Dangit! Human fights flu. (Ding! 27)

By Bay Posted Monday Feb 3, 2025

Filed under: Epilogue 35 comments

Paige is out sick so no usual Monday post this week, instead you get me being mildly grouchy. It occurs to me that Peter and I spend a lot of time apologizing for being grouchy, when dad made an entire career of it (according to him, anyway).

Where’s Bay been?

I’ve been here, just, quieter. Trying to write here was putting a big drain on me I couldn’t put my finger on. The short answer is I’m a thin-skinned weenie. The long answer is, well, longer.

Dad used this place to break down media in a thoughtful way, ‘Why is this annoying?’, ‘Why is this the way it is?’, ‘This is stupid and broken and we could do better!’. Well, usually thoughtful. The point is, he looked at the creation of other people, and critiqued it. Sometimes he created his own media, but those were rare circumstances because my dad was also a thin-skinned weenie. He hated people critiquing his own work, and usually a snide comment would send him spiraling for weeks, especially early days. Later on he did get better, but mostly at knowing what was best to put out there for his own sake.

Luckily, though, he spent most of his energy on complaining about various forms of media, which was a lot easier for him to take feedback on, since it was more conversational and less like, say, getting a grade.

I know pretty firmly now I don’t have the stomach for writing in front of a panel, not unlike my dad. But, I also can’t critique other media  I…don’t have the heart. At this point in my life, any expression of humans making art, I’m just glad to see an attempt. I don’t care if someone made a stupid gameplay loop, or a story with plot holes, they made something, presumably without AI, hurting their fellow man too badly, or cruel intent. I’m exhausted, and no one wants political commentary in their escapism pocket of the internet. If you agree with me, you’re just as burnt out, and if you don’t I’m not going to change your mind.

As for work; I’m working on my second poetry book. I’m tinkering with the idea of a sort of follow-up to DM of the Rings behind the scenes. And, I’m full-time grappling with Social Security to get them to revisit my disability case. I managed to work a part-time job for nearly a month before I physically couldn’t function anymore and had to quit and go back to physical therapy and rehabilitation. I just turned 27, which feels strange. Between COVID and losing Dad I feel like I just lost the last five years to some sort of grief void.

I help the people around me when and if I can. I parent my two younger siblings, drive people to and from work six times a day, sleep six hours, miss my dad, and hope things get better. That’s what I can do right now.

Because I can’t talk to my dad about it: I spent my birthday having every member of my friend group drop off everything I ever left at their houses off at my doorstep without warning (Including like, months old chips for some reason, thanks guys I was really gonna miss those), followed by blocking me. The only thing I got from the strange, passive aggressive notes was the request to not reach out to find out what I did. These people were older than me! What in the fourth grade was that shit? Whatever, I had a whole get together planned for my birthday including like, an allergy safe cake I made keeping one of them in mind, games they all like, cooking, the works. Now I can have all the dairy I want in my cake, and I apparently dodged a bullet.

Fascinating behavior; anyway, I’m gonna go cry into some ice-cream like a heartbroken teenager. Hopefully this isn’t indicative of the year to come.

I'm aware that not having living/involved parents does render this quote untrue for me. But, I'd been planning to have it on my 27th birthday cake since I was ten and wasn't going to stop just because of a little tidbit like that.
I'm aware that not having living/involved parents does render this quote untrue for me. But, I'd been planning to have it on my 27th birthday cake since I was ten and wasn't going to stop just because of a little tidbit like that.

 


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35 thoughts on “Dangit! Human fights flu. (Ding! 27)

  1. Pun Pundit says:

    Happy birthday!

    I hope you find new friends who know how to communicate like adults.

  2. Olivier FAURE says:

    The only thing I got from the strange, passive aggressive notes was the request to not reach out to find out what I did. These people were older than me! What in the fourth grade was that shit?

    Ohhhhhh… Oh boy.

    I’ve been there. This behavior is absolutely not okay, unless you, like, sexually assaulted someone (and even then it’d be more productive to address the facts). It’s hurtful and confusing and, I’m not gonna lie, you’re in for weeks or months of questioning your own sanity.

    For my part, it took me months to move on and accept I would never get to confront the people who ostracized me. The last step on that journey was blocking the one person who half-heartedly texted back a few times a year while pretending nothing happened.

