Shamus Plays LOTRO: Part 6

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Feb 24, 2010

Filed under: Column 33 comments

When Boromir got turned into an Orcish pincushion, the rest of the party didn’t really have time to give him a proper burial. In their haste, the best they could do was put him gently into a boat, arrange the weapons of his foes around him, and send him downriver while Legolas and Aragon sang him about four pages worth of poetic tribute.

That’s what a half-assed funeral looks like in Middle-Earth.

Boromir was lucky they didn’t have time to give him a “proper” funeral.


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33 thoughts on “Shamus Plays LOTRO: Part 6

  1. Rutskarn says:

    Leader: Does he have anything with snot on it?

    It’s tricky to make me actually burst into laughter while reading, but that did the trick for like a full minute.

    1. NotYetMeasured says:

      Too true! That was the laugh moment of the story, to be sure.

    2. onosson says:

      I just had exactly the same reaction – I actually had to get up and walk around for a moment, WARLMAO (walking around room laughing my ass off).

  2. Chiller says:

    You probably should’ve gone to the Shire, though. The quests there are more fun IMO (as long as you don’t mind delivering pies) and you probably won’t want to do the low-level ones once you level up more.

    1. NotYetMeasured says:

      SPOILER !!!(?)

      It’s more for the story than it is how he is actually playing the game, I think. He did go to the Shire, but then swift-traveled to Combe to tie up loose ends. I am sure that mail and pies will be delivered before this tale is over. With luck, some shrews will even have their burrows filled up.

  3. MrNiceGuy says:

    Good LORD was it really 2006 when those comics made their debut? I must have been reading this blog since early 2006 / late 2005.

    Time flies…

  4. Tony says:

    Y.. You’re going to kill a man for a hankerchief next update, aren’t you?

  5. NotYetMeasured says:

    “I couldn’t reach this strip mall during the siege”

    This is just for the story, right? I think all of those vendors and trainers are in the newbie instance, too. Isn’t there a quest from Amdir that sends you to your trainer to learn new skills? Maybe that got re-designed.

    1. Shamus says:

      I should have said “attack” not “siege”. During the attack you can’t get to the shops. (Fire is blocking the way.)

  6. Nick L says:

    Hilarious read yet again, Shamus.

    Although as someone who never, ever plays MMOs I was wondering: The tutorial/new player area seems pretty long. Is this standard MMO fare?

    edit:Good lord, how do I get rid of this one-toothed, glasses-wearing man next to my name?

    1. Joshua says:

      If you’ve done it before, you can probably complete the Archet instance in about an hour or so.

      1. Joshua says:

        The instances can also be skipped, which will put you in the low-level areas of your normal starting point. The first instance, where you are solo, doesn’t take more than a few minutes to complete. Maybe 10 minutes at most, although IIRC the human one can probably be done in about 3.

    2. Heron says:

      You register your e-mail address on gravatar, and upload your own image.

    3. Chiller says:

      Compared to other MMOs I’ve played (also, IIRC): It’s about on par with WoW’s (which aren’t instanced) and maybe 2 times as long as the defunct Tabula Rasa’s (which was).

      1. Bryan says:

        Actually, the Death Knight’s starting area in WoW is instanced.

  7. Joshua says:

    I had forgotten how ridiculous I thought those graves were when I first played the game. I didn’t pay much attention to which buildings were still standing/burned down to realize that they had only burned down the tavern. Perceptive as usual, sir.

  8. Jonathan says:

    It’d be nice if there was a “View as a Single Page” option, so I don’t have to click through 5 extra times to see your whole article (reading while getting ready to go).

  9. Majikkani_Hand says:

    Ah, Dirk Mudbrick. You could at least have made him a cairn…perhaps out of mud bricks? Or, you know, cut the peat to go back over the top? Anything

    Ah well, he would have gotten better treatment if he’d been a hero-type and son of the steward like Boringmir.

  10. SolkaTruesilver says:

    So.. what was supposed to be the big reveal about Eogan?

    1. Joshua says:

      Nothing. He gets away in the Archet instance, and I believe you actually kill him the next time you meet him. However, he’s working for much more powerful masters, who you get acquainted with. Masters who take a decent bit of time out of their day to create a minor undead wraith instead of following up on their primary directive of FINDING THE RING.

  11. Ramsus says:

    Your song made me burst into a giggling fit.

  12. Jabor says:

    As hilarious as always, Shamus :)

    Though continuing the tradition of “posting on your latest blog post because I don’t know any other way to contact you”, I’m going to up and ask what’s going on with Chainmail Bikini. Evidently Shawn’s sent off the line art to you, you thought it was awesome, and … that’s about as far as I know. How far away do you think we are from the bonus comic awesomeness?

    I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or anything – you’ve got a lot on your plate in terms of other funny-stuff-you-give-us-for-free, and Shawn’s been going through a bit of a rough patch, but it’s just that this bonus comic sounds totally amazing and to be left completely in the dark about it at the last minute kind of stretches the anticipation to breaking point.

  13. toasty says:

    Shamus, I must ask, where are those awesome comics on the sidebar coming from? They’re hilarious.

    Also: did anyone ever tell you how awesome your name is? B)

    1. Shamus says:

      Thanks. They’re just something I put together to fill the space. There are a dozen of them now that rotate daily.

      1. Mom says:

        Thank you for the giggles

  14. hewhosaysfish says:

    “The wolf den is all taken care of?”
    “Not in the slightest. The thing is still swarming with the furry bastards.”

    Love it.

  15. Taelus says:

    Oh Shamus, whatever will you do with yourself when they stop making games with absurd premises and often terrible gameplay?

    Wait…nevermind. The very idea of game developers being made to generate sensible stories with reasonable interactive outcomes sounds like the premise for a really bad FPS.

  16. Galen says:

    On second thought lets not go to Middle Earth. ‘Tis a silly place.

    1. Neil Polenske says:

      Applause sir. It may have been said before and I missed it, but this is the first time I’ve seen it uttered and for that you have my gratitude.

      1. Jabor says:

        Indeed. If we had comment voting, this’d get my +1.

  17. NotYetMeasured says:

    Oh, I forgot to ask: is the song at the end supposed to be sung to the tune of “Away in a Manger?” It was for me!

  18. Daemon says:

    first of all love the series! thank you!
    /history professor
    actually, as a bunch of poor farmers/guards/whatever those people with brackenbrook were, they would not have been given much more than a shallow ditch anyway. an actual burial with coffin would have been too expensive (if we assume middle earth follows medieval practices)

    most peasants/militias in an army of around that period would have been lucky to get any kind of burial at all. most were just eaten by animals. in fact, there are several ghost stories involving unburied soldiers from a defeated army who….
    /history professor

    sorry about that.

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