Stolen Pixels #220: Guilt Wars 2

By Shamus Posted Friday Aug 13, 2010

Filed under: Column 51 comments


I’m afraid I can’t explain today’s comic. This is unfortunate, because this is something people are likely to ask me to do. I don’t know where it came from. It just sort of happened.

In my defense, I found it funny. But then I watched the Guild Wars 2 trailer like seven times so I might not be the best person to ask.


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51 thoughts on “Stolen Pixels #220: Guilt Wars 2

  1. Jarenth says:

    I have yet to pre-order Guild Wars 2.

    If that isn’t enough proof that I am, in fact, a werewolf, I don’t know what is.

    1. Volatar says:

      You are always a warewolf.

      LYNCH HIM!

      1. Ramsus says:

        Well as promised I will side with Jarenth and will also not be pre-ordering the game (ok I already wasn’t going to be but whatever) and I guess I have to join him in voting for…himself. Jarenth….gotta say, this new strategy could use some fine tuning.

        The words that are coming out of their mouths certainly sound good and if they accomplish their goals I’ll probably buy it. At this point though we really can’t throw money at every game that promises grand innovations with no proof. Also it could end up going that terrible route where they do innovate and manage to fail to make it fun.

        I only watched the video once but I still found your comic amusing. Don’t doubt yourself man, that road leads to madness (and you know…giving a carp about what other’s think).

        1. Jarenth says:

          Ramsus, I appreciate that. Hopefully, we can put an end to the curse of me that has fallen over our fair community, before another innocent life is ended by it.

      2. Pickly says:

        I’ve done something much more despicable and evil than you guys: I’m not preordering Guild Wars 2, and may well wait some time after launch to decide whether to get it, despite Guild Wars being the only RPg I play, and likely my favorite game of the decade at the moment

        (Or at least, favorite of the past few years, though category wise, I’m more a 4X person.)

    2. Malkara says:

      Obviously he’s a jester, idiots.

  2. X2-Eliah says:

    Seemed quite amusing, so not a problem there. Probably won’t get it, I don’t believe my laptop will run it. And honestly I don’t have enough spare time with modding & all.

    1. X2-Eliah says:

      Forgot to add: The game so far does sound intriguing and compelling (heh), but it really does come across as bragging. Besides, everything they say is very general, and can be interpreted in so many ways. So I am refusing to get worked up over this.

  3. Hal says:

    Hey, this game is Conan-approved! It offers what is best in life!

  4. Vipermagi says:

    My vote today would have gone to Jarenth for his blasphemous remark, but one should always be forgiving. Just make sure you place that order soon, Jarenth. (maybe we should ask the Scryer to check him out…)

    On a more serious note: Another great comic :) For some reason, the funeral bit was what really made me laugh.

  5. Nostromo says:

    Are the guys at NCsoft related with Pete Molyneux? You make them sound nearly as outrageous.

  6. Sho says:

    Heheh. That’s a good one.

    I’ve been meaning to pre-order, but I’m on a student’s salary. Yeah. That one. Also isn’t the only place to pre-order on Amazon? I don’t really trust Amazon. If there was something more official I’d go to that, I might just have to suck it up and pre-order anyway. Later.

    Wait Shamus, have you pre-ordered?

    1. Nick Bell says:

      I have never heard someone speak of distrust like this to Amazon. Gamestop yes, but Amazon no. What makes you distrust them with a pre-order?

      I ask because I pre-order almost exclusively from Amazon. They have great prices generally, will honor the price you pre-order it at, and will charge you less if the price drops before release. I have no complaints at all.

      1. Sho says:

        It’s partly irrational but I have my reasons. They’ve messed up an order of mine once (still got it, but had problems), one delivery to a location within the states was incredibly slow and delivery to Australia, where I live, is generally fraught with problems–$40 shipping for a ~$2 item that weighs less than a pound. I went to a third party company and I got it all done with $10.

        Granted, none of this really directly affects Amazon’s ability to handle a pre-order okay (except the bookkeepingfail) but it’s enough to make me suspicious of their reliability.

        And really, why can’t it just be on the official website? I do not understand. I’m sure that part’s not suspicious, just odd.

        1. Nick Bell says:

          That’s not really irrational. You have not one, but a series of problems with them. Would make me paranoid too. I’ve had my own host of similar problems with Gamestop (hence my reference above).

          And I am in the United States, which makes my relationship with Amazon completely different. I’d be reluctant to sign up pre-orders with an Australian company on the basis of that distance as well. So I get it. Thanks for explaining.

  7. Hitch says:

    I’m an evil person. Not only will I not pre-order Guild wars 2, if ArenaNet sold fruit I would crush an apple in front of them.

