April First

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Apr 1, 2015

Filed under: Notices 110 comments

April Fools day kind of has two faces: There’s the “prank lies” face and there’s the “do something silly” face. The prank lies are the things where a news site will falsely announce that Half-Life 3 is released, Obama is going to be in the next Call of Duty, or that id Software is working on a licensed Dirty Dancing videogame. The “something silly” idea is where people metaphorically put on a silly hat for the day.

I do not like the prank lies. Either the lie is just a little too plausible and thus confusing or annoying, or it’s not plausible enough and it’s just dumb and pointless. All too often the punchline seems to be laughing at all the “dumb” people who fell for it: As if trusting usually reliable sites is some kind of character flaw. If they don’t have April Fools day in your country, or if you lose track of the date, then you become the butt of the joke. This is just no fun.

But I do kind of enjoy the obviously silly stuff. For those of you reading this in the archives or via RSS: As of this writing the site is decorated with a huge “My Little Pony” backdrop. (For posterity, I’ve used a smaller version of the image as the header of this post.)

Although, now that I’ve seen it: I do like the idea of having a large fixed image in the background. I mean, not this one, obviously. But something might be nice. I feel like I’m getting tired of these dice. Or maybe having an image that changes weekly or monthly might be worthwhile.

Anyway, this post is just your friendly reminder to be careful out there today. Beware the fools and mountebanks.

 


 

Experienced Points: So Who Is DRM For Anyway?

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Mar 31, 2015

Filed under: Column 94 comments

Yes, we’re talking about DRM again. To a certain extent, I realize this is a bit like complaining that the view outside of your jail cell kind of sucks. The DRM argument is essentially over. Our games are already linked to Steam / Origin / Games for Windows Live / UPlay / Whatever. The ownership argument has been over for years. From here on it’s just a matter of degrees. The publishers say, “We both agree the game belongs to us. Now let’s talk about what we allow you to do with it. And when we say ‘talk’ what we mean is, ‘agree to this EULA and leave us alone’. Thanks for being a customer. We love gamers and video games.”

I know the argument is over, but once in a while you need to drive by and chuck a brick through the window to let ’em know you’re still mad. So that’s what we’re doing this week.

 


 

Hangout: Bloodborne

By Shamus Posted Monday Mar 30, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 49 comments


Link (YouTube)

Here is the capture of the stream from last weekend. This is a local recording that Josh made, so it should be in HD and not in Mush-O-Vision like Twitch likes to serve. Also, it won’t be deleted in a couple of days, which is something else Twitch likes to do.

I really like doing these. It’s nice to be able to interact with the audience while the thing is going on. If Twitch wasn’t outrageously stupid, they would allow you to keep some streams. Also, they ought to archive the chat so you can watch the stream along with the comments as they appeared. I try to read off the comments as I respond to them, but it’s not the same as you being able to see them for yourselves.

Thanks to everyone who joined in. Be sure to bug JoshSince he’s not on Twitter, doesn’t have a blog, doesn’t use Facebook, and his email isn’t public, I have no idea how you can do this. if you want us to do it again.

Considering the central gameplay, the loading screens in Bloodborne are absolutely unforgivable.

 


 

Hangout March 29: It’s OVER!

By Shamus Posted Sunday Mar 29, 2015

Filed under: Notices 40 comments

EDIT: Thanks for showing up! The archive ought to go up later this week!

Come hang out with us and watch Josh die over and over again in a way that – if we’re being totally fair – he probably deserves. The stream is here.

 


 

Hitman Absolution EP9: Bald Shootlots

By Shamus Posted Saturday Mar 28, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 94 comments


Link (YouTube)

I made fun of the game for having a gunstore willing to put firearms on display when they have these massive suppressors attached. That was a silly thing to comment on. There are so many egregiously wrong things with this story that we really don’t have time to waste on tiny trivialities like that.

But it does sort of make me wonder about the use of suppressors. I’ve used firearms a couple of times in my life, and boy howdy are they loud. Even with proper ear protection. Movies don’t do them justice. If movie shootouts were at all realistic, everyone would stand around after the fight doing this.

