The Top Seven Sexiest Women of Fantasy!

By Shamus
on Jul 20, 2009
Filed under:
Nerd Culture

I don’t usually go in for lists like this. They invariably end up loaded with skanks and dunces who think “sexy” means “malnourished and underdressed”. For example: I’ll take Audrey Hepburn in her Sunday best over a bare-assed Jessica Alba any day.

However, I must admit that the #1 spot in this list of the Top Seven Sexiest Women of Fantasy is a triumph.

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201434 comments. Hurry up and add yours before it becomes passé.

From the Archives:

  1. Phase says:

    I’ll admit, from your wording at the end there I had assumed number 1 would be GLaDOS.

  2. Jeremiah says:

    Okay, wow, that really caught me off guard and I let out a pretty loud laugh in my cubicle.

  3. Matthew Allen says:

    I was thinking Shodan myself for some reason. Which would have been fantastic as well.

    But I have to agree with Legolas.

  4. Rutskarn says:

    I think the moment in my perusal of DM of the Rings where I went, “Dammit, I gotta finish this comic in this sitting and then e-mail it to everyone I know,” was when Aragorn said “Back that Legolas up.”‘

    Orlando Bloom is the poster child for androgyny.

  5. radio_babylon says:

    my verdict: meh. on all 7 counts. except maybe #6, and if i could only pick one character from the buffyverse, it wouldnt be faith. glorificus, probably…

    ok and #3. kate beckinsale = crazy-making hot.

    its a good thing all men dont like the same thing, or we’d spend all our time trying to kill each other.

  6. Mari says:

    Sexiest man, sexiest woman. Let’s just dub him sexiest bishon. No, he wouldn’t win that contest thanks to David Bowie’s package in Labyrinth. Still, I just love the bishon boys!

  7. theonlymegumegu says:

    Oh man, did you just say “Audrey Hepburn”? Be still my beating heart… Charade is my favorite movie of all time, but then that’s 50% because of Cary Grant. And also awesome dialogue. “Do you know what’s wrong with you?” “What?” “Nothing.” *swoon*

    Though I think Audrey in Roman Holiday is actually a bit more adorable. Especially with the short haircut. And Gregory Peck makes a good leading man too.

    I have to admit I can’t deny that a bare-assed Jessica Alba would still turn my head ^^;;

    And while I’m putting us on the subject of “they don’t make ’em like they used to”, Grace Kelly is my number 2 lady. Such an amazing mix of allure, girl next door, and tomboy.

    Also, Leggo-lass is so hawt. I still remember the time I went and freaked my friend out when we went to see one of the LotR movies and I walked up and kissed the cardboard standee of Leggo-lass… ’cause he’s a hottie =P

  8. midget0nstilts says:

    Forget about the way she looks! As long as she’s reasonably thin (but not too thin) and has half-way decent hygiene, what’s more important is the girl’s personality.

    And as far as that goes, apparently I find characters voiced by Jennifer Hale to be sexy! (Mazzy Fentan, Naomi Hunter, Bastila Shan–if you consider MGS and SW to be fantasy.) I guess she’s just got the right voice.

    Oh, boy, do I feel like a nerd.

  9. Nyaz says:

    HAHAHA Legolas as number one! Oh god, I just got massive flashbacks to your Lord of the Rings comic there, Shamus! (That and I accidentally flipped tabs and clicked an ad on another page due to uncontrollable laughing. No, I don’t want to buy a Samsung LED TV! Okay, I do. But I can’t afford it.)

    Out of all those mentioned… well, I’m going to have to go with Keira Knightly as Elizabeth Swan for the hottest one there.

    And about Selene from Underworld – looking at her was the ONLY thing making me suffer through the first AND second Underworld movies (UUUURGH they are terrible).

    In terms of actual real-life women I’m going to go for Hayley Williams of Paramore. And Alyson Hannigan. And Kari Byron from Mythbusters. Damn! She’s taken. Ah well. Hey, look, they all have red hair. Haven’t thought of that before…

  10. Ergonomic Cat says:

    Maid Marion in Disney’s Robin Hood is a serious fox.

  11. Julian says:

    Honorable mention should go to the women in When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth. I mean, their JOB was to look skanky and hot.

  12. PAK says:

    I’ll admit I do think Audrey is gorgeous, but you’re statement still strikes me as inconsistent, Shamus, as she usually looks malnourished, and Alba has real curves!

