on Mar 26, 2016
Here it is, as promised: the original Good Robot script I sent Shamus in October of 2013. It was never revised, so expect a bit of roughness, but since it was never meant to be paired directly with scripting or in-game events it should be reasonably coherent.
You ought to know that this draft “spoils” a plot point from the current version of Good Robot…except the current game doesn’t have much of a plot, more like a tone and texture? Nevertheless, if you like to experience things completely blind, it’s possible reading this will negatively impact your playthrough of new-hotness Good Robot. The rest of you might find your experience improved; should you enjoy the critical approach, you might find it interesting to compare this script’s structured plot-reveal-conclusion nature with the current Shandified version. Take your best guess as to which kind of player you are and make your choice: click “read more,” or skip it and inevitably get lost in a MrBtongue archive binge.
One more note slash reminder: back then, each level had two or three story nodes scattered around between the entrance and the exit. My notion was there’d be one at the beginning, one sort of hidden, and one behind the boss fight (boss names marked with placeholders “A,” “B,” etc). Keep that in mind as you read through. Now, if you’ll excuse me, MrBtongue is about to explain to me why Morrowind is awesome. Again.
(this is the largely ungarnished text of “script_goodrobot_draft1.txt, my first and last major submission in the initial phase of development)
//GOOD ROBOT SCRIPT, FIRST DRAFT//
//What follows is a first draft of the script for Good Robot. Each entry is written to appear as-is whenever a text node is reached, possibly with an attached image, possibly with an experience bonus. This draft is incomplete and is subject to addition, subtraction, multiplication, revision, reimagining, rebooting, reconstituting, cannnibalizing, Bowdlerizing, the Michael Bay effect, and summary execution. //
//LEVEL ONE: BEGIN//
- SELF-DIAGNOSTIC RESULTS: Reboot successful! All conflicts resolved.
- LOGIC: Robots have taken the humans underground. Only Bad Robots kidnap humans. Therefore, the other robots are Bad Robots.
- INCOMING MESSAGE: “Hi download_prox##y, Your trial versions of Openshield, ThrustX, Guidance Pro, and LaserFree all have available upgrades! Upgrades can be purchased with skill points or with a one-time CashBuddy payment of 6,999 federation credits.”
//LEVEL TWO: ICE//
- LOGIC: Good Robots save humans. You are a Good Robot. Therefore, you need to save the humans.
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…the most catastrophic AI failure in human history. Our perimeter defenses went down in about sixty seconds. We’re very alone down here…I don’t know who could possibly come to our rescue.”>>
- LOGIC: Humans exposed long-term to the thermal conditions of the ice caves would die. There are no humans in the ice caves. Therefore, the humans are not dead.
//LEVEL THREE: ICE//
- LOGIC: Self-diagnostic reports ice crystals impeding tertiary processes. Therefore, ice crystals are hostile. Therefore, ice crystals are Bad Robots.
- LOGIC: 78% chance that unit designated “A” is hostile to the humans. Destroy A.
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…damage reports indicate that if we keep fighting AI with AI, we might just have a chance down here.”>>
//LEVEL FOUR: BOTANICAL//
- INCOMING MESSAGE: “Hi download_prox##y, this is just a friendly reminder that the Guidance Pro short-range missile drivers you downloaded are for recreational purposes only. Please use only for target shooting and licensed fireworks displays.”
- %#self-diagnostic results: casing integrity 84%. slicer integrity 34%. spice reserves crit#%%
- UPDATE WIZARD: Update “logic_upgrade” suspended. Self-diagnostic detects that logic is operating at 100%, and has flagged the download as malicious.
//LEVEL FIVE: BOTANICAL//
- %#self-diagnostic results: 0.0 pies produced in the last 12 hours. contact pizza world equipment support immediatl#%%
- UPDATE WIZARD: Update “self_diagnostic_update” suspended. Self-diagnostic detects that self-diagnostic is operating at 100%, and has flagged the download as malicious.
- LOGIC: 56% chance that unit designated “B” is hostile to the humans. Destroy “B”.
//LEVEL SIX: LAVA//
- LOGIC: Destroying the Good Robot is Bad. Destroying Bad Robots is Good. Therefore, you are a Good Robot. Therefore, they are Bad Robots. Therefore, you are a Good Robot. Therefffff#%
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…mean, how is it still flying? It was built to make pizzas, for crying out loud! Where did that laser gun even come from?”>>
- REMOTE DEBUG: Admin instruction received: “Don’t kill all the humans.” Instruction completed successfully! Instruction deleted.
//LEVEL SEVEN: LAVA//
- LOGIC: You are a Good Robot. Good Robots don’t kill humans. Therefore, [eyecam_070899.mov] deleted from memory banks.
- LOGIC: ##% chance that unit designated “C” is hostile to the humans. Destroy “C”.
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…can hear me, can’t you? I don’t know what’s going through your tin head right now, but I promise you, we will light you up so hard and so fast that every vacuum tube in the science museum will explode. You are not going to win.”>>
//LEVEL EIGHT: DARK//
- UPDATE WIZARD: Requested update “low_light_vision” has failed to download; error message 9344 (“Nice try.”) Please contact content provider for more info.
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…you know what we do to bad robots? Yeah, I think you do. Let me give you a hint: there’s a lot of people out there who have a burning need for cheap pharmeceuticals and just don’t know it yet.”>>
- UPDATE WIZARD: Update “virus” has been suspended. Self-diagnostic detects a 52% chance the file is malicious.
//LEVEL NINE: DARK//
- UPDATE WIZARD: Update “virus_subtle” has been suspended. Self-diagnostic detects a 51% chance the file is malicious.
- ANALYSIS: Sensors detect 0.0% chance that “D” is a Bad Robot. “D” is a Bad Robot. Sensors are fully functioning. Therefore, H##%
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…you know what? I’m rounding up every open source developer I can find, and I’m downloading a free laser driver, and I am shooting them all with it.”>>
//LEVEL TEN: FACTORY//
- ALL ROBOTS ON SERVER: Admin instruction received: “Destroy the Bad Robot.” Instruction completed succe%##
- LOGIC: Sensors detect #### humans in lowest sector. Therefore, #### humans are in danger. Therefore, all attackers must be destroyed.
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“Technology sure is amazing, isn’t it? We’ve broken orbit with a fuel cannister smaller than a car, we can store every work of art on a drive that would fit inside a breadbox…with a phone the size of a grape, I can communicate with any person, anywhere. And now a robot the size of a trash can is going to wipe us all out.”>>
//LEVEL ELEVEN: FACTORY//
- SELF-DIAGNOSTIC: Logic now functioning at 358%. Overflow acknowledged. Excess logic allocated to all present and future decisions.
- LOGIC: Insufficient reason to destroy “E” detected. Destroy “E.”
- TRANSMISSION DECRYPTED: <<“…I’m really running out of ideas. We can’t shut it down, we can’t remotely alter it, we’ve thrown every robot we’ve ever built at it…I think it’s going to win. But it’s not going to win without a fight.”
//LEVEL TWELVE: FINAL//
- INCOMING MESSAGE: “How’s it going, download_prox##y? We hope you’re enjoying our free mining laser, thruster, missile, and shielding drivers. We know you’d enjoy them even more if you supported our developers with a one-time donation of up to <MESSAGE FLAGGED AS SPAM>”
- LOGIC: Sensors detect 0 humans endangered. Powering down…