$5 Fan Kills 100 times its value in hardware

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Mar 24, 2009

Filed under: Personal 51 comments

My new computer is here and I’m slowly hammering it into some sort of usable shape. I’ve performed an autopsy of the old machine and its accoutrements. The butcher’s bill:

  • My power supply.
  • Motherboard. (And without the motherboard, I can’t say if the CPU survived. Not that it matters. I’m not going to go shop for a compatible motherboard (a complex task even if the CPU is brand new and you know the exact make, which it isn’t and I don’t) so I’m calling it a loss as well.
  • Everything plugged into a USB port. (My wireless Mouse & keyboard set.)
  • My video capture card. (Nooooooooo!) That is going to be a nightmare to replace.
  • My AGP graphics card is most likely dead, although that’s no big loss as I no longer own an AGP compatible machine.

Silver lining: The hard drive survived. I have backups of the critical data and patchwork backups of the less-critical stuff, but the drive itself is far better.

I’ll post more about the new machine later.

Off-Brand Intel Single-Core 3.0Ghz passed on this weekend as the result of prolonged internal cooling difficulties. It was 3. Services will be held at the Greater Pittsburgh Recycling Center this Thursday. Born in 2006, Off-Brand is survived by a lone Western Digital hard drive.

 


 

GTA IV vs. Saints Row: Missions

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Mar 24, 2009

Filed under: Game Reviews 39 comments

Let’s look at a couple of typical missions from each of the games:

Grand Theft Auto IV

You (main character Nico Bellic) are working for some crazyman who sends you to kill a member of a biker gang. Like most of the missions in this game, the events here are bound up in the main story arc and the things you do here will have repercussions down the road. The cutscenes are wonderfully executed, with no less strength and drama than you’d find in and Quentin Tarantino movie. The camera work is stylized and compelling. While 3d models aren’t quite able to emote with the potency of a real live actor, I am constantly amazed at how far they’ve come.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “GTA IV vs. Saints Row: Missions”

 


 

Stolen Pixels #75: Interview With the RAM Pyre

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Mar 24, 2009

Filed under: Column 16 comments

I knew that making jokes about the Xbox bricking itself would likely attract flames. So I decided to make the title of the comic such an offensively horrible and inexcusable pun that the resulting outrage would head off any bickering over people’s chosen self-esteem containers console platforms.

Also, Travis makes peace with the PS3 users after enraging them by repeating the unflattering things Sony executives have already admitted. I mean, I guess he makes peace with them. Honestly I don’t know what gets people so riled up in the first place, so maybe this won’t do any good.

 


 

GTA IV vs. Saints Row 2: Intro

By Shamus Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009

Filed under: Game Reviews 31 comments

Saints Row 2 is a Grand Theft Auto clone in the truest sense of the word. It plays not so much like a rival franchise as a mix tape of established GTA gameplay.

The typical review attitude is to [attempt to] view each game on its own merits, to [theoretically] judge a game on its ability to provide amusement and diversion without leaning too much on other titles as a benchmark. This is, of course, impossible. And it’s also boring. So let’s take two games and pit them directly against each other in a competitive dual review / cockfight.

A lot of what I say will overlap with points Yahtzee made in his Saints Row 2 review. Yes, I know. You don’t need to tell me how I’m just “ripping him off” or whatever it is you accuse reviewers of when two of them come to the same irritating opinion.

In the rest of the posts in this series I’ll examine the guts of each game and analyze how their mechanics lead to fun or frustration. But first, let me go through the usual laundry list of stupid features of marginal importance:

Graphics

Saints Row 2 has nice graphics, inasmuch as I care about that sort of thing. It’s a few steps ahead of GTA: San Andreas, with visuals dragged into the current-gen arena with little fuss.

By contrast, GTA IV seems to have graphics magically imported from the PS4 or Xbox 720. The attention to detail is astounding. Rockstar has discovered what George Lucas realized thirty years ago: A little bit of entropy is better than a million dollars woth of special effects at making something look believable. The world of GTA IV is dirty, scuffed, dented, scratched, cluttered, and wrinkled.