    1. Audacity says:

      Well I’m even worse! Because I am never going to pre-order anything ever! — Especially not a game that requires other people and a company approved server to use. — Worst of all, I wouldn’t just crush the apple in front of them. No, I would eat it and then poke them in the eye with the core!

      By the way, Shamus, good comic.

  8. kingcom says:

    Wait, what just? I dont understand :(

  9. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Knobs and switches line cracked me up.As well as the dividend one.

    Yes,this one intrigued me as well.And unlike you,Ive never been immersed enough by an mmo to even finish a trial period,let alone subsribe.Im really looking forward to how this one will turn out.

  10. Greg says:

    I would absolutely buy an RPG that did panel 3/4. Seriously.

    Actually I think I may have to use that idea in my D&D game at some point — have the players come upon a group of goblins or orkses having a funeral.

    1. John says:

      Absolutely with you. Have their children come hunt you down. Hmm… should you be able to hunt down their women and children and eliminate them from the world in a terrible genocide?

      The repeating respawn/quest bit so breaks thing. I always thought that you could hide the respawn inside of a village/cave/tower and then have the baddies issue out from there to carry out their evil deeds. That was you could beat them back and get some respite, then have things build into new waves. Some insane hero might try to stand right outside the “origin point” and get stampeded – maybe it could be an endurance thing: “I held the ogre cave origin point for a whole 90 seconds, but they they killed me and the ogre chieftain plundered my favorite halberd from my still-warm corpse. So can you help me track him down?”

      1. Nyaz says:

        Speaking of “terrible genocide”, that’s an excellent alternate title for Just Cause 2.

  11. acronix says:

    Made of Win, specially the dividends panel.

  12. Haxot says:

    totaly made me smile.

  13. Reach says:

    Oh my, that was hilarious. A perfect summation of that video.

  14. wtrmute says:

    That was random, but really funny. Especially the part about the “long, simulated funerals”. It reminds me of the first Austin Powers movie, what with the friends and family of the dead minions…

  15. ngthagg says:

    Don’t worry, you brought the funny this time. Honestly, the trailer really would be that over the top if they weren’t just so darn convincing.

  16. Blackbird71 says:

    I don’t have much faith in what Anet is saying about GW2 after getting burned with the first one. To anyone considering it, I would advise against the pre-order and to proceed with caution when the game actually releases.

    Anet has shown the ability to come up with some great stuff, but they have also shown that given enough time, they can take something that started out good and turn it into crap.

    1. houser2112 says:

      Burned? It’s a one time purchase.

      1. Blackbird71 says:

        With expansions and other transactions they try to sell you, which aren’t always as advertised.

        1. Blackbird71 says:

          (Sorry for the double post, comp locked up mid-comment)

          It’s more of an issue of purchasing a product and having it changed after the fact in ways that detract from the original features, some advertised features being omitted, etc. Add to that some really poor customer support, and you get my dissatisfaction.

  17. Robyrt says:

    All these things they say are calculated to melt my icy, non-purchasing heart. ArenaNet whispers in my ear like a forgotten lover between sleep and waking: “No more grind! No monthly fee! More role-playing in your RPG!”

    In the sober light of day I reconsider, and think: “Peter Molyneux told me that, once. If it happened again, well – I couldn’t bear it.”

    1. Cybron says:

      Exactly. Their words call to me iike a siren song. I actually gave the first Guild Wars a try back in the day, and it wasn’t TOO terrible. Considering I hate MMOs with a passion, anyways.

      Anyways great comic.

    2. Zukhramm says:

      I don’t really think they’re promising that much, nor something that is impossible to do.

  18. Deoxy says:

    Yes, it was funny. And I only watched the trailer once. Without sound.

    SO many trailers are like that – that some of it might actually be believable in this one makes this joke funny again (but only in reference to this game), instead of tired and old like it would otherwise have been.

    (Oh, and the dividends thing was HILARIOUS – sounds a like classic dot-com business plan! Or maybe the current administration’s…)

  19. BarGamer says:

    Yeah, the dividends one broke me. I actually wouldn’t mind them having a funeral for the monsters… It gives me the chance to get some of my buddies together, surround them, and spam my AOEs. >: D

  20. Vekni says:

    It’s ok that you can’t explain it, after nearly crying myself to sleep over Penny Arcade having to defend dickwolves….

  21. DaveMc says:

    No explanation needed: they’re just so … *earnest* in that video. If they expect to put out that level of apparent sincerity and not have it be mocked, then they haven’t been reading the same Internet as the rest of us. It was practically your duty to mock it. And well mocked it has been.

    Personally, I’ve never found mockery to be inconsistent with respect. The Penny Arcade guys spend half their time viciously mocking things in the comic that they praise to the rafters in the news post, and I believe both sides.

  22. Mari says:

    ‘Twas funny, Shamus.

