Super Stories Showdown

By Shamus Posted Thursday Oct 15, 2009

Filed under: Notices 47 comments

Okay, so… over a hundred comments on yesterday’s post giving away three 14 day trials. The Marketing department of Cryptic must be laughing their asses off at us. What must it feel like to come in to work and find your paying customers have been laboring at doing your job for you?

co_marketing.jpg
But screw those guys. This was fun. The only not-fun was in whittling down the list, because choosing some means not choosing all the others. Taking comments into account along with my own preferences and some input from friends, I was able to pick a final eight. But I don’t have the heart to make the final cut myself, so we’ll have to settle this with an internet poll. Oh goody. Those are always a good barometer of the worthiness of art.

So, let’s get this over with. Just remember that everyone you don’t vote for worked very hard on their entry and will probably feel the sting of rejection when you scorn their efforts. So, thanks for voting, you cold hearted dream-killer.

The nominees, in the order they were posted:

Entry #1:

89yr old WWII Veteran Jerry Attrick was resigned to living out the rest of his life bored and lonely in the The Shady Pines Nursing home, but after he started a new vitamin regiment the latent “failed” super soldier serum he was administered 65 years earlier kicked in. He he was faster and stronger than he had ever been in his life. Tired of the crime and societal decay around him, he took up crime fighting while maintaining his secret identity as a doddering old man in a nursing home.

Entry #2:

Sam Morris is a big gam hunter from the future. Seeking a real challange, Sam travels back in time to hunt Dinosaurs. Unfortunately, Sam cuts his last trip too close to their armageddon, and the meteor enters Earth's atmosphere as he is returning to his own time. Not only he he thrown from his own timeline, his genes get contanimated with Dinosaur DNA, leaving him with thick skin and sharp spikes. Now known as StegaSam, he looks for a way home, trying to help a few people along the way.

Entry #3:

He always wanted to ba an hero, but he was born in wrong family/planet/dimension. So he started hanging around chemical and nuclear plants, but he managed only to catch a bad cough and a record at homeland security. He tried calling on assorted supernatural entities, but he only got voiceboxes. He tried a spider bite, but only got a nasty swelling. He decided to build a power armor, but only managed to be elettrocuted. But that at last did it! Now he fight the crime with lightning as Voltampere!

Entry #4:

So let's say, hypothetically, you're a lab tech working on a dimensional energy experiment, and a containment breach turns you into the earthly vessel of Nilb'Akh'Tnadres, the Thousand Arms From Beyond Void. What do you do? Go mad from the experience, maybe toss a couple cars around? Sure, maybe. Except it turns out Nilb is pretty cool, he just wants to hang out. (His home dimension is kind of a dump after all.) So what do you do with your eldritch powers? Fight crime of course. Duh.

Entry #5:

17 yr old Jack Silver hld the Record as the fstst txtr 102 wrds pr min he culd txt fstr thn mst culd typ Bt whl on a skool tour of M Ctys Nclear PWR Fclty th rdtn frm a cntainmnt leak cmbnd wth th rf nrgy frm th 2 cll phns in hs hnds and wrlss hedset causng a mttn Nw Jck culd mv as fst as he culd txt Th only prblm is he is nw only abl 2 thnk r cmmnct in TXT-SPK at spr spd Ttlly Incmprhnsbl whn syng EL OH EL out loud he strggls 2 fnd hs wy thru ths spr-pwrd wrld wth almst no ptienc fr othr ppl

(Translation here.)

Entry #6:

Adam Wicker was dying when the ethereal Nightlord approached him with a bargain: he would restore Adam's health and grant him minor magic power, but in exchange, Adam would be forced to do his bidding on every solstice. Adam agreed but, after the first solstice, despaired to learn Nightlord had committed murder through him. Incensed, Adam took the guise of Equinox to avenge the victimsâ€"and himself. Armed with a magic rod and the power to sense evil, Equinox works to foil Nightlord's evil plans.

Entry #7:

In the time of ancient Athens there was a troll who stood out from others of his kind. He preferred to lurk around the philosophical forums rather than under bridges. Unfortunately his tendency toward trouble got the better of him and he would initiate discussions designed to create fights between the philosophers. Once his was found out an enchantress was hired to turn him to stone. Thousands of years later the spell wore off and now he seeks to redeem himself.

He is the FORUM TROLL.

Entry #8:

Yes, I wield powers granted by the Dark Gods. Yes, I pray to my Gods in the depths of night. No, I will not take you to my temple to involve you in some carnal ritual, because ew. No I do not conduct human sacrifices or seek to destroy all life on Earth; that would be stupid. I want the same thing as everyone else; to be able to go through the day without being attacked by a lunatic who thinks just cause he's strong or crafty, that gives him the right to anything that I own. That and ice cream.

