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From The Archives:
The Best of 2014
My picks for what was important, awesome, or worth talking about in 2014.
Why Batman Can't Kill
His problem isn't that he's dumb, the problem is that he bends the world he inhabits.
The Middle Ages
Would you have survived in the middle ages?
This Game is Too Videogame-y
What's wrong with a game being "too videogameish"?
Joker's Last Laugh
Did you anticipate the big plot twist of Batman: Arkham City? Here's all the ways the game hid that secret from you while also rubbing your nose in it.
I love how the players keep interrupting and/or ignoring the GM. That takes me back to the days I used to run before giving up the screen entirely.
That sucks, nothing kills a game faster than disrespectful players. Have you ever gone back?
He was near a Balrog. For several seconds.
And he didn’t even get any XP for it.
You know, I think you should at least grant them their song.
How about:
We are the heroes, my friend.
We’ll keep on running till the end…
They could give the job to Sir Robin’s minstrel.
low
C’mon now. Even being near a Balrog is impressive. How many unfriendlies do you have to get through to get to a creature like a Balrog? I’ve only done it twice myself.
And they didn’t “run away” from it. They allowed their beloved friend and guide to be a diversion so’s they could “run toward” the goal of destroying the ring. Unfortunately, some in the group decided that, instead of destroying the ring and bringing an end to the greatest evil in all the land, they’d rather play Jedis.
… and Lego-less the elf, who had bravely whined in Rivendell, who screamed like a girl at Balin’s Tomb and who had personally wet himself at the Bridge of Kazhad Dumb …
Sorry. I forgot. No Python references.
Steve.
lower
I didn’t!
Oh no, the Monty Python cat is out of the bag. We’re doomed.
Stop that! Stop that! It’s getting very silly!
The people responsible for the preceeding comments have been sacked.
Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.
(whack)Mrreow!(whack)Mrreow!(whack)Mrreow
What, behind the Balrog?
Oh shut up and go and change your armour.
What behind the rabbit?
It is the rabbit!
You silly sod i soiled my armour.
Love this comic strip i must have been told off at work at least 3 times this month for viewing it and it was worth every single telling off keep it coming
Perhaps the DM suffered a fatal heart attack, causing the Balrog peril to be no more.
Ah, the Balrog. In the Middle Earth Role Playing Game I ran in high school way back when, my players not only got near the Balrog of Moria, they managed to successfully cast a possession spell on it, and sent it off to fight Gandalf and return with his magic items. So, the Balrog emerges and tracks down Gandalf, hundreds of years before the events of the Lord of the Rings. The Balrog won initiative and rolled an open-ended attack roll. In Rolemaster/MERP, the extensive combat charts allowed for direct kills on rolls like this, and that’s exactly what happened. The Balrog returned to the elf mage and handed him Gandalf’s ring Narya. This completely transformed history and within several game months led to a triumph by the forces of evil, who basically destroyed Middle Earth before the characters had time to track down Gollum and the One Ring. Ah, the sacrilege.
Oh, and I’m delurking for the first time to thank Shamus for this comic. Great stuff.
I love how, earlier on, they were complaining that the DM only gave them encounters above their level, but now they complain about an easy quest. I wonder what they will say about the Wargs.
I have been looking forward to this for a while. From here pretty much to the end, the movies start to look more like a typical campaign, with lots of chances to hit things with swords and less emphasis on character development. I wonder how the characters will deal with it.
All together now!
“..When danger reared its ugly head,
he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly, he chickened out…”
lowest
or at least the last reference i shall comment on.
Ni!
Legolass is complaining so much, he’s going to miss his spot-check and the warg riders are going to be in among those peasants before he notices!
We had a PC bard who actually wrote verse to describe our adventures. It made for a great memento of what we did and wouldn’t you know? We sounded pretty cool in verse. Anyways, two idiots in our group tried looting furniture from a dungeon for spare cash. It was ridiculous, but the cavalier insisted on it. Later he was puzzled to hear tales of the ‘boudoir cavalier’ being sung at a tavern. The player had no clue the tale of “the sleepy knight who carries his bed with him” was about HIM! And the tale preceded him everywhere he went. What a schmuck. But it was good for a laugh…
The correct song, of course, would be Lee Gold’s “You Bash the Balrog, I’ll Climb a Tree”.
Once a jolly cleric, and a magic-using Elf
And a mighty Dwarf with a sword plus three
Left their native village, out to get their share of pelf.
You bash the Balrog, and I’ll climb a tree.
Chorus: You bash the Balrog, you bash the Balrog,
You bash the Balrog, and I’ll climb a tree.
Left their native village out to get their share of pelf.
You bash the Balrog, and I’ll climb the tree.