    Finding new friends (and a girlfriend) was a big helper to get my emotional balance back, but that’s hard when you’re rebuilding a friend group from scratch. Focusing on my hobbies and my online friends helped; also I spent more time with one friend who’d been hurt the same way whom I knew I could trust. Through it all what helped most was me having faith in myself and knowing I could bounce back and I didn’t deserve this shit and that I could find people who liked me, but let me tell you, maintaining that faith was an active effort.

    Anyway, trying to say, hang in there, friend. It gets better.

    1. Fizban says:

      +1 to all of that (except it’s been years and I haven’t rebuilt a friend group or found a girlfriend and regularly question if the curse of hope is still worth it, but it’s not as bad as it was so that’s something).

      I definitely did not recall that quote, but dang if that ain’t some classic lit cake for the modern era.

      1. Bay says:

        It’s actually not a quote fully from the book, but added in the 2005 film adaptation with Keira Knightley. I loved the book originally, and then the 1995 (almost six hours long!) film version, and then the 2005 after that. It may not be a line from the book, but I’ve always felt it was true to the character and a wonderful take. People often pit the 1995 and 2005 versions against one another, but I’ve never felt it was a fair comparison. Both are amazing in their own right.

        The 1995 version is historically accurate and true to the book, but has very poor audio quality, and is…almost six hours long.

        The 2005 version is less accurate but visually stunning, with a lot more punch to the emotional tensions, and, you know, not a five disc behemoth. I go for different takes depending on my mood, not because one is ‘better’ than any other.

        1. Fizban says:

          I’d have believed it since I haven’t read it since school, but that makes sense. Also, good on you for getting yourself a nice custom cake, I should do something like that for mine too!

  3. Dues says:

    Happy birthday Bay. Would it help to turn off comments when you post? I’ve enjoyed your writing.

  4. Misamoto says:

    That’s messed up. Did you ritually sacrifice somebody’s kitten or something? Cause I don’t know what else can cause such behaviour.

  5. Kincajou says:

    Happy birthday!

    I hope that you’ll find a new clan soon, one which can appreciate you for who you are!

  6. Kronopath says:

    If it makes you feel any better, I genuinely like your writing style and miss your Sims writeups/short story thing.

  7. Syal says:

    I can only assume that your entire friend group has simultaneously developed superpowers and are isolating themselves from friends and family for their own protection. If their nefarious superfoes were to discover those months-old chips you would be in terrible danger.

    Writing is an easy thing to burn out on. I was trying to write short stories regularly for a few months; the last one was a page and a half, took nine days of effort and felt like pulling shrapnel the whole time.

  8. Leslee says:

    Wow. That behavior suggests a serious lack of emotionally maturity. You are far better off without that nonsense in your life, Bay.

    Happy Birthday! I hope you thoroughly enjoyed that cake.

    For whatever it’s worth, I miss your Sims stories.

    1. Bay says:

      Part of the reason I never returned to The Sims Overthinking was actually a hard drive fry that happened shortly after I took the break to go back to work. The build was on the hard drive, as well as some of dads old files, and I just…lost all steam. The hard drive was taken to our very trusted computer repair expert in town and determined gone after almost two weeks of him trying to even save some of the data.

      It’s possible I could return to some sort of a similar project here, but sans the regular deadline and with some more safeguards to both backups, and my mental health. I really didn’t realize it was missed enough to try and consider putting the effort into making it work.

      1. Tuck says:

        Happy birthday!

        And I, too, was wondering when we’d be seeing the Sims series again. Guess that house got destroyed by a kaiju and the family had to move elsewhere…what stories will appear out of the wallpaper and poorly-put-together woodwork of the new place??

  9. hatersanonymous says:

    It sounds absolutely plausible that a group of people started hating you for no reason. Yep, no doubt you’re the one in the right.

    Also it’s been years since Shamus died and the only thing you managed to post is complaints and Paige’s drivel. Maybe stop using a former good blog as your emotional punching bag? If you had it in you to continue running this place you would have already begun doing so.

