|By Shamus||Dec 2, 2008||55 comments|
To the person in charge of the inputs in Silent Hill Homecoming:
You are a mountebank and an idiot. Whoever gave you command of a compiler did a grave disservice not just to your software product, but to the industry as a whole. I am referring, of course, to the blatant and willful omission of a feature to allow the user to invert the y-axis, so that pressing forward results in looking down, and contrary-wise, pulling back will result in looking up. This is a feature offered by every other such product you might care to name, including all of the previous works bearing the "Silent Hill" moniker. I have spent several hours in a state of constant agitation because I cannot comfortably make use of your softwares.
I can only conclude this was an act of calculated malice, the work of an eager and spiteful reprobate. The effort required to multiply the y-axis by negative one is childishly trivial compared to the effort required to overcome eighteen years of muscle memory, which is what it seems you're asking me to do in order to play your video amusement product.
And do not attempt to claim that this was merely an oversight. You clearly offer the option to invert said axis whilst aiming. Thus you are aware of the need for this feature. I can make the controls behave the way I desire during combat, but not during the course of the rest of the experience. I cannot fathom the intent - save malice - that led to this state of affairs. Why would I want to reverse the behavior of one, and not the other? The only thing worse than having the controls work backwards all the time is to have them work backwards only most of the time, and then have them switch once again when the I am under the duress and challenge of combat.
What truly appalls me is not the contempt you have for me, which is palpable enough, but the contempt you show for your own work. Have you no honor? No shame? No basic sense of propriety? You sir, are a villain.
Do not imagine this is the end of this matter. You have not tasted the fullness of my wrath. Indeed, but have not even sampled a tithe of it. Pray you do not encounter me in the flesh, for as surely as I have spent the last three hours spinning in place and staring at the ceiling in your video entertainment product, I will teach you to fear justice the way the wicked things beneath the earth fear the sun itself.