Here it is. The greatest episode of Spoiler Warning we’ve ever done, provided you’re normal like me and are obsessed with throwing people down holes, out windows, and over ledges.
Yes, this game has some problems. The plot is gibberish, story is atrocious, the themes are either dissonant or nonexistent, the levels are tiny, the mechanics are shallow, the environments are boring, the characters are schlock, the dialog is verbose and clunky, the cutscenes are torture, the save system is a crime, the ladies are all pandering fanservice, the fanservice is creepy sophomoric milquetoast, the puzzles are insultingly shallow, the voice acting is wooden, the character designs are ugly and cliche, the missions don’t fit with the franchise, and the gameplay is a mess. On the other hand, if we rate Absolution on the completely objective scale of “number of people you can push to their deaths”, then it ranks as one of the greatest videogames ever made.
Unrelated: There’s a balcony on my apartment that has a two-story drop to a concrete walkway. And nobody ever comes to visit.
Also, Rutskarn requested that I link to The Hole.
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Punishing The Internet for Sharing
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50 thoughts on “Hitman Absolution EP11: Ultimate Defenestration GOTY”
Also, Rutskarn requested that I like to The Hole
Think you might mean link there.
I honestly don’t know if that’s a joke or a typo.
I feel they need a work safety talk on the dangers of leaving mines lying around everywhere. Especially oddly enough in a mine.
It’s not that they’re just leaving mines everywhere, this is obviously a mine mine. It’s an occupational hazard.
Since we finally got to the bit in the game with the mines, time to link to Birgirpall’s We Broke Hitman: Absolution video.
If you’re familiar with their work, perhaps you can save me a plow through their archives. Did they do a video where it was (I think) two guys playing a CoD or Counter-Strike style game that was set in WWII? One of the highlights were these throwing knives they were using that homed in on their targets for no apparent reason. It was some time ago when I saw it and forgot to bookmark it.
My first thought when 47 came out into the light and you get the view of the compound was “That must be the facility where they’re building the Indefenestrable 3.”
You’ll be happy to hear you’re not the only one thinking of that particular joke here.
The whole mine industrial complex thing could have easily fit in Marlow Briggs. Hell, they could have added more platforming sections and some comical villain chatter too, for the complete evil industrial area experience.
That does make me happy. :D
The helicopter immediately put me in mind of Marlowe Briggs (not a good sign btw)
But how could I forget the name of that monstrosity that was their roost? This is so strangely appropriate!
So this level is the games’ attempt to do a tradition splinter cell/thief style sneak challenge? That seems to be what they’re going for?
I bet it wouldn’t win best game on that criteria… I remember some of those Jedi games had a lot of force-pushing people off ledges!
next spoiler warning season: jedi outcast. Please make it so? Pretty please?
(alternatively as a hangout game)
Or Skyrim. In that game, luring someone over to a balcony and yelling at them is a perfectly viable assassination technique.
Unless, you know, plot armour… which in some cases made it even more hilarious as you could keep shouting them off some vantage point every time they came back.
This level could have started where the episode ends.
Heck it even makes _sense_ to start it where the episode ends. There was a car parked there, so Hitman could have just dressed up in a suit and drove right in. Rather than “I think the easier option will be to infiltrate an entire mining operation filled with mooks to get to the end of the road near the baddies base”
Its like going through the sewers so you can get to the front door of the bank you want to rob.
So you guys like hitman games?Well,what if we were to make a game where you wouldnt just appear outside of the complex where you are to kill your target,but at your home,before you take the long 20 hour long trip to that place.In real time.
Level 1: pack your suitcase. Don’t forget your passport!
Level 2: find a taxi to the airport.
I have a strange feeling if there was a whole game about killing one guy, and all the steps you need to take to get to him and find him would be really interesting.
I once played an IF game like this. I game up 3 hours in not having gotten out of the house despite using a guide.
I know that’s jumping way ahead here (we’re not even through the traffic jam yet, not to mention airport security) but:
I got the worst seat on the plane,
By the time I land I’ll be insane.
My legs are starting to go numb
and I just wanna kill someone…
Hitman: Desert Bus Edition
What happens when a defenestrating force meets an indefenestrable object?
Gorilla Monsoon’s head explodes.
Indeed this game IS a poor man’s Splinter Cell Blacklist most of the time except when Absolution begrudgingly “lets” you murder somebody who is technically a target. But notice how they are not actually targets? You never actually perform assassinations insofar as being contractually obliged to do so for money. All of the so-called “targets” are basically targets because 47 decided they are, not for his job but just because he doesn’t like them very much.
All of which is really annoying because it lacks a feeling of professionalism. Instead of the player being in control of Hitman doing his job really well we are expected to be just as enthusiastic about enabling him in his quest to piddle about on some personal errand we honestly couldn’t care less about.
Things get worse here at the Dexter industries level because we are expected to use stealth to penetrate 5 or so levels of outer security.
Hitman Blood Money- Subterfuge
The problem is that there are TONS of games in which we can stealthily infiltrate a facility. Hitman was basically the only series that focused on subterfuge. Unfortunately Splinter Cell Blacklist was popular enough that they decided to throw away everything unique about the series in a greedy cash-grab bandwagon chase.
Don’t get me wrong modern Splinter Cell games are great but watching the industry desperately try to homogenize every franchise into a template set by one popular competitor is frustrating.
