T w e n t y S i d e d

I have finally reached The Mines of Moria in Lord of the Rings Online. This was the first expansion to the game, released at the end of 2008. This expansion is what prompted me to even try the game. I logged in for the first time in 2009. Never could stick with it. I’ve even talked about two tries here on Twenty Sided. And I finally entered the mines in 2026. I am, I think, about halfway through. Still learning all the aspects of disenchanting and Legendary Items, which first come up in this expansion and apply for the rest of the game, apparently. What’s next? I was never all that interested in the next expansion, Siege of Mirkwood…but I have to admit that’s mainly because *I missed it*. Didn’t even know it existed. There are some fascinating stories in Mirkwood, although I have no idea how they might be handled. (The Hobbit movies (the del Toro/Jackson trilogy) kind of make a mess of the Necromancer plot, IMO.) But overall I am looking forward to that expansion now. The Isengard, Rohan, and Helm’s Deep expansions don’t do anything for me. Looking through the various stories they cover (just) now does show some things I’m interested in, however. Well, Helm’s Deep does, although it occurs to me they could all be part of the “Epic Battle” system that expansion introduced. And which I’m *not* interested in. Some of the newest stuff sounds interesting. I also really want to visit Erebor and the Dale-lands, but I honestly don’t know how right now. I don’t even know when it was added to the game. Logically it would be near Mirkwood, but I’m pretty sure the handful of quests I’ve seen for The Lonely Mountain are over level 100, and Mirkwood is gonna be something like 70’s.

Made a strawberry pie last night that DID NOT work out. I’m just now learning how to bake pies and am starting with pre-made pie crusts. Dylan Hollis mentioned something about “using pre-made is fine; you can always make your own if you like that kind of low-level anxiety” and I want NOTHING to do with that. But last night’s lesson was that blind-baking a pie crust requires a weight in the bottom or the crust will shrink A LOT; and only use a big pie plate if the recipe SAYS it needs a big pie plate. Otherwise your pie crust and subsequent pie will do just fine in the regular, smaller, pie plate. (the pie is delicious, by the way)

And now we return to Girls und Panzer: The Anzio Battle is (not) Next!

The episode opens at the hospital in Oarai (on land) where Hana, Miho, and Yukari have gone to visit Mako and her grandmother. They reach the door, only to hear quite a commotion from within:

We can tell from the voices Mako’s grandmother is telling Mako off for not going to school and for hanging around the hospital. She also chastises Mako for being “too quiet, like an antisocial.” (She doesn’t actually say “an antisocial”, but I can’t follow what she says well enough to communicate the proper words, something we may be more familiar with in the West. Like “hikikomori,” possibly; although that would be shared better as “withdrawn shut-in” or “basement-dweller”.) Mako’s efforts to get her grandmother to calm down to lower her blood pressure are rebuffed. Yukari tremulously asks “…maybe we should leave?” But Hana confidently responds “No, we’re already here. We’re gonna just go in now.”

Grandma doesn’t ask who they are…she asks “Why are you here?” The group introduces themselves as classmates and Tankery teammates of Mako’s. “You’re taking Tankery?” she asks Mako. “Yeah.” “OK, so why are Tankery people here?” Tough nut, is Grandma. Sayori responds that they just won their first battle at Nationals. “Yay. Fat lot of good that’ll do you. WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Mako explains: “After the Nationals match I got a call that you had collapsed and were in the hospital. They’re here because they were worried about you.”

Mako looks away and somewhat sheepishly says “I know.” Grandma instructs her to say “Thank You.” Mako thanks the group for coming to visit. Grandma screams “is that the best you can do?!” and Mako repeats “arigato” in exactly the same tone of voice. Mako then exhorts Grandma again to calm down to keep her blood pressure under control which kick-starts another argument. Sayori mentions Grandma was asleep until just a bit ago, “but you can see how energetic she is now.” Grandma insists she’s going home tomorrow and Mako says she has to stay in the hospital to make sure she’s ok. Hana and Sayori wander off to find a vase for the flowers Hana brought. Meanwhile Mako is trying to get Grandma to be more gracious to their guests, and Grandma is insisting she’s not going to hide who she is from anybody. After all, “everyone is born naked!” She then tells Miho and Yukari to get back to their tanks, and take Mako with them “even though she’s probably making things harder for you.” Miho and and Yukari praise Mako’s teamwork and driving. To which Grandma responds “So she can drive a tank? That won’t get you anywhere in life.” She then steadfastly looks out the window and ignores everyone. Mako, Yukari, and Miho all take their leave. Just as Miho reaches the door, Grandma calls after her

Miho turns and sees Grandma still staring out the window. She smiles, and tells Grandma she will.

