WiiFit Slacker

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jul 9, 2009

Filed under: Personal 46 comments

Gosh. It’s been a couple of weeks since I logged into WiiFit. I should hop in and see…


NINETY ONE DAYS!?!? Where does the time go?

I was glad to see I hadn’t swelled up like Marlon Brando during my three months of indolence and apathy. On the other hand, I’m disappointed to see how feeble I’ve become. An hour of simple, low-key walking (I was watching Chronicles of Riddick during my workout. Very underrated movie, in my opinion. It’s not “Star Wars” good, but it’s well above “Attack of the Clones”. You can’t be too picky with space opera. It’s not like they make movies like this every year. I’m not going to be one of those nerds that sniffs at everything that comes out of Hollywood because they refuse to make a seven-picture adaptation of the Foundation series. The fact that the Drooling imbecile Michael Bay‘s Transformers movies did better than the Riddick movie is exactly the sort of crime that the Necromongers will bring up to justify wiping out our species. Transformers can be thought of as the thinking man’s Plan 9 from Outer Space, but only if the thinking man is willing to forgo the thinking. Riddick wasn’t deep or profoundly clever, but it was at least internally consistent and big enough to contain the over-the-top dialog. As a nice bonus, it had real actors instead of underwear models and real cameramen instead of peg-legged drunks trying to shoot the movie during their step workout. Which reminds me, I was in the middle of a sentence…) has reduced me to a state of gelatinous agony.

Ow. Keeping in shape is hard.


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46 thoughts on “WiiFit Slacker

  1. Scott says:

    Don’t forget: Semicolons are your friend!

  2. Zukhramm says:

    Think that’s supposed to be “Star Wars” and “Necromongers”.

  3. Marmot says:

    I watched Chronicles of Riddick at the theatre. My opinion of the movie:
    “The seats were comfortable.”

  4. Sesoron says:

    Pfah. Nice. “Which reminds me, I was in the middle of a sentence…”

  5. Benjamin Orchard says:

    we bought a wii fat last friday After getting EVERYONE all nice and registered, weighed, made fun of, etc., we all took turns getting familiar with the board and the stuff. And everyone else has logged plenty of time on it. Except me. Since Saturday I’ve logged exactly 0 minutes. In the plaza everyone else’s mii is busily doing yoga poses, running in place, etc. Mine? Asleep! Which is great, because at least if I can’t get enough sleep, my virtual avatar does. Which on some level makes me feel better.

    Of course, it does make me wonder if I should exercise on the thing?

  6. Merle says:

    Chronicles of Riddick had some very good parts, but I found the ending a letdown. Maybe if they ever make the NEXT movie in the series…

    My favorite Vin Diesel movies are still “Pitch Black” and “The Iron Giant”.

  7. Yar Kramer says:

    That was an awesome nested-paranthetical statement.

  8. DaveMc says:

    If only you could get a nice step workout in while playing a game . . . Wait, I think someone already suggested that.

    (I had to give up on the Wii Fit when it wouldn’t let me enter other exercise activities except on the very same day, which I would often forget to do. Being mocked by the animated board is bad enough, but being accused of sloth when I was in fact exercising frequently, just not with the Wii Fit, was simply too much to bear! “I don’t have to come here for this, I can go anywhere to be taunted and defamed . . .” )

  9. Rhykker says:

    Chronicles of Riddick: Good movie. Not spectacular, but it could have been much worse. I agree with Shamus.

  10. Chris says:

    “Chronicles of Riddick” – “Dune” for the “300” generation.

  11. MuonDecay says:

    Maybe you should use a block quote format or some other sort of differentiation for asides that are that long? Reading a parenthetical clause that long distracts the reader. They start spending as much energy maintaining a memory of what came before the clause, and searching with their eyes for the end of the clause, as they spend reading and processing the statement. It gets even worse with sparse punctuation.

    No pedantry intended, it was just a little bit hard to parse what you had to say.

  12. Pocket Nerd says:

    Chronicles of Riddick was, indeed, underrated. I actually felt it had a lot in common with the original Star Wars: It’s a fantasy narrative with sci-fi trappings, and it’s a lot of fun as long as you don’t worry too much about the physics of The Force or the biology of necromongers. I’m not sure why it tanked, really; it was certainly grimmer than Star Wars, but I’d think that would be a big sell for our generation”” aren’t we supposed to be all bleak and antihero-loving?

  13. Martin! says:

    This (short, when you remove what isn’t about wiifit) post should be in the movie category.

    As for the Chronicles of Riddick : I hated it and loved it at the same time when I saw it. Now, I just remember the hate parts…

  14. Derek says:

    @MuonDecay: I think that was the point. It was a humorous abuse of parenthetical statements. Almost like he got off on a parenthetical tangent, and forgot to get back for a while. Kinda funny, unless it’s explicitly explained. :)

  15. Carra says:

    Chronicles of riddick is a decent movie. But it pales in comparison to the brilliant Pitch Black. Chronicles of riddick might be on the level of the SW prequel, Pitch Black is on par with the original trilogy.

