never encourage people to watch it, but that clocks in at around 11 hours.

So maybe I was overstating things? Except, we’ve been skipping quite a bit of content here in KOTOR. We skipped the ages-long dialog-based crime solver quest. We skipped the Romeo and Juliet thing where you have to storm some guy’s house, which is a huge maze of mines and killer robots for some reason. We skipped all but the first of the arena fights. We only played one round of Pazzak. I think we only did one of several bounties.

On the other hand, we did a good bit of optional side content in Mass Effect 1. The idea of “side content” is somewhat nebulously defined, so it would probably be hard to get a proper apples-to-apples comparison that everyone could agree on. But still, I think my statement isn’t nearly as ridiculous as it sounded at first.

On the other hand, according to How Long to Beat, the Mass Effect main story (no extras) takes around 17 hours. The fastest time on the site was 12, about an hour longer than the Spoiler Warning play through, which included side content like the Moon. Also, Josh and Randy didn’t skip dialog, and most players skip at least some of it. So I dunno.

At any rate, they don’t make ’em like they used to.

Except for Witcher 3, in which case they make ’em like they used to, only moreso.

 


 

Half Time CH3: Kill it with Shire

By Rutskarn Posted Tuesday Oct 13, 2015

Filed under: Lets Play 37 comments

The locker room before the big whoops-the-jerseys-were-the-wrong-size rematch against the High Seas Surfilletes. I get a glimpse of my own eyes in the medicine cabinet mirror. They look like they belong to another manâ€"another dead manâ€"a dead squidâ€"a dead squid whose whole life slipped off the road down a gully of misery and substance abuse stemming from having really gross eyes.

“Howdy, friend.”

It’s the opposing team’s coach leaning in our doorway, picking his fingernails. He’s got a big fat stupid elf grin on his slender handsome brilliant elf face. “Ready for the big match?” he coos.

“Yup,” I say.

“Halflings, huh? How’d you get stuck with these guys? I mean, it’s cute that you think you can win and all, but let’s be honest with ourselves. Your little fat halflings? Against my trained, professional elves? You’re just going to get walloped again and you know it.”

“Yeah. That’s what’ll happen.”

“Tell you whatâ€"how about a friendly wager? If your little fatboys win out there today, somehow, I’ll…”

“Nah.”

“…I’ll…sorry? Did you just say…”

“No.”

“Oh. Okay.”

He looks puzzled and leaves the locker room. I finish shaving and slowlyâ€"almost inaudiblyâ€"I begin to hum.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Half Time CH3: Kill it with Shire”

 


 

Experienced Points: Game Developers Don’t Know How to Scare Us

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 12, 2015

Filed under: Column 77 comments

My topic for the column this week is nicely summed up by the title, which is I guess what titles are supposed to do. So that’s nice.

Here is a conundrum for people who write columns for a living:

When is it okay to repeat yourself? It would obviously be completely unreasonable to publish the same column every week with the same points, only slightly re-worded. But if you write a column on some problem or issue and (say) six years later the problem is the same (or worse) then surely it would be okay to run it again, right? Some people will have forgotten. Heck, six years is long enough for a generation of kids to progress from middle school to graduation, which moves them from the “I want Mario for Christmas!” to “Shit, I’m broke. Where do I spend my very limited gaming dollars?” demographic, which turns them into potentially new readers who didn’t care what I had to say about survival horror back in 2009.

I worry about stuff like this. I want to keep things fresh and interesting, while at the same time making sure the Important Stuff”Important” being an extremely relative measure, here. gets said. Where is the line? Could I do this topic every year? Biennially? Leap years? Harmonic convergences? Wednesdays?

How much do I need to re-word things? What if I really nailed the wording the first time? Do I need to re-arrange the sentences to make them less optimal just for the sake of avoiding copy & paste writing? What if I just happen to word things the same because the sentences are still coming from the same brain with the same writing habits?

I dunno. Nobody has ever complained, but it’s the sort of thing I worry about anyway.

 


 

Diecast #124: Beginners Guide, SOMA, Battlefront

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 12, 2015

Filed under: Diecast 109 comments



Hosts: Josh, Shamus, Campster, Mumbles. Episode edited by Rachel.

The mailbag now looks like Jabba the Hutt after a visit to an all-you-can-eat buffet. I have no idea how we’re going to answer these. And according to the calendar, there’s a super-important game coming out almost every week between now and the end of the year. So this job is about to get very interesting.

Show notes: Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #124: Beginners Guide, SOMA, Battlefront”