We then get a big title card on a black screen, reminding us “The Anzio Battle is Next!”

On the train and bus rides back to the Oarai port, Mako sleeps. We learn she lost her parents years ago in an accident and has been raised by her Grandmother. I’m sure everyone probably guessed it was something like that. While on the transport back to the ship Miho, standing by her customary rail (reference the trip home after the St. Gloriana battle) is approached by Sayori. From Sayori we learn Mako had been worried about Miho, which surprises Miho. Because Miho came to Oarai on her own, without her family. To an extent, Mako understands how that feels more than the others. Mako’s mother actually resembled her grandmother as well, so Mako is frequently reminded of her greatest regret: she quarreled with her mother the day they were killed and Mako didn’t get to apologize and make up with her mom. This triggers a flashback:

We aren’t given context for this conversation, but Miho’s mother, Shiho; tells her the Nishizumi School (of Tankery, not an actual institution. As we have seen already Maho actually attends Kuromorimine, the institution whose Sensha-do team embodies the Nishizumi Style of Tankery) will continue on; and sometimes that requires sacrifices. The Nishizumi tradition is to push forward for victory at all costs. Miho protests, Maho looks like she’s about to say something, then the flashback ends with Miho sitting awake in bed looking sad.

The next morning sad Miho is interrupted by Sayori carrying a mostly-sleeping Mako to school. Sayori is about to collapse when she’s able to ask Miho for help. Together they drag Mako to school where Mako stumbles toward the chairman of the school’s Public Morals Committee, Midoriko Sono. Mako calls her “Sodoko,” a reference to the horror movie villain Sadako. As the Tankery team gains popularity Midoriko will increasingly be called “Sodoko,” including by her fellow committee members. This popularity is first glimped when Miho and Sayori notice a building-side banner near the entrance congratulating the Sensha-do team on their Nationals victory, and a “tank” balloon floating nearby.

Sodoko is upset the Student Council put these items in place without consulting “anyone,” by which she clearly means herself. At lunch Miho visits the tank barracks and stares at the Panzer 4, wondering aloud if it will be enough to win the next battle. She is suddenly joined by Sayori and Hana, who were looking for her, and Yukari who frequently eats lunch with the tank anyway. Lastly Mako pops up out of the driver’s hatch, explaining she skipped her last class to “take a break.” Ankou Team all sit on top of the Panzer to eat lunch. Yukari mentions a special edition of the school newspaper being published about Oarai’s win in the National tournament. Miho abashedly points out it was less a “win” and more “they barely got by.” Yukari pronounces jubilantly that “a win is a win!”

Miho, clearly dejected by the thought, says “…yeah, I guess there’s no point unless you win.” Yukari responds “Really? You think that?” clearly disagreeing. She elaborates that for her this has all been fun, and that’s all she thinks about. This has been a great experience. The “win” is just a benefit. Sayori agrees that Tankery has been tremendous fun. Surprised, Miho agrees that her experience at Oarai has been the first time she thought of Sensha-do as “fun.” Before now all she worried about was getting the win; and that is a big reason she decided to avoid Tankery “when she lost.”

Yukari again mentions seeing the Final Match from the previous tournament…and THIS TIME we finally get the payoff.

Last year, when Miho was a First Year, she served as Vice-Commander of Kuromorimine and Captain of the team’s Flag Tank in the Finals battle against Pravda Girls High School.

She was part of a convoy consisting of her Tiger Tank (a German heavy tank, a ‘Panzer 6’ in relation to the hero Panzer 4) flanked by two Panzer 3 tanks. They were traversing a narrow pass following a river, in bad weather. Approaching Pravda tanks fired shots that destabilized the leading Panzer 3. It fell from the road

and into the river. Miho stopped her tank and slid down the embankment, jumping into the river, in an attempt to save the crew of the Panzer 3.