    1. Jaloopa says:

      You could always… stop reading? If it’s so terrible, why stick around to insult the people keeping it going? I hear there are hundreds of websites these days, maybe you’ll be able to find one you enjoy

    2. Bay says:

      I didn’t say for no reason, I said they wouldn’t tell me the reason, those are very different things. I can’t do anything about my behavior because I don’t know what upset them, and picking apart every interaction hasn’t reveled any kitten sacrifices, or even anything I’d call worthy of an argument. But that doesn’t matter here.

      Are you alright? You spend an awful lot of time here yelling into the void. I usually just delete your comments because at this point they’re long past effecting any of us here, and I don’t need anyone jumping to defend against a clear troll. But, sincerely I hope things get better for you, I worry about how much time you spend here shouting at us.

      You’re right, dads been gone for years, why still frequent? The only reason I can truly think of is that you’re still grieving my dads loss, and us being here is offensive to you. I’m really sorry for your loss, too, losing someone even online is hard when they became a consistent part of your routine, or even someone you idolized, is really hard to process.

      Your angry cat hisses are going to keep going into the trash folder, but I worry about the amount of time and energy you put into reading all our posts, using a VPN to get past your many bans, and commenting something that stays up so briefly. If yelling is what you need, that’s alright I suppose, it doesn’t take us long to flag it and doesn’t effect any of us anymore, but you might want to consider counseling or at least talking to someone. Dad was clearly very important to you, I’m sorry you feel so strongly about us being here. I hope you can work through this, grief is a horrible feeling, I know.

      1. Dues says:

        That’s the nicest things I think I’ve ever heard someone say to a screampost.

      2. Sleeping Dragon says:

        Huh, you’ve been so effective with moderation I was pretty sure this person finally moved on. Sorry to see this still comes up.

  10. Hyacynthia says:

    I’m so sorry that you experienced that, I can’t imagine the mindset of someone who would behave that way, granted that may say more about me than them given that my parameters for no-explanation bridge burning are dangerously conservative. (I had a bad turn with someone who was vying for my affection like a month ago and, even though I know I made the right choice by blocking them without a word after they turned from an inward guilt spiral into hurling hurtful words at me based on vulnerabilities I confided in them, I still feel bad now and again that they might never get full closure on why I stopped responding to them.)
    I value your voice, even if it’s just spent here blogging about how you feel. I was excited to see your name beside a post again when I checked the site tonight, while I hope to see it again earlier than the prior gap I hope more so that you do what serves you best.

    1. Bay says:

      Sounds like you did the right thing. I think it’s apples and oranges, really. You could have given them a parting message, but that risks giving someone clearly not okay reasons to argue with you or, even worse, try and get to you through other means to try and ‘prove you wrong’. Someone capable of splitting on you like that…yeah, I’d have ghosted too…well, hopefully.

      I think a lot of the problem with mine is the fact it was an entire group of people, meaning at least someone should have been able to mediate if for some reason I gave someone the impression I couldn’t take criticism or would get aggressive, although they knew me long enough to know I don’t really get aggressive. And…well, in my case they did leave me parting messages, but like, wish they hadn’t.

      ‘Hey I left your birthday present outside, sorry I had to rush off, I’ve got errands!’.

      ‘Thank you! No problem do what you gotta do bestie! :)’

      Yeah, not a good birthday present. I think just ghosting me would have been kinder. I wish I could give their side of the story so I’m not making myself out to be an angel while they are big meanies hurt my feelings >:(. I’m sure I did something to upset someone, but I wasn’t told what so I can’t really do much else.

      1. Hyacynthia says:

        Thanks, yeah, you’ve got the nail on the head with ‘or even worse’, person had some physical presence and weapon experience that made confrontation in the middle of a heel-turn multi-day abusive spiral scary to entertain – even ghosting I am watching my back a bit closer for the next little bit. :/

        That level of deliberate signal mixing and avoidance really stinks. I believe I feel comfortable calling it cowardice even, setting aside that the way you come off (admittedly; online in the avenues I have access to) lends itself to the opposite of the kind of danger factors that would begin to justify that, I can’t think of any circumstances that would justify a concerted covert cruelty like that. If there was a safety concern worthy of being indirect in breaking off it wouldn’t make sense to be provocative and petty like that.

        You have my deepest sympathies for having been treated that way, I hope that their slight does not linger in your thoughts and that your future is bright and shining and full of trustworthy people with your best interests close to their hearts.

