Doctors warn of an “Epidemic” of Wii injuries. Wasn’t it just five minutes ago they were warning us about the epidemic of corpulent drooling television-watchers. I distinctly remember dire predictions that we were rocketing towards a grim reality where we’re all too fat to fit in the booth at Denny’s and we drop dead of a heart attack at 27. Now a few of us have tried to get up and move gently in place, which is placing us in a new and equally horrifying peril.
Truly we are hemmed in on all sides by relentless danger from which there can be no escape. We have no choice but to be afraid of everything, at all times.