The following Panzer 3 tried to climb past Miho’s stopped tank to shield it from the attacking Pravda team, but didn’t make it in time. Pravda was able to hit Miho’s Tiger and score a disabling shot on Kuromorimine’s Flag Tank,

Yukari says the same thing she did to Maho and Erika: She believes Miho made the right decision. And she believes the team members Miho saved (the flashback didn’t show the result) probably believe Miho made the right decision, too. Of course, the implication we have seen is that Shiho, Maho, possibly other Kuromorimine leaders, and we’ve already discussed Erika, believe Miho made the wrong decision. Both because it cost them the victory when their Tankery philosophy is to win at all costs, AND because Miho showed concern for people who were just doing their job. We have seen an issue especially in relation to the other teams that some people regard Tankery as akin to real battles, while others tend to look at it as “just a game.” This is, honestly, a deeper topic than the series addresses; it’s only a secondary concern, if that. The point is that Miho has fully-developed empathy for those around her, and the hard-hitting leading schools, at least Kuromorimine, do not appreciate empathy. Along side the empathy, the thing that makes her human, is that this is supposed to be *fun*.

But this is also Japan, so when Miho formally thanks Yukari for agreeing with her, Yukari becomes flustered that “Nishizumi-dono” (we talked about the -dono suffix previously) thanked her. Then she remembers this is actually the second time, the first being when she “scouted” Saunders High School. Mako dead-pans (she always dead-pans) “Sergeant Odd Ball.” Hana and Sayori add that Tankery isn’t just about doing what other people want you do; Tankery is what you make of it. Not sure that’s the best way of putting it; the translation is kind of “too on the nose.” A major theme of the series, possibly “the” major theme, is “do your own Tankery.” This becomes more significant in the series but is really pushed at times in the subsequent films and direct-to-video episodes (OVA, sometimes OAV).

We flash to the Student Council where Yuzu, typing something-or-other, asks aloud if Oarai can win the next battle with their current resources. Momo, without fail, determinedly says “We have to!”

Anzu rolls through the scene on an office chair eating sweet potato skins, stating Oarai has “hopes and spirit” going for them. (The concepts she expresses are in-line with traditional Japanese ideology. This will be explored in subsequent media.) Yuzu points out Anzio, the school Oarai is about to fight, is quite strong and if Oarai takes them for granted…

Yeah…Anzio (if you couldn’t guess from the name) are the Italians. That’s a pizza in the top-left, and *we’re not gonna have that argument right now*. The green-haired girl with the exceptional ringlets is…Anchovy. I am NOT making that up.

Commercial break.

The return from commercial (now that we’ve been reminded we’re FIGHTING ANZIO NEXT) opens with another training montage. The most important note is that the Duck Team (the Volleyball Team) are becoming quite good shots. Expected to an extent, but the Type 89 is still one of the weakest tanks we’ve seen in the series, if not THE weakest. After the montage Momo asks Miho to join the next strategy meeting, and Yuzu adds she needs Miho’s help re-ordering supplies. This opens the flood gates, as two members of Duck Team ask Miho for help aiming faster and getting their “curve?” shot to curve properly. I mean, physics says you could conceivably “curve” a tank’s shot, I guess. A bit. Miho starts to respond when a member of Hippo Team asks for help “speed sniping.” We see the other members of Ankou react as the requests pour in: my butt keeps chaffing when I’m in the tank for a long time. Is there any way to put A/C in the tanks? A First Year asks for help dealing with boys, because they run off when she starts to talk about tanks. Another First Year says her boyfriend left her.

Yukari finally interrupts: Um, she can help with mechanical questions, probably. Hana tells Yuzu she can help with paperwork. Mako, resigned to the direction the conversation is going, offers help with steering. And Sayori excitedly tells the First Years she can help with their love lives!

Yukari enters a philosophical discussion with the History Club team, addressing how to properly “think” about the STuG III. Seriously. Mako speed-reads the manual for the Type 89, then quickly executes a 90 degree backward turn and stops the tank inches from a stack of cardboard boxes. When Noriko asks how she did that, Mako responds she just read the manual, then didn’t have any problems when she tried it.

Sayori lectures the First Years (Rabbit Team) about love. They are inspired by her words and ask how many men she’s dated.