  16. Rutskarn says:

    Never seen the movies, and I’ve spent only a few minutes on a Wii Fit.

    My god, though, it is a passive-aggressive little spit, isn’t it? It’s like the GLaDOS of home fitness technology.

  17. Greg says:

    Behind you there is an army of nerds saying, “GET ON WITH IT!!!”

  18. Jason says:

    I know I’m not the only one who wanted to highlight that last bracket and have the IDE show me the matching bracket.

  19. Johannes says:

    Wow, it WAS interesting reading about how this Wii-fit thing gets Shamus in rant++ mode, and then reading what à¼ber-rants come from that.

    You know, I don’t work out myself, and reading this post once again reminded me of the benefits of my so-called unhealthy lifestyle. ;)

    Oh, and if you worked out during the entire film, might I suggest you more or less made up for those 91 days off?

  20. RPharazon says:

    “I'm not going to be one of those nerds that sniffs at everything that comes out of Hollywood because they refuse to make a seven-picture adaptation of the Foundation series.”

    Shit, you’ve got me to a tee.
    Except you missed one valuable piece of information!
    I also scoff at Hollywood because they won’t make a 5-movie (reasonable) adaptation of The Silmarillion, so take that, good sir!

  21. Factoid says:

    I didn’t see CoR in the theater, but if I had, I can safely say it’s one of the few movies I would walk out on.

    It had a meandering plot with a nonsensical universe that did not fit into the setting of the first movie at all, it was full of retroactive continuity and worst of all they used the term “Necromongers” for the bad guys.

    The only reason I watched the film all the way through is because I was on an airplane and my film choices were that or some ridiculous subtitled foreign film.

    The Riddick character was so much cooler when he was just an on-the-lam space-badass. He didn’t need to be the “alpha furyan” imbued with the rage-power of a vanquished planet.

  22. Nyaz says:

    Huh, I haven’t even bothered getting Wii Fit, because I know it will just gloat at me and how much I suck.

    (Actually I’m not overweight or anything, (the contrary to be honest) I’m just really crappy at all things involving excercise…
    Also, excercise is booooring… I know, I know, I’ll never get on with it unless I figure out a way to make it fun, but…. euuhhh…) Look, I wasn’t mid-sentence! Ha-ha!

  23. Julian says:

    I tried the Wii Fit board and hated it, personally. 90% of the exercises are very lightweight, and the cardiovascular routines are laughable. I felt I wasn’t really gaining anything. It never made me feel pumped about my workout. Nothing beats going out for a jog or a swim, and then hitting the gym for 2 hours. It’s fun, you get to meet tons of people and it’s more effective than the Wii Fit.

    I don’t remember: does the board ever suggest you go out jogging or something? Because if it doesn’t, all it does is encourage a sedentary lifestyle.

  24. radio_babylon says:

    i was able to see “Chronicles of Riddick” for free at a pre-release screening… and i STILL want those hours of my life back.

  25. chaz says:

    Julian, I’d love to agree with you, but not everyone has that amount of time spare, least of all Shamus. I’ve got a young family as well, and I just can’t afford a 2 hour workout, let alone a jog or swim alongside that.

    Mind you, I find gym work so mind-numbingly tedious anyway, that I may well be harbouring prejudice here. I’d love to get a decent workout, while playing a game of some sort… – hey, now THAT’s a god idea.

  26. Ron says:

    For everyone who saw “Chronicles of Riddick” in the theaters, rent the DVD. I did not see it in theaters, but from what I have hear, they really screwed up the theatrical release of the movie, but they did correct it in the DVD.

    I agree with Shamus review of the movie. It would have been a better movie, if they hadn’t tied it in with Pitch Black.

  27. Joe says:

    I like CoR. Yeah, the story isn’t so hot, but the set design is really nifty.

  28. Fred Christ says:

    Call me crazy, @Julian, but I think if you enjoy exercising for three hours at time already, then the WiiFit isn’t going to be a fit for you.

    I don’t think it’d be a fit for me either, but that’s because I’d prefer something like Dance Dance Revolution.

  29. General Ghoul says:

    Which reminds me, I was in the middle of a sentence…) has reduced me to a state of gelatinous agony.

    You used the word gelatinous without cube behind it!?! You have forfeited your D&D card for one week!

  30. Telas says:

    CoR was decent, not great, but decent. Much better than most of the stuff Vin has put out (XXX, The Pacifier, etc). As noted above, ‘Necromonger’ is the kind of term a 13 year old gamer would come up with…

    I’d watch it as background noise, but I definitely wouldn’t invite a bunch of friends over to see it.