[poll id=”8″ type=”result”]

Voting will stay open until 8am EDT on Oct 16. (Tomorrow morning, New York time.) At which point I’ll send out the keys to the winners.

Thanks to everyone who took part.

 


From The Archives:
 

47 thoughts on “Super Stories Showdown

  1. Neil Polenske says:

    I’ve never killed a dream before…well I have countless times, I just never viewed it as such. Mmmm…tastes goooood.

  2. Henebry says:

    I wish you had included the superhero names and power sets, rather than just the bios. But everything else about this contest has been pure genius.

  3. Zeta Kai says:

    Well, I liked almost all of them, but Jerry Attrick is the most original origin story I’ve seen in a while. I’m surprised that no one’s thought of that & made a book about it before. I wish I’d thought of it. Nilb & VoltAmpere also get points for originality. Lastly, Teh Txt Spkr gets major kudos for presentation. The idea is kinda silly, but the execution is perfect. Well done, one & all; it was tough to choose just three.

  4. MichaelG says:

    Bring it on, Champions! My annoying robots will destroy you all!

  5. Nathon says:

    [pedantic]Actually, EDT is New York time right now. Oh, and this millennium started in 2001.[/pedantic]

  6. MuonDecay says:

    How do people get ahold of buddy keys anyway? My friends who subscribe to CO don’t have any, and Cryptic hasn’t made it easy to find information about them at all.

    1. Shamus says:

      MuonDecay: They give you 3 with a lifetime subscription.

  7. Robyrt says:

    Man, I’m sorry to have missed this contest! Some of these are really inventive.

  8. SolkaTruesilver says:

    @Shamus

    The company’s lifetime, or your lifetime?
    If you die, are you allowed to transfer such subscription to a next of kin?

    1. Shamus says:

      SolkaTruesilver: I don’t know how it works. I saw the $200 price tag and sort of staggered away. I imagine it’s just an account that never has to pay the monthly fee. I think it would take 10 months of play to break even?

      I am having a LOT of fun with the game, but I wouldn’t sink that kind of cash into this game. I doubt it has anywhere near enough depth to keep someone entertained that long. (At least not, yet. If you but a lifetime now, you’re betting on a promise.)

      I’m pretty confident I’ll cancel before the end of the year.

  9. Dev Null says:

    Aha! My concept is now complete. Enter DreamKiller: an astringently sarcastic geek with the power to dissect your dreams and bore you (into despair, unconciousness, or even death!) with an in-depth analysis of their inadequacies. Hey FORUM TROLL, want to form a super-group? And can someone show me where Wall-of-Text is on the power visualisation creator thingy?

  10. Al Shiney says:

    I swear by my pretty floral bonnet that I did not look at the results before submitting my votes … and yet, I managed to pick the three leaders. My inner geek feels very pleased and satisfied with itself.

  11. Geogscott says:

    Go Jerry Go! I envisioned him possibly fighting in a bathrobe and slippers.

  12. JimminyJoJo says:

    Jerry Attrick and Forum troll were my favorites. StegaSam had a cool story but it looks like he gets no love, sadly.

  13. toasty says:

    Dude the txtspeak one was BRILLIANT! brilliant I tell you brilliant!

    That and the Dark Gods one. Awesome. I didn’t think the Jerry Atrick one was so cool and to be honest I didn’t read any of hte others besides forum troll (which I voted for). Ya, so I’m pretty biased: I picked the ones that looked funny. But whatever.

  14. krellen says:

    Boo. I liked Dr. Lovecraftian.

  15. Doug Sundseth says:

    “Sam Morris is a big gam hunter from the future.”

    So, you’re saying he’s a leg man?

  16. John says:

    I almost voted for StegaSam just to see what kind of inappropriate dialogue would result from being a “Big Gam Hunter”

    Edit: Doug – amazing that we had the same thought at the same time. Meet ya in the gutter in another 5?

  17. Telas says:

    Is Jerry Atrick’s battle cry “Get off my lawn!”?

  18. 1d30 says:

    Dang, the only good one was Jerry. Everyone’s voting up Nilb because they like Cthulhu.

    Also what’s up with the bad spelling? People can’t Twitter without making a bunch of mistakes?

  19. Well, the text speak one says that the superpower is very fast texting, but denies him normal speech, hence the txt spk bio.

    I’m disappointed Equinox didn’t get higher as it was my favourite. Jerry Attric was my second favourite though, so at least he didn’t get outvoted. *grumbles*

  20. Chuk says:

    Jerry is like Minuteman from the Freedom Force games (which are cool).