They quickly try to make her feel better, telling her she can think of the tank as her boyfriend. I’m sure that helps.

Yuzu and Hana get busy with paperwork. Yuzu also brings a stack of papers detailing the tanks Oarai had used in the past for Sensha-do. Across the room Anzu asks for a summary from Miho. Miho tells Anzu and Momo the team is coming together nicely, but they just don’t have enough tanks to fight the larger teams later in the tournament. Right on cue, Hana interrupts to tell the rest that according the records she and Yuzu are reviewing, there *should* be more tanks on the ship…somewhere.

The next day Miho, Mako, and Duck Team head to the former club rooms of Oarai’s School Ship. These are, of course, dilapidated wooden buildings in the woods, just as you would see in ANY OTHER school anime. Why this is kept around ON A SHIP…is not asked. Yukari, just as shown in the previous scene, joins Hippo team. The History Club leader, Caesar (the one with the red scarf) uses a Bagua, a Yin/Yang octogram associated with Chinese philosophy and the I Ching, and a falling stick to predict directions to follow. Her first reading is to go East from, uh, wherever they are. The school complex, maybe. Sayori leads the First Years into the depths of the school ship. This is where you get the dialogue discussing why they’re on a ship in the first place, but as I already mentioned, it’s kind-of hand-wavey. The show is aware of that, which Sayori indicates by appending “supposedly” to her explanation (which sounds like it’s taken straight from the brochure.) She continues “The government overreacted to people being mad the government didn’t have an education policy.” As the group heads below, she addresses two crewmen:

These are actually two girls the same ages as Sayori and the First Years. They are part of a different program. This is not addressed in the series; I *think* only in a spinoff or in alternative media, like the manga. It’s kind of a “trade” program, I gather. Rather than doing “normal” high school they crew significant portions of the ship. I can’t tell you how this structure runs in comparison to Oarai Girls’ Academy. The crew tell Sayori there might be something like a tank WAAAAY in the back of the ship.

Yuzu and Hana mention Oarai hasn’t done Tankery in over twenty years, although apparently there are no records tanks were sold off or destroyed. Momo is impatient and upset no tanks have been found yet. Anzu…

Duck Team, Miho, and Mako have had no luck exploring the old club rooms. Mako declares the search has failed and goes to open a window. To her surprise, she sees fresh laundry hung out to dry. To Miho’s surprise…

That’s a 75mm high velocity cannon. While the Panzer 4 was originally meant to support infantry forces with it’s short, 75mm all purpose gun, the tank was later fitted with *this* gun to make it more effective against enemy tanks. This is, all things considered, an upgrade for the Panzer 4, and a direct answer to Miho’s earlier question.

Yukari and Hippo Team then find a Renault Char B1 bis (pronounced bee-one-bee) in a flooded dump-spot. The Char B1 bis was a French interwar design and an early “heavy” tank. At the beginning of WWII (in our world) it outclassed German Panzer III’s and 4’s of the time, but was known for mediocre reliability, high maintenance requirements, a dodgy drive-line, and slow speed. It had good frontal armor, a surprisingly effective if small 47mm anti-tank gun in the turret, and a 75mm assault gun in the front hull, similar to the M3 Lee. This gun was primarily meant for destroying fortifications (shoot the thing that’s in your way.) It has been theorized it was a good enough tank that more-developed tank doctrine on behalf of the French could have make the B1 bis an effective weapon against Germany, but there’s not really any way to know that, of course. Anzu’s response to the discovery is

Yukari also earns her “History Club” spirit name (to go along with Caesar, Erwin, Saemonza, and Oryou): Guderian. Montgomery is suggested, which Yukari finds distasteful. (Montgomery, I’m guessing, is a reference to Bernard Montgomery; the British general officer who commanded British forces in many major WW2 battles and several operations. He was also, depending on the narrative you choose, considered a complete *********** and ********* by many people. Guderian is almost certainly a reference to Heinz Guderian, a German officer credited with *inventing* modern tank warfare in WW2. While there’s not much disagreement that he was a talented commander of tanks, his post-war image was presented, included by himself, as untainted by known and demonstrable atrocities. He also claimed sole responsibility for his “warfare” innovations, a claim also disputed by many. Later scholarship, again, including an update to Guderian’s autobiography, corrected many of his assertions.)

