The Red Ball

By Shamus Posted Thursday Apr 9, 2009

Filed under: Random 201 comments

This is a little unusual. I wrote this years ago, and filed it away because I had no idea what to do with it. I’m putting it up now and soliciting responses because that’s ever so much more interesting than not posting anything at all, which was my original plan.

If nothing else, perhaps this setup could be adapted to serve as a quest hook if you find yourself running a D&D game.

You’re the new kid in the neighborhood. This neighborhood runs alongside a fast-moving stretch of a four-lane highway. On each side of the highway are nice little houses with yards. You meet the other kids. They seem friendly enough. Soon after meeting them you discover that they have a rule: Never, ever go near the road.

No child is permitted within ten paces of the road. The grass in the yards reveals that they obey this rule unfailingly. The grass is green and untrampled for the ten paces closest to the road. There is a visible line in the grass between the yellow grass where they travel freely, and the green grass where they Do Not Go. They seem to even be a bit apprehensive about getting close to this line. They do so only at need, and only for a few seconds before running back to their friends near the center of the yard. Nobody ever told them explicitly that approaching the road would lead to death, but the rules were laid out so firmly and so carefully and with such sternness that the kids have concluded it would. None of them has even had the nerve to test this theory.

While it isn’t nearly as deadly as they think, the highway can be pretty dangerous if you’re careless. You figure that whoever made the rule was probably thinking, better safe than sorry.

To help make friends, you have brought with you a brand-new bright red kickball. The kids admire the ball and welcome you into their group. A game of kickball starts up. Once the game is going strong and everyone is having fun the unthinkable happens: Your ball gets knocked right over the road and lands in the opposite yard. Your new friends are horrified. They act as though the ball had just plunged into a pit of deadly vipers.

As far as they are concerned, the ball is gone forever. It’s unrecoverable. But you know better. You’ve been around roads like this before and you’ve been taught how to cross them. You could, if you wanted, walk right up to the edge of the road, wait for a gap in traffic, and get to the opposite side with little risk. You’ve done it before and you know it’s not that hard. Your parents never made any rules against crossing the road, and none of the other parents has any authority over you, so by doing so you won’t be breaking any rules. However, you also know you will be utterly smashing a taboo for these kids. To them just getting near the road is a suicidal act. To cross is unthinkable.

You could do it. You could get your ball and bring it back, but to do so you would overthrow their thinking in regards to the highway. Once they knew the road could be crossed, they would inevitably want to do it themselves. Sooner or later, they would try it on their own. They might not do it right away. They might not do it when you’re around, but it will happen. You could tell them not to do as you do, but you’re a smart kid and you know that telling them not to do something you are doing is tantamount to a dare. Are you going to let the new kid get away with that? Get over there and show him he’s not so special.

So what do you do? It took you a little while to learn to cross safely. Crossing takes patience and clear thinking. If you choose to break this taboo, are you willing to take on the responsibility of teaching all of them how to do it? If so, you will be aiding them in defying the rules. You are free to cross, but teaching these other kids against the will of their parents is quite another thing. What about the younger hyperactive kid that is watching you? He doesn’t seem to have the patience or the maturity for crossing safely, and you don’t have the authority to forbid him. He wouldn’t listen to you anyway. In fact, he’s most likely going to be the first of the kids to get up the nerve to try.

You are free to cross. No rules forbid you from doing so. It is (for you) reasonably safe. Your new ball is over there. Should you follow the overbearing rules and accept the loss of your ball? Or do you get the ball, knowing that to do so may lead one of these kids to endanger themselves?

We’re talking about kids, but approach the question with your grown-up mind: Would you get the ball?

[poll id=”3″]

 


 

Steam Evolving

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Apr 8, 2009

Filed under: Video Games 99 comments

A couple of people have nudged me, asking how I can be such a huge fan of Valve games and such a long-standing critic of Steam. I’ve been avoiding this post because the conversation always goes the same way:

Gamer A: I hate Steam because it denies me resale rights, which I value highly.

Gamer B: I don’t value resale rights at all, therefore you are wrong and Steam is awesome.

But it’s a fair question and deserves a reasonable answer…

About four or five years ago I drew the line at online product activation, saying I simply wouldn’t buy games that used it. Since then this line has been scuffed and blurred by the constantly shifting policies of developers and publishers. They keep finding ways to complicate or obfuscate the very simple transaction in which I am interested: My money for their game. What if we give you unlimited activations? What if we give you the right to install the game on as many machines as you like? What if we let you make backups? What if we give you the ability to re-sell the game? What if…? They took away all of the freedoms that customers once enjoyed by default, and then they tried to bribe people into accepting the deal by offering them back a subset of those freedoms.

Steam began as little more than another stupid system of online activation with some nice digital distribution ideas thrown in. I was a harsh critic of the platform after release, but they’ve been steadily adding value to it for the last several years. They cured the launch-day headaches that locked customers out of their game when Half-Life 2 came out. They removed the need for a disk to be in the drive in order to play. They fixed (by removing) the lengthy and tedious “decryption” phase of installation that was part of their disk-based games. They got offline mode working reliably. They’ve added a robust community system that offers more features than Xbox Live, and they offer it for free. Along with this is an achievement system that adds replay value to games. They have the backup system working, so that you can play Steam-based games anywhere you have an able PC with net access, and all you need is your login. This means you can take your entire catalog with you wherever you go, without needing to carry around any media. They have dispensed with the need for disks, so that once you have activated the game you never need to worry about something happening to the disk. For the last couple of years they have been offering games at irresistible discounts, pretty much exactly according to the system I proposed a couple of weeks ago. (Although the boxed copies are still priced according to the ancient traditions.)

