At the end of the episode the good doctor gives a psych test. From the standpoint of scientific rigor, it’s about as useful as a “What kind of lover are you?” quiz from the pages of Cosmo. But let me answer them anyway:
Men worry me vs. Women worry me
An interesting question, because – assuming we’re talking about teens like we see in this game – we’re really talking about two very different threats. From the standpoint of my teenage self, I’d have to go with women. A guy can kick your ass. And if you’re me, there’s not much your narrow ass can do about it. But women can say mean stuff to you. A bruise will be gone by next week, but the rejection of a woman can haunt you for years. And I’m not talking about getting dumped. I mean even little stuff, like getting turned down for a date. Those words cut deep.
As an adult I don’t have a strong male / female preference when it comes to worrying about people. I’m obviously not afraid of being rejected by a woman (my 20 year wedding anniversary is in two months) but I also don’t worry about guys punching my lights out.
I guess the takeaway here is that Adulthood is awesome, aside from the part where your body gets fat, hurts all the time, and then suffers from progressive malfunctions until you die.
Planes Scare me vs. Crowds scare me
Planes are fun and awesome. Crowds are stressful and annoying.
I fear heights vs. I fear drowning
Gah. These are both really bad phobias of mine. I guess statistically drowning is the bigger threat, but being near a ledge provokes a more atavistic level of reflexive panic. I think it depends on what part of my brain you’re trying to scare.
Snakes scare me vs. Rats scare me
If by “rats” you’re including “diseases carried by rats”, then historically rats have killed a lot more people. But I’d have to go with snakes. Snakes are assholes and I fear their venom.
Guns are scary vs. Knives are scary
I’m not particularly worried about either of these. Guns have moving parts, and that makes them interesting to me in a mechanical sense.
I guess I’ll pick knives, but only because it’s possible to give yourself a nasty cut in the kitchen. But that’s probably not the kind of fear this test is interested in.
Rats scare me vs. cockroaches scare me
Oh HELL no. This isn’t even close. Phobias about roaches are one of the reasons I’m glad I don’t live further south.
Clowns scare me vs. Scarecrows scare me
Clowns make me vaguely socially uncomfortable, but they’re not scary. And scarecrows are cool.
Gore disgusts me vs. Crows scare me
Actually, I’m generally fine with both of these.
Rats scare me vs. spiders scare me
This is what, the third time rats showed up? Nothing else has gotten this much attention so far. After all of this buildup, there had better be some rats somewhere in this videogame.
I think this question is too vague. Are we talking garden spiders, or brown recluse? Spiders are not created equal. Once venom is part of the equation, I’m more worried about the spider.
Gore vs. Needles
Pffft. Neither of these is a big deal to me. When I was 19 or so, I attended a vocational school. I was on the third floor with the other computer science nerds, but sometimes the nursing students would come down from the fifth floor, looking for people to practice on. I was always happy to volunteer. Not only am I cool with needles, I’m cool with needles in the hands of a terrified nursing student with trembling hands.
Clowns vs. Zombies
Yeah, neither one of these is a big deal.
Needles vs. Dogs
Uh, the test says “dogs” but it has a picture of a wolf. In any case, dogs are scary. I know I said dogs weren’t scary on the show, but I was kind of thinking in terms of of “cute dog pictures” you see on the internet. Now that I’ve thought about it more, I actually do have a pretty strong fear of dogs in certain circumstances.
I mean, dogs could theoretically kill me because of my asthma and allergies. On top of this, at several points in my life I’ve been menaced by large, aggressive dogs owned by irresponsible assholes. I was also bitten once, which resulted in an asthma attack and a trip to the hospitalI was a kid, and due to complicated circumstances I had to stay in a house with a dog owner for several hours. The bite left a nasty welt, but I’m not sure if the dog saliva was a meaningful contributor to the attack.. And on top of that, I watched The Grey a few years ago, which solidified my fear.
Needles vs. storms
Needles are not scary, and storms are awesome.
Peter Stormare is scary
It’s kind of funny how these things were paired up. There were 12 questions in all and it mentioned many things I’m afraid of, but there were only 3 or 4 questions where I had a strong preference. In most cases, the stuff I was scared of was paired with other stuff I was scared of, and the non-scary stuff was matched with other not-scary stuff.
Looking forward to seeing where this all goes.
 I was a kid, and due to complicated circumstances I had to stay in a house with a dog owner for several hours. The bite left a nasty welt, but I’m not sure if the dog saliva was a meaningful contributor to the attack.
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