…
They ran through the forest, seeking for a place to hide,
Pursued by the Balrog so fierce to see.
“Wait, cried the Elf-mage. “I have got a plan,” he lied.
“You bash the Balrog, and I’ll climb the tree.”
original last verse
Once a mighty Balrog slew a cleric and an elf
and a smallish wolf who had teeth plus three.
Skinned them and tanned their eyes and kept them on a closet shelf.
You bash the Balrog, and I’ll climb the tree.
Refering to scene w/Aragorn getting his STD :)
In the D&D games I play, my boyfriend is the DM. I love to tease him by flirting with one of his NPC's infront of the group 'cause he blushes like MAD and tries to change the subject. But, in another game with the same group, my character likes the character of another woman's husband. I don't roleplay her crush that much 'cause I don't want to annoy the guy's wife OR my bf. It's soooo fun though.
Another time, another wife in the group I mensioned played a guy who was….well…like Aragorn and tried to flirt with my character almost everyday! It made for some absolute fun, but boy was it weird!
You did well S. I look forward to more! X)
FREEBIRD!!! Uh, I mean, God Be Praised! ;-)
Thank you for this, Shamus and please keep up the excellent work!!
Golgothus
He who lives by the skull will die by the skull…
Ah, to be immortalized in song. How odd that must be to hear a song about yourself. One of the best moments of Firefly, and there were many, was the first 10 seconds of “The Hero of Canton”…
Ah, the man they call me.
They could say that after encountering the balrog, IT was dead and THEY still lived. Also, they fought the balrog’s stare, faced him bravely enough (with a mighty wizard and a giant pit between them), and, as said before, they were still aleve. They were so brave in fact that…
“The Balrog came from the deep deep depths
To fight their punny force,
For he thought, his fat it brought
He could beat them of cource.
When they saw him, they gasped in awe
And flew to the exit in fear
One at a time, they sped in a line
With the bridge edges so near
One powerful wizard, weilder of flame
Stepped on the bridge last
To stop the beast, or at least
Let all his friends go past
The Balrog roared and burst into light
The wizard fought back
He broke the bridge’s shell, and it fell
Down to endless black
The wizard’s friends, while they flew
Were both strong and proud
But they heard a crack, and looking back
Saw all choked in a shroud
The wizard fell, by Balrog’s wip
But not quite defeated
And they will fight, through endless night
Until their strenths’ depleated.”
I am not saying any of this is true, just a song to make them sound… heroic.
oops, it is fate, not fat
and forgot g in strengths’
They didn’t run away. They successfully employed an effective tactic of staging a strategic retreat, lulling the Balrog into a false sense of security, only to be pwnd by the wizard. Just because they didn’t land any actual blows doesn’t mean they weren’t fully involved in the devising and execution of the plan.
You know, I’m wondering if the DM won’t allow the two hobbit characters to bring their jedis over later in the story. Afterall, they’re both D20 systems..
You know, I'm wondering if the DM won't allow the two hobbit characters to bring their jedis over later in the story. Afterall, they're both D20 systems..
Boromir glanced at Aragorn and snorted. “Hokey genealogy and ancient broken weapons are no match for a good horn at your side, kid.”
That’s also known as taking the credit. :D
Great comic Shamus.
“The players always take credit for every achievement, even the ones that they were not directly responsible for”.
Today’s strip hit a real resonance with me. Every time I’ve run a campaign I’ve had similar things happen.
Player: “You know we were responsible for driving out the criminal elements on Bespin”
Myself (DM): “You just happened to be there when the Empire invaded!”
Player: “Yeah, but they don’t know that”
Genius Shamus, genius
Boromir glanced at Aragorn and snorted. “Hokey genealogy and ancient broken weapons are no match for a good horn at your side, kid.”
HA!
I hope that PJ doesn’t go back in 20 years and redo it all or we’ll have to wear T-shirts that say, “The old man on the wall at Helm’s Deep shot first!”
I hope that PJ doesn't go back in 20 years and redo it all or we'll have to wear T-shirts that say, “The old man on the wall at Helm's Deep shot first!”
Or
Uruk-hai don’t kill keeps.Gunpowder kills keeps.
Are you suggesting peasants migrate?
Not at all. They could be carried.
They should get some XP. It wasn’t running away. It was tactical repositioning. As far away from the Balrog as possible.
Yeah…
Okay, fine. At least they didn’t scream like little girls. ^_^
Hmm. We’re getting close to Helm’s Deep.
Now, both the book version and movie version have potential for hilarity.
Book version: The wall gets blasted because the heroes are too busy talking to each other to notice.
Movie Version: Olympic Uruk-Hai. Enough said.
Which will be used, I wonder?
I vote for the awesome Olympic Uruk-hai. If you’re gonna be a suicide bomber, go out in STYLE.
