The Big Freaking Podcast:
I Hate this Awesome Game

By Shamus Posted Wednesday Jun 9, 2010

Filed under: Links 58 comments

You might remember that I as a guest on the Big Freaking Podcast back in January of this year. Well they had me on again, and this time we talked about games we love and hate at the same time.

Since recording the episode I’ve discovered a new game to love and hate: Dance Dance Revolution. My kids got a copy as a gift. The game had always looked sort of dull to me. I mean, it’s just doing what you’re told, right? I didn’t see the appeal until I stepped onto the dance mat myself. Then I discovered that the game could be quite fun, and creates one of those experiences where you can clearly see yourself growing in skill.

The “hate” part of the equation didn’t kick in until the next morning, when I found that all of my joints were ruined, my legs ached, and I was worried that I might actually survive the horrifying experience. And yet… I still wanted to play some more.

You could argue that it’s not Konami’s fault that I’m a brittle old geezer, but your pro-Konami rationalizing sounds pretty thin over the sound of my heart exploding. So back off.

I strongly suspect I’ll be sick of DDR by the time I’m actually in good enough shape to play it.

Anyway. Listen to the podcast if you want to hear the discussion. (Which was a lot of fun.) Thanks to Ivan and Shamrock for having me on again.

(Also check out last week where they had Cory Doctorow, and several weeks ago where they welcomed my arch-nemesis Jack Emmert of Cryptic Entertainment You may recall that one time I said not-nice things about one of his games.)

So, what games do you love and hate?

 


 

Stolen Pixels #201:
Remakeville

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jun 8, 2010

Filed under: Column 45 comments

Now that we know that the Final Fantasy VII remake isn’t going to happen, we can begin to rationalize about how this is a good thing.

I’m holding out for a Thief remake. I’m sure they wouldn’t turn Garret into a slab of beef with a auto-fire crossbow and re-imagine the whole game as a linear cover-based shooter with regenerating health.

They wouldn’t!

Shut up!

 


 

Spoiler Warning Fallout 3 #11:
Did you just punch out Jingwei?

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Jun 8, 2010

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 115 comments

And Operation: Anchorage comes to an end at last.

 


 

Handheld Game Piracy

By Shamus Posted Monday Jun 7, 2010

Filed under: Video Games 173 comments

Ok, so we want to research how much piracy costs the portable market. The methodology:

Researchers arrived at this number by searching for Japanese versions of the top 20 releases from 2004 to 2009 on the top 114 piracy sites around the world. The retail cost of the games and their ratio of sales were then factored in to determine the cost to the Japanese market; that figure was multiplied by four, “under the assumption that Japan accounts for 25 percent of the world’s software market,” to come up with the worldwide figure.

They came up with a figure of $41 billion.

Let us, for a moment, ignore the absurd notion that 1 download creates losses equal to the full price version of the game on launch day. I know it’s hard to ignore this, because it’s a very, very silly assumption. But I think it’s important to look past this pedestrian madness so we can examine the more unusual madness underneath.

The Nintendo DS has sold 128.89 million units to date. The PSP has sold 66.7 million. This comes to 195.59 million units. Those 195 million owners have managed to rip $41,000,000,000 USD from the hands of honest, hardworking game developers worldwide. If every single handhheld owner was a pirate and they all pirated in equal measure, then every one of them would need to steal $210 worth of software.

But not all of those units are in service. Some are broken, lost, or simply sitting in a drawer somewhere with a flat battery and a fine coating of dust. Then there are people who bought the DS Lite when they already owned a standard DS. So the actual number of active gamers is much lower than 195 million. And this study looked at activity over the past five years, but the distribution of portables was lower five years ago and sales have followed a nominal curve. And of course not all users are pirates.

I have no idea how you’d combine these userbase numbers to make them useful against the flat $41 billion figure because I never took any fancy statistics courses. The kind of courses you’d need to take if you were going to “research” piracy by Googling for pirate sites and multiplying by a number you made up.

And then there is the used game market. People have claimed that used game sales are eating 75% of the publisher profits. So even if these pirate sites went poof, it stands to reason that 75% of them would just buy used. (Ignoring the fact that many would just go without.)

