DM of the Rings LXIII:
Overly Requited Love

By Shamus Posted Tuesday Feb 13, 2007

Filed under: DM of the Rings 134 comments

Aragorn hits on Eowyn in Rohan. Saving throw vs. disease.

Aragorn hits on Eowyn in Rohan. Saving throw vs. disease.

Aragorn hits on Eowyn in Rohan. Saving throw vs. disease.

Sometimes the most sadistic thing the DM can do to is to let the players have their own way.


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134 thoughts on “DM of the Rings LXIII:
Overly Requited Love

  1. JabberwockyPie says:

    I am so grateful to the person who sent me this link. I’ve been waiting for this moment. XD

  2. Browncoat says:

    Shamus said, “Every weekend I sit down on Saturday morning and think, “This is it. I really am out of ideas this time. I'll never think of anything good.” I'll then cobble together some strips, and wince. Are these funny? Am I losing it? Then I'll post them, lots of people will like them, and at least one person will say they have a new favorite.”

    Well, Shamus, I have a new favorite! It was Episode LII, when the Three Hunters are about to go into Fangorn, and the DM tells them that it’s enchanted. I just got that. That was great.

  3. Steve says:

    This one is probably the closest to an actual D&D game dialog I’ve seen so far. Well done Shamus on getting the artwork just right too. The penultimate Eowin frame is absolutely perfect.

    Funny that I’ve seen this scene several times (hell, a very long time ago I played it, once) but I’ve never seen a player try and roleplay a serious crush or true love, both strong themes in many fantasy stories. You’d think there’d be a few players who went with the trope but I’ve never seen it done.

    Maybe it’s another facet of the essential discomfort inherent in the situation from a DM/Roleplayer standpoint. Maybe it’s the inevitability of any DM supplied cute romantic possibility turning out to be one of the demonic types that apparently make up two out of every three townspeople that cools the players ardour.


  4. Rachel says:

    Oh. My. God.

    I should know better than to read this at work – now I can’t breathe for laughing and my coworkers are all “bzuh?”

  5. scldragonfish says:

    ROFLMAO!!!! STD like a biatch!!!! Oh little Rangers beware.

    There was a ranger who used his wick,
    to poke everything like a stick.

    Then a blond beauty set his wick on fire,
    and no more little rangers would he sire.


  6. Clyde says:

    Danged medieval hygiene!

  7. Vaya!

    The Eowyn shots are just perfect, especially the penultimate one. Its getting hard to laugh, I’m too reverent of the absolutely perfect match of screen shots with the plot. Then I started thinking of Aragorn’s dialogue with Gandalf (“look, could you cast, uhm, a spell of penicillin?”) and, yeah, it was pretty easy to laugh after all.

  8. Will says:

    That was totally better than the “Hot Coffee” mod. ;)

  9. pdwalker says:


    We knew our DM better than that. We’d know something bad would happen if we tried something along those lines. A disease would have been the least of our worries.

  10. ChristianTheDane says:

    Haha, this is seriously one of the best ones yet! :D

    I know i say that everytime, but this time its VERY seriously awesome ;)

  11. Lyz says:

    OH MY GOSH! I’m in pain. Seriously. …. Thank you. XD

  12. Kiwi C. says:

    Funny but… “discrete” means separate, and “discreet” means capable of keeping his mouth shut. You picked the wrong one, dude!

  13. Shamus says:

    Kiwi: Blast it. Fixed.

    And that one wasn’t even a typo, like most of my errors. I really thought I was using the right word.

  14. Skeeve the Impossible says:

    “Like I said hot” TEE HEE
    good one Mister DM, had me chuckling

  15. Thumper says:

    That’s the true purpose of the paladin’s immunity to disease.

    1. Tsunoba says:

      588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn’t it?
      ~Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG

      1. dr_suitcase says:

        What about a paladin of Aphrodite? Wouldn’t one of his holy duties to spread himself around a great deal. Seems a special immunity to STDs would be a pretty valuable benefit for an Aphroditean paladin.

        1. Shamormo says:

          Disease immunity sounds great until you do someone with herpes. xD

  16. I’d yell at you for profaning Eowyn, but really… I’m just laughing too damn hard to get angry. Hehehe.

  17. Mordaedil says:

    Wow, that’s awesome. Brilliantly awesome. Because I said it a few strips ago. :p

    Not that Shamus necessarily stole my idea. We probably just thought the same thing. Which is called natural progression of story.


  18. Nazgul says:

    “That’s the same description I gave you for Legolas.” Bwah hahahaha!

    From the player’s point of view, probably the cruelest thing the DM did in this episode wasn’t the STD, but to deny him a chance to roll the dice for his seduction and just let him succeed.

    I find it really amusing that there never seems to be any shortage of good frames for Aragorn. The stringy hair, scruffy beard, the smirking and half-interested looks make it seem that you can really see the player’s personality coming through in the character.

  19. Jurrubin says:

    “I’ll call you sometime. Maybe.”

    My sides still hurt. Advice to readers: never eat a pound of barbecued ribs before reading Shamus’ posts.


  20. Gropos says:

    If there any girls there I want to dooo themm!

    I love this comic!!!

  21. vonKreedon says:

    “Nope. All done now….Yeah it was lots of fun.”

    That is great, the poor horny geek looking for any wiff of sex he can get and that’s it right there!