  21. Blackbird71 says:

    @Geogscott (13) Better yet, how about slippers and a bathrobe with old war medals pinned to his chest and a combat helmet?

    To the author of Jerry, one minor nitpick: A “regiment” is a particular military unit, a “regimen” is a routine such as with exercise or medication. I wouldn’t have bothered mentioning it, except that the typo cost you one character towards your limit of 500. ;)

  22. equinox216 says:

    Jerry Attrick should take a cue from Aunt May’s stint as the Herald of Galactus and be called the Golden Oldie.

    It might be fun to run this contest a second time, for kicks, and rustle up something (not limited by homefront computing power) as a joke prize. The 500 limit is a little small, but doable (as evidenced). The rest of the Arbitrariness of Arbitration would stand just fine.

  23. Mari says:

    Jerry reminds me of Mermaid Man and his sidekick Barnacle Boy from Spongebob Squarepants. They were about the only part of the show I cared for at all when my kids were watching it but those two were a hoot. I still can’t say “evil” without the Mermaid Man inflection “Eeeeeeee-vil!” in Ernest Borgnine’s voice. So Jerry was my top pick from the start.

    As for Nilb, I just like the concept that here’s this Great Old One with horror inducing powers and what does he want when he gets an earthly vessel? Not destruction or madness or dominion; dude just wants to have a good time in a dimension that doesn’t suck. I enjoy the humourous contrast.

  24. Geogscott says:

    @Blackbird71 I like the idea of the medals and helmet. I realized after my edit timer went away I misspelled regimen and that mistake has been cruelly mocking me ever since.

    @Mari I totally forgot about Mermaid Man. He was awesome. I may have had some subconscious help there.

  25. Heron says:

    @Telas (19): rofl.

    Just rofl.

  26. Nazgul says:

    OK, I laughed at the fastest texter one but none were actually good enough to earn a vote. Old soldier came closest.

  27. Simulated Knave says:

    Once I eliminated all the ones with big obvious spelling mistakes, I was left with four.

    That made the decision a lot easier, let me tell you. :P

  28. Mari says:

    Hey no worries, Georgscott, if we knocked out every mildly derivative character from the comic book universe there wouldn’t be a lot left to read. It’s not even like you were just stealing whole-cloth. The only real similarity is the “aged superhero” thing and that’s been done a few other times as well anyway. But it’s done rarely enough to still be fresh and clever. I like how you blended the “aged superhero” thing with the “super soldier serum” trope. I don’t think I’ve caught that one before although I’m sure serious comic fans will be delighted to provide me with examples I’ve never heard of ;-)

  29. Sean Riley says:

    Equinox. I’d like Jerry more if he didn’t have the punny name. Somehow, that just kills it for me.

    But I’d have to give Equinox the top honors, as it’s actually a pretty decent Silver Age hero backstory. Then StegaSam (not too bad, a bit goofy but fun) and Th txt spk one last. It’s jokey as hell, but I like the joke and it’s a fun take on the classic Marvel goofster hero.

  30. Trianglehead says:

    @toasty Thanks for that. I don’t know if I’d call it brilliant since it inflicted sheer mental agony on me to write it. I despise text-speak, but once the hero name was in my head, I had to do it. But I’m glad someone liked it. :)

  31. Zombie Pete says:

    I didn’t vote for Forum Troll (despite being one, myself) because he was described as being from Athens, which didn’t have a forum, it had an agora. You’re thinking of Rome. Ah, my misspent archaeological youth…

  32. DaveMc says:

    C’mon, Dark gods and ice cream! Forum Troll and Nilb, I’m pullin’ for you, too. But they were all good, you should all give yourselves a pat on the back. That and ice cream.

  33. Daf says:

    Aww, I totally missed checking yesterday. Sad face.

    I liked Equinox the best out of the finalists. More sad face.

    @28 Yes, eliminating entries with accidental typos did make things a lot easier :)

    @ Trianglehead
    I liked yours too, although predominantly for its concept and meta-humour :)
    Aside: “wpm” is a widely used abbreviation for words per min and there are several other points at which I would have rephrased your bio to make it better fit your character concept. But I gave you a vote, so hey. U cd stl snk up n2 3rd spt :)

  34. oep says:

    Corwin was a supervisory agent in the Transportation Safety Authority, where he oversaw the xraying of shoes and made sure your shampoo did not explode. Fired for allowing a diabetic grandmother to have her insulin, he volunteered for a secret government project to create a supersoldier. He was promptly assigned as a file clerk. Due to a filing mishap, a papercut, and the close resemblence of the supersoldier serum to a vial of tetanus vaccine, Corwin now fights crime as… well, Corwin Knight.