    Honestly, they’re promising some amazing things but 1) the promises are suitably vague to allow “fulfillment” without actually giving me what I want and 2) I’m having trouble conceptualizing how some of these promises can possibly be accomplished. A persistent shared world with lasting consequences sounds great but in my head when I think about it I’m left wondering “So what if I’m not in the first wave to get to the evil black tower and it’s demolished without me. How the heck do I finish the quest/mission to destroy it?” I can see a lot of ways of dealing with that problem but until I see what ArenaNet does, I’m holding off on the purchase. Basically the vid was really awesome at raising my hopes but I’ve become too cynical and jaded about the gaming industry to buy in completely.

    I probably would, however, pre-order if the thing about the funerals was thrown in. Even if the rest of the game sucked, I would pay for a game where I might accidentally stumble upon a huge graveside service every few minutes. I’m weird that way. And thinking upon that idea, who here has the skills to whip me up a copy of FuneralTycoon? C’mon, it would be great. You operate a little mortuary and grave yard and work your way up to owning the largest full-service funeral home in the world. I would pay $50 for this game if it looked to be of reasonable quality.

    1. acronix says:

      Based on what I read on the developer´s blog, this would work like WARs public quests*: you only need to be in the area to be a participant. If it is not available, then another event would take its place. If players fail that event, then the previous one would take its place after a short time. But whatever you do (or do not), you´ll always have a “public quest” to participate in.
      It also looks like they are not putting specific rewards for specific events, so you wouldn´t miss anything of gameplay value for missing the destruction of the tower.

      I agree in that we´ll have to wait and see, though. Some stuff sounds great on paper (and on trailers!) but may be very different in practice.

      *Except for the fact that WAR quests repeat theirselves no matter if you succeed or fail.

      1. Jabor says:

        In other words, if you miss the “destroy the black tower” public quest, you’re likely to have a shot at the “prevent the wizard from rebuilding the black tower” one. And stuff like that.

  23. eri says:

    It sounds good. I guess I don’t really care enough about MMOs to bother investigating more. I’m still waiting on a spiritual successor to Fallout 1. :(

    I did enjoy your parody of “developer diaries”, though, which are, 99% of the time, collections of buzzwords churned out by marketing, and do a very poor job of actually showing you anything of interest or value. If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard “we want players to feel like they are in our world”… I’m hoping to get some behind the scenes knowledge here. Tell me about problems you faced in dealing with player choice and consequence, or on how you avoided the mid-game grind to keep players interested through to the end.

    Of course, I guess the obvious answer is “it’s advertising”, but I’d prefer if it was more legitimate than a bunch of heads babbling about “the experience” followed by an MTV-style montage of wireframe models.

  24. Irridium says:

    I’d pre-order, but I already have The Old Republic on my list of “MMO to buy.”

    Plus, I’m just not that interested in this game. Sure it promises much, but so does every other trailer released.

    1. eri says:

      Just like The Old Republic, right?

      Oh, but that has the Star Wars license… yeah…

      1. Irridium says:

        Well my reason for getting it is because its being made by Bioware, who has not made a game I haven’t loved. So yeah, there’s that.

  25. Ergonomic Cat says:

    Guild Wars 2. Now with jumping.

    1. acronix says:

      “What you always wanted!”

      I bet they´d get some new players with that alone.

      1. Blackbird71 says:

        You’d be surprised how many players of the original GW constantly complained about not being able to jump.

  26. Legal Tender says:

    Re pre-orders.

    There are two games I will certainly pre-order:

    1. The Witcher 2
    2. Guild Wars 2

    Both in general because of what I’ve read in their respective developer dairies and in particular because of:

    1. CD Project Red: ‘nobody had heard of us so nobody had any reason to trust us and yet we delivered’ Sure the game had its flaws but I loved the way they handled morality (I always had the feeling of not knowing for certain if what I was doing was good or evil. As should reflect what a Witcher is all about). Also ‘in the TW2 we are committed to expanding a mature RPG experience for our fans’, see, the hidden message at the end of the first reveal trailer.

    2. Arenanet: ‘we don’t like the status-quo of DPS/Healer/Tank so we are trying to break free, it should be about being there for your peeps when they need you, not about spamming -looking for healer- in the chat channel’

    Can they take me for a sucker and steal away my money? Sure they can. But, how else am I supposed to support these different approaches to game design? It’s a somewhat high ‘investment’ risk but by doG I’ll go with it now that someone is finally offering me something that truly appeals to me as a gamer. That and, at this stage in my life I can afford (even though sadly I’m stilly pretty far from being well-off) to waste 120 bucks on this. Heck, I can drink that amount of money in one night of par-taaaay-iing :p

  27. Galad says:

    I really like how you overdid the hype in the comic :)

  28. Herman says:

    That was the funniest stolen pixels to date.

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