Borderlands Part 12: Rescue Roland

By Shamus Posted Thursday Oct 5, 2017

Filed under: Borderlands 52 comments

The player reaches the imprisoned Roland at the end of the dam. The Hyperion robots have him in a plot forcefield and the player has to deal with the constructor robot to free him. As the name suggests, the constructor robot makes other robots.

This Dam Fight

That's the constructor bot in the middle. I'll give you three guesses where you're supposed to shoot it. The glowing cyan thing on top is Roland's force-field prison.
That's the constructor bot in the middle. I'll give you three guesses where you're supposed to shoot it. The glowing cyan thing on top is Roland's force-field prison.

This fight is a little wonky. There’s a save point right before the fight, so you respawn nearby if you die. That’s nice. The problem is that there isn’t much ammunition around. It’s a long, long battle across the top of the dam, and I’m often a little low on bullets by the time I get to Roland. There’s no way to replenish your ammunition before the fightThere are few boxes around, but those are a very small supply compared to the upcoming fight..

If you’ve been picking up loot along the way, then you might be able to switch to some trash weapon to get you through. For example, if you’ve depleted pistol and shotgun ammo with your two main weapons, then maybe you can get through by equipping a crappy assault rifle. But it’s not usually very fun to go into a major boss battle equipped with trash weapons. And of course, this is a boss fight so trash weapons might not be strong enough to get the job done. This fight in particular is all about doing damage as quickly as possible so you can hurt the boss before the next wave of mooks appears.

You can jump back to town to refill, but the fast travel point here is one-way. Guys respawn when you change zones, which means you’ll have to re-do the entire fortress all over again – both inside and on top of the dam – in order to get back to the bossThis happened to me on my first run through the game. I didn’t pick up on the detail that yellow travel stations were one-way, and so I had to re-do the entire dam. I was not happy.. And by the time you get there, you’ll probably be right back where you started: Standing on the threshold of a boss fight and low on ammunition.

It’s not that this fight is “too hard”. Sometimes it’s a breeze, and sometimes it’s a bit of a slog. But how difficult it is usually comes down to luck: What quality of weapons are you using, and are they ammo-hungry? Have you been spending your inventory upgrades on backpack space, or ammo capacity? If you happen to be relying on a shotgun and an SMG then you’ll probably be fine. If you’ve been relying on assault rifles and sniper rifles then you’re going to be starving for bullets before you’re done crossing the dam.

The constructor also has a way of eating bullets. In a normal boss fight you’re usually dealing with a boss that has a fixed pool of health. But the constructor can just keep spawning in reinforcements. Kill two robots, then back off because you’re low on health and shields. By the time you’ve recovered there are two more robots on the field. You’ve just spent a bunch of bullets and made no progress towards killing the boss.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Borderlands Part 12: Rescue Roland”

 


 

Dishonored 2

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Oct 3, 2017

Filed under: Game Reviews 102 comments

I had a strange relationship with the original Dishonored. The game left me feeling empty and indifferent. There weren’t any huge problems with it. Sure, I had a small list of nitpicks. (The intro was too perfunctory to set up the drama, the outsider was BORING, and powers were designed so that having fun was at odds with what the player wanted to be doing within the story.) But I don’t think any of those problems were great sins. It was basically fine. I was never able to articulate why the game left me feeling cold, which is annoying since that’s my job.

Technically, I should love this series. A 451 style game? That’s my jam. Victorian steampunk with a splash of magic? I love that so much I wrote a novel in that style. Colorful art style that doesn’t aim for phtorealism? I’d been harping about the need for more of that for almost a decade. Silent protagonist? I’m like, one of the last people on Earth that’s still into those.

The voice acting was stellarAside from the outsider, which I’ve always blamed on the director more than the performer., the environments looked great, and the gameplay was varied. It’s like an entire development studio got together and spent a couple of years specifically tailoring a game to my particular tastes, and when it came out I said, “Meh. It’s alright I guess.” And then I went back to playing Borderlands 2 or Saints Row 3 or whatever. I felt like an asshole for not loving this game, and I couldn’t even explain why I was so apathetic.