    OTOH, I once had to threaten a player, whose character had taken the Lechery disadvantage, with creative consequences if he did not finally, as in right now, get around to making a serious effort at seducing the lover of their NPC employer.

  22. Shamus says:

    I find it really amusing that there never seems to be any shortage of good frames for Aragorn. The stringy hair, scruffy beard, the smirking and half-interested looks make it seem that you can really see the player's personality coming through in the character.

    In hindsight, the ideal thing would have been to cast Aragorn as a dumb, distracted stoner. He spends about half of the movie blinking very, very slowly. I can come up with a shot of him looking baked or mouth-open stoopid in just about any scene. I should make a “I am so high” montage out of all these shots.

  23. hayball says:

    Wow. Shamus, I’ve been DMing D&D for years, and so far you’ve been right on all along. The only thing that I have had little problem with in my gaming groups is this. Mostly because we’re all grown-ups and pretty often the group has consisted of couples. Girlfriends and boyfriends and so on. I’ve been laughing so hard at times I’m all tear eyed. Thank you for this. I hope you find the power to finish it. Outstanding work. ;)

  24. Tonko says:

    Can I just say, I found this comic yesterday, and I love everything about it. I’m not a hardcore D&D player, but I have played enough that everything about this is familiar (the dice comic was totally me).

    My half-elven warrior once slept with a dwarf for information… she didn’t get any, and then the GM made me roll to see if the sex was any good. (It wasn’t).

    Anyway, kudos, and you’re awesome, and etc. I enjoy your other posts too–I’ve never played Neverwinter Nights 2, but I loved reading what pissed you off about it.

  25. [..]

    The only reason I’m not on the floor, rolling about in laughter, tears streaming out of my eyes is because I’m at work!

    (Note: I’m not sure how to do a proper trackback link thing, so am trying to replicate the linking style manually…)

  26. Vinchenze says:

    That was just cruel to do to him. Nice ending though.

  27. Rolld20 says:

    Wow, this week, on a very special Valentine’s Day ‘DM of the Rings’, love is in the Aragorn…
    Yeah, most games I’ve seen, romance is treated by the GM as either an annoyance to be hand-waved aside, or a death-trap.

  28. Tirgaya says:

    As a DM I never put anything in there that I am not prepared to actually run.

    This leads to a lot of extraordinarily hot NPC’s turning out to have lots of levels of bad attitude.

    Not to say that I haven’t run some interesting things, like Spartans. Oh dear that was a ha… um… difficult session. I put it there though so I ran it.

  29. Roy says:

    Heh. Oh, that’s funny.
    “Nope. All done now.” Awesome.
    (it’s “weird” I think, btw)

  30. Corwin says:

    What truly frightens me here is that my DM pointed at this particular strip and said it gave her ideas for our campaign. Thank Obad Hai that my character is far too much of a misanthrope to go after anyone in the game.

  31. Kyle says:

    Great work. Favorite is still LII, though. “Railroad tracks, I’m sure.”

  32. theonlymegumegu says:

    Man, those are always the terrible “god we really are a bunch of lonely geeks” moments, aren’t they…


  33. damien walder says:

    Wow. I have to say my DM let me off with a much nicer encounter- with a Drow tavern server who might have tried to cut my throat if I did anything wrong – than the wham bam thanks Banger, I mean Ranger (and funny again is how those two words read so very differently).

    My DM is not averse to the facts of life entering into the game-sphere. Most gamers being nerdish, and therefore socially stunted/disadvantaged/just plain shy and awkward, the default is nobody goes after the brass ring that is, after all, just a virtual hookup. On the other hand, it’s great can of worms to open and HEY, GUESS WHAT? you can get XP without killing anything (unless the encounter is on the rough side – eugh! I just creeped myself out!). XP for nerds as smooth operators – no STDs, no locking braces – thought there might ba an angry Dad or Clan, whatever.

    I just love that you’ve meshed the collective neurosis of the gamer group – so much for “Fellowship” in this Ring, eh? Maybe the Two Towers is a homoerotic comedy of errors? Return of the King shows Aragorn is for some mysterious reason _really_ tired for the final battle but CAN’T stop grinning? Heh! Elves visiting in the night will do that to ya…

  34. tk210 says:

    OMG this was the funniest one to date. EVERY game seems to involve some rendezvous with a chick in a bar or a castle. And yes, it skeeves me to no end to have to walk them through the details. ECH! I’ve just given up and turned all my female NPC’s into wayward women – when you turn the tables the players start acting like 5-year-olds on a playground and run. Great strip, man. I never laughed so hard at a comic…

  35. -Chipper says:

    Eeeww! Now I have to make a saving throw to preserve my former view of Eowyn intact. :-p

  36. Depaara says:

    I just got introduced to this truly oddball series last week. I have to say that this one has to be my favorite so far, even moreso than the ones about Monty Python. I used to DM for the horniest group of guys you ever saw, and I was always trying to make sure the story never got around to the romantic stuff. This is a technique I’ll have to use if I ever get the group together again. Thanks for the laughs, Shamus!

  37. Depaara says:

    I just got introduced to this truly oddball series last week. Thanks for the laughs, Shamus!

  38. Ryan says:

    This one had me in fits of uncontrollable laughter (as have several others).
    This is definitely one of the best comics ever!