    The Star Wars prequels? The passage of time grants us the ability to see things as they really are, and these really sucked. Especially given the potential…

  31. Fizban says:

    I saw Pitch Black after CoR, and I actually liked CoR more. Sure it was meandering and a lot of stuff didn’t make sense, but it had more grand scale and badassery while PB just felt like a standard run from monsters scenario. That said, Pitch Black was pretty awesome in it’s own right, just not seeing it as a prequel to CoR. Like someone said above, it would have been better if they hadn’t tied them together.

  32. gyfrmabrd says:

    There ya go! You know, that ranting while working out should burn some extra calories, right?
    Now here’s a totally logical suggestion: You should do more of these “inspired by doing the treadmill”-rants and release them as a podcast; that way, I can listen to them while I go running, thereby making the (ridiculous) (non-)circle (somewhat) complete. Uh.

  33. Yonder says:

    32: “I saw Pitch Black after CoR, and I actually liked CoR more. Sure it was meandering and a lot of stuff didn't make sense, but it had more grand scale and badassery while PB just felt like a standard run from monsters scenario. That said, Pitch Black was pretty awesome in it's own right, just not seeing it as a prequel to CoR. Like someone said above, it would have been better if they hadn't tied them together.”

    My thoughts exactly.

  34. Cthulhu says:

    The problem with chronicles of riddick is not that it’s terrible in itself, but that when compared with its predecessor pitch black, it’s really hard to shake the feeling that you’re watching Vin Diesel’s fan fiction. I’m sure everyone’s already heard Yahtzee’s opinion on this, and my opinion is pretty much identical to his as far as Riddick goes.
    And I must admit, Michael Bay’s popularity is a very convincing argument for destroying humanity.

  35. RichVR says:

    Correction: Keeping in CERTAIN shapes is hard. Round is easy. Carry on.

  36. UtopiaV1 says:

    I love Chronicles of Riddick, a real class sci-fi action/adventure. Me and my dad watched it, we reckon its on par with Dune (which loses points for being too long) and 5th Element (which loses points for being too short).

    I would recommend all the above films though, watch them all and THAT is an epic night in!

    (Might wanna throw in Judge Dredd too, as that’s a classic except for Stallone, he sucks man-balls… Seriously, Dredd taking his helmet OFF??? That should never have happened…)

    Micheal Bay is a shit-flinging monkey child with no more ability to direct than a bowl of cornflakes. Everyone with an IQ above 7 knows this…

  37. kmc says:

    I’m sorry!! *falls to knees* I’m so sorry for the success of Transformers… I feel like I need to apologize to _someone_, because I saw it TWICE in the theaters. Sure, I wanted to see it, hoping it would be a fun summery thing, so I went with my fiance and his sister. About 10 minutes in, though, I got this sinking feeling about the remaining (what turned out to be) 2 hrs and 14 minutes, simultaneously realizing that I had also promised to go see it with a friend! The Bay-pocalypse (where such a terrible movie does not just well but record-breakingly so) rests at least partially on my shoulders, and I just had to tell someone. And I’m not Catholic.

  38. Ferrous Buller says:

    Chronicles of Riddick was the best Space Conan movie ever.

  39. MikeSSJ says:

    “Chronicles of Riddick” is easily the worst of the Riddick-saga-stories (aside from the animated movie), which isn’t saying that it’s bad, though – it’s quite enjoyable.

    Just can’t compare to “Butcher Bay”, “Dark Athena” and “Pitch Black”.

    Maybe it’s the lack of Johns – he was by far Riddick’s best antagonist…

    1. Shamus says:

      Excitement: District 9 looks very, very interesting. This is the first I’ve head of it.

      Disappointment: It has a lot of overlap with some fiction I began a couple of weeks ago. Or it seems to. Sigh.

  40. Kirk Kirkly says:

    I liked Chronicles of Riddick. Sure, it was over-the-top in a few places (Furyan power and Aereon the Elemental to name a few), but on the whole I thought it was suspenseful and interesting.

    Not much of a sequel to Pitch Black, though, and the death of Jack””sorry, KYRA””was a bit of a disappointment.

  41. ThaneofFife says:

    I lol’ed. A lot. Need to see Riddick now, I guess.

  42. Anaphyis says:

    I watched CoR on DVD. Maybe thats why I actually liked it. Sure, once you compare it to Pitch Black it fall flat but alone it has some kind of strange fanfiction charm. The setting is over the top, the characters one-liner spouting badass action types and the naming is bizarre. But at least it’s somehow consistent.

    Unlike the Star Wars prequels. Phantom Menace is actually quite enjoyable (and considerably shorter) if you throw every scene with Jar Jar and Jake Lloyd on the cutting room floor – which I did. The second one is just plain boring and the third suffers massively from Hayden Christensen’s acting and Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side (Be evil – No! Never! – Be evil – Yeah sure, hold that thought while I go kill some children)

    Riddick doesn’t pretend to have deep characters or a deep story, so while it’s in some ways the retarded offspring of Pitch Black, at least it doesn’t betray its own premise.

  43. Goatcathead says:

    IT’S OVER 90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

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