    Heh, I have no interest in a free trial, but I thought I would share. He’s a level 20 Force powers toon.

  35. Josh says:

    Is the order randomized? I hope Jerry isn’t getting more votes just because he’s first.

    I’m sad that few people are voting for StegaSam. It’s like A Sound of Thunder plus The Fly in one great package.

  36. Trianglehead says:

    @daf Haha. Yeah, I did things a little backwards. I wrote the bio in ‘normal speak’ first. It was about twice as long as the limit, so I trimmed it and rephrased down to 707. The txt-speak conversion knocked it down under the limit; since my brain was already in excruciating agony over staring and writing that much text-speak, I called it good and submitted.

    I probably should have spent a bit more time and worked the super-hero name into the bio proper, as well as a few other things. But I had fun with it either way. And I’m still hopeful that the night crew will be delirious enough from sleep deprivation to send me up to top 4 for one of the codes. :)

  37. Shamus says:

    I can’t believe how close it is between Dark Gods and Forum Troll. It’s been like that for most of the day. Just a couple of votes from each other.

  38. Matt P says:

    I can see my tastes aren’t popular: I chose the 4th, 3rd and 2nd last choices. And to think my vote could have actually mattered (in an honest to god numerical sense) if only I’d chosen FORUM TROLL or Nilb!

  39. Dev Null says:

    Awww; the original posts comments are closed. Despite being too late to be in for the prize, I wanted to share my character concept:

    Real Name: Bob Johnson

    Super Name: “What do you mean? My name’s Bob you idiots. What? I _have_ to have a super name? Fine; you can call me Officer Bob.”

    Powers: Does the game do the minion master powerset? You know, the one where you can call up minions to do things for you? Because Officer Bob should primarily be a minion master, with some brawling (none of that “Martial Arts” crap mind, just good ole fashioned smackdown) and _small_ arms. If he levels up far enough, maybe he gets a SWAT team.

    Appearance: Officer Bob should look as closely as possible like every police officer in the game. So should his minions, when he calls for backup.

    Character Story: “What are you people, some kinda fruitcakes? You gotta run around in your underwear to fight crime? Sheesh. I’ve been fighting crime since before most of you perverts got your first vinyl jumpsuit, and I can tell you that you don’t do it by throwing cars at things; you do it with good solid police work, calling for backup when you track down the perps, and sometimes getting your knuckles bloody.

    And no, I’m not Irish. What, you guys got some kind of stereotype machine stuck on overdrive or something? Sheesh.”

    Battle Cries: “Officer Johnson requesting backup…”
    “You are under arrest for violating section 34-c of the Costumed Empowered Individuals Registration Act. Throw down your battle armour / demonic possessor / arcane artifact / radioactive invertibrate and/or weapons and come quietly.”
    “Sheesh.”

  40. Trianglehead says:

    Well, I would have voted for Dev Null’s! But… He’s 13 characters over the limit! Hehe. Great idea though.

    @matt p
    Actually, I was neck and neck with Ice Cream God over there for quite a while this morning. He pulled away in the afternoon though. Alas! Alack! (Not that I’m stalking this post to see how things go or anything.)

  41. Cuthalion says:

    I couldn’t help but support the TxtTeen. I thought it was just too clever. I seem to be going for the humor though, as I picked the old guy and FORUM TROLL, too.

  42. Greg says:

    Is the txtspk just a way of making the unreasonable word count limit hurt less? I’d vote for it on the basis of that.

    Though like 59% of people I’d like to see Jerry being played.

  43. Shamus says:

    Wow. It really is going to be a photo-finish for Troll vs. Ice Cream.

    406 to 405 with about 40 mins left.

    I’ll keep my favorites to myself until it’s all over.

  44. Drue says:

    @33 Yeah, I was going to make the troll from Rome but then I looked up Socrates and saw he was from Athens. I actually have a longer backstory in mind which involves specific philosophers and that’s why I went with Athens. I didn’t know it wasn’t a forum.

    Also, Shamus, the percentages on the vote thing don’t work out right. I don’t know why so it might be a problem with my browser or something but I am compelled to point it out.

  45. Veloxyll says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    3 vote; (and yes 3 because it’s that many to take the lead, not 2 to draw even) ONE OF THEM MINE (I voted for Dark Gods AND Forum Troll). On the up side that means I don’t have to make the call as to whether she’s black or white

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Append: Remember Drue that the %’s were from the ~1100 votes (and it rounds to the nearest 1%)

    But, in closing
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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