And what is the land-speed velocity of a laden Olympic Uruk-hai?
African or European?
I don’t know…wha..WAIT!!! Noooo!!!!!
{INTERMISSION}
(organ music plays…)
WHAT are you guys talking about?
Almost all of this thread is Monty Python quotes.
Really, I don’t know what else I can do about this. I’ve made my policy clear. I’m going to have to start docking these guys XP…
Shamus is totally right.
This sketch is silly.
signed the Colonel, in a white wine sauce.
Dear sir, I object very strongly to that last scene, and to the next letter.
We will, we will Rock You!
We were near a BULROG!! :)
Shamus, all you can do is accuse them of one count of heresy: Heresy by parrot sketch and heresy by lumberjack song.
Two counts. Heresy by parrot sketch, heresy by lumberjack song and heresy by cheeseshop dialog.
Aaaaaaaaamongst the counts of heresy you may accuse them of are I’ll come in again.
I never said I couldn’t quote (or paraphrase) Python, I just said I didn’t as a rule.
Cardinal Steve.
p.s. Nee-wom peng!
And now, post number 93… the larch. The ‘larch’.
Loss of XP?? I hardly think this is good enough! It would be more appropriate if these posts bore a big red label. “Warning: Larks’ Vomit!”
Golgothus
He who lives by the skull, dies by the skull…
To Freefall: I sincerely hope your gaming group has the benefit of you playing a bard. Great song. -A
“I never said I couldn't quote (or paraphrase) Python, I just said I didn't as a rule.”
Only a true Monty Python paraphraser would deny that he was one.
“So, aside from building roads, growing crops, building houses, raising our horses (that we don’t have), providing public sanitation*, and brewing ale, what have peasants done for us anyway?”
*Emptying the chamber pots. It counts, unless it’s onto the King’s head, in which case you can no longer tell he’s the King, because he’s got…
I am suddenly reminded of one Cazorp, a half-elf swashbuckler, who early in his career earned the title Distracter of Snakes.
That one stuck for a long time….
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
“Do they still sing songs of the great tribble hunt?”
(Odo, to Warf – the SINGLE GREATEST LINE ever spoken in ANY Trek episode, ever.)
Ah, but is it a European swallow?
And I loved this comic. It’s always fun trying to squeeze XP out of your GM.
Actually, my first GM was very smart and rewarded role playing with XP; that got us in character very quickly.
“my first GM was very smart and rewarded role playing with XP” You mean to tell me this is a novelty? Man, I need to find a GM that is easier to exploit then… ;)
Mneme, great work with the Waltzing Matilda reference. For anyone that doesn’t know Waltzing Matilda, ask ANY Aussie. We may not know our national anthem (What is it, anyway?), but we do know Waltzing Matilda. It’s our nation’s theme song.
“Maybe you guys can find a bard and have your story of heroic Balrog proximity put into verse.”
That’s most likely something i would do *hangs head in shame*
my bard could write the song. he’d give a discount if he could add himself to the song.
LOL!!! THAT is going into my favorite quotes panel in Facebook. If that seems dorky, so be it. *so worth it*
“Heroic Balrog Proximity” is either a great name for a metal band or the latest anime to come out of Japan.
name of a metal band. definetely.
Alright. When Legolas is talking about how they defeated a balrog… It sounded SO much (to me) like he was trying to woo Eowyn.
I can think of two resulting scenarios:
1.
Legolas: We defeated a balrog, you know.
Aragorn: She’s a woman, you realize.
Legolas: Yeah, so?
Aragorn: *raised eyebrow*
Legolas: Okay, enOUGH of that already!
2.
Legolas: We defeated a balrog, you know.
Aragorn: I… wouldn’t try, if I were you.
Legolas: Why not?
Aragorn: Just… bad idea. Take my word for it.
Legolas: *raised eyebrow* Alright…
As a singer, songwriter and guitarist, it’s been really, really hard for me to not play bards just to the dramatic musical recap.
to DO the dramatic musical recap. The verb “do” is important. Grargh.
Is it sad that I found a Monty Python reference in that strip?
Probably about as sad as the fact I find this funny even though I never played a D&D kind of game….
I’m just ridiculously obsessed with LotR.
yea, apperntally running in fear while a npc gets slughtered is still supposed to get you loot, xp and a reputation as a brave warrior.
Well, if you’re the one who survives the encounter, you get to tell the tale. So that’s one out of three…
the bard song… like in the holy grail? those were the best bards ever… too bad they died the way they did…
“Our brave heroes bravely ran away!
Bravely ran away, away!
When the Balrog reared it’s ugly head
They bravely left their NPC for dead!”
Yeah, that’s all I got.