T w e n t y S i d e d

All through the school, the math teachers vanish suddenly and without explanation. Suddenly, everyone has substitutes for math class. This is obviously unexpected, since the subs have not been given clear instructions of how to fill that two-week space of time. When the teachers come back, we discover that they have all been given some sort of crash course in computers, and we are now going to have computer lab on day X, where X is the day of the week when nobody else was using the computer lab.

My math teacher is an immense woman named Mrs. Grossman. Yes, I’m serious, and yes, she really is gigantic. I’m not trying to liven up the story by going all Wonder Years on you. She is spherical, with thick glasses, a short butch perm, and a mean streak wider than her own shadow. It’s clear she does not care for this new turn in her mandated curriculum, and she teaches us to use computers the same way you might teach someone to slap-fight a cobra. Apparently the computer is a dangerous creature to be approached with the utmost caution, and only by doing (sigh) exactly as we were told can we hope to learn anything about these capricious magic boxes.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Autoblography Part 17: The Tallest Blade of Grass”

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.

Dad is engaged. He’s met a woman about his own age, and they’re living together in a nice place downtown. This seems like a good turn for him. His girlfriend seems nice, and this apartment is a step up from the rat-holes he usually lives in.

It’s at this point that I really envy fiction writers, because they can name their characters at will. If I were making this up, I could name this woman something memorable, and perhaps even something tied to her personality. But this is real life, and fate has named her Pat. So my brother is Patrick, my Dad’s girlfriend is Patricia, and almost everyone else is named Dave. (In about ten years my Dad will rent an apartment from another guy, who is also named James Young. They will live next to each other, and will never get the mail delivery to work right.)

Patricia has a daughter. She lives with grandparents, but the prospect of this marriage brings with it the prospect of a step-sister. She’s about the same age as Patrick and I, and she’s unusually smart and well-grounded. I like her right away.

For Christmas, Dad and Patricia give me books. Dad gives me Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which launches my interest in all things Douglas Adams. Patricia gives me this:

Art and the Computer, by Melvin L. Prueitt, with introduction by Carl Sagan. Patricia got it for me because it was about art – which she likes and understands – and also about computers, which everyone knows is an obsession of mine.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Autoblography Part 16: Art and the Computer”

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.

I am now done with elementary school. Time for Junior High.

Because a great many readers may not be familiar with the American school system, allow me to sum up: Children begin school at age five, in Kindergarten. After that are grades one through six. This stage is referred to as “elementary school”. After that are grades seven and eight, which are “junior high”, followed by grades nine through twelve, which is “high school”. There are usually many small elementary schools that all lead into a common high school.

When Mom takes me shopping for the new school year, I get “normal” clothes. No more polyester pants, no more green socks. It’s at this point that I finally realize why I insisted on wearing those things. I suddenly see that I didn’t want to acquiesce to the bullies and dress like everyone else. Now I’m going to be going to larger school with an all-new group of kids, so… I guess I’ve made my point? Sure, it was stupid and stubborn and nobody understood or cared, but it still feels like some sort of victory for me. Somehow.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Autoblography Part 15: NERDS!”

Shamus Young is a programmer, an author, and nearly a composer. He works on this site full time. If you'd like to support him, you can do so via Patreon or PayPal.