Of course, if the game does its job you’ll stop noticing the graphics once you’re drawn into the world, but the graphics are an admirable showcase of technology and coding prowess.

Physics

In GTA IV it is possible to drive a car around the city without smashing it to pieces. It’s still not going to handle like a real-world car, but this is as close as you can hope to get without a steering wheel and peripheral vision. The explosions have been dialed back from “action movie” fireballs to “vaguely resembling reality” explosions. Often cars will crash and flip over, and then not explode. Amazing. I wonder how they did that.

Saints Row 2 continues in the GTA tradition of adopting the physics of Road Runner cartoons. It’s possible to punch a car until it explodes. Cars start, stop, and turn on a dime, but still end up being unwieldy land rockets like in the GTA titles of yore.

Ports

The PC adaptations of both games are (reportedly) awful, buggy, stuttering, sluggish beasts. I can’t say which is worse, but finding out would not make for a worthwhile study. Both games represent an attempt to take revenge on the PC pirates who take games without paying money by taking the money of the non-pirates without giving them a game. Perhaps some players have enjoyed these games with their Crysis-certified machines, but I have not heard from those people.

 


 

Wall-E / Watchmen Mashup Trailer

By Shamus Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009

Filed under: Movies 22 comments

Dear internet:

Please provide something random and amusing.


Link (YouTube)

Thank you. That will do.

 


 

For the fans

By Shamus Posted Sunday Mar 22, 2009

Filed under: Personal 63 comments

A funny thing happened on my way to the internet this morning. And by “funny” I mean, “cruel turn which has inflicted frustration, financial loss, and the inability to continue playing Left 4 Dead”.

A fan in my computer has been struggling lately. I could hear it in there, spinning up and down at regular intervals, wailing like an air raid siren. After making sure the Luftwaffe wasn’t overhead, I went back to playing Left 4 Dead with the nagging realization that the fan noise was something that Should Be Looked Into. But not right now. I mean, soon. Eventually.

Sometimes the wailing would stop, which meant that either the fan had resumed normal operation, or it had stopped moving entirely. It is amazing how quickly I can turn into an optimist when pessimism is a hassle.

A failing fan means something is most likely going to overheat and die. It might be the power supply (whatever) the graphics card (ouch) or the CPU (noooooooooooooo!).

This morning I discovered that one should never set aside one’s pessimism. My PC is now a box of dead electronics. Swapping in a good power supply doesn’t fix it, or even provoke a murmur. It’s deceased. It has passed on. It is an ex-computer.

So a new PC is now on order. (I’m currently using a ten year old machine, which has been imbued with Ubuntu. I can’t believe how well it works, given its age. ) This is all a shame. The dead PC is the first computer I’ve ever owned that still felt perfectly usable after a couple of years. I had no particular need to upgrade until the thing went and bricked itself.

It took a while to find a machine that had the right features (memoryhertz and gigadrives and whatnots) without any of the wrong ones. (Windows Vista.) The machine I found is a “Vista machine with an XP configuration”. Which apparently means it comes with XP pre-installed, along with a complementary Vista-brand coaster.

Which is nice.

 


 

Francis Hates Left 4 Dead

By Shamus Posted Saturday Mar 21, 2009

Filed under: Movies 27 comments


Link (YouTube)

Francis is one of the 4 selectable characters in the game. He’s a 6’5 (very tall, for you metric thinkers) biker with tattoos and a vest. His thing is that he goes around saying how much he hates the various environs you’re obliged to explore in the game. Francis hates everything. While in the single-player game, I got in the habit of always playing as Francis because he blended in with the horde, color-wise. Bill, Louis, and Zoe are much brighter and more colorful, and so I’m less likely to shoot them.

Although this strategy works against me online. Now I’m playing as mister-oh-look-a-zombie-oops-no-it’s-Francis-again.

I love Francis. And vests.