Twenty Minutes With Five Nights At Freddy’s

By Shamus Posted Friday Jan 2, 2015

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 62 comments


Link (YouTube)

Fun fact: This episode was recorded and edited by Chris. Josh was visiting relatives during this session, so we couldn’t do Last of Us. And Chris has been angling to try some “quick look” type episodes where we spend just twenty minutes with a game that’s interesting, but maybe not interesting enough for a whole season of Spoiler Warning. (And we’re calling these short episodes, “Twenty Minutes With X”, even if the episode isn’t twenty minutes.)

Since we were joking around too much to do proper analysis (it’s the holidays, we were in the mood to goof off, and some of us had been drinking) I guess I’ll do my analysis here:

First off there’s the whole “jump scare” debate. I don’t see that as a worthwhile discussion. You can make all the bullet-points you want, you can never make an argument that will enable me to enjoy jump scares. They piss me off, end of story. On the other hand, there’s nothing I can say that will make a fan of jump scares stop enjoying them. This bypasses a lot of our higher-level behaviors and jabs us right in the amygdala. It’s either fun for you or it isn’t, and there’s no sense in arguing about it.

I actually really appreciate a game like Five Nights At Freddy’s. It’s unapologetically all about jump scares, and the gameplay is built around that idea. Now that I know this, I can avoid the game. It’s more of a problem when a game designer starts cramming jump scares into a game but then markets it as if it operates on an emotional level. I go in expecting to be scared by dread, mystery, emotional tension, and body horror, and instead I’m just waiting for the sudden loud noise and spooky face. And after the noise, I’ve got all this angry adrenaline in my bloodstream. I can put the game down, but that adrenaline doesn’t magically go away.

If you think about it, Silent Hill 2 is the opposite of a jump scare. You can hear the static before you see the monster. It’s all about the slow buildup of a fight you know is coming. Then there’s a quick encounter (combat or fleeing) and it’s over. After a session of Silent Hill 2 (or parts of Thief) I walk away with a sense of catharsis. After a jump scare game, I walk away grouchy.

Anyway. FNaF is sort of cute. It’s silly and it makes no sense, but its not trying to. This isn’t like Dead Space 2, a big-budget game with pretensions of terror but totally lacking in mood, pacing, and tone. (And story, and theme, and characterization, and logic.) Unlike Dead Space 2, FNaF is goofy on purpose. It does exactly what it says on the tin, and I can’t fault it for that.

 


 

Project Button Masher: Phobos Phobia

By Shamus Posted Thursday Jan 1, 2015

Filed under: Music 56 comments

Happy New Year, you gorgeous internet. Have you lost weight and/or become more educated and wealthy? You look sexier/smarter/richer. I guess your resolutions for the new year are really paying off. Good on you.

A couple of weeks ago I got all navel-gaze-y about making music, lamenting that my skills are writing prose and code, and not wasting my time with music that I barely understand.

But allow me to argue with me-from-two-weeks-ago: Ten years ago my only skill was coding, but then I wrote a book. Not because it would make me money, but because that’s where my creativity was taking me. A few years later I branched off some more, and it lead to this website. I seem to have pretty good luck with doing whatever seems fun at the moment. Not all of my projects pan out, but I certainly shouldn’t refuse to do things because I’m new to them. If I followed that line of reasoning I wouldn’t have any of the hobbies that make me so happy today.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Project Button Masher: Phobos Phobia”

 


 

New Year’s Stream

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Dec 30, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 41 comments

EDIT: Well, that was fun. Thanks to everyone who joined in. We played Spintires, Far Cry 4, and some insane wagon game that I don’t even understand. Happy 2015 everyone!

Original message:

The year is about to change, which means it’s time to watch Josh stream a videogame while you curse at him. It’s like being on the cast of Spoiler Warning except Josh will ignore you because he’s drunk instead of ignoring you on purpose. It’s a magical time of friendship, laughter, confusion, drunkenness, and Murphy’s Law. I hope you’ll join usBecause I wouldn’t want to endure this alone.!

Josh claims we’ll be watching him play Spintires, so there’s at least a 10% chance of us playing SpintiresHe’s more reliable when he’s drunk. Also a better driver..

The stream will start around 10pm Eastern time in the USA. But rather than convert time zones and worry about stupid-ass daylight savings timeIs it active now? Is it active where I am? Where they are? just use this timer:

The stream will be here when the event goes live.

 


 

Experienced Points: How Lizard Squad Stole Christmas

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Dec 30, 2014

Filed under: Column 48 comments

This week I try to explain the Lizard Squad attack on PSN and Xbox Live.