  11. Kincajou says:

    Heya, just chiming in to say I’m incredibly impressed by the humanity you are showing in these comments. These days it’s nice to see people be… Well human.
    It shouldn’t be the case that this is a rare thing in our world , but for some grotesque reason it is… And so, thank you for making this little patch of the Internet a more pleasant place to hang out in.

    And I also felt like echoing the comments of others in that the sims overthinking was a pleasant read and I do miss it a bit. I remember wondering at the time, do you think a game like rimworld/oxygen not included /prison architect /dwarf fortress would lend itself well to that format? Ostensibly they are more geared to “storytelling” than the sims, but I flip flop in thinking that it might either be a blessing with the challenge of putting together a cohesive narrative from random events, or a hindrance because it restricts your freedom

  12. Sleeping Dragon says:

    Belated best wishes. Sorry about your friends whatever that was about. I don’t know how to people at the best of times and I sure have my issues, thankfully a couple people seem to like my company overall and include me in things.

  13. MarsLineman says:

    Full disclosure: I stopped coming here regularly after Shamus passed away. But, having stopped by for the first time in a while, just wanted to share that I genuinely enjoy your writing style and voice. Very engaging, clear, communicative, and humorous. I personally have different tastes in media/ games which is why I stopped coming here (no interest in Sims etc). But as a writer, you remind me very much of your dad. Similarly conversant writing, with a very engaging rhythm and abundant empathy.

    1. Kronopath says:

      Seconded on the writing style points.

  14. MarsLineman says:

    Full disclosure: I stopped coming here regularly after Shamus passed away. But, having stopped by for the first time in a while, just wanted to share that I genuinely enjoy your writing style and voice. Very engaging, clear, communicative, and humorous. I personally have different tastes in media/ games which is why I stopped coming here (no interest in Sims etc). But as a writer, you remind me very much of your dad. Similarly conversant writing, with a very engaging rhythm and abundant empathy.

  15. Ivellius says:

    I missed the The Sims…explorations? Whatever you want to call them. I appreciate your posts a lot!

    Sorry about your birthday. Hopefully people come through with explanations soon.

  16. Lazer Hawk says:

    “Uninvolved?” Did something happen to your mother?

    1. Cat Hissing says:

      This comment’s content has been removed for violating community guidelines

      1. Lazer Hawk says:

        I was asking about her mother. And that is a bit harsh, Isaac apparently did a great job editing some videos. There is a market for that skill set. Also, many of them have jobs.

        1. Cat Hissing says:

          This comment’s content has been removed for violating community guidelines

          1. Lazer Hawk says:

            I don’t think Shamus Young’s wife, Heather, would leave over a lack of accomplishment. My point was simply that the original replies claim was bogus: they have jobs, and at least one has shown a valuable skill set. Many people work in internet videos these days, a skilled editor can get a job on many video crews.

            More to the point, I was asking about Heather because by the standards of human beings she seemed like a genuinely good person.

            1. Bay says:

              My mother is a lovely person, for other people. She does a great deal of good for those around her, is kind, thoughtful, and an overall joy, but…not with her children. There is a great deal of complexity, but at the end of the day I parent my younger siblings and for the most part always have. We’ve gone no-contact with mom, but not because she’s some cackling wicked person. I just spent more time being the parent of the situation, and she did many things that did unintended harm. I suspect our beloved live-in troll here is projecting somehow, but we’ll never know. I took a mental health day and the comments stayed up longer than usual, sorry! Sometimes he steals other peoples usernames, but he’s none of the regulars here but himself.

  17. Joaquin says:

    Happy belated birthday Bay. I hope life takes you in a nicer direction with a better group of people than those assholes could aspire to be. For what it’s worth, I never met your dad but I had been reading his blog since 2007 and his passing took the air out of me for months, and he wasn’t even my dad. Take your time to process grief, and know that it gets better.

  18. Caska says:

    I’m exhausted, and no one wants political commentary in their escapism pocket of the internet.

    I get the sense that there’s some political commentary you’d like to make. If so, maybe you could create a separate website or Substack page and create a post linking to it saying “Political discussion here”. I’m not against political commentary in general. I’m just not keen on it on this website. I think many others would share my view.

    I’m sorry to hear about your friends. I hope things get better soon.

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