T w e n t y S i d e d

After the successful conclusion of the practice battle, while Miho and the other Sensha-do team members are perusing the “redecorated” tanks, Student Council President Anzu suggests to Momo (monocle girl) that they should

…to which Momo replies “I’ll go call them.”

We don’t find out until later, as I documented last time, this will be a practice match against St. Gloriana Girls’ College. St. Gloriana is a consistently strong team that has won the national championship.

We actually meet St. Gloriana in the third episode, but I left it off mostly because it introduces a topic I think most viewers missed when this anime first debuted. So we’ll dive right in now. The current captain of the St. Gloriana Tankery team is named…Darjeeling.

She is currently having tea with her top two lieutenants, Assam (on the left) and Orange Pekoe (on the right).

You heard me.

Yes, they are all named after types of “tea.” And, as far as has ever been revealed, THESE ARE THEIR REAL NAMES, not nom de plumes, such as the History Club adopting various historical appellations. Now, most viewers can probably put together a) all the characters are named after tea, and b) their school ship, as I revealed previously, is called the “Ark Royal,” and realize something. Except, of course, you never find out in the series what any of the ships are named. So, here are their tanks:

That is, four British Matilda tanks and a British Churchill. Indeed, St. Gloriana Girls’ College is themed, or rather, identified with Britain. All the girls drink tea in an organized and proper manner, are soft-spoken, demure, and deferential, and use British hardware exclusively. “Oh, they’re a British school!” No. They’re Japanese. ALL THE SCHOOLS IN GIRLS UND PANZER ARE JAPANESE SCHOOLS. Oarai Girls’ Academy is “based” in and on the Japanese city Oarai. That’s simple to grasp. St. Gloriana Girls’ College is located in Yokohama. Yokohama is the second-most populous city in Japan after Tokyo. On a map one could be excused for not being able to find Yokohama as it forms a significant part of the Greater Tokyo area. Tokyo and Yokohama are effectively merged. All of the students at St. Gloriana are Japanese, but adopt some British customs and mannerisms. The excessive tea-drinking extends to students taking tea even during Sensha-do matches.

As we will see throughout Girls und Panzer, this is common. *To a point*. In the initial series all schools except Oarai have a particular national identity associated mostly with the events of our (and presumably their) World War II. But not always, and this is stretched and mashed a bit. The purpose of utilizing these stereotypes, which I would characterize as being turned up to 10.5 or 10.9 but *never* 11, is to use some narrative ideas for the original battles. And to poke gently at national characteristics, which comes off mostly as pushing on the stereotypes themselves. As a teaser, I will let you know that the most “over-the-top” are the Fins (Jatkosota, or Continuation), although Blue Division (the Spanish), umm, certainly get a lot of attention. Also notable is Chi-Ha-Tan, the school based on Imperial Japan. This school is an absolute blast, especially in later entries when an enterprising first year student finally figures out how to turn their moribund Tankery program around (it involves “stop doing the stupid thing,” an obvious lesson).

Back to the practice match. This takes place on land in Oarai, Japan; which was probably obvious when I showed the two school ships docking next to each other. The two schools’ first meeting before the battle is about as contentious as St. Gloriana ever gets:

In courser language, Darjeeling basically says “You guys are clearly a clown show, but we are honorable and will fight you as if you were a real opponent.”

And just to drive the British-ness of St. Gloriana home even further, when we cut to St. Gloriana at the start of the battle we see this, musically accompanied by “The British Grenadiers” march. You know the song. Look it up on YouTube and you will realize you’ve heard this music many times and associate it with the British.

Oarai’s game-plan seems to be the same as Momo outlined previously (bait Gloriana into a trap) but with scouting appended at the beginning. As this incorporates footage that was used to start the first episode, I suspect the opening stages of this battle are a bit mushy logic-wise. Especially when you consider Miho had explicitly opposed this idea. We also see that due to the incorporated footage, despite Miho stating Team A was going to scout while the others moved to another location, we see ALL of Oarai’s tanks at the scouting location. The other four tanks then, somehow, disappear and Team A attacks and draws fire, then leads St. Gloriana into a trap that looks exactly like the one Momo detailed in the previous episode. Clearly something got lost on the writing journey.

With that plot now thrown away, we instead point out something that was clear following the tank redecoration: St. Gloriana can literally SEE the ambush.

As if that wasn’t enough, Second-in-command Momo orders the Oarai tanks to start firing when she sees Team A’s Panzer 4 approach rather than waiting for St. Gloriana. And Momo doesn’t stop, even when people start yelling. Call it bloodlust, call it thick-headedness (call it ‘being Japanese’, a point that will come up in subsequent media) but she literally starts firing almost randomly and without careful aim.

Miho chastises the group; trying to hit the British tanks center-mass will not be useful, as the Matildas and the Churchill, unless hit point-blank, can survive hits from most of the Oarai tanks. The Oarai gunners need to aim for St. Gloriana’s tracks. Nobody is listening, and even if they were very few of Oarai’s students are competent gunners. Darjeeling commands her British tanks up to Oarai’s position without suffering damage before ordering the attack. The first years in the bright pink American M3 Lee almost immediately lose their composure under the sustained assault and ABANDON THEIR TANK.

The Lee is then hit and taken out of the battle. Momo is unwilling to stop firing and Anzu is apparently unwilling to reign her in; the Student Council’s shiny gold 38(t) loses a track to a glancing blow and is disabled…but not out of the match. Remember I mentioned that different rules can be in place in different battles. Much like the first practice, this is an elimination game; all of a team’s tanks must be disabled. But just losing a track doesn’t count in this match.

Having lost two tanks Miho, with reassurance from the rest of her team, commands a retreat. The History Club in the STuG 3 and the Volleyball Team in the Type 89 follow her. One could argue this retreat saves the Student Council’s tank, as Darjeeling takes this bait and chases the three remaining Oarai tanks. I imagine she likely senses an impending victory. The Oarai team seems to have a speed advantage, but I caution you now: tank speed is likely the single most-obvious example of narrative-driven specifications. Gun can do this but not that? Sometimes. The armor shouldn’t have bounced that shot? Maybe. Probably. But it depends. That tank historically could not move faster than 16 miles per hour, yet it is CLEARLY going 30, 40, 50….yeah. That’s almost entirely true and in MOST cases there is no way around the fact that tanks can’t go that fast…no matter how “fast” “that” is. AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, because it’s gonna come up, YOU CAN’T DRIFT A T….

…erm, you can ALMOST NEVER, and only in EXTREMELY SPECIFIC circumstances, “drift” a tank. But remember what I said about physics in the Girls und Panzer world? Sometimes we need physics to take a little nap for a bit.

Miho leads the Oarai tanks into town, and tells the other tanks to use their knowledge of Oarai to their advantage. This is actually pretty smart, as Oarai can’t outgun St. Gloriana *and* they know this area better. Momo wasn’t wrong about this; Oarai’s best bet is ambush tactics. She was wrong about being able to defeat St. Gloriana with a single opening attack from on top of a bluff. She was also wrong about thinking the team was composed and manageable, *including herself*; and arguably Miho as the newly-minted Captain should have followed her instincts and abandoned the idea all-together. But as we also pointed out there might be some suffering in the writing, I won’t judge too harshly.

That’s where we’re stopping for now. As the battle enters a new stage, one that should favor Oarai, and with Miho being more comfortable commanding on the move rather than from an emplacement, maybe she will be able to overcome St. Gloriana’s numerical advantage. Or maybe she’ll have to do the Ankou Dance in front of everybody.

See you soon!

Paige Francis He/him