  39. Rebecca says:

    New favorite! You worry for nothing!

  40. davwalp says:

    These comics are absolutely brilliant! My all time favorite is XXXVI:Hates the Dice! Hates Them Forever. This one ranks up pretty high though.

    In my old campaign group one of the players had a female character that was…quite friendly with the men. It got so annoying after awhile that the DM gave her a slew of diseases AND she got pregnant. Now that puts a damper on adventuring!

    Anyway, keep up the good work. I have been recommending this strip to anyone who has the slightest interest in LOTR.

  41. Rafe says:

    I’ve introduced so many friends to this site over the last week, and everyone loves it, myself included! Today’s was just so completely true, and like many others, I checked in from work and nearly hurt myself laughing. Making time to game hasn’t been a priority lately, but thanks to you, Shamus, I think I’ll just have to! Appreciate the laughs, and please keep ’em coming.

  42. Thomas says:

    Been Reading since strip two, this strip is really funny. Favourite still has to be Aragorn and his “keen ranger senses”.

  43. Hal says:

    It got so annoying after awhile that the DM gave her a slew of diseases AND she got pregnant.

    Boy, I’m not sure what a saving throw versus morning sickness is, but I’m betting it’s a doozy.

  44. Andre says:

    Well done, Shamus. Well done. This may be my new favorite.

    Let’s just say, “Let’s just say, you might want to find a discreet cleric in the next 1d6 hours” comes close to my old favorite line: “Ahem, tell me your name, horsefu(GIMLI!)er, and I’ll tell ye mine.”

  45. Andre says:

    and also “Oh no, are my keen ranger senses telling me I have to walk?”

  46. Andre says:

    oh, and “hark, thy faith sucketh?”

  47. Darkenna says:

    Boy, I'm not sure what a saving throw versus morning sickness is, but I'm betting it's a doozy.

    heh heh heh heh hehe heh *choke* *cough* *sputter* *dies*

  48. dpmcalister says:

    I did the exact same thing in a WFRP game I ran once. The player insisted on trying to bed the serving girl in some down and dirty tavern (aren’t they all in WFRP? ;)

    Of course, then the physician’s student (another player) badly failed his healing roll and caused real damage :D

  49. twee says:

    My brother just linked me to your comic and I’m so glad to see you’re still updating it! It’s fabulous, keep up the good work, I seriously need a good laugh to get me through the cold right now u.u

  50. Andy says:

    Our games are reasonably adult and therefore we have PCs forming relationships with NPCs and other PCs (the latter usually only within the game…) Once there was a half-orc female called Daisy (played by a guy – Barry, if you ever read this, you have not been forgotten!) who tried it on with any male NPC she encountered. She ended up pregnant, then got hit with a Haste spell. We suddenly realised that 1 year of instantaneous aging would affect her child as well. It was rather a speedy birth…

  51. Rolld20 says:

    Funny, I don’t remember STD’s on any of the MERP mishap tables.
    It definately should count as a ‘random encounter’. :o

    So, will Aragorn’s player warn the other party members, or let them find out for themselves why Eowyn’s only suitor is the desperate creepy guy?

  52. Alan says:

    Classic, simply classic. The screen caps were perfect!

  53. sturmhauke says:

    So now Aragorn has the clap. I’m going to pretend that Eowyn doesn’t, and that she somehow gave it to him by some trickery. Like, he thought he was with Eowyn but he got drunk first and made it with a stablegirl instead.

  54. Phil says:

    Every DM I’ve ever known would also have the player roll for chance of pregnancy at the end…

    Particularly amusing when it’s a male player with a female character, especially if their dice choose this moment to roll entertainingly!

  55. inara says:


    This reminds me of the time our group went exploring goblin tunnels. one of th eparty members decided to go streaking, and hug goblins.

    He got “Slimey Doom”.

  56. Ack says:

    I once ran a female half-orc with the lowest possible CHA I could pull for her, just for laughs. Her WIS was pretty crap too, so she thought she was not so bad looking – and for some reason the rest of the party was all elves, so she hit on them all. Even in combat. Attack of opportunity, don’t you know. >pinch

  57. Ubu Roi says:

    Twice, I’ve had players seriously chase women in (seperate) campaigns we played. I let both succeed; but I made them work for it — multi-encounter seduction attempts, with multiple rolls and game resources expended to woo the dames. One of them was exiled shortly thereafter. When he was able to return briefly 3 years later (real-time–the campaign lasted for several years), he found out he had a son. I’d been planning that surprise from the very beginning.

    Me? Evil? You betcha.

  58. Jperk says:

    We had ran a campiagn with some of the PC’s getting married and settleing down, they had kids and then the GM assainated all of them as a hook for an adventure.

  59. Santiago says:

    Ha-ha! That is way too on the money (especially since my usual long term GM and playing in my games WAS my college roommate).

    I’m so glad I found this place. Don’t ever stop updating.