And now we can circle back to the original point that not all downloads are lost sales.

What we have here is about the most absurd, sloppy, arbitrary, and lazy figure possible. It’s outrageous to even call this “research”. This is guesswork where all of your assumptions are tilted in favor of the conclusion you wanted to arrive at before you began collecting “data”. These guys are obviously charlatans, but I have to admit what they’re doing looks like fun.

Moreover, I want to try it:

Currently the ads on this site make me about $beer money per month. But! I get less than a million page views a month. Something like 10k visitors a day. (Google Analytics is hard for me to understand sometimes. But I’ll bet the researchers had a tough time squeezing data out of Pirate Bay, so it’s cool.) There are 390 million people worldwide with access to the internet. If all of them visited my site, my traffic would increase by a factor of 39,000.

In the end, all of you people who read this site but don’t forward links to your friends are costing me over one million dollars a month!

You people make me sick! You are stealing a million dollars worth of bread out of the mouths of my children. Do you know how much bread that is? And I’m not even talking about the expensive Pepperidge Farm stuff that’s all tiny and made of nutrients and comes in the fancy bag. No. We’re decent, honest, sensible people and we’d only buy the cheap stuff that’s mostly air and processed chemicals or whatever, so that the million bucks could go as far as possible.

bread.jpg

But that’s not good enough for you people, is it? You’d rather see us all starve because of your selfishness. I hate you so much.

Anyway, thanks for visiting and be sure to visit my sponsors!

 


 

Lego Hello World

By Shamus Posted Saturday Jun 5, 2010

Filed under: Movies 31 comments

It prints slow, but it’s fun to watch:


Link (YouTube)

And I have to admit, a felt-tip pen is pretty cheap compared to a toner cart.

 


 

Experienced Points: The Final Fantasy VII Remake is a Fantasy

By Shamus Posted Friday Jun 4, 2010

Filed under: Column 149 comments

I am sometimes compelled to write things, even when I know I will regret doing so. This week: A remake of Final Fantasy VII would be excessively time consuming and expensive.

I dread posting anything on Final Fantasy. Halo fans get a bad rap (and deservedly so, if you read the comment thread for this comic) but I think Final Fantasy fanboys can give them a run for their money. Note that I’m a (nominal) Final Fantasy fan myself, and I’m sure many of you are as well. But there is this group of humorless, angsty, semi-literate ragebots that surround the franchise who are imbued with an epic sense of entitlement and who take standard review-style criticism of the game as a personal affront.

Exhibit A against Final Fantasy fans is the post where I discuss the mating habits of the Viera, the race of Maxim-ready bunny women from Final Fantasy XII. It’s clearly having some playful fun at the expense of the source material. Not exactly the most hilarious thing I’ve ever written, but it’s still obviously a joke. But a few weeks after the post went up some FF fanboys found the thing and the comment thread went septic. Not vile or terribly offensive, but just stupid, petty, and inane. One person actually called everyone else “retarted”.

(And here my moderation policy comes back to bite me. I’m a big believer in the idea that trolling is like vandalism, and that if you don’t clean it up you’ll attract more. So, the worst of the comments have been purged. Still, the remaining comments are enough to see the problem.)

It’s not that they miss the joke. It’s not even that they would feel the need to post and “correct” my understanding of the Final Fantasy lore. It’s that they would get so offended and then communicate so poorly. You could excuse them as just been teenagers, but you’ll see this behavior even when dealing with the early Final Fantasy titles. In fact, it almost seems like the fans are dysfunctional in proportion to the age of the game, where you would expect them to trend older.

So I don’t have high hopes for the discussion thread for this week’s column. But I had to say it. For reasons I still don’t understand.

 


 

Holy smokes it’s Stolen Pixels #200!

By Shamus Posted Friday Jun 4, 2010

Filed under: Column 60 comments

No, really! 200!

And so ends the Breen / Team Fortress 2 crossover.

This was the “big project” I was whining about earlier this week. You know, I actually imagined this one would be easy when I envisioned it. In the end, it took as long to make this one as it did to make the rest of the series combined.

Still, it was as fun to make as it was time-consuming, so there’s that.