But here we are. The sequel is out. I love the gameplay, but I’m still not into the world or the story. I still don’t love it the way my personal tastes might suggest I ought to. I’m going to take a crack at figuring out why that is, but first let’s talk about…

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Dishonored 2”

 


 

The Trollface Math Problem

By Shamus Posted Monday Oct 2, 2017

Filed under: Random 180 comments

I’m sure you’ve seen them on social media. Math problems that are trivial but are labeled as if they’re brain-busting conundrums. They often say things like “Only 1% of the people will get this right!” or perhaps “It takes a genius level IQ to solve this!”. These claims are, of course, lies. Like the germs on the fixtures of a public restroom, these problems do not exist to challenge your intellect but simply to spread.

As such, the most successful problems are not ones that are difficult, but ones that have ambiguity. Because ambiguity leads to arguments and nothing is more viral than an argument.

I have a low opinion of these sorts of things. Aside from being deliberately designed to start fights, they’re often low-quality images in a terrible font with a poorly expressed problem. I’ve seen a few which were actually wrong. Maybe they showed an incorrect answer. Maybe they were improperly expressed or labeled. Or maybe they suffered from bad grammar and punctuation. So when I glance at one of these and I disagree with the proffered conclusion, I usually assume it’s a garbage attempt at a meme rather than questioning my assumptions.

However, I ran into one over the weekend that was actually kind of clever. As obnoxious trollface problems go, this one was pretty good. It goes thus:

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “The Trollface Math Problem”

 


 

TV I’m Not Watching: Star Trek Discovery

By Shamus Posted Sunday Oct 1, 2017

Filed under: Television 177 comments

So the new Star Trek series is out. I’d like to watch it. Reportedly, the first few episodes aren’t bad. But it’s produced by CBS and only available using their own streaming service CBS All Access.

Now, this sucks because it means creating a new account and maybe downloading new apps or whatever. Will it play on my Phone? On my Roku? In my web browser of choice? Do they have enough streaming servers to handle the load, or will this be like watching YouTube in 2008? For the sake of argument, let’s just assume CBS has spent the money to build solid apps and infrastructure.

They’re asking for $6 a month. That’s shockingly high in today’s market. Basic cable – which includes CBS – is only about $40 and includes many channels, so asking $6 for just one channel is a lot. Netflix streaming costs double what CBS is asking and they have a comparatively massive library that includes many blockbusters.

This is particularly odd since you’d expect them to come in low with an introductory price and then jack the price up later once you’re hooked on the content. (And for some people, simply too lazy or distracted to cancel.)

And then you realize that the CBS deal includes commercials. If you want commercial-free streaming the price goes up to $10.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “TV I’m Not Watching: Star Trek Discovery”

 


 

Borderlands Part 11: The Firehawk

By Shamus Posted Thursday Sep 28, 2017

Filed under: Borderlands 59 comments

For this next chapter, let’s imagine the world from Roland’s perspective:

Roland is in his base in Sanctuary. He’s heard some radio chatter about a badass vault hunter coming this way. He’s eager to meet this person, but he has to leave town to talk to Lilith and for some reason he doesn’t just call her on the ECHOnet. Sure, it’s apparently 100% insecure, but that doesn’t seem to stop everyone else from jabbering all their plans over the airwaves.

Anyway, he makes this recording:

“Hey soldier. If you’re hearing this, I’m in trouble. Right now you’re the only thing standing between this city – hell the whole planet – and Handsome Jack’s Army. I left info about my whereabouts in my safe. You can use it to store anything you need. This is your home now. Good luck.”

He drops this recording on his desk and leaves.

When you show up later and check the safe there’s a threatening message from the Firehawk, who has apparently kidnapped Roland. Firehawk says, “Come to [my base] or people will die.” The Firehawk is using a voice modulator to disguise their voice, which makes no sense. Everyone talks about how dangerous the Firehawk is and how Roland is probably dead if the Firehawk has captured him.