So I wonder why more people don’t use suppressors on the firing range. I’m well aware that in the real world they don’t magically make a handgun sound like a blowdart, but even shaving off a few decibels would help a lot. Maybe it’s the expense. Maybe it’s the legality. Maybe it would interfere with the ballistics too much. Maybe it’s just not practical. I honestly have no idea.

Anyway, I’m totally fine with suppressors being 100% legal, easily available, and supernaturally effective in the Hitman universe. This is absolutely the type of compromise my brain is willing to make. On the other hand, having “The Agency” be a massive paramilitary force with thousands of soldiers, massive funding, no accountability, with a control room that looks like NASA? Not so much.

So the bossman demands 47’s head on a platter. Jade responds that maybe they should look for the girl. Boss replies that that’s not needed, because 47 will “know where she is.” But… didn’t you just gave the order to kill him?

Did the writer have some kind of short-term memory damage?

Why is the town of Hope stuck in the 50’s? 50’s cars. 50’s music. 50’s haircuts. Letter jackets for all the gang members. They’ve even got a huge barbershop that would have been too big for a town this size even when places like this were in their heyday. In another game I’d assume this was a stylistic choice, but here I’m going to assume it’s for the same reason that nothing makes sense: The writers really didn’t know or care.

 


 

Hangout March 29

By Shamus Posted Friday Mar 27, 2015

Filed under: Notices 26 comments

We’re going to be doing a hangout this Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Josh will be playing that whimsical little journey into friendship and laughter, Bloodborne. We will be watching him make friends with the inhabitants of that fairy-tale land.

The stream begins at 3pm Eastern US time. If you live in one of the civilized places in the world that doesn’t do the stupid Daylight Saving Time nonsense, then here is a timer to the stream so you don’t have to convert from Stupid Time to Actual Time:

The stream will be here when it goes live.

 


 

Windows 8, A Broken Monitor, and Other Things That are Strange

By Shamus Posted Friday Mar 27, 2015

Filed under: Rants 73 comments

This isn’t really a rant, although I’ve filed it under “rants” just so it fits in the continuity with the related events. This probably doesn’t mean much to you, but people exploring the archives years from now will likely appreciate it. You’re welcome, people of the future. If you figure out how to reply, we’d love to know how things turned out with Half-Life 3. Thanks!

You may remember a few weeks ago I installed Windows 8. In fact, it looks like today is the three-week anniversary of using it. How would I rate the Windows 8 experience? Meh. I am indifferent. It’s not nearly as infuriating as I expected.

About once every three days I accidentally shove my mouse into the corner of the screen and open some useless bullshit I don’t want, but that problem hasn’t annoyed me hard enough to convince me to go looking for how to turn it off. I haven’t seen the Metro interface in days. This basically feels like Windows 7 with a way faster search. (I could never figure out why prior versions had such glacially slow file search. Windows 8 is basically in the same ballpark as Linux now, when it comes to looking for stuff on your hard drives.)

The big mystery was the failed monitor. You might remember that right in the middle of installing Windows 8, my monitor failed and a single vertical line of pixels turned on and never turned off again:

The red line of sad-making.

It was an AOC monitor. I’ve thought of AOC as an “off-brand” monitor. Maybe some kind of dark horse newcomer? I dunno. I’d never owned one before and the name wasn’t familiar. But as I write this post I discover the company has been around since 1967.

I got the monitor because it was a little cheaper than the alternatives and I figured at this point monitors are all basically interchangeableMy aging eyes aren’t good enough to appreciate super-precise colors or refresh rates above 60Hz., so why pay extra? Obviously I’m really regretting that now.

The monitor was just a little past the Amazon return date, but still under manufacturer warranty. So I RMA‘ed it, which I’ve never had to do before. I got a replacement a little over a week later, which I understand is lightning fast by the standards of this sort of thing. On the downside, my replacement monitor was even more broken than the one I sent them. It does this:

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