  60. Darkenna says:

    Our Gaming group used to have a character named Blake. Blake the Liberator was his name; Blake the Unlucky was what we called him. He fell in love with a Moon Maiden, Tasha. Unfortunately, he didn’t know two things: (1) all Moon Maidens are twins, and (2) Moon Maidens reproduce the same way guppies do (fertilize them once, and they remain fertilized forever). Blake ended up accidentally married to Tasha’s twin sister Yuka, who bore twins (on which the Chaotically Chaotic cleric did a foretelling, which came out, “One of them is fine, but the other one needs to die.” Of course, he wouldn’t tell which was which). And then bore a second set of twins. And then a third. And then Blake discovered his error and switched to the correct girl. Who also bore repeated sets of twins. While Yuka kept bearing twins. Blake ended up constructing an adamantine golem to act as a nanny (only critter he could come up with that was indestructible enough to survive the experience). And the women kept churning out twin children. (He discovered later that they were the last two Moon Maidens and had decided they needed to repopulate. Tee hee.)

  61. Freefall says:

    Who knows, what if the desease is just a skam to 1) Get Arigorn away from her, 2) Get back at him for that, 3) Somthing to punish him for avoiding his railroading, and 4) Imbarrass him. Also, the dm was probally disconcerned by the fact that his college roommate had wanted to… you know… with the girl he was roleplaying.

  62. Steve says:

    [Darkenna] The Moon-“Maidens” were badly advised. The genetic pool their new race would have would be unfeasibly small and would visit the most gruesome consequences on the next generation.

    Blake. Liberator. Someone was watching too much British cheapo skiffy when this module was written.


    1. WJS says:

      It’s pretty obvious that they don’t follow the normal rules of biology. These kinds of all-female species that must mate with humans (typically producing purebloods rather than halfbreeds) obviously don’t follow the rules of mundane genetics. Magic can do all kind of freaky things.

  63. diegomontoya says:

    I love these comics. they reduce me to helpless laughter everytime i read them. i just want to say that the comics are amazing and the DM tips very helpful!

    P.S. What do you do when your players are an evil party and decide rape is the best course of action? besides various grapple rolls that is.

    1. WJS says:

      You remind them that traditionally, rape was a capital crime.

  64. Darkenna says:

    Steve: not a module. Homegrown campaign. And the character originated entirely in the player’s mind.

    He loves Grade-Z (or worse) films. Figures, huh?

    Moon Maidens are all female. If a male child is born, it’s the same race as the father. The racial traits only travel down the female line. Hence, no worries about genetic stability, as they can’t breed with themselves.

  65. Andre says:

    Darkenna: How is it possible that a race that stays fertilized forever AND always pops out twins can become nearly extinct? Don’t you know what the trouble with tribbles is?

  66. Darkenna says:

    Ok, first off… the difference here is they aren’t born pregnant. : D

    In a medieval-fantasy world populated with all sorts of nightmares? Easily!


    Sweet, tasty violence. With a magic sauce. Probably +3, maybe +4. : D

    The rest of that particular mission was to hunt down the demon that had been waging war on the Moon Maidens withthe intent on genocide. We won; he died; Blake became a father. Repeatedly. It was most enjoyable.

  67. Fickle says:

    *laughing SO HARD* Just wait until Legolas hears about this.

  68. Kelson says:

    LOL! Which is unfortunate, as it’s twenty minutes to midnight. With any luck, I didn’t wake up my next-door neighbor.

  69. Anistalker says:

    LMAO…I just read all these trough and yes LMAO!
    Keep up the good work. This is farmost the funniest making of LOTR I’ve ever seen

  70. dpmcalister says:

    Darkenna: He loves Grade-Z (or worse) films. Figures, huh?

    Nah, just cheesy British sci-fi programmes:'s_7

    Blake “owns” the spaceship Liberator :D

  71. Darkenna says:

    Wouldn’t surprise me if that was the source name. But I think the character is actually older than that. Called the Liberator because he was a mage/thief who liberated items from their evil-minded possessors. Or something like that.

  72. Steve says:

    [Darkenna] Sorry, geezer misappropriation of jargon. To this long-time DM, any properly scripted adventure is a module, whether it was bought for hard cashmoney or ran like wine from the fingers of your poor scribe.

    Wait. Wine from fingers? That doesn’t work. Hang on.

    Got it!

    Blah blah dribble drool or ran like engine oil from the fingers of your poor scribe who just finished changing the oil in his car and didn’t pause to wash up before getting back to module authoring.

    Much better.

    Speed standard by four, Zen.


  73. Darkenna says:

    Ah, that’s actually one jargonic adaptation I’ve actually made successfully. : ) Along with Feats, and Skills (mad, mad skillz, yo), and “Attacks of Opportunity” (whatever they are)… oh, and “Keen Ranger Senses”. Can’t forget that specializing in ranger-ing thing.

    Aaaaaaah, Geekdom. : )

  74. Jason The Saj says:

    Yup….I’ve seen this particular encounter.


    So I guess I now have to join the weekly reader group. Catch the next published episode.


  75. Ishmael says:

    “P.S. What do you do when your players are an evil party and decide rape is the best course of action? besides various grapple rolls that is?”

    DM lightning. 20d10 damage, no save.

  76. Ruth says:

    You’re about to get a much larger readership. I just came here from StumbleUpon and I love the comic. Just finished reading all the comics and I have come to the conclusion that you are a genius.