So apparently Roland had a message from his own kidnapper. Inside of his own safe. And before he was kidnapped, he somehow made a note urging you to listen to this recording.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Borderlands Part 11: The Firehawk”

 


 

No Man’s Sky One Year Later: A Few Good Things

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Sep 26, 2017

Filed under: Retrospectives 55 comments

Maybe you’re wondering why I spent so much time with this game. Shamus, if you hate the game so much then why not just play something else?

I love procedural worlds. I mean, obviously. I love expansive exploration. The only reason I stopped playing Skyrim was because I’d basically exhausted the world and had too many of the dungeons memorized. It took me years to kick my Minecraft habit, and all it would take is one good modpack to get me to relapse.

No Man’s Sky provides more explorable space than any other game. There’s tons of variety. I enjoy seeing what’s over the next rise, on the next world, and in the next system. If the gameplay could have been upgraded from “aggressively disappointing” to simply “kinda dull” I’d have been able to enjoy it for months.

Meet Donny

*FART NOISES*
*FART NOISES*

Let’s say you’re playing one of those tabletop games that NERDS like so much. The setting is great. You’re really happy with your character. The story is pretty interesting so far. There’s lots of laughing and fun around the table. Everything is great except…

Except for Donny.

Donny is a jackass. He’s loud, abrasive, argumentative, and entitled. He eats more than everyone else, he never chips in for food, and he’s always knocking things over and spilling stuff on the game pieces. He starts fights when he’s bored, which is whenever his character isn’t the center of attention. A couple of girls used to be part of the group, but they left because Donny was such a creep towards them. He throws tantrums when the dice don’t go his way and he watches YouTube videos on his phone at full volume when other characters are having an intense conversation that doesn’t involve him.

Sure, you can ask, “Why are you still going to this group if Donny ruins everything? Why not do something else with your Friday nights?” That’s a fair question. Although a more incisive question would be, “Who the fuck keeps inviting Donny and why can’t we get rid of him?

Yes, I can quit playing No Man’s Sky. In fact, I’ve done so. (I was wrapping up my time with the game just as this series started.) But it’s tragic. Yes, quitting the game solves the problem of being annoyed by the game, but a better solution would have been for the game to stop being so annoying. There are things I love about No Man’s Sky. There are things many people love about No Man’s Sky. Everyone loves exploring these worlds. But like I said last week, the game is engineered to create disappointment.

But not everything is bad. After three weeks of constant negativity, it’s time for me to be positive. Or at least try to. Look, I’m not making any promises, I’m just saying I’ll try to be nice. The updates did manage to get a few things right and I want to list them here in the interest of encouraging more of this sort of thing.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “No Man’s Sky One Year Later: A Few Good Things”

 


 

TV I’m Watching: The Grand Tour

By Shamus Posted Sunday Sep 24, 2017

Filed under: Television 68 comments

Before we can talk about The Grand Tour, we have to talk about Top Gear.

Top Gear was a strange show. At it’s high point it was the most widely watched factual TV program in the world. The show began in 1977 as a fussy, just-the-facts automobile program. Based on the clips I’ve seen on YouTube it had a dash of humor, but it was still dedicated to something approximating automotive journalism. The show died out in the 90s and was then rebooted in 2002. The new version of the show was a little slicker and maybe had a little more joking around, but it was still trying to review cars and discuss motoring news.

Over the next decade the humor element of the show grew. It became more about the hosts and less about the cars. The cast seemed to go through a certain degree of flanderization. Jeremy Clarkson got more bombastic. James May became even more of a fussy old man. There was a proliferation of short jokes about Richard Hammond.

BBC was in a strange spot. They had the most popular television show in the world, but the show also caused a lot of controversy and complaints, usually (but not always) due to Jeremy Clarkson’s big mouth. I can’t begin to sum up the differences the two had, but they were far-reaching. In 2015 after numerous disagreements and warnings, Clarkson finally went too far and the BBC dumped him. Hammond and May jumped ship shortly after, along with the fourth invisible member of the team, producer Andy Wilman.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “TV I’m Watching: The Grand Tour”