To be clear: We don’t know for sure if Lizard Squad really staged the attack. Or if they did, it’s possible that the guys claiming to be Lizard Squad weren’t them. Or if it was, it’s possible the “squad” is really just one guy. It’s all secrets and hearsay. But for the purposes of clarity we’ll just accept the events as presented and talk about them assuming everything is true.

This hackingThis entire attack involved both hacking and DDosing. is interesting stuff. What if you had the power to make international news without physically hurting anyone? What if you could do something that would get the world talking? I imagine this is a big part of the motivation for stunts like this. It’s the equivalent of being able to spray graffiti on a global billboard. You can’t take personal credit without going to jail, but you can watch the world respond to your actions.

Which is to say: Harsh penalties won’t be enough to keep people from doing this. People regularly risk their lives for thrills, or to prove a point, or just to see if they can do something. There will always be people willing to stage attacks like this, so the only thing you can do is build robust systems, secure them properly, and make them tolerant of attacks. So, you know, the exact opposite of what we’ve been doing so far.

I think it’s interesting that Lizard Squad went after both PSN and XBL. That certainly made the attack more difficult, since it required them to divide the botnet between two targets, thus halving its power. I imagine this was to make it clear that this wasn’t a protest attack. If they had gone after just XBL, people would have been speculating about their motives. Was this done by Playstation fanboys? Is this to protest Microsoft in some way? As it is, it seems like, “Because they could” is the most plausible reason for the attack.

 


 

Diecast #86: Telltale Games, Christmas DDos Attack, Edutainment Games

By Shamus Posted Monday Dec 29, 2014

Filed under: Diecast 77 comments

And here is the last Diecast of 2014.

Download MP3 File
Download Ogg Vorbis File

Hosts: Shamus, Josh, Jacob, and just normal Chris.

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Diecast #86: Telltale Games, Christmas DDos Attack, Edutainment Games”

 


 

Dear Hollywood: Do a Mash Reboot

By Shamus Posted Sunday Dec 28, 2014

Filed under: Nerd Culture 108 comments

Dear Hollywood:

Since you guys are re-making, re-booting, and re-imagining everything, I assume you’re going to have a go at MASH sooner or later. And you should. And sooner would be better than later. Whoever owns the rights to the show is an idiot.

I subscribe to Amazon Prime, Hulu, and Netflix, and I can’t watch MASH on any of them! I guess they want me to buy the boxed set, but… no. I like MASH and all, but I want to watch two or three episodes from different eras of the show, not the entire ten-season run. And I don’t want to pay a hundred freaking dollars for that.

Keep in mind that I’m what’s left of the core audience for MASH. Everyone else is basically dead. (Give or take a decade.) So if I’m not going to buy the disks for a show I remember fondly, you can bet your ass that millenials aren’t going to put down money for a physical copy of a show they’ve never seen. Yeah, some of them caught the show on TV Land or whatever, but most of them just watch stuff online, and that’s where the future is.

Sooner or later my generation will die, and that will be the end of MASH fandom. So you need to reboot this thing while I’m still young enough to make it to the theater on my own. Just find whoever owns the rights to this show and explain how stupid rich they will be after a reboot.

MASH is such an ideal property to reboot that I can’t believe this hasn’t happened yet. It’s a story about war, yet is anti-war. That’s a good setup for having your cake and eating it too. You can have your fun action scenes that make audiences happy while still hitting all those “war is hell” themes that critics like so much. It’s set in a war, so you have an excuse when you need danger or blowing things up, but it’s also a comedy about the boredom that comes from waiting around for war to happen, so you don’t need wall-to-wall action set-pieces. You can squeeze in some trailer friendly action scenes but spend 80% of the movie cracking jokes, which is really cheap to film.

Convinced? No? Willing to listen? Okay then. Let’s do this… Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Dear Hollywood: Do a Mash Reboot”

 


 

Jurassic Park Episode 3: The Part Where We Skip Everything

By Shamus Posted Friday Dec 26, 2014

Filed under: Spoiler Warning 103 comments


Link (YouTube)

Thanks again to Pushing Up Roses for joining us on the show. Everyone had fun and we’re all open to doing this again in the future. We’ll see what happens. Be sure to give her channel a look. I mean, where else are you going to go for smart, informed, long-form analysis of twenty-year-old adventure games? IGN?

I think we’re done with Jurassic Park, though. Actually, Chris said some smart things in the comments and they deserve to be in a post, so I’ll let Chris have the last word on Jurassic Park:

Continue reading ⟩⟩ “Jurassic Park Episode 3: The Part Where We Skip Everything”