  77. crystal says:

    Now I’m wodering what it would have been like if there was a brothel in any of the towns.
    Grungy place, ok babe, you have a good time, lose 5 Gp’s and need to vist the cleric.;)

  78. Stella says:

    In the D&D games I play, my boyfriend is the DM. I love to tease him by flirting with one of his NPC’s infront of the group ’cause he blushes like MAD and tries to change the subject. But, in another game with the same group, my character likes the character of another woman’s husband. I don’t roleplay her crush that much ’cause I don’t want to annoy the guy’s wife OR my bf. It’s soooo fun though.

    Another time, another wife in the group I mensioned played a guy who was….well…like Aragorn and tried to flirt with my character almost everyday! It made for some absolute fun, but boy was it weird!

    You did well S. I look forward to more! X)

  79. Jak says:

    One of my favorite characters was a Dwarven Champion (half fighter, half cleric). In town I would visit the brothel, choose three or four of the most charismatic girls my money could buy (cause my looks sure couldn’t do it), gather them all together, pray for strength and fertility, cast multiple cure disease, neutralize poison and heal spells (specially memorized for my brothel encounter) on my willing wenches then go until my constitution couldn’t go anymore. The sad thing was, this character ended up being killed by an ambush in a brothel when he was so fatigued he wasn’t fighting effectively and he had used up most of his spells… but at least he was happy X )

  80. only_playing says:

    I just got introduced to this series, and had to go back and read all of them.

    And because I am a geek, my female ranger once slept with an NPC to… well for various reasons actually. The DM asked me to make a role against pregnancy. My response: she’s a ranger. If she doesn’t know some herb around to prevent that, then I have wasted giving her 14 ranks in Knowl(nature). He allowed it. ^_^

  81. Mysti says:

    Okay okay okay….I never thought this story would ever be brought up…and I’m rather ashamed of it. When me and my then boyfriend were playing with this gay couple, and the DM was a drag queen, she was fabulous on stage by the way, and did my makeup for LARP several times, but I digress…Well one time we were playing, and for some twisted reason my boyfriend’s character had to hook up with this NPC, it was actually part of the plot. Well the DM did not gloss over…not one bit…he went into lots and lots of detail. And my boyfriend gladly went along with it. Of course it was well known that the DM wanted to get my boyfriend in bed, and my boyfriend considered it on more than one occasion. Siiiiiigh….Never again am I going to get with a closet-poly person.

    Just for clarification I was the only girl there, with a bisexual boyfriend and two gay guys…out of place much?

  82. Maxtac says:

    Really enjoying this webcomic, Shamus. Though if I read all the comments afterwards I’d be here for weeks!

    Just loved this strip, it’s so… right on; especially for teens.

    When I was in high school (back in the 80’s… don’t remind me), I played in a dnd game with the schools rpg club. Bunch of guys I didn’t know, we were all over-sexed under-satisfied gamers (read dateless geeks). So we start this game, I have a half elf fighter magic user (ok ok, I know, give me a break, my first dnd char at age 15) and another guy in the party had a female human rogue-assassan. So he gets board when we are on the way to the dungeon, decided his char will seduce mine, with the desired end of killing him, by putting poison up her privates. So I fail resist seduction and we go for it, and the poisioning attempt fails. So he has his char do it again, with another failure. So on the third failed attempt, GM says “well you have to roll vs poison now cos all that poison up there can’t be good for your female char” and he rolled a 1. My poor char woke up next to a corpse and was ever more convinced he “loved” her to death. The remaining party members thought so too. The word apparently spread, and you can imagine the rest…

    Not surpisingly that game didn’t go much longer. Not sure we even made it to the dungeon… oh well.

  83. Dune says:

    Perfect, we are always making jokes about just this instance, make the pc’s pay for what the do with removing diseases.

  84. SongCoyote says:

    Heh… I find that when I’m in that sort of situation the DM’s collar tends to heat up a bit. I’ve been known to make ’em sweat.

    But then, I’m definitely the hardcore roleplayer in the group ;)

    Light and laughter,

  85. Ankounite says:

    ….This happened to me on Sunday. I was flipping through the patheon book for Faerun, and came across the love goddess Sune again during the game. We were at a town (a port town, unfortunately), but I still said “I visit the local Priestess of Sune.” I failed my Fort Save and was given Lycanthropic Crotch Crickets (Since in this hodge-podge mix of a world he mixed, we were in the lycanthrope country). She removed disease on me, sure, but I’m now known as Crotch Cricket boy.

  86. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Thanks to the guys at IWC for linking this,I love it!This is my favourite so far,especially because I simply adore putting GM’s in situations like this(I play women on purpose).But there is a weirder thing that can happen:A player trying to score with another player.Or,when you have a girl in your group playing a lesbian,and then you(as a GM)need to play her loved one.

  87. Peterus says:

    Well… u’ve beaten Order of the Stick by now.
    Movie screenshots own + u got great ideas for script.
    Breaking the fellowship was brilliant too!

  88. Black Hand says:

    I’m glad I wasn’t drinking milk whilest reading this one. That is EXACTLY how my first DM dealt with those PC’s that were persistant with such endoviors…And I believe I’ve picked up the trait too, it works very well. Usually after contracting some unknown genital fungus a couple times they tend to stop.

  89. Baktru says:


    I used to have a player… Hmm scratch that I used to have three out of fout players in my campaign that literally hit on EVERY woman with a charisma over 13. Or whose description seemed to mean CHA 14+. Getting a quest from the almighty sorceress. Guess what… Twenty minutes spent on getting quest details and rewards settled, two hours on various plots by all three to seduce the good lady.