  13. Telas says:

    Solid list. Great choice for #1.

    And a most excellent choice of picture for the ‘actual’ #1. Does the imagination good.

  14. Mephane says:

    Hey, Jessica Alba does in no way look “malnourished”. And what’s so sexy about her, is her face. :P

  15. LadyDarkWolf says:

    Oops, though I stumbled into a Wired article at first!

    My vote would be for Tia Dalma from the last two Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Most of those here (except for Legolas, Xena and Gabrielle) aren’t near the top of my list.

    On the other hand, I wouldn’t look away either :)

  16. Danath says:

    I got annoyed reading through the list until I hit #1, then I burst out laughing seeing “Legolas”.

  17. Deoxy says:

    Most of that list was ok, I guess… I haven’t followed a lot of those series, so that doesn’t help, I suppose.

    I would actually just LOVE that list if nothing else than for the “legals as #1” thing, except they included Princess Leia. Ouch, my eyes. Besides the fact that that really goes under sci-fi, seriously, I never considered her “hot”. At all. AT ALL.

    Oh, and I’ll agree with PAK. I like Audrey Hepburn as a leading lady quite a bit, but she was certainly quite a bit on the “thin” side of things.

  18. Dev Null says:

    Ok, I know standards of beauty differ from man to man, but Audrey Hepburn? Please. Ursula K LeGuinn is the sexiest woman in fantasy by far. I’m not even talking about that smile – check out the brain on that dame!

    (In a more conventional sense, Kahlan Amnell / Bridget Regan from the cheesy-but-fun Legend of the Seeker series is both easy on the eyes and a serious arse-kicker.)

  19. WWWebb says:

    I’ll second the Kahlan Amnell vote, but I’ve got to disagree with any “fantasy women” list that includes pirates, vampires, and space princesses but doesn’t include Red Sonja.

  20. modus0 says:

    What? No Brigitte Nielsen as Red Sonja?

    Clearly, the list is woefully incomplete.

  21. Sydney says:

    When you said number one was “a triumph”, I totally expected GLaDOS.

  22. Neil says:

    Now I’m going to chuckle whenever someone even mentions the name “Legolas”

  23. Decius says:

    I can’t believe that we’ve spoiled the word “triumph” for anything but a Portal reference.

    Wait. I can.

    Hrm… GLaDOS/SHODAN fanfic? I call rule 34!

  24. Huckleberry says:

    I’ll third Kahlan and second Legend of the Seeker as a fun series — Craig Horner isn’t half bad either, especially with his shirt off…

  25. Kris says:

    Agree on Kahlan from Seeker and surprised that Liv Tyler/Arwen wasn’t on there. Also would have chosen Uma/Poison Ivy to represent Batman (though that may have been sci-fi batman).

    Also, Legolas was a joke #1, keep scrolling.

    @Shamus – Jessica Alba is one of the last starlets I would describe as malnourished , I would have chosen Kiera or someone else who dissappears when they turn sideways.

  26. Tim O'Leary says:

    Hey guys,

    As the creator of the list, first I gotta say thanks for linking to it!

    Now I got to defend some choices – does anyone really think Brigitte Nielson in Red Sonja was hot? Really? And Liv Tyler’s Arwen was unbelievably beautiful in an ethereal way, but I’m not sure I’d call that “sexy,” exactly. Not in the way Legolas is, anyway. That girl can WORK it.

    And for the guy who said Star Wars is scifi, I give thee this:

    http://thetorchonline.com/2009/04/20/what-the-hell-is-star-wars-anyway-science-fiction-or-fantasy/

  27. mark says:

    oh, good, you were talking about legolas. I always thought Lucy Lawless to be extremely mannish.

  28. Coffee says:

    I’m making a note here: Epic Fail.

  29. Tim O'Leary says:

    Shamus,

    Your webcomic is a work of staggering genius! Excellent stuff. I’m still laughing my ass off about the Legolas jokes.

  30. angela says:

    mark
    you must have no taste!

  31. Jeff says:

    I used to have a crush on Renee O’Connor. Especially after the “three naked Gabrielles” episode. Mm.

  32. Bruce says:

    So many to choose from. Honourable mentions (IMO) for: 1) Claudia Black from Farscape and Pitch Black. 2) The woman who played Kiera (I think) from Chronicles of Riddick.

    P.S. Legolas – tee, hee!

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