May be I misunderstand you, but Absolution was released in 2012 while Blacklist was released in 2013. So it is impossible for the Absolution copycatting Blacklist. Yes, there was Conviction before, but it was massive failure so no point in copying that game.
Conviction was a massive failure? I thought it did ok… sales and scores wise, it was just the fans of the other games who hated it (like me :D)
Whoops yeah sorry I meant Conviction. I didn’t think conviction was a failure, didn’t it do pretty well? It certainly did well enough to get a sequel.
Either way Conviction and indeed it’s sequel had this very polished look and feel they are obviously trying to recreate here, even the way 47 controls and acts looks and feels a lot like playing a modern SC game. Much like Splinter Cell there is lots of use of chest high cover, crawling arond objects to avoid line of sight, climbing about and most obviously Point Shooting which is straight up lifted from Conviction.
While fans hated Conviction because they saw it as untrue to the series little did we know that soon games would be directly lifted from their genre and placed in a more recognizable and profitable one with more “polish” and by polish I mean less everything. Hitman Absolution being a Jason Borne stealth-em-up is crazy, it’s like taking Syndicate and turning it into a first person shoo- ohhh noooooo!
Sorry I sound so bitter, I just like Hitman and I would have liked another Hitman game. I played SC:Blacklist and really enjoyed it but when I buy Hitman I want Hitman.
Darn you, Rutskarn. I now have a new favorite skit ever.
I’m sold, Hitman Absolution GotY of all time.
So what is up with this place? You’ve got some kind of giant industrial complex, and a mine, with entrances at the mine side and the building front. You have a pretty nice if very supervillain looking front lobby… but still staffed by PMCs (they passed up the chance to put a supermodel secretary in the game?). The exterior made the place look like older construction, so did South Dakotan Texan Man or Dexter buy this place and refurbish it? Then why did they spend so much money on the lobby? Why did they spend so much money on the lobby if the only people visiting this place are crooks/dealers/lobbyists? Why did we take an elevator down to a big natural pool if we weren’t doing anything at the pool?
At this point the thing that I want most (that isn’t going to happen) is Dexter giving you a tour and explaining the history of this place and why they bought it.
Also, what are they mining FOR? The design clearly indicates someone, at some point, was mining for something. Why did someone decide to dig out the inside of this mesa?
I guess you could say they just needed enough space to store all their mooks. But that explanation seems a little…hollow.
You could speculate that this is an old mine that ran dry a long time ago and the bad guys bought it and refurbished it to use as their base. But that’s definitely giving this game too much credit.
I mean like, why are they even in there? Getting ready to play tennis with some landmines?
Why couldn’t you put the bunny back in the box?
A post on coding *and* Spoiler Warning in one day? Shamus you spoil us <3.
In all seriousness, glad there was some defenestration; it really is the best part of the game probably. It is strange to see their stealth focus so heavily in a game that was more about hiding in plain sight… it just feels awkward and stodgy.
With 47 Their is doom and gloom as things go boom. IN DEXTER LAB!
Does Shamus still claim to have not seen or read Game of Thrones? I thought of a certain prince’s most infamous catchphrase when he was squealing “fly” in the very first episode as well as this one.
I remember doing a lot of cover to cover and murdering people to provide distractions in this area, but not doing a lot of stuff that really felt Hitman-y. It does actually remind me of a couple missions in Blacklist.
Ugh fixed camera angles? I am not a fan of a game changing its rules on you without a really good reason, and how the camera works is a pretty big rule. And hey it later screws up and locks the camera.
Actually is this the entrance to the industrial building? Because we seem to enter via road, then enter an abandoned mill, then climb down through a mine filled with mines on the edge of a cliff well above the industrial complex? What is the commute to work for anybody not man-hitting here? Oh its the same route that the guy in the suit uses to enter? Why didn’t we enter the same way? We just climbed through a messa so I don’t think walls would have stopped anything.
Does that vent towards the end lead from one side of the building to the other? What does it ventilate? If its drainage, what is it supposed to drain?
Psychonauts agent Rutskarn is best Rutskarn! (Also, it means fewer puns)
Soo,you are collecting a bunch of evidence.Ummm,evidence of what?And for whom?Was this supposed to be a splinter cell game?
EDIT:And then the cast goes on to compare it to splinter cell.Great minds and all that.
Guy falls of a ledge,screaming loudly.The text on the screen says “silent kill”.Makes sense.So thats another thing the game designers of this game dont understand:Silence.
So where’s Rutskarn?
He fell in the hole.
So they are steps away from the end of this level and of the Mission itself. The mission was four levels of ‘get to the door’. But a new Mission and a new set of levels means…
Well let’s just say 47 is now in a suit that lets him walk almost anywhere. (He could have been in the PMC outfit too, which would be super useful.) He has a Keycard, he has weapons.
Guess what he is going to have after he exits the elevator he is about to enter down on the lab floor.
(( Did you say his own suit, far less bullets for your silenced gun, and an empty inventory? You win! ))
“why does this switch need power to start the generator?” – Josh
the same reason your car needs a battery to start, probably?
But everyone knows all you need to do to start a generator is pull a crank a few times and then open-palm punch a button, right?
Not true, you first need to get the fuel which is stored in a shed on the other side of town.
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