    After they had stalked her (a level 15 sorcerss, they were level 6… ) for a while, she figured it out and cursed one of them with an unstoppable urge to visit the red light districts in any city he was in. Hah! Give them what they want :-)

  90. beriadanwen says:

    man,this is soo funny!but i wander..who did ewoyn get it from?eomer maybe?(wink!)

    1. WJS says:

      From her brother, you mean?

  91. Ed the Higg says:

    Oh, jeez…I suddenly just had a flashback to a campaign I was running with my Air Force buddies when we were stationed at Malmstrom 11 to 13 years ago.

    Lenny was playing Logan the elf, who was a fairly horny type. The players had finally gotten back to civilization after travelling to what was basically my game world’s version of Antarctica to destroy a throne of ice, destroy a great obsidian golem (though one of the party’s magic-users ended up finishing the golem and hijacking it for his own use instead), kill a night hag who was buffing up the Shadow King’s undead army and foil the Shadow King’s latest plot.

    So the party went to an inn for the night, and the first words out of Lenny’s mouth were “Are there any hookers or sexy women around?”. I obliged him. “There’s a lithe, fair-skinned harlot with long raven hair leaning against the far end of the bar, as if waiting for someone to happen by.” This was good enough for Lenny, so he made his move. After a brief negotiation on price, Logan took the harlot up to his room, where they proceeded to do the horizontal mambo. And she started this conversation while she was on top of Logan:

    Harlot: “You look like a strong adventurer. Have you been to any exotic regions lately?”

    Logan (thinking she’s just making small talk): “Yes. We just got back from the Land of Eternal Winter.”

    Harlot: “Yes, I know of that place. Were you sent there to destroy the Throne of Ice?”

    Logan (taken aback): “…Yeah.”

    Harlot: “And when you entered the Palace of the Ice Tyrant, were you ambushed by a pack of vampires in the lobby?”

    Logan (growing nervous): “…yeahhh…”

    Harlot: “And did you notice one of the vampires fleeing the battle? A lithe, fair-skinned woman with long, raven hair?”

    Logan (VERY nervous by now): “…yyyYEAHHHHhhh…!”

    Harlot (baring her vampire fangs and preparing to bite): “HHHSSSSSSSSSS!!!”

    Logan: “AAAHHHHHHHH!!!”

    Logan just happened to bed the vampire who had come back to kill him and the rest of the party. >:-)

    That had to be the most awkward battle of the entire campaign: An inn room in the middle of the night, with a stark naked and incredibly strong vampiress mounting a stark naked and not-nearly-as-strong elf who was trying to keep her from biting him and energy-draining him to death when he didn’t even get to use his Dexterity bonus for his AC because she had him pinned, and the cleric and the thief hearing the elf’s screams, jumping out of bed and grabbing their weapons to save the elf from his latest “conquest”. Fortunately, the cleric and the thief were able to kill the vampire before she did any significant harm to the elf, and the cleric felt it was his duty to hear the relieved elf’s confession and impose a suitable penance for his sinful, undead-seducing carnality afterwards. :-D

    Logan didn’t do much whoremongering after that night. >:-)

  92. splorp! says:

    My favorite character, a Chaotic Neutral thief named Mott the Hoople (my chaotic neutral characters use two sided die, ie a coin), had a charisma of 8. In a party with a Paladin (charisma of 17), my character somehow managed to always get the tavern wench. Every time I did, the DM would make a roll, but never tell me what it was for. One day, I finally got it out of him. Apparently, my thief has more than 20 children.

  93. Arrk says:

    A local library hosted D&D nights once per week, for reasons I never understood, nor questioned much. One day, a girl stopped by to play. Another player showed up, saw the girl, and said, “A female D&D player? That’s about as rare as a Tarrasque!”

  94. Shatondra says:

    My professor just sent me this link…I love him and this has become my new favorite web comic. XD

  95. Moy says:

    A cowardly chicken is the DM who doesn’t dare to play love scenes! :-)
    (I used to play in a mixed round BTW; there are some very funny quotes in my book, but I guess they don’t work in English)

  96. geo says:

    had a masked and disguised babe of a thief come onto a pc thief when they encountered each other while both were independantly robbing the same second story crib. the pc thief ran away because he thought I was going to sic a gay npc thief on him. Where my players got these ideas I’m such a sadist I have NO idea! ;o)

  97. Mosquito says:

    Yeah! Post-event, that’s exactly the attitude a current-day Eowyn would have.

  98. Sewicked says:

    *gasp* Give *wheeze* me *gasp* a minute *wheeze* I’m still trying to catch my breath after laughing so hard.

    As a woman roleplayer (who almost never plays male PCs), I don’t really get hit on that much. At least, not that I’ve noticed.

    I’ve had chaste PCs, the extremely active bi-sexual leaning towards women PC (who later got married to 2 men, one of whom was a minor god), and the not-too-discriminating PCs but mostly in-between the two extremes.

    I did manage to shock my Mage gm when the teacher my PC found wanted a ‘close albeit temporary relationship’ in exchange for his knowledge & my character eyed him, shrugged & agreed. Yeah, GM never tried that again.

    I have had a couple GMs who handled the romance thing well. Not many, but a couple. I’ve only had two PCs get pregnant though. And none have caught diseases.