The 75mm gun and the Char B1 bis are transported back to the Oarai tank barracks, but Sayori and the First Years haven’t returned. It’s getting late. Then Mako receives a text from Sayori; they’re at the back of the ship, but they don’t know where, and are lost. Momo says there MUST be sign visible. Anzu skips that and hands Miho a map of the ship, telling her to go be a rescue team.

Deep in the ship, traveling dark halls, Yukari and Miho are jumpy. Hana, as usual, is unperturbed.

Mako is worse.

“Ghosts,” she tells the others, “are worse than waking up early.”

Sayori and the first years are in a warehouse, huddled in the dark. The First Years are hungry and afraid they’ll have to spend the night. Except Saki, who has found something else to stare at:

The search team is pondering which direction to go from an intersection when Yukari receives a call from Caesar, who has divined they need to search to the West. Following Yukari’s compass they discover Sayori and the First Years, who immediately glomp on to Sayori in celebration. Yukari and Hana note how popular Sayori has become (Mako adds wryly it’s probably not in the way she was hoping.) Miho then notices, behind the group (and NOT, unfortunately, what Saki was staring at), a tank.

This is a tank-spotter shot. Because as far as can be proven, only ONE of these ever actually made it to a battlefield (many were actually produced, sort of, mainly because the hull formed the basis for other vehicles). This is a Porsche Tiger, or a Tiger (P). Two designers where originally contacted to design the tank that would become the Panzer 6, or Tiger tank. Henschel and Porsche. Henschel won the contract, but Porsche for reasons I won’t get into, was pretty sure he was gonna win and started making the tanks anyway. That’s why this thing got used even though it is NOT actually the Panzer 6. It’s not like Germany in World War 2 had steel and copper just laying around for anything anybody wanted. So when Porsche went and built so many of the darn things, they figured out how to use them. But that copper thing is actually pretty important, because that’s one important reason why Porsche’s design wasn’t chosen. Porshe’s Tiger used two V-10 gasoline engines powering two generators that then powered two electric motors. This wasn’t a bad idea, inherently…heck, it’s how diesel-electric power (many trains, and some ships, and some other things) works now. Porsche’s design, and Germany’s ability to build that design, was at that time just a bridge too far. The Porsche Tiger’s drive was very unreliable, less maneuverable than Henshel’s design, and required more copper because of the electric motors. One, like I said, is known to have made it to the battlefield as a command vehicle. The hull later served as the basis for the Ferdinand tank destroyer, which was renamed the Elefant. More about them later in the series. It is worth noting and remembering that the Tiger, even this prototype, had an 88mm gun, the most powerful gun (on the Sensha-do tanks) we have seen so far in the series. So this thing has one tremendous asset, regardless.

All of Oarai’s Sensha-do members visit the school baths and have a good soak together. Momo thanks everyone for their hard work, tells them the tanks they found won’t be ready for the next battle against Anzio, but Oarai will win anyway. She then unexpectedly hands off to Miho, who is completely unprepared to address the team. In the end all she can think of is “let’s go kick some butt out there!” As Anzu rightly pointed out, and even Miho previously described, the Oarai Sensha-do Team is definitely riding high from their success. They cheer Captain Nishizumi’s encouragement.

The scene cuts to a distant explosion on a wooded hillside. Three Anzio tanks are piled up, team Commander Anchovy slumps over her Carro Armato P40; all the tanks have their disabling white flags flying. Four Oarai tanks are shown congregated on a bluff, their guns all pointed in the same direction, looking down on the Anzio team. The Oarai girls cheer and embrace as the match results are announced, and Miho, in one of the most famous visuals from this series, simply cocks her head to side and smiles sweetly.

The Anzio battle is over. Oarai has won.

 

(do you feel cheated? Do you feel mislead? I had mentioned previously there were rumored to be budget and management problems in the first part of the series. I wonder if skipping the Anzio battle was part of that. I wonder at what point the production team realized they had a bona fide “hit” on their hands. But to give a partial answer to some questions, the VERY FIRST full-length OVA released, after the series was completed, was called Girls und Panzer: This is the Real Anzio Battle!)

Paige Francis He/him