Master of Firin’ Sword CH5: The Christmas Bonuses of Sin

By Rutskarn
on Dec 14, 2016
Filed under:
Lets Play

Fair warning; I did say I’d explain how to succeed in Fire and Sword. You’ve probably figured out by now how much of that means doing bad things to good people. We’ve got one or two more posts after this, then I’m moving on to another game, so if this isn’t your cup of tea I’ll catch up with you in a week or two.

Recently I fell into the trap many small businesses fall into, which was to hire not enough mercenaries to pillage but far too many to pay on time. Since I don’t want to incur any debts, or nocturnal throat-slittings, it behooved me to find alternate sources of revenue before payday came due. Thankfully, through a daring cavalry charge against a band of agrarian militants, I’ve secured some non-liquid assets. Behold!

I say non-liquid, but in fact there is a fantastic amount of blood on these.
I say non-liquid, but in fact there is a fantastic amount of blood on these.

It is said that honor is a currency beyond price. I find this wholly accurate. In managing my affairs, I have found it entirely valueless. As for renown and heroism, the coin has been minted that can buy these: it is a regular coin. For preference, lots of them.

The bad news is that my little sortie has roused the sorely-taxed attention of Polish Justice. If they catch me, they will almost certainly shoot at me. I didn’t become a warlord just so I could be shot at. No, for maximized profitability and minimized perforability–and to faster treat the burning fuse on my payroll–better by far to cross the border to the land of the jolly Cossacks, where no Poles dare to tread. On to the freedom of Bratslav!

Ah. It is, in fact, under siege by Poland. That is not necessarily a concern. They are not a monolithic people, after all, and I don’t actually know that the fellow laying siege is concerned with the welfare of all Polish citizens.

Ah.

As my men thundered calmly to a different Cossack city, bringing me ever closer to the hour of payments due, I considered that this whole venture was–if not actually ill-considered–perhaps unequal to the ironies of fate. It would take bold and cunning action to reverse my fortunes. Fortunately, it is precisely these qualities for which I will very shortly be famous.

I vend my spoils next door and end with approximately two hundred and fifty thaler. Now–mercenary wages are expensive, but this should be just enough money to hire five more of them.

You`re drawing straws? Very good. Ah, hard luck, you`ve drawn a short...oh, you`re coming with me anyway.
You're drawing straws? Very good. Ah, hard luck, you've drawn a short...oh, you're coming with me anyway.

Brushing confidently over any gentle stabs of self-doubt, I address my newly-bolstered hordes.

“I’m sure you’ve all been wondering what we’ll do to pass the time until your well-deserved payday in, ah…I don’t expect you to keep track of time, of course…”

“We do,” says a fellow with a tattoo of a dead pig on his forehead. “How else you think we know it’s a lad’s birthday?”

“Charming! Well, I think I’ve lined up some fun for us. The plan is to go to a village, terrify them with our increased numbers yes that’s you, gentlemen, go ahead and wave your hands–oh, that’s clever, but I do mean YOUR hands–and then we’ll sell the riches at a nearby town. Sound amenable?”

“Yeah, s’aright.”

“Excellent! Oil well your blades, gentlemen, for soon we will descend–on Illnasty!”

“Isn’t it supposed to be Іллінці?”

“There’ll be none of that, now.”

 

Here the die of fate will be cast. We few; we happy, hungry, anxious few…

NEXT WEEK: NO GOING BACK

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From the Archives:

  1. MichaelGC says:

    I did say I’d explain how to succeed in Fire and Sword.

    Well, if that’s the going rate, it looks like there might be a lucrative career available in Tattered Female Dressmaking. And it’d be indoor work, with no heavy lifting. Sure, there’d still be a risk of perforation, but one manageable via thimble.

    We might no longer be talking in terms of maximized profitability, but as a dressmaker you would at least be cutting your cloth according to your means.

  2. I’m so happy for Rutsgar (kar? car? jar? gar? I forgot his name now…). Now he can fail to take on a petty village and go into debt with mercenaries! Nocturnal throat-slitting comes his way, I think.

  3. Benjamin Hilton says:

    I’m a little sad there are only a few more posts left. This LP is funny and all, but I was kinda hoping to see descriptions of large scale troop movements and clashing armies. Then again that could just be because I really liked Josh’s Shogun LP and am pinning for something to fill the void since I’ve accepted that that particular story will never be resolved.

    Also, I don’t know if it’s just the angle of the picture or what but the top image really does give off the vibe of a complete coward who thinks incredibly highly of himself.

  4. Warclam says:

    Oh my, that jest with the severed hands, what witty fellows! Why, think of how creative they might get if they find their purses overly light! The thought fills a gentleman with a frisson of… well, let’s call it delight.

  5. John says:

    I am confused by the existence of a Mount & Blade game which encourages you to mistreat peasants. Loot villages, maybe, but not attack parties of peasants.

    Unless of course you were playing vanilla Mount & Blade and you intended to use blunt weapons to capture them so that you could then sell them as galley slaves in Tihr. I mean, why not? In the vanilla game you get 50 monetary units for selling or ransoming a prisoner–no matter who that prisoner is!–and, frankly, peasants are a lot less work to capture than Swadian knights . . . and I’ve just realized that I may be a bad person.

    That probably wouldn’t work so well in Warband, though, as Warband changes the price-per-prisoner to reflect the prisoner’s characteristics. That means that a ransom broker will pay you more for a veteran soldier than he would for a raw recruit. I don’t know what he’d pay for a peasant because I can’t recall ever doing that. But wait! I’ve just remembered that Ramun the slave dealer in Tihr still pays a flat 50 monetary units per prisoner! So never mind. (Yup. Bad person.)

    Of course, Warband has its little ways to encourage positive feelings towards peasants. If you rescue farmers or peasant women and recruit them in to your party, they will eventually become capable soldiers. The farmers will become the sorts of mercenary types that you would normally hire in taverns, but rescued farmers–while they may not be, strictly speaking, free–have no direct monetary cost. More importantly, rescued peasant women will eventually become Sword Sisters. Sword Sisters aren’t the best unit in the game, but they’re pretty good and–this is the best part–pretty darn cheap relative to how good they are. They look cool, too, what with the full plate and the white steeds.

    • Charnel Mouse says:

      Albeit unfortunately lacking in headgear.

      • John says:

        Silly man. How can their hair blow dramatically in the wind if they are wearing helmets? Er, not that it actually does. Except in my heart, of course.

        I think that the lack of helmet is so that the player can more easily tell that a Sword Sister is in fact female. That plate armor might otherwise make it hard to tell.

      • Ian says:

        And voices, oddly. It’s really creepy being surrounded by SSs at the end of a battle all screaming victory … in absolute silence.

  6. tzeneth says:

    I feel sorry for Ilyintsky. It is one of the most readily pillagable villages. Especially since the castle/town it’s associated with is between a couple of other castles that might be owned by other people and prevent easy protection of it by the Polish…I may or may not have pillaged it enough for the town to have incredible hate for me and it basically be impossible for them to have a positive opinion of me within the next century, but at least I got a lot of the good loots from them.

  7. Halceon says:

    There’s a joke in there about No Man’s Ilyntsky.

  8. Daemian Lucifer says:

    You’ve probably figured out by now how much of that means doing bad things to good people.

    I only saw you kill a fugitive and a bunch of filthy peasants.So you still didnt do anything bad to anyone good.

  9. Daemian Lucifer says:

    “Isn’t it supposed to be Іллінці?”

    Pfft!What an illiterate bunch youve gathered.Its Ильи́нцы actually.You should definitely dock his pay for being such a bad student.

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