    Weirdest romance thing that happened in a game: male NPC and female PC fall in love. Yeah okay, GM & player both female. GM & player ended up dating for awhile. The in-game relationship turned out to be an offshoot of their genuine feelings.

  99. dreamcass says:

    Earlier in our current campaign, a female PC in our party went out for a night on the town, for “a little of A, a little of B, …a little of C” in the DM’s words. Afterward the DM made her roll a saving throw against STD’s. She rolled a 20. Immune for life!

  100. Sylana says:

    I’ve been in that situation a couple of times- being the only female player in group of guys more often than not (and often the only female PC), I’m the one that always gets hit on. Of course, I tend to play elves or half-elves, and I’ve rarely had a charisma below 15, but still…. the really funny thing is that my husband was usually the DM. He not only put up with various encounters, seductions, and what have you, he wrote them into the storyline- even marrying my char to another PC in one game. Our characters fell in love not long after we met, and the courtship became part of the plot.
    Of course, I got the players back on occasion. I had one of the boys get seduced by a red widow in a Ravenloft campaign I was running, and the rest of the party had to rescue him from being eaten.

  101. TheDeepDark says:

    This is not a good choice to read while in class, either. I have to say, thyese have been making me chuckle all along, but it figures the one time I check while not alone in my house, it’s this one. I fell out of my chair – It still hurts trying to hold it in…

  102. Toil3T says:

    “What skill do I use for this?”
    *Expletive* I know we’ll be “roleplaying” ;) next session. Love potions, etc. I can cure disease, so, I guess that helps. I wonder who, if anyone, won’t- This isn’t appropriate conversation, so I’ll leave it there.
    “Like I said, HOT!”- I’ve learnt not to eat cereal or drink anything while reading great webcomics. This is right up there with “I rolled a four!”

  103. Raeder says:

    Thanks so much for this strip.
    Because of this I had this great idea.

    I managed to convince my DM to let me roll for seduction on a train ride in a CoC game. I think we used fast talk, it was priceless.

  104. Cynder says:

    Oh, man, how I wish I was nerdy enough to play D&D…it sounds so much fun! The closest I’ve gotten to it is playing AQ and DF online…oh yeah, and that Harry Potter one years ago…bah, I prolly shouldn’t be here, surrounded by nerds – my friends would torch me at the stake (lol)

    1. “I find it really amusing that there never seems to be any shortage of good frames for Aragorn. The stringy hair, scruffy beard, the smirking and half-interested looks make it seem that you can really see the player's personality coming through in the character.”

    Oh, come on – all that stuff is what makes Aragorn such a delectable character!! His eyes, oh my gosh…the amount of times they zoom in on those gorgeous eyes, I’m all like, *drool* Mine!! Viggo Mortenson rocks my bed (I mean socks…lol) – they couldn’t have chosen a better actor (If only here were an Auzzie! OMG!)!

    2. “In hindsight, the ideal thing would have been to cast Aragorn as a dumb, distracted stoner. He spends about half of the movie blinking very, very slowly. I can come up with a shot of him looking baked or mouth-open stoopid in just about any scene. I should make a “I am so high” montage out of all these shots.”

    Bwahaha – I don’t really want to admit that Aragorn could pass off very well as a total stoner, but it’s true! I’ve seen the BTS interviews and whatnot on the bonus features discs, and he definately sounds like one…OMG, what the hell am I saying?? Aragorn’s a freaking hottie!! XD

  105. JD says:

    That. Is. The. BEST. Trap I’ve ever seen. XD

  106. BF says:

    Funny story (not for me):

    OK, we’re playing W.F.R.P. (scary in itself- the worst rules set known to man but an AWSOMEly dark setting), and we had one player who EVRY TIME he saw a female NPC asked “How hot is she?”

    The GM was got annoyed at this after a while, and began describeing more and more hideous disfigurements for the NPCs. Since they where mostly Brettonian (medeval) pesents, this was fully justified

    I’m playing a Knight Errant (Paladin). We enter a castle. The player mentioned above is not at this session. The GM has planned a trap for him, involveing some Slaneshii cultists (the Dark God of… stuff. You know, that stuff with the whips. erm…). So another player (the Elf) gets put next to a female cultist at the table. But (s)he (female player, male charicter, dressed as woman- this happens alot in our games. Also Dark Elf pretending to be High Elf pretending to be Wood Elf. I think.) passes the Spot check to notice the cult pendant.

    You know what she does then? She gets me to talk to that NPC. The NPC offers me a drink, and next thing I know, it’s twelve hours later, my armour is gone and I have a general disinclination to sit down. I have vaigue recolections of multiple NPCs being involved in the… procedings. Not all female.

    The party left the castle immedeately. I led my horse rather than rideing it. Talk about the paladin with the stick-up-the-backside.

    THEN the GM makes a d100 roll for STIs.

    Sorry for such a long post. I wonder if anyone will ever scroll this far down?

    Morals of this story:
    1- Never annoy the GM
    2- Never trust an Elf
    3- Don’t play a system based on the d100
    4- If in the Warhammer setting, don’t trust ANYONE.

