T w e n t y S i d e d

Hey, everyone, it’s Rutskarn. I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with your farmer’s almanac, but the Time of Terror and Blood was recently upon us, and the Great Beast you know as Josh was briefly trapped inside the Southern California ley line. I took advantage of his psychic imprisonment to schedule an ad hoc game of Paranoia. Unfortunately for you, I recorded it.

Also starring: Josh’s brother Glitch, Glitch’s fiancee Madison.

Keep in mind that this session was planned, run, recorded, and in some capacity edited on the fly. I didn’t even know we’d be playing Paranoia when I arrived (I brought a suitcase and flash drive that contained about fifteen separate systems and let them decide). Despite that, we had a lot of fun, and hopefully you will too. I’ve cleaned the audio as best as I could and trimmed a few breaks, but I’ll warn you up front–it’s far from perfect. The Hellish winds that follow Josh like ashen cherubs have that effect on a recording suite.

(Note also that anyone who illustrates anything that happened in this session will earn my undying love.)

And below the fold, all notes and secret information that passed this session:

Josh had the mutant power to phase through solid objects when he gave a signal. He was part of a secret society that wanted to gain as much information as possible about the plant. They planted a camera for him in a can of Bouncy Bubble Beverage. Glitch had the mutant power to turn invisible. He was part of a secret society that suspected someone was trying to sabotage the plant. He’d know who the saboteur was because they were acting suspicious, wandering into restricted areas, and recovering classified information. Madison had the mutant power to read notes passed. She was part of a secret society that wanted her to become as irradiated as possible without actually dying. How irradiated is that? Left to her discretion.

And now, the notes. Highlight to declassify:

NOTE 1: MADISON, YOU ARE FIELD-PROMOTED TO LOYALTY OFFICER. KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR MUTANTS AND TRAITORS.

NOTE 2: JOSH, YOU FOUND YOUR CAMERA

NOTE 3: FROM JOSH TO RUTSKARN: I AM USING THE CAMERA CONSPICUOUSLY

NOTE 4: GLITCH, YOU HAVE TURNED INVISIBLE

NOTE 5: JOSH, YOU HAVE PHASED INTO THE BASEMENT.

NOTE 6: JOSH, YOU SEE A CONSOLE. YOU THINK YOU CAN SHUT DOWN THE MELTDOWN FROM HERE.

NOTE 7: FROM JOSH TO RUTSKARN: I TAKE PICTURES OF THE CONSOLE, THEN LEAVE.

NOTE 8: THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY MUTANTS.

NOTE ??? YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO READ THIS NOTE, CITIZEN. PLEASE REPORT TO NEAREST CONFESSION BOOTH TO PROVIDE A DETAILED ACCOUNT OF WHY YOU THOUGHT THIS INFORMATION WAS MISSION-CRITICAL BE PREPARED TO PROVIDE PROOF OF ULTRAVIOLET CLEARANCE (REQUIRED TO HIGHLIGHT WHITE TEXT).

Rutskarn is a writer, author, wordsmith, text producer, article deviser, prose architect, and accredited language-talker. If you enjoy his contributions to this site you could always back his Patreon.