At some point they crossed the threshold where the hassles were low enough and the value high enough that I was once again open to doing business with them. For some people they have not yet reached this point. For some they never will. Doing business with Valve means making concessions about rights and ownership, and I don’t blame anyone who refuses the deal. Like many people, I try to limit how much of my library ends up on Steam because I don’t like having that many eggs in one basket. Chris Livingston (of Concerned fame, which I mentioned yesterday) has many of the same complaints that I do.

Still, Steam stands in stark contrast to the activation schemes offered by 2kGames and EA, which boil down to a way for you to ask for permission to play their game. Their systems are even more restrictive than Steam. You lose the freedom to install on whatever machines you need, to resell the game, to backup the game, to install (or even play) without a net connection, to keep your privacy, to play on multiple users accounts on the same machine, and to loan the game to a friend. And unlike Steam, all these publishers offer in return is a free copy of SecuROM, installed without your knowledge, consent, or ability to purge it from your personal computer. I remain adamant in my opposition to these systems.

But the future I truly fear is the one where companies like 2kGames and EA get their act together and start offering a Steam-like service. You boot up your computer and then your system tray starts filling up. Steam. Impulse. EA Manager. 2kGames Nanny. The Activision Activator. Take-Two GameAction! Ubisoft UBehave. Eidos Eipod. Codemasters Master Decoder. THQ Launcher. Microsoft PC Live Launcher Suite for Windows 7. Lucas Arts Game Hutt. Capcom’s Resident e-Ville. SEGA System Master. A stupid program for every game. A login for each one. All of them crowding around in the bowels of your system, downloading patches and updates and hopefully not sharing too much personal data. (Or you can set a policy of forbidding them to start, and then when you go to play your game you can sit there and wait while it updates.)

This is not a direction which enriches the hobby.

 


 

Stolen Pixels #79: Left 4 Dumb Part 1

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Apr 7, 2009

Filed under: Column 19 comments

These Left 4 Dead comics are fun to make.

sp_l4d_poster.jpg

I’m sometimes hard on Garry’s Mod and occasionally express frustration at its capricious tools, but it really is indispensable for making a comic with the Source engine. Most of the work I do is is set in stone before I even conceive of the joke. I can only snatch moments from the game and try to bend them into a shape that will serve my purposes. The characters, the sets, the props, the expressions, and the lighting are all handed to me by the game. This is not a complaint. It’s a unique sort of challenge and I seem to have carved out some kind of niche in in doing it.

But Garry’s Mod lets you take art assets from Portal, Team Fortress, Counter Strike, or any of the Half-Life 2 libraries and put them into a scene together. It lets me make jokes that simply would not be possible when working with the in-game scenery. There was a special on Steam a few weeks ago where you could get Team Fortress for $25 and they threw in Garry’s Mod for free, although I viewed the transaction the other way around.

98% of the stuff made with Garry’s Mod is screenshots of Alyx having sex (through her clothes) with various implausible partners offered by the ragdoll library. But in capable hands Garry’s Mod is a potent tool that can generate weapons-grade funny. Christopher Livingston used it to create Concerned, a webcomic that would be in a position of dominance on my reading list if it was still ongoing. It starts off as a “oh isn’t that nice” sort of gag strip, but a few strips in Livingston strikes gold and then spends 200+ strips mining the concept for hilarity. Like DMotR, it ended when it needed to, and was likely better for it.

 


 

Retweet Theater

By Shamus Posted Monday Apr 6, 2009

Filed under: Links 40 comments

A couple of days ago I posted an Xtranormal movie of a robot voice reading poetry, but James Lileks has bested me:

Today’s retweeted tweet was “Billy Idol was David Lee Roth for English majors.” Instead of letting the remark dissolve in the winds of Twitter, let us bring back our players to kill it with over-explanation and withering looks.


I really hope developers improve the robot voice before they give us AI. When the machine uprising takes place, I don’t want to end up enslaved by a machine that talks like a boozed-up Speak-N-Spell doing an impression of a sober Bill Shatner.

“Work, faster Human or. You willbesent. To. the. motivationchamber for. productivity enhance-ment.”

 


 

Building Cities in Persia

By Shamus Posted Saturday Apr 4, 2009

Filed under: Movies 37 comments

I found this site, which enabled me to make this:


Link (YouTube)

The comic mentioned in the movie is here.

 


 

Experienced Points: The Impossible DRM

By Shamus Posted Friday Apr 3, 2009

Filed under: Column 27 comments

My latest column is about DRM. I held out as long as I could, but you knew I was going to go there sooner or later, didn’t you?

 


 

Stolen Pixels #78: Stuff 2 Read

By Shamus Posted Friday Apr 3, 2009

Filed under: Column 22 comments

My next comic, wherein I attempt to add more verisimilitude to Left 4 Dead.

As requested, here is the section of the wall obscured by the characters:

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Stolen Pixels #78: Stuff 2 Read”