  107. Morambar says:

    Deja freakin’ vu; I still remember the evil Ravenloft campaign that killed our group one session after it killed my beloved thief. First of all, when the THIEF is only 5th level you DON’T send the party to a 7th or 8th level Ravenloft module (first clue we weren’t ready: The Deus ex Machina of a meteor swarming NPC at the end of our first Ravenloft module…. ) The second highest level character was the 3rd level samurai, but he bought it on the trip INTO Ravenloft (since everyone but me and the DM hated Elves, no one believed the guy with 90% Enchantment/Charm resistance when I told them about my dream where Little Girl Lost wasn’t what she seemed to be; all THEIR dreams said she was just an innocent waif…. ) But what really sucked is we’re in a world full of powerful evil aligned undead, demons and lycanthropes and our only decent magic weapon (heck, only magic weapon at all beside the dagger 1) was the longsword 2 the samurai was using; I easily had the best THAC0 with it after he dropped, even with non-proficiency penalties, but it wasn’t a class appropriate weapon. Wielding it was, in a word (or two) “bad roleplaying. ” Got that one a lot, for all kinds of infractions, real and imagined, and by the end I was being threatened with XP penalties.

    SO, welcome to Harmonia, the town of Wolf-Weres, where the Shashbuckler Thief (known to the group as “the fop” ) gets picked up by the local barmaid. Now, I’m not stupid; I know where we are–but my CHARACTER doesn’t, and I just got docked a few hundred XP for ignoring the difference. So, me and Mr. DM leave the room to role play an encounter where my thief is eagerly blindfolded and stripped while his player dreads the inevitable. She turns into a Wolf Were and my naked character, despite making his flight checks by double digits (I had a 19 DX after all… ) merely prolongs the inevitable; after all, she’s a Wolf Were and I’m a lowly 5th level thief, but at least “You died in the best possible way: Good roleplaying. ”

    Why were we in Ravenloft again…?

    Which, after still more PCs dropped the following week, we shortly thereafter were no longer in Ravenloft….

  108. Johnathan says:

    I used to play Vampire: the Dark Ages with a good group of friends (circa 7 or 8 years ago), all dudes, one of whom was playing as a lady. Inevitably, he/she started boinking another PC.

    It actually kind of creepy – not, though, in a homophobic way. Evan did a really terrible woman’s voice that sounded creepy all the time, and the combination of that with the fact that in the context of the system vampires are absolutely incapable of deriving pleasure from sex was just plain eerie.

  109. Ben says:

    No one will ever get here, but we rescued a beautiful woman from a dungeon. Turns out the wizard should use better seals when trapping succubi, they’re awfully easy to get around. Luckily the cleric rolled high to cast restoration from a scroll. *whew*

  110. E says:

    Alright the comic itself is absolutely brilliant. Reading through it AGAIN for the 4th time and still laughing. Also, props to everyone who comments and shares stories about there groups.

    Relating to you is almost as fun as relating to the strip itself

  111. Kern says:

    “Versus Disease”. You’re killing me man, killing me.

    Here’s a good question: Which requires a higher saving throw, gonorrhea, or syphilis?

  112. Crowbar says:

    The first session of my new campaign, and the first thing one of my players did once I’d finished describing the locale was ask if there were any hot women who would be interested in sleeping with the swinging bachelor Sorcerer.

    I eventually had to explain to him that as this was a medieval farming community, any women there would be one step above a pack mule in terms of hideousness.

    This didn’t stop him from asking the same thing in every. Fucking. Town.

  113. Trick says:

    I never thought I’d succumb to chatspeak, but…


  114. BattlingDragon says:

    “versus disease”

    The cleric in one of my early partys eventually made an amulet of “Remove Disease” for this reason. He got tired of burning so many spells every time we entered a town.

  115. I think you missed a bet.

    I suppose that, just as the horizontal bop was about to commence, you could have had Mister Fancypants (you know, the wizard guy) and the other two (what were their names again?) come in and “rescue” him. “No, no, it’s just too perilous!”

    I shall proceed to eat my character sheet now.

  116. EVILDM says:

    I tried to use the STD playercatch in my campain, next thing i know my whole town suddenly had that STD. Never try to outsmart that kind of players

  117. Michael says:

    Yes, I scrolled this far. No, I think Tarrasques are rarer than females. (And the T isn’t that hard to kill, you can do it at level 13 if you have the time to prepare.)

    Oh: “One more die”

  118. Tachi says:


    Eloquent today aren’t I?

  119. Fhyl says:

    Haha, this happened in one of my gaming groups once. We then discovered the true advantages of having a monk’s disease immunity.

  120. The Duke of Waltham says:

    It may be a little late to note this, but weird is misspelled in panel 5.

    Brilliant comic, by the way (and I’m not even into these games; I am only now learning about them through the descriptions). I’ve discovered it through TV Tropes and I started reading from the beginning last night. I’ve been laughing ever since.

  121. zay says:

    Heh. I DMed a campaign in which one of the PCs seduced another PC, and then rolled a “Perform” check.

    He rolled a 1. XD

  122. ellgieff says:

    *sniggers* I once had a player who insisted on playing a female paladin. Not really getting the whole “holy warrior” bit, he ended up failing a saving throw vs pregnancy.

    That campaign ended not long after that. It’s always important to go out on a high note.

  123. joesolo says:

    give them what they want, but make it suck. deffinatlly gonnatry that if i get to dm

  124. Matt says